Fire and Ashe
by Craseelix1190
Summary: Ashely Carr had nothing left. No family. No friends. No faction. What she did have had been taken away from her and she had nowhere left to go except to Dauntless, but what happens as she realizes that she's more than just an Erudite orphan? What happens when love squeezes its way into her cold heart? Can love be found between two broken people? Set 1 year before Divergent.
1. Prologue: Nothing to Lose

_**Prologue — Nothing to Lose**_

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Hey everyone! So here's a new story that I've created ever since I've fallen in love with the Divergent Series once again after finally seeing both movies, and this is a little inspiration that I have collected from the books and the movies. It centers on my OC Ashely and Eric from the original series. This is set one year before Tris enters Dauntless, so things are a little earlier than the books and movies here. _Disclaimer:_ The Divergent Trilogy belongs to Veronica Roth (and the movie producers, etc, etc) and so do all of her characters and settings, other than my OC Ashely. I hope you all enjoy it and please, please, _pleaseeee_ favorite, follow and review for updates and it helps me become a better writer for you all! _Please_ enjoy the Prologue to Fire and Ashe!

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 _It was time._

The clock on my bedside table rang, the shrill noises filling the room around me. I stayed in bed and didn't move a muscle, letting the alarm cry. I stared at my ceiling, the grey walls and glass windows a signature of the Erudite faction, along with the dark navy blue accents. I didn't have a mother to burst through my door and tell me that it was the day, or a father to pat my back and tell me that I would be okay. I had nothing keeping me here. Nothing to hold on to. My fingers grasped the side of the bedside table, body craning to turn off the alarm. I continued to stare at the ceiling for a few moments, silently wondering if I would ever see these walls again. I had a choice. Five answers but one choice. I inhaled sharply and threw my legs over the side of the bed.

I wrung my hands in my lap and looked outside my window, the buildings around me not tall but not short either. They were confident, if buildings could be confident. I chuckled to myself at the thought, my eyes wandering around my small apartment. I didn't have many items that I needed nor wanted. A mirror hung over a black cabinet filled with blue clothes, a couch and a desk with a computer near the entrance. I stretched my hands above my head and stood, walking to my cabinet. I pulled a navy peplum blouse out of my top drawer before taking out a pair of black slacks. I was sure that none of my other faction members would be wearing black on such a day where we were all supposed to celebrate our factions, but I pulled the clothes on and stood in front of my full body length mirror that sat against the back of the bathroom. _Ugh_. Signs of my lack of sleep were evident under my eyes and my normal olive skin seemed paler than usual.

I was tall–taller than most in my classes, and my hair was a crow black. It hung in lifeless strands–straight locks. Hilariously I thought to myself that I was never truly Erudite, no matter what faction or family I was born into. No. I'd always had a quick mind and a sharp tongue, always looking for adventure over books and peacefulness. I didn't know who my parents were; perhaps they had been from an entirely different faction. When I was younger I prided myself on the possibility of being the loving Amity or the selfless Abnegation. I brushed my hair with a small, black comb with pearls interwoven inside of it. The small brush was given to me as a gift when I first graduated out of Erudite Major, the last set of training for Erudite members before the initiation, yet I always wondered if I truly deserved it. It meant nothing now, since I didn't plan on staying in this faction.

With careful and fine movements, I stroked the mascara brush over my eyelashes, my green eyes popping out of my face. Light brown freckles covered my cheeks, but I ignored them. I hated my freckles but all of my old friends had told me to take pride in myself. I guess if I didn't have pride in myself, what did I truly have?

There had only been _one._ At least in the last few years. Sure plenty of people defected from their older factions for Erudite, but only one had left this place after the aptitude test and choosing ceremony to go to Dauntless. And now he was a leader. I had only seen him around campus a few times, his parents usually close at hand. They had been high orchestrators in Erudite technology, but he had always seemed nice. But I was young then. _He_ was young then. I had heard news that Eric was cold now–a killer in his own right. I suppose the saying was true; faction before blood.

I walked out of my room, following the long crowds of people out of the building and to the train. From there, I knew, we would be led to a facility with the other factions, all of us cramped together for the ceremony. All of the children waiting for their tests, their futures, their lives. Suddenly I felt very cold even though it was fall, the breeze hadn't even come around this time of year and the trees had barely even begun to change to red and orange and yellow. My favorite time of year was fall, the beautiful scenery and the smell of earth so close to home. I didn't have any memories of anything else. Just the buildings and the trees.

I sat on the train amongst my faction, the other girls chattering amongst themselves while their parents looked on, the boys playing some sort of game. I just sat there alone, with no family and no one to mourn the loss of me in the faction.

I looked out the window of the train before it began to move, the buildings and the pavement giants against the ground. I sucked in a deep breath, knowing that whatever memories or things that I had left there wouldn't matter anymore. I would enter a new home and a new place and it wouldn't be forgiving. A new life was ahead of me, something that for once I had the power to choose and the will to change. I was in charge of my fate now.

If I said that I wasn't afraid, it would be a total and complete lie. I was terrified. I had no idea what laid before me and what I was supposed to do. I had nothing compelling me one place or the other except the strong feelings in my chest and the thoughts running through my brain. There was only one girl that I saw that shared the same fear as me, it seemed, her eyes scanning the train car as the other girls and boys played their games and talked. She blinked and swallowed harshly, the blue cotton jacket around her neck obviously constricting. Our eyes met and we shared that brief moment of terror before she snapped her head back to her hands in her lap. The train pulled to a slow stop.

I had no idea what I was doing, the fear of my decision and the heat of the sun bearing down on the back of my neck as sweat gathered in my brows. I stood in line, like I was a cow being herded to death. The thought only made my heart race harder in my chest and the thudding in my ears increase. My feet led me to where I was needed, my place in line absolute. No one helped each other much in Erudite. You were either smart enough to survive or you weren't. There was no middle. There was a very distinct line crossing one from the other. I bit my bottom lip in fear, my hands beginning to shake uncontrollably at my side. I stood on line with the other Erudites, the noise louder now that other factions had joined us. Each line was directly in front of the small doors with windows and booths that represented each of our factions. Erudite. Amity. Candor. Abnegation. Dauntless. The brave. The police–the fighters. They were the strongest, and that's what I quietly wanted to be. For myself and for others.

"Ashely Carr?" My head perked up and I peeked at the woman in the small booth behind the door. I walked forward and glanced at her, my still Erudite eyes analyzing her. She had big black earrings and piercings all over her face. Tattoos riddled her neck and arms, and she was clad in black leather and tight cotton. She was Dauntless. A small shred of hope poured into my heart as I saw the woman, realizing that she had the choice of who she wanted to be. I took a tentative step forward and put my arm under the glass as she placed a small band around my wrist with a number on it.

"Next!" She shouted, her eyes already moving past me. I wet my lips and moved forward before a rumbling came. The small gravelly pebbles began to shake and fly off the ground as another train moved forward, this one going much faster than the other. It wasn't going to stop, I thought with new realization. I peered around the booths and saw men and women jumping off of the train, their bodies hitting the earth with hard thumps and rolling into the dirt. Only a few brushed themselves off, and the rest just smiled and ran towards the booths. _Dauntless_. I couldn't help a smile from crossing my features, the idea that I would soon be one of them. It helped me move through the crowd quicker, my steps light and my heart more steady.

As I entered the waiting rooms, the air hit me like a stone wall. It was heavy and there was obvious anticipation strumming through everyone, including myself. I looked around me, the different factions all clustered in different groups, doors lined up for the test taking. Dauntless members stood outside of each different door, their faces impassive and indescribable. Most of them wore black, their eyes staring into the crowds with dark, gleaming orbs. The riotous entrance of the Dauntless members obviously weren't over since when they came into the room, they all stood around and talked thunderously. I noticed many of the Abnegation watching them with disapproving eyes, their clothes grey and loosely fitted. They reminded me of the factionless who roamed the streets and the meeting places, lost names and families. Wandering forever.

I took a seat near the Abnegation, their soft spoken conversations and simple movements making me feel less nervous as I waited for my name to be called. Of course I stuck out like a sore thumb amongst them, but no one said a word to me. Not even my own faction. I had never been much of a socialite but I had never felt more alone. I felt someone tap my shoulder and I turned sharply, my eyes connecting with the fierce ones of a young boy, obviously my own age with dark brown hair and sparkling blue eyes.

"Hi," his voice was velvety soft and he appeared to be from Dauntless. He took the seat next to me and held out his hand. "I'm Jacob, but you can call me Jake." I bit my lip and took his hand in mine, shaking with firmness.

"Ashely." Jake quirked an eyebrow at me but turned without saying anything, crossing his arms against his chest. He was confident and relaxed which surprised me and made me curious.

"You seem calm, Jake." He smiled and glanced at me, fingers beginning to tap on his other hand which he grasped tightly.

"Quiet storm, I suppose. You defecting, eh?" My eyes widened fractionally.

"How–," I was smarter than giving my moves away like that. "Why do you say that?" He rolled his eyes as if it was common knowledge.

"You keep staring at my faction like we're a bunch of new creatures," he waved his fingers in front of me. "Like we're magical. I've seen the look from initiates before. Gotta tell you, it ain't easy." He shook his head at me and leaned back.

"And everything in life is easy?" The smile on his face dimmed.

"No, but I doubt an Erudite like yourself can take it on. Amity may seem like family, but you'll never get anything tighter bonded than Dauntless. You have to make friends to survive and you have to never trust people to move ahead. You don't seem like you're doing such a great job at it."

"Doesn't that idea of making friends and not trusting people just cancel each other out?" He scoffed.

"That would be an Erudite question." He maneuvered himself again so he was sitting towards me, his elbows resting against his knees. I was slightly angry at the comment, but I knew better than to get into a fight, and it wasn't like it was the first time I had heard quips like that. "Hey, you wanna get yourself killed? Cool. I guess it would be a half-honored death. But I'm warning you, because joining Dauntless will test you. I haven't just heard it, I've seen it. Stronger people than you have gotten killed." Indignation rose in my chest and bloomed with a fiery blast of anger and hurt feelings.

"You've got some nerve coming up to me thinking you have me all planned out, Jake." Jake's gaze took on an emotionless tone, one that I felt like I would begin to recognize if I was to join Dauntless. They were fighters. Killers. They had to block out their feelings. "I have nothing in Erudite, nothing to live for, no one to prove right or wrong. All I have is myself. And my will. If that's not enough for you, then it won't be enough for anyone and then I'm good as dead." I stopped as I realized what I was saying and I put my fingers against my mouth. He raised his eyebrows in shock.

"Well then, Ashe, I plan on seeing you on the other side." The Dauntless boy smiled crookedly at me and stood, just as his name was called. Jacob Fryer. His gait was confident as he neared the Dauntless member, the assistant smiling at the boy and clapping him on the shoulder. Both of their bodies disappeared behind the room, and that's when I heard it.

"Ashely Carr." _My_ name.


	2. Fear's Prospect

**Chapter 1 — Fear's Prospect**

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Hey everyone! So here's chapter one of Fire and Ashe, and I hope it's good! The story will nod to the movie Divergent and the book in the beginning, but after she arrives in Dauntless things will begin to drastically change against the story, so it's not a copy of the same story. Thank you to the guest who reviewed for thinking this story is very promising, and thank you to Sharon Mayes for you're kind words and hoping to read more. Here it is! I hope you all enjoy reading it. Please review, favorite and follow for faster updates and lots of love! Thank you all very much! :)

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

"Well then, Ashe, I plan on seeing you on the other side." The Dauntless boy smiled crookedly at me and stood, just as his name was called. Jacob Fryer. His gait was confident as he neared the Dauntless member, the assistant smiling at the boy and clapping him on the shoulder. Both of their bodies disappeared behind the room, and that's when I heard it.

"Ashely Carr." _My_ name.

* * *

 _One hundred years ago, after the war, our founders created a system they believed would prevent future conflict and create lasting peace. Today aptitude testing, based on your personality will assign you to one of the factions. While it is our belief that choosing the faction indicated by your test is the best way to ensure success within the faction system, it is your right tomorrow at the choosing ceremony to choose any of the five factions regardless of your test results. However, once the choice has been made, there will be no change permitted._

I remembered the orientation woman from Erudite, her name Caroline, speaking in a fast tone. I realized that them calling my name hadn't meant that we would immediately be sent into the simulation, but instead that we would be told what the simulation meant and that we had free will to choose what lives we wanted to lead. Even though we didn't. The ever present Jeanine Matthews smiled on from a glass pane in another room, her folder clutched tightly to her side, her blonde bobbing hair kept painfully neat. Since I was an Erudite I knew that that hairdo hadn't changed since I was young, and I hadn't found a hair out of place to this day. She was why I didn't want to be in Erudite, the fake smiles and the false propaganda spread for our own faction's benefit the only reason we existed anymore. It wasn't about knowledge. It was about gain.

I sat in the chair for my aptitude simulation, the person administering the test not yet in the room. I breathed deeply and tried to regulate my heartbeat, my eyes staring upwards at the ceiling for the second time that morning. A door opened and closed and I saw a woman of medium height and build walk through, her eyes brown and her hair cropped short in a buzz cut. She took hold of my head without introducing herself and placed it firmly within the cradle, her chin hovering over my face as the small electrodes on the U-shaped cradle latched onto my skull. I became rigid, my body straightening in the strange chair.

"Calm yourself down. This test will tell you what faction you belong in, but if you have a different decision in mind, be my guest. I'm just the messenger," she smirked at me in an arrogant way and sat herself in a chair next to my own. My lips parted waiting for whatever was going to happen. I turned my head as far as I could to see her, her short dyed stark white hair streaked with different colors. Red, black. I gulped down my fear, trying as hard as I could not to appear afraid despite myself.

"What's it like?" I asked, eyes darting to hers. She didn't look at me.

"The simulation? It's simple–"

"Dauntless. What is Dauntless like?" That got her attention, I thought with an inward smile of satisfaction. She turned her head towards me and cocked it in bemusement.

"It's tough. And it's hard. It will beat you down and break you before you even enter the walls. Don't be stupid, smarty," she nodded to my clothes. "It's unbecoming of an Erudite." I sighed at the sarcasm in her voice. The second person to doubt me in a mere hour, or at least I guessed. I hadn't seen a clock since I entered the facility. My head turned towards the mirror adjacent to me, the wall just mirror. My eyes were wide, and I looked scared and young and innocent. _No wonder she thinks I'm a crazy, stupid Erudite_ , I thought helplessly, _she thinks I'm some young kid with no idea of hardship_.

"Here," she handed me a small vial of blue liquid that smelled sweet. I didn't ask questions as she pushed it against my lips, the liquid seeping into my mouth. It was like honey, but after I swallowed it there was a taste that made me want to wash my mouth. I bit the inside of my cheek instead.

"Good lucky, smarty."

I stood in a familiar facility. Erudite walls surrounded me on every side and in front of me lied two small silver plates, the contents a piece of meat and a gun. Silently I wondered why such two different things would be situated next to each other, but instead of questioning it, I walked towards the strange plates and saw my reflection against the cool metal.

"Choose," I heard a male voice ask, but for some reason I could no longer turn. I breathed in through my nose slowly, waiting.

"Why must I choose?" I asked quietly, my voice suddenly lost to me.

"Choose!" The voice was impatient. Angry.

"What's the point, it's stupid!"

"Okay, Erudite." I felt annoyance at the term build in my stomach. I could turn finally. A door is suddenly open, the grey walls breaking to show a white light and a small figure. My eyes strained against the darker lit room to see what it is, and as I hear growling, I recognize that it is a dog. I turned back towards the plates but they are no longer there, replaced by mirrors instead that surround me, making me stare at myself in all different directions. Bright light filled all the corners, reflected in the glass that shows my own features. All of the faces changed, their heads cocking to the side. The dog growled again behind me and I watched it carefully. The animal had become closer, its fur dark and it's sharp teeth visible through the snarl etched on its face. It began a fast run, the dog gaining momentum fast and suddenly I know that I can't run. If I run I die. I wondered with fear that if I die in a simulation, do I die in real life? Is it game over then? _Too weak to participate._

I didn't have time to think as I fell to my knees and hung my head low, my hands holding me above the ground. I could sense that the dog had paused in front of me, its foul breath cascading over my face and blowing loose strands of hair around. I slowly looked up and found the dog sitting innocently in front of me, the dark fur of the dog not matted or messy, but instead very sleek. I reached out a hand and petted it, my fingers brushing the soft fur.

"Good doggy," I smiled, but it was short lived as a small Erudite girl appeared. Her features were normal and weren't striking at all, but she called to the dog with a loud voice, her hands inviting the dog in front of me towards her. I shook my head and was ready to caution the girl, but the dog snarled viciously and saliva dripped from its teeth. The dog took of at a sprint as the girl began to run, her feet not fast enough for the fast paced dog. I ran, suddenly running faster than what I should have been capable of, and grasped the dog with my arms.

I hit the ground with a loud thud, my side burning with pain as I held onto myself. There was no dog, and there was definitely no girl. _Was that it? Was that the big test that told me what faction to go into?_ I stood, my breathing wild. Strands of my hair hung in my face and they pushed away with every pant that I took. Suddenly my vision morphed and I was no longer surrounded by mirrors or in an Erudite facility, but I was on a train. My hand held tightly onto a metal pole.

A woman sat on the train, a single piece of paper in her hands. She glared at me angrily but her face holds a grimace that frightens me. I'd never truly seen someone so scarred, so–tortured. She had tattoos on her arms of skulls and dragons that winded throughout each other, the ink changing from black to red the closer they got to her chest. Her heart.

"Do you know this guy?" The woman pointed to a face on the paper, a man of normal features. Someone I could've sworn I had known in a past life, an unearthly connection telling me that I did know him, but my heart began to pace wildly and my skin began to tingle. I was afraid. And fear meant that I was in danger. I glanced around, my eyes locking on different things, checking to see if perhaps someone could hurt me, but it was just me and the woman. I deadpanned.

"Well?" She prodded, her eyes sparking with hostility I had never seen anywhere. "Do you?" I held onto the pole and looked the woman in the eyes. I inhaled slowly, allowing myself to relax. _It's just a test, I can't be hurt,_ I thought as my fear and instincts pounded through me.

I answered in the most calm voice I could muster. "Never. I don't know who that is." She threw the paper against the ground and stood, her face inches away from mine.

"You're lying," her voice was deathly quiet. "You're lying!"

I shook my head. "No. I'm not. I don't know who you're talking about."

"I can tell you're lying," she gripped my arm fiercely, her fingernails clawing into my skin. "I can see it in your eyes. If you don't tell me the truth, I'll die here."

"Now who's lying?"

I gasped awake, my fingers ripping into leather and sweat beading against my forehead. I closed my eyes as my bottom lip trembled, the sudden acknowledgement that I had lied to that woman beating in time with my heart. I had lied. I guess that meant I wasn't Candor, if it came so easy. But was it really easy? I let my fingernails dig into my pants and legs the way the woman had, the idea of being in a situation like that stretching across my thoughts. I shook my head to rid myself of the reflection process in my head and looked at the woman who had administered my simulation. She looked...Stressed, to say the least. A deep mark of confusion was etched in her features and her eyes were staring at the screen as if whatever was on it would change.

"That's not right," her head bowed and her dark eyes met my own. "You're test results were...Inconclusive." I gaped at her incredulously.

"What do you mean inconclusive? That simulation is supposed to tell me what to choose!" I sucked in a harsh breath.

"It means that you're not like the factions, or the others," she rolled forward in her chair and put her arms on either side of my legs.

"You're _divergent_ , Ashely. You don't fit into any category."

Divergent. The word meant a million different things. To some it meant different. To others it mean a threat. Whatever it meant to the rest, divergents were eliminated. The thought that I could be divergent made my blood run cold. I felt panic start to run through my veins, seemingly taken the place of the blood in me. _No no no, I hadn't worked this hard to be a divergent, to lose it all._ Would the girl turn me in? Have me killed? I had seen it. I was from Erudite, I knew what happened to people they knew or found out were divergent.

 _"Please! P-please no! I-I don't know what you're talking about!" Her eyes filled with confusion, the girls orbs plastered onto her mothers. Both women were sobbing, their tears running in long, translucent streams against their faces. A Dauntless guard stood above the girl who had been thrown in the faction clearing only a few moments before. He was emotionless, his eyes dark pools of hate and cold. She stared up at him, the barrel of a gun that was pointed at her head. Her sharp blue eyes begged otherwise, but it was nothing compared to his._

 _"Divergence is to be eliminated." With a loud, shrill bang, she was dead._

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I couldn't stop shaking uncontrollably, my hands fisted at my sides to stop from trembling. I walked home that afternoon, my footsteps heavy and my thoughts running wildly. If I was divergent and the woman who had administered my test, Tiffany, wiped out my results and instead replaced it with Erudite I would be okay. I would survive, and go to Dauntless, and prove to everyone that I was strong enough to make it.

 _I would survive._


	3. Choosing

**Chapter 2 — Choosing**

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 ** _Previously..._**

If I was divergent and the woman who had administered my test, Tiffany, wiped out my results and instead replaced it with Erudite I would be okay. I would survive, and go to Dauntless, and prove to everyone that I was strong enough to make it.

 _I would survive._

* * *

Erudite. Amity. Candor. Abnegation. Dauntless. _Erudite. Amity. Candor. Abnegation. Dauntless. Erudite. Amity. Candor. Abnegation. Dauntless._ I repeated that in my head over and over, wondering if perhaps my choice would change or impossibly become easier the more times I said those few names. _Erudite. Amity. Candor. Abnegation. Dauntless_. It should have been easy, right? Just pick one and live your life, but it seemed my life was more complicated than that.

My feet tapped against the wood floors, my fingers tight and my back straighter than the crops of tall grain that grew in the Amity farms. It would be okay, I told myself but I was a worser liar than that. Perhaps part of my results proved for Candor, despite the fact that I couldn't keep a straight face around them. The way they acted like they were better because they told the truth.

What if others defected? _There had to be others. I couldn't be the only one to join, right? To transfer? To betray? Betrayal_ , I thought bitterly. I had no one to betray, except my faction, and I didn't even fit in there. Years of family and work, tradition and ceremony, _for what?_ What was it worth in the end? It wasn't until they started calling names that I realized I had missed the opening words of Jeanine Matthews and Marcus Eaton. I glanced at the boy they had called. Candor. He cut his hand on the sharp knife that lay on the stone counter, blood pooling in the middle of his palm. His hand quickly went over the Candor bowl, the red blood trickling against the glass.

 _"Candor!"_ The man announced with a loud voice. I watched carefully for all the defectors. Especially for Dauntless.

"Dahlia Evert. _Dauntless!_ " Amity.

"Shea Trentwood. _Dauntless!_ " Amity.

"Zoey Whitfield. _Dauntless!_ " Amity.

"Rylie Allard. _Dauntless!_ " Amity.

"Archer Grey. _Dauntless!_ " Candor.

"Celia Carmichael. _Dauntless!_ " Candor.

"Bennett Audric. _Dauntless!_ " Candor.

"Zachary Audric. _Dauntless!_ " Candor and the brother of Bennett. I bit my lip nervously, suddenly wondering if I truly wanted to go along with this. If I could have I would've laughed, the idea that I didn't want to go along with my life sparking a nervous hilarity in my thoughts.

"Lucas Maxwell. _Dauntless!_ " Abnegation.

"Sierra Jameson. _Dauntless!_ " Abnegation.

"Vera Brenton. _Dauntless!_ " Erudite.

My head perked up as I realized that was the frightened girl from the train yesterday, and I watched her grasp her hand with a tissue, the small white paper turning red as the Dauntless clapped once again as a defector joined them. One of the boys in the front row hugged her, the boy I had met yesterday as well too. Jacob. Erudites in my section of the room gasped and some were even crying, her family staring as their daughter walked away from them for the rest of their life. We were all stunned, to say the least. The room for defectors was dimming as Erudites were the last to choose, and Dauntless already had eleven boys and girls. If Vera's last name was Brenton, that meant that I would be coming up soon. I watched as several more Erudites chose their birth faction, their parents whooping loudly when their decisions were made.

"Ashely Carr." I suppressed the need to start crying as I stood, my fingers shaking and my lip trembling. _This was it._ I really got to choose my own fate here and now and this would be it for me. My hand closed around the small silver knife on the dais, and I looked at the different bowls in front of me. Erudite. Amity. Candor. Abnegation. Dauntless. The fiery coals of the Dauntless bowls sizzled with the blood still remaining from the Dauntless born and the defectors, but I ignored that fact as I pushed the sharp edge of the knife into my palm, little droplets of cherry blood appearing from the new wound. I inhaled and kept the breath within me, holding it until I knew I had chosen. My hand curled around the blood, a droplet of the red liquid trickling out of the small crevices on my palm, waiting to fall. I placed my hand over the water of Erudite, the once clear water now murky and stained with the blood of those that had come before me.

It felt like everyone in the room was holding their breath along with me. I didn't care if I was taking my time, but that little drop of blood was making me decide. It was close– _so close_ to falling into the water. Before it plunged I switched my position and the blood sizzled on the hot coals, the small fire licking at the white ceramic and heating the underside of my fingers.

" _Dauntless!_ "

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Hey guys! I hope you liked this chapter! I've been on vacation for a while, but hopefully I'll be able to upload a lot more since I've recuperated, relaxed and had fits of extreme laziness. This is a short chapter but another will be coming soon to compensate. If you liked this chapter please follow for more and favorite! Review please! It helps me to know what I'm doing and it makes me write faster (I hope xD). Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!


	4. Angels Don't Survive High Falls

**Chapter 3 – Angels Don't Survive High Falls**

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

It felt like everyone in the room was holding their breath along with me. I didn't care if I was taking my time, but that little drop of blood was making me decide. It was close–so close to falling into the water. Before it fell I switched my position and the blood sizzled on the hot coals, the small fire licking at the white ceramic and heating the underside of my fingers.

" _Dauntless!_ "

* * *

Hollers of praise and happiness rang behind me like a loud orchestra, the noise filling my ears. I couldn't hear anything else. I couldn't hear the gasps of the Erudite or see the faces of the people that saw me as a traitor. As a _defector._ My eyes caught on that of Jeanine Matthews, her features carefully placed in an arrangement of emotionless fury. I blinked but I couldn't place where I was. Everything was moving so fast, the praise of the Dauntless, the disappointment of the Erudite, _Jeanine_. Someone I assumed was Jacob hugged me and took me off the stage, his arms strong and warm around me. Strangely the feeling soothed the deep ache in my heart that I had done more than betray, but the feeling of suddenly being free was so much more powerful.

"Who would've thought, Erudite? Well, you're not Erudite anymore. Welcome to Dauntless, Ashely." Jake beamed at me, his eyes bright and powerful against his dark skin. He sat me down on the edge of one of the other Dauntless borns seats, who had respectfully taken another seat elsewhere. I had made it. I was Dauntless. With the last Erudite girl choosing to stay with her faction, unlike me, the ceremony was over. There was no going back. This was it. I let out a harsh breath and looked up, my eyes closing in bliss. It's over, thank god, I did it. I did it. This is my life now. The Dauntless began to shuffle quickly through the door, their feet thunderous as they move. Unlike the others, they made hard stomps against the ground, knowing exactly where they're going. We walk down flight after flight of stairs and as we quickly run down, I realized that I was next to the girl from Erudite who transferred as well.

"Hi," my voice is soft and the girl looks over at me, her eyes glazed over with tears that she can't hold back, dripping down her face.

"H-hi," she mumbles in an even softer voice than my own, her eyes darting around the leather clad shoulders and hard bodies around us. I would have been that too, probably, if I had a family that I had left behind. Someone who cared for me enough. Fingers grazed her cheek, and it took me a moment to realize that it was me. The comforting action shocked me.

"It'll be okay, as long as we stick together." I forced a smile. I had a feeling it wouldn't for a while. Feet pounded as we made it to the last step, all of us bursting out of the doors like a rumbling storm; unstoppable. As we ran towards the buildings, I began to feel raindrops against my skin, cascading over my clothes and my body in cleansing waves. It was almost like a sign of the new me and I embraced the soft drops. I placed one of the clear bandaids over the cut on my hand, the fine fabric healing it instantly. Leave it to the Erudite.

The Dauntless born ran towards a railroad behind the first few buildings of the city. My breath shuddering out of my body in hard pants, I ran as fast as I could, quickly making it to the front of the group with Vera at my side and Jake in front of me. Jake grabbed onto the large rails that had to be at least twenty feet high, allowing us to get on the train. Were they going to make us jump on a train for our first time? An older looking member of group shouted at us.

"C'mon! The train is almost here!" Jake looked over his shoulder, already a few feet into climbing. Vera and I exchanged a frightened glance before I began to climb, my shoes slippery on the hard metal. I took them off my feet, throwing them against the ground and laughing, already feeling lighter. I pulled myself up, bar after bar before Jake pulled me up the rest of the way, his hands grasping me with a soft firmness. Water puddles began to gather around our feet and I was soaking, my fingers shaking with the sudden chill. I widened my arms and spun on the side of the tracks, my eyes shut. For the first time in years I finally felt free.

I felt the rumble before I saw the train, the small puddles beginning to quake uncontrollably. My teeth chattered with the speed as the silver train came rushing past us. Of course it wasn't going to slow down. Vera was faster than me, her Erudite senses telling her to take a head start, but Jake and I weren't so lucky. I had the nagging feeling that Jake had stayed behind just to make sure I was safe, but I ran at full speed. I can't fall. I can't fall. I can't fall. I couldn't stand the idea that if I fell my initiation was over that fast, and I was immediately factionless. The last train car came quickly, both of us keeping pace to each other. It seemed that the only problem was that the platform was quickly running out and I would either have to take the plunge or forget my new life. Jake's hand shot out from the train, his fingers dripping with rainwater. _I can do this_ , I reminded myself, _I had to_.

Just as the platform ran out I jumped onto the small ledge of the train car, my hand grasping at the metal bar with a firmness I didn't even know I had. Jake's hand curled around my arm and he yanked me inside. I didn't even realize I was shaking until I was sitting down, my breath meeting me in pants and hard shallow intakes of heavy air. The only thing that felt steady in my body was the slow trickle of thought that made me assume I wasn't fit for Dauntless.

"Get out of my way, Amity!" A thick voice bellowed and my head shot up in apprehension.

"Hey, it's okay." Jake's warm, comforting hand rubbed my back but it didn't stop me from seeing the Candor boy, Archer, grasp the Amity girl's shoulder and shove her up against the wall. I clearly remembered him. Short cropped black hair with a hard jawline and the faint trace of stubble growing, he was the guy that it seemed I wanted to avoid, yet the girl made me feel guilty. Her face was full of shock and fear, and without realizing it, I was on my feet.

"Stop that!" I shouted at the boy, and his head turned slowly towards my own, his hand releasing from the girl's shoulder. Dark brown eyes met my green ones.

"What do you want, smart ass?" _Smart ass?_

"Leave her alone." He walked up to me, obviously taller, but I didn't back down.

"Or what, you gonna talk me to death?"

"Nah, I'll just let you keep running your mouth, Candor." Jake chuckled behind me and Archer glared at me, his eyes holding a level of cool fury that sent tingles down my spine.

"I'm watching you, smart ass. Wait until the real fun begins." A malicious smile crossed his face, but I ignored it, bumping my shoulder into his as I passed him and squatted in front of the traumatized girl.

"Hi," I said.

The girl picked her head up and she had wide doe eyes full of innocence. What type of girl like that ended up on a train like this? "Hi." Her voice was worn and raspy, and it was obvious she had been crying. I held out my hand to her and she immediately took it, straightening with me as both of us made our way back over to Jake.

"I'm Dahlia, and thank you for that." I smiled warmly at her and took a seat, my legs already aching from the hard running and climbing.

"I'm Ashely. Is your name like the flower?"

"Yes, my parents named me after a Dahlia garden that they were growing."

"That's sweet," I murmured, my fingers rubbing the spaces between the next, somehow comforting me. I silently wondered why my parents named me Ashely, or if there even was a story. If divergence was inherited, which one of my parents were divergent? Or perhaps even both. The thought made me somber.

"The pink kind?" Jake popped his head around my shoulder, his eyebrow raised in question and a little humor.

"No, the burgundy kind. They're truly beautiful." Jake leaned his forearm against his knee and moved closer to Dahlia.

"Just like you, what a coincidence." I almost rolled my eyes at the obviously flirty line, but I let it fly by like I didn't notice it whatsoever. Dahlia practically turned into one of the puddles on the train tracks, her cheeks a fiery red like her hair. I assumed they named her Dahlia more because of her hair color than the flowers they were growing, but since I wasn't Amity and I hadn't done much gardening, I couldn't really assume. I shot Jake a _really_ look. He shrugged his shoulders and gave Dahlia a casanova smile. Oh god.

For at least the next twenty minutes I listened to Jake and Dahlia flirt before I finally felt like I was about to puke my brains out. I wasn't even sure if it was all from them or the rocketing motion of the train. I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself from the hysteria I felt building in my chest. I was already beginning to miss my bed, the softness of the pillows and the warmth in all of my things. I was starting to understand that I would no longer have any of those things and that I was Dauntless now–nothing else.

"Get ready." One of the Dauntless born shouted from the other car, his body hanging off the side of the train as if he'd done this a million times before, the sight of the high fall and the pouring rain not making the boy stop even once. Dahlia, Jake and I looked out the side of the car, the sight of large industrial warehouses with graveled roofs the first thing in my line of sight.

"Get ready for what?" Dahlia asked, perplexed.

I gave her a grim look.

"I think he means get ready to jump." I turned my head towards Jake and he shot me a wicked smile before he backed up against the end of the train car and ran, the squeak of slippery shoes and hard metal filling our ears before he jumped off the train. One after the other the initiates jumped, until it was only Dahlia and I left in the last train car.

"Wanna jump together?" I shrugged my shoulders and held my arms against my chest.

"It doesn't look like we have much of a choice."

"All right, on the count of three. One. Two. Three!" Dahlia and I jumped from the train car, falling on the last building, the one next to the largest facility, a large glass dome in between the factory looking buildings which I was beginning to assume was a part of the Dauntless compound. Dahlia quickly let go of my hand as we left the safety of the train car, the hard pellets of rain bolting across my skin and instantly making me heavier. With my hands held out in front of me, they hit the gravel with a hard thud, connecting harshly. The next thing to fall was my side and my legs, while finally my head hung in defeat as the wind was knocked out of my lungs effectively. I gasped and kicked my legs, straining against the hard surface biting into my skin like the little pinprick of millions of needles.

I looked over to my side to find Dahlia laying on her back, her mouth open and gathering the water from the rain.

"It's kinda beautiful from this view, isn't it?" She mused, and I grumbled as I got up, leg by leg, to find everyone gathering on the roof of this building.

"Hey look, everyone's over there!" I yelled to Dahlia, and she pushed her head backwards, looking at the scene upside down, I was sure.

"What would ya know." She picked herself up and threw off whatever remaining pebbles were stuck on her.

"Look!" She pointed towards the rooftop where a man was now standing on the ledge, dressed in all black leather. From here I could tell that he was tall, not only because of where he was standing, but because of how he towered over all of the other initiates. Some other men and women gathered around the side, young, but still older compared to us sixteen year olds. The man's muscles were rather large, defined through the short sleeve shirt and vest he wore. He seemed to be fit and deadly, and I was beginning to feel a slight hesitancy at moving towards him.

"C'mon! Jake's over there!" And that was that. I trudged across the wet roof, and as I got closer, certain features came into view. Short cropped dirty blonde hair, an eyebrow ring above his right eye, tattoos on his neck and his forearms, and lastly, steely blue eyes that were both cold and warm, inviting and chilling. Quickly I recognized him as the last initiate to Dauntless Erudite. Eric Coulter. I froze next to Jake as Dahlia came close to my side and I saw a small smile from the corner of my eye.

"Welcome to Dauntless, initiates. I am Eric and I am one of your Dauntless leaders." I was completely focused on him, my memories of him completely different from what I saw in front of me now. From years before I saw a boy with short blonde hair and a quirky smile, but now I saw a man with tattoos and piercings, his eyes as cold as glass, hardened over time. "As another part of your initiation process, one of you lucky Stiffs, Amity's, Candors, Smart asses or Dauntless born will take a leap of faith. It's a test of fear, courage and bravery. Three words you do not yet know the meaning of." A small smirk played on the corner of his lip, his eyes assessing each one of us separately. Once his eyes landed on me, the almost grayish blue depths of his oddly cold orbs narrowed at me.

"Who's it going to be, I don't have all day here." I felt Jake's hand on my side and before I could protest he had pushed me forward. I shot Jake a look that could kill if looks could truly kill. I stumbled a few inches, enough for the initiates closest to me to move away and create a path from me directly to Eric, the leader. I blinked at him and swallowed.

"I will."

Something passed over his features but it was gone in a second. "Okay, a smart ass. That has to be a first. Up you go." I took a few hesitant steps forward and Eric's hand grabbed mine roughly. His hands were surprisingly soft, but his knuckles were bandaged, as if he had punched something recently and had the cuts to prove it. He hoisted me up next to him, his hand instinctually landing on my hip. I tried to hide my blush and kept my head down, my gaze traveling to the small hole below me, dark and hard to see in the rain. Everyone has to do this for initiation right? And they wouldn't sacrifice their initiates, so it had to be a test of strength like Eric had said.

"You want us to jump off a building? We just jumped on here!" The same Candor boy from before asked, fear in his voice.

"You don't have to," Eric said, his voice surprisingly soft. Weirdly enough the gentleness of his voice scared me more than the harshness of his voice ever could. I was used to harshness, it was something I expected here, but it wasn't what I found in the gentleness of his gaze when his eyes switched to my own. He hopped off the wall and walked up to the initiate, both of them face to face. Eric had at least seven inches on the boy easily. "I could always throw you off. Or you could just go factionless." His eyes turned back to me and the heat of his gaze almost burned through the back of my skull.

"I don't have all day, Erudite. Jump or leave." I sucked in a harsh breath and stepped off the ledge, the gravity of my foot taking me down in the air and making me twirl. I let out a surprised laugh and my hair came undone, the black strands whipping around me in a flurry of wet darkness. The air pushed underneath my limbs and for a moment I could almost believe I was flying, my arms outstretched towards the opposite sides of the hole. I hit the canopy net with a sharp cry, my body thrown back into the air for a moment before the momentum finally relented and I became still on the net. I was pulled to one side, a tan man with honey brown eyes reaching his hand out at me.

"You've got to be kidding me," he looked at me as if I was some sort of strange creature and I wasn't meant to be there. Like he had caught the wrong fish in the net. "An Erudite?" He shook his head as my hand clasped onto his, his arms hooking underneath my own to take me from the net.

"What's your name?" Ashely. Tell him Ashely. My brain and my mouth seemed to be malfunctioning, because all I could do was stare helplessly at him. "What you're called? A nickname? Nothing?" He leaned forward, his eyes connecting with mine, softer than Eric's. "Once you have a name, you can't change it, so choose wisely." I waited a moment, my eyes bouncing from the other Dauntless members in the room, tattooed men and women who watched me expectantly. What had Jake called me when he first met me? Ashe. _Ashe_.

"My name's Ashe."

The nice man blinked before his voice rang amongst the large space. "First jumper, Ashe!" Hoots and hollers of praise with my new name erupted from behind me and I watched all of them carefully. I moved to the side where a man guided me, a green mohawk adorning his skull.

"First jumper, Ashe!"

The next eleven jumpers all screamed with their way down, and I was satisfied to see the last initiate jumper was the Candor, Archer. Even after all the initiates had fallen, the man who had helped me off the net stared up at the hole in the ceiling, waiting for someone else.

"There aren't any more initiates." I called from behind him, but the man's eyes stayed above him. A few seconds later a black mass fell through the hole and before I could ask who it was, Eric pulled himself off of the net alone, a slight flush to his skin. He walked forward, eyes straight ahead, cool gaze concentrated on nothing. Suddenly I understood why everyone said he had become coldhearted over the years as his demeanor was anything but warm. He stopped next to me, since I was the first jumper, and I could practically feel the warmth that he radiated despite the cold in his eyes. I could feel him hover over me.

"You may have jumped first," I felt his warm breath brush a few dark strands away from my ear. "But that doesn't mean you will succeed first either." Both of us straightened as the brown eyed man walked in front of all of us, assessing us like Eric had.

"Dauntless born go with Lauren, the rest of the initiates follow me." Half of the crowd of kids moved off to the woman who had black hair like me, except it was matted and seemed uncombed for _quite_ a while. Jake glanced at me before following Lauren to another part of the large black facility.

"My name is Four, and you've already met your leader and partial trainer, Eric." The Candor boy piped up.

"What kind of name is Four? You have three siblings or something?" A few chuckles and and snorts of humor passed in the otherwise silent room. Four stepped up to Archer, his eyes draining of all their warmth in a moment's notice. I still felt slightly uneasy with Eric behind me, his presence like a brand against my side.

"This is a good lesson for all of you, and especially you, _last jumper_ ," he took a pause as his head cocked to the side condescendingly. "You shut your mouth about things you don't know, because here, once you're out of this room you don't make those mistakes again." Archer looked down, as if he was guilty.

"You understand?" I was satisfied that he jumped at Four's powerful voice in front of him.

"Y-yes sir."

"Good. Now, if any of you have any more inquiries, take them up with Eric." Most of the kids didn't even look at him, their eyes trained away in fear. Silently I wondered if perhaps Eric enjoyed their fear. In that moment I vowed to myself that I would try not to fear Eric, despite his obvious love for it. Four began walking and I assumed that was the cue for us to follow him. My legs felt shaky, the adrenaline still pumping through my system from the fall.

I took up the back of the line, Eric following silently behind me. I felt as if he was scrutinizing me and I turned around, giving him a look.

"Got a problem, Erudite?" I withheld from rolling my eyes at the name. It wasn't the best idea to get snarky with a leader here, I guessed.

"So first I'm a smart ass and now I'm an Erudite? Make up your mind, Leader."

"You call me sir here," he growled behind me, the deep, menacing sound of his voice sending chills through me. "And you get whatever name I decide." I pursed my lips and took a deep breath, spinning around and walking backwards so I could look into the grey, blue depths of his eyes.

"So, we don't get to be called by our names?"

"Not until you survive here, smart ass. Now turn around and listen to Four." The command made me smile a little and I turned around, ears listening intently for Four. We had walked through a few dark and grey tunnels, their origin and division lost to me, but it seemed we stood in front of a large break in the tunnel system and I saw a huge opening of buildings and rings for fighting. So many people chattered, their voices loud and boisterous in the silence of my shock.

"Welcome to Dauntless, initiates." Four's booming voice rang from the front of the line and quickly we shuffled to see all the people below us.

"This is the Pit where most Dauntless and Dauntless initiates will spend their time in between training and stages. Eric, would you like to take it from here?" Eric smiled and brushed against my side, eliciting a small gasp from me that I failed to suppress. My skin tingled where his body had touched mine, but I tried my hardest to ignore it. It was _so_ hard.

"We take the initiation process very seriously here, so I volunteered to oversee most of your training." Eric spoke confidently, his eyes meeting my own for a moment before his cool gaze slid back into place.

"Some ground rules," he said. "You have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place every day from eight to six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do whatever you like after six. You will also get some time off between each stage of initiation." Eric looked expectantly at Four and Four coughed in response, stepping forward.

"Alright, it's time to eat!" Four made us follow him down the steps into the Pit, and my eyes glued onto all the people clad in black clothing with piercings and tattoos like Eric. It was strange that Four didn't look the same amongst them, but I said nothing. On our way to the dining hall, Four took us to a place he called the chasm.

"Is this what you guys eat?" Archer snickered with an Amity, his name Shea. Eric prowled forward, his gaze set on Archer like a predator would set a marker for prey.

"Why don't you shut your mouth and listen, Candor?" I could feel the silent fury emanating from Eric, his back tense and his muscles straining underneath the black shirt and leather vest he wore. Archer blinked and looked down, biting his lip. Silently I prayed I wouldn't have to feel the wrath of Eric, but I felt like with my luck it was an inevitable part of life that would have to happen to all of us here.

The chasm was a large split in the rock that water rushed through, the height of the chasm higher than I would have liked, and fear surged through my body. I couldn't imagine its purpose nor could I guess how the structure came to be. Maybe it was already there, I thought, but it seemed like a farfetched idea.

"Don't get any smart ideas and think the answer to all of your problems is jumping off this ledge. You may have issues, or maybe it's some half-assed attempt at a stunt, but no one comes back from that fall." Eric peered over the edge. "You have bigger things coming to worry about than that." Great. Something to look forward to.

After a few minutes of walking with the the silent murmurs of the initiates, Four brought us to our bunks.

"This is where you'll be staying for ten months while you're going through the stages of training." The murmurs turned into loud chatter as all the initiates started talking, their displeasure at the space evident. Dahlia looked over at me and Vera just ducked her head away from the smirking faces of Four and Eric.

"If you want to get up you have to clean up here and change. New clothes are on the walls and you burn your old clothes in the pit when you're done." Four's voice was loud in the room.

"Are you insane?" I questioned, glancing over the small room with twelve beds, the perfect number for all of the initiates. I was pissed that I was the only one who decided to speak up to them, despite their roles in Dauntless society. There were no rooms, no walls; there weren't even any curtains, which meant we'd all have to dress, undress and sleep in the same quarters. Eric's eyebrow rose at my voice.

"What's wrong, smart ass?" Four shot Eric a confused look, but it didn't seem that Eric was paying any attention to him, the steely cool gaze of his focused on me.

"We all have to sleep here?" Before Eric could probably shout something at me, Four took a step towards the other direction and Eric's gaze simply continued to simmer on me.

"If you like this, you'll love the bathrooms."

* * *

Yeah! We're finally in Dauntless after the Simulation and the Initiation process! What could await Ashely, aka Ashe now that she's in a compound full with new faces, both friendly and not so much. What do you guys think of Eric? I'm struggling on how to make him lovable and hatable at the same time ( _#feelception_ )! Alrighty, new chapters coming soon, hope you guys like this lengthy one! If you did please favorite, follow and review! Reviews help me dish out new chapters and help me to become a better writer (with constructive criticism), so all reviews WELCOME! If you're new here please check out my page and follow me! I have more stories and I'm always trying to update, (a constant struggle). Hope you all enjoyed and see you all next chapter!


	5. Welcome Initiates

**Chapter 4 – Welcome Initiates**

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

"What's wrong, smart ass?" Four shot Eric a confused look, but it didn't seem that Eric was paying any attention to him, the steely cool gaze of his focused on me.

"We all have to sleep here?" Before Eric could probably shout something at me, Four took a step towards the other direction and Eric's gaze simply continued to simmer on me.

"If you like this, you'll love the bathrooms."

* * *

Dahlia and Vera stood next to me, their plates empty and their eyes full of apprehension. We were in the dining hall after burning our clothes, the tight blue and black outfit becoming one with the flames along with the other clothes. It had felt like freedom, a new me born out of the ash from the old me. All three of us looked around, no seats seemingly available, except a few seats next to Eric. Across from Eric was Jake, and I smiled. It felt good to see someone I actually knew here, and see someone that knew something about this place. I figured it was a good idea to be his friend if I was going to survive, since this place didn't seem all too forgiving. Metal clamoured against the metal countertops as people shuffled around, all clad in black. My new pants were tight fitted black leather and my top was a dark blue, the color agreeing with my olive skin tone.

"Let's just do it, what can it hurt?" I murmured, my gaze falling on one of the leaders of Dauntless, Eric, his shoulders hunched. Despite his relaxed pose he radiated power and tightly reigned emotion. Dahlia shot me a look.

"Do you think I'm crazy? Hah!" She raised her eyebrows and moved her tray wildly, trying to convince me that it was as crazy as it sounded out loud, but it had sounded even crazier in my head. I strode forward confidently, and it seemed that I took Eric by surprise by sitting next to him, his head tilted towards me in silent fascination.

"You don't give up, do you, Erudite?"

"Says the Erudite."

Eric pointed his fork at Jake in warning, his fingers gripping the table tightly. "You're mistaken. I'm _Dauntless_." Jake just shook his head.

"Yeah, whatever."

Eric's eyebrows lowered in annoyance, his fork resuming eating the salad that was on his plate. I snickered.

"What?" I hadn't realized that I was that loud as Eric questioned me, fully turned towards me now.

"No, no, nothing. _Sir_." Jake practically spit out his food, a loud guffaw erupting from his chest. Eric wasn't convinced. I felt the need to stop staring into his eyes but I couldn't persuade myself to look away. He mesmerized me in ways he probably shouldn't have, the tattoos along his neck moving as he did, yet he managed to stay calm and graceful while still maintaining his appearance of utmost control.

"I just didn't take you to be the kind of man to eat salad when there's meat and muscle everywhere."

"Eric still has some Erudite tendencies, I presume. You smarties eat a lot of salad?" I shrugged at Jake.

"Sometimes. We eat more fruit than meat, I suppose."

"Stop talking about your old faction," Eric growled at me, his harsh stare darting to Jake.

"You're in Dauntless now." I nodded to him in acknowledgement before he picked up his tray and threw the remnants away, leaving the tray on top of the disposal. I shimmied uncomfortably on the cool metal seats. Jake chuckled at me.

"What?"

"Nah, it just seems you're looking to get yourself killed, trying to cozy up to Eric and all." I gave him a confused look.

"I'm not–"

"I know. But Eric isn't going to pity you. Or encourage you. Or make you better. He'll throw you from a train, sure, but he's not the guy you want to try and understand. _I_ still don't." Eric sat back down next to us and both Jake and I straightened in our seats. I looked down guiltily, not quite sure what I felt guilty of, and moved the meat around with my fork.

"What? You don't eat meat?" Eric questioned, his eyes brighter than before, humor written all over his features.

"I just–I never..."

"I get it," he murmured, his body moving closer towards me so what he said was only shared between us. "It's just beef from Amity. It's cooked well and it's good." Erudite's didn't eat meat at all, truly. We were a lot like Abnegation that way, our belief that nutrients from fruit and plants were much more beneficial towards our survival than meat, which contains fatty acids and proteins. I took a forkful of the meat and put in my mouth, chewing slowly. Jake began laughing again, gaining satisfaction from my lack of knowledge instead of my overabundance of it.

"Lay off, Jacob." Lauren snapped, her black matted hair swinging from over her shoulder as she glanced at him. Jacob was silenced in a moment from his trainers voice, and I smiled as I ate another forkful of the food. Sitting with Eric wasn't as bad as I had originally imagined. He kept quiet mostly, eyeing the compound and the people in it. I could tell that more was going on behind his eyes, the wheels in his mind turning as he looked around. Everything was new, sure, but Eric was completely different. He wasn't like the rest of the Dauntless. He seemed more committed, more dedicated, yet there was still a softness in his eyes that no one else noticed.

I threw out the contents on my tray and left it on the counter, my fingers trembling against my will. I was still afraid, still worried that there was worse things to come and that I wasn't even close to safe yet. I was so caught up in my fear that I didn't even realize the encompassing silence growing in the compound and I turned around, my eyes instantly finding the source of the silence. A dark skinned man of his mid twenties stood on the balcony of the compound, his hands holding onto the metal rails in front of him. He had the same tattoos like Eric, trailing down the sides of his neck like a brand.

"Welcome both initiates and Dauntless born. I am one of your Dauntless leaders, Max." His voice was loud and booming, yet it was smooth. He sounded like he could talk his way out of anything. "You will begin the training that will teach you the ways of Dauntless soon. The ways of the brave and the strong. Bravery and strength can only be found in the conquering of fear, and you will learn to be better in spite of your fear. We thank you for taking the courage to be one of us. Initiates; please stand." I crossed my arms next to my chest and held myself close, waiting for whatever was gonna happen to happen. The Dauntless began to bang their cups against the metal tables, the hard thuds connecting in a chain of chants and praise. It was a thunderous sound–all of the members clanking their cups down on the tables, the shouts of happiness ringing around the dining hall. A few feet away at the other table, Vera and Dahlia were picked up by the Dauntless members, and then hands wrapped around my waist, picking me up too. I shrieked in surprise as strong hands lifted me up, securing me as we moved like a wave above all of the different people. Dahlia and Jake grasped my hands and I laughed nervously as they carried us around the room as if we were trophies.

Tingles shot across my body and my skin prickled as new, warm hands touched the small of my back. I looked below me and found Eric holding me up, passing me to the next person. A twitch on the corner of his mouth was the only response I got, the suppressed smile somehow comforting to me. I was let down next to Vera and Archer while Dahlia and Jake were still suspended in the air by the other members. I inhaled deeply and shot Vera a look, her eyes wide with adrenaline.

"This is way too much for me to handle in a day," she whispered, a tear escaping the corner of her eyes. She darted off to where we came from before, the room we would call our dorm for ten months. The thought that we would be staying in that room for that amount of time sickened me, especially as I stood next to Archer.

"We're gonna have fun here, Erudite." Ignore him. _Ignore him_. "Heard you ain't got no parents. That why you leave?" I moved my body to face him.

"You ask a lot of questions for a Candor. You sure you don't belong in Erudite?"

"Well it seems like neither of us would've belonged. Look at where we are now." Dahlia was let down in front of me and she clasped tightly onto my shoulders, her tinkling laughter filling the hallway and Jake's whoops following him across the other corridor. I looked at Archer once more before putting my arm around Dahlia and following the path that Vera took. I was beginning to realize that Archer would pose more of a problem than I originally thought.

"I really don't like him." She cast a glance at him across her shoulder before we moved through the throngs of people to our dorms. The halls were confusing but they were unique, so it was easy enough to find the beds from there.

"I don't either. But we're all going to be living together for the next ten months." I said in a lowered tone. She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes and I laughed. The release in my chest felt good. It felt welcome from the fear that had been there before, the fear that was slowly starting to ebb away. I didn't know what was going to come, but I knew that it would make me stronger, like Max had said. At least, that was what I hoped. And god I hoped.

Vera took the bed next to me while Dahlia took the other side, lifting her legs onto the bunk and resting her arms against her knees. She glanced over at me but I turned away, looking at my toes. My life from before had been burned away, whatever memories I had were either too bleak to actually remember or too harsh to want to remember. The only proof that I was Erudite was the fact that I was standing here now, and I had the nagging feeling that would soon be stripped away from me too, burned along with our old factions. A crumpled few years in the broad scope of the rest of my life. It scared me, the fact that I may begin to forget the person that I had created for my life in Erudite. But that's what I had to do. In order to survive I had to adjust to Dauntless and hide my Erudite, like Eric seemingly had done.

I laid my head against the pillow and closed my eyes, the exhaustion from running more than I had ever in my entire life and the changes that were happening too quickly rushing through my system. Slowly my thoughts began to drift away and I was left in a soft sleep, one that wasn't peaceful, but quiet, which was a welcome change.

* * *

Hey everyone! I hope you guys are enjoying the series! Please give a big favorite if ya liked it, and please follow if you'd like to keep updated with my chapters! Pretty pretty please leave a review! It helps me a bunch! If you have any ideas, wishes, likes, dislikes, etc, just leave a review! (It only takes a few seconds and you can still do it, even if you're a guest!). Can you guys wait for the training to begin? Omigosh! :3 Thanks for all the support, and I will see you all in the next chapter!

∞ Craseelix


	6. Stone Cold

_**Chapter 5 – Stone Cold**_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

I laid my head against the pillow and closed my eyes, the exhaustion from running more than I had ever in my entire life and the changes that were happening too quickly rushing through my system. Slowly my thoughts began to drift away and I was left in a soft sleep, one that wasn't peaceful, but quiet, which was a welcome change.

* * *

 _I tossed and turned, the want to wake up suddenly all that I could feel. Fear was coursing through my body and my heartbeat was in my ears, loud and demanding. My head turned to a clock ticking in the distance before my surroundings suddenly came into focus. Grey and blue walls on all sides, they reminded me of my Erudite home, the halls I knew too well. I kicked my legs, and as I kicked I realized I was falling, falling down the chasm, falling through the floor with all of the initiates staring down at me._

 _"You were never meant to make it." They chanted insidiously, their voices melding into each other before they were indiscernible, one large group of hatred. I screamed, or I wanted to scream, but all that came out was a hoarse cry, my throat shut off with panic and fear. I landed at the bottom of the chasm, but it was no longer the watery depths, black and unyielding. No. Now it was the same grey and blue walls I knew too well._

 _"You left us behind, Ashely. How could you forget us?" I turned around, a picture of two happy people, smiling, hanging in the darkness of the walls._

 _"Who are you?" I called to no one in particular as I spun, looking in all directions before checking the picture. The people there seemed too familiar. I felt like I knew them, and knew them well, but the memory was so far away that my thoughts wandered without end._

 _"Who are you?" I called louder, grabbing the picture and facing the other way. "Please." I was becoming more and more desperate, my voice becoming lost to an echo that sounded throughout the entire room._

 _"We're your parents. Why did you forget us, Ashely? You promised you'd never forget us."_

 _Bang!_

I gasped awake, my gaze darting around the decrepit room that I was in. I clutched at my chest but it was no use, my heartbeat was still fast and my mind couldn't come out of the dream. I had forgotten them, they had said. What was that supposed to mean? I had never met my parents, and it made absolutely no sense to me why a picture of people I had never met would greet me in my dream. Their voices and their faces scared me, mostly because it felt like I should have known them. Like I knew them. I shook my head and squinted my eyes against the lights in the room which flickered on, stuttering before shining brightly.

I glanced around as if the room would have changed overnight to my Erudite home, and the dreadful realization that I could never go back began to settle over me.

"Rise and shine, initiates." I knew that voice. I peeked around the small bookshelf that shielded the voice from me, and as my head turned around the bend, I found what I had figured would be on the other side. Eric stood tall as ever, cold eyes scanning the room, his scrutiny following certain initiates and then landing on me. He blinked once and crossed his arms, a metal cup hanging from his hand that I hadn't noticed before. _That was probably what made the banging noise_ , I thought irritably. Dahlia groaned next to me and Vera sat up like board, her back stiff and her posture hard. She acted like it had taken her nothing to wake up, and I figured she probably hadn't slept all night. Now I would gladly take that over nightmares.

"Get up, get dressed and meet me in the pit in five." I held the bedsheets around my body as I took off my shorts and tee, switching them instead for a pair of cotton leggings and a dark forest green leather vest. I put my hair up in a high pony tail and walked over towards the bathroom, where three of the guys, Archer, Shea and Lucas–one of the Abnegation boys–were standing.

"Hey smart ass," Archer called, his eyes scanning my feet before pulling up, taking a few moments on my chest, before finally resting on my eyes. I kept the anger at his defiling gaze at bay while I stepped aside and looked at myself in the mirror. "Ready to get to the fun?" I ignored the malicious smile on his face and continued to work on what I was doing like I couldn't see him. Like I couldn't see any of them. Only a day ago I had chosen my life, and now. Well, now I looked like I had gotten hit by a tractor. I had bruises all over my arms and one on my cheekbone, probably from landing on the roof. I brushed my teeth quickly, ignoring the simpers and taunts of the boys behind me as I walked over to the stairs, taking two at a time. I couldn't wait to get this over with.

* * *

"This initiates, is day one of your training time here. Your training will be split into two categories. Combative Training and the Fear Landscape. Today we'll learn a bit of the basics; attacking and blocking. Some initiates are better at one rather than the other. You will be tested during a fight, and from that fight you will continue to work on your weaknesses rather than your strengths. The ranking system will rank all initiates–dauntless born and transfers–in one large group. Those underneath the red line will be cut at the end of the first category of training, and the same at the last category of training. Your ranking will effect your future in dauntless. Higher ranks will lead to higher positions, so on and so forth."

Eric waved his hand in the air and sat on the bench, glancing over all of us. "Any questions?"

All of the initiates stood in the training room, one or two rooms away from the pit, all of us staring at the leader with stunned faces. Eric's stone cold façade was in place, yet somewhere I wondered if there was more under that chilling gaze. His blue eyes glanced at me, so cold and immobile, like frozen glaciers of water. I felt the trickle of fear in the back of my mind, but I was more intrigued by his distance than scared of it. Boy was I losing my mind.

"What do you mean we'll be 'cut'?" I spoke up, and a few held in breaths were released in the group. Eric stood and then began walking towards me with slow, deliberate steps. I knew inwardly it was meant to scare me, and somewhere I knew that I still had a fear of him, yet my curiousness seemed to outweigh my fear. The other initiates backed away from me as he neared closer, their eyes watching me like I was stupid or insane, or both.

"I mean, that if you do not make the marks, you will become factionless. They're new rules." A smirk pulled at his lips, and I didn't believe the words he said in that moment.

"Don't you think that's an unreasonable rule?" His shifted on his feet and crossed his arms, his head tilting to the side as if he was curious by my stupid bravery. I had just called a leader unreasonable, essentially. _Oh I was going to die very fast._

"Would you have chosen differently if you had known, smart ass?" Archer let out a chuckle and Eric's eyes snapped to his menacingly.

"If you belong in Dauntless, then we will choose you. If you cannot meet the requirements, you become a burden to our system and every other system. So consider yourselves lucky." He gave me a last glance before turning around and punching in a few codes into a holographic board situated on the wall.

The training room was essentially one large warehouse, cold grey pillars stood row after row, separating different training rings. Down a few rows there was a break in the rows and there was a large fighting ring, it seemed. After Eric punched in a few codes, a list of all of our names popped onto the screen and there it was, the red line. That would be the line to cut me off if I didn't make it, and at that moment real fear began to settle in my stomach. If I couldn't make it then I would surely die as a factionless member. Not because the factionless were bad, but because if I didn't fit here, then I knew I wouldn't fit in anywhere.

"These are your ranking charts. Your first five months of training will consist of five fights. The first fight is the one that happens today and it doesn't account for points. The next four will account as your rankings for the first category and will earn you your placement. You can change your placement, but without the right things," he whistled and pointed his thumb towards the doorway. "Out ya go." He switched panels on the board and turned back to all of us. The Dauntless born were no longer on the board and instead we were filed into group a and group b in two charts.

"These are your fighting charts for the day. I will assign your placements; Dahlia and Zachary, Mat One." He continued on, and I waited until I heard my name. I stood frighteningly still, my pulse strumming through my veins. I had never been a very violent person, but would I really have to fight someone to move further in this faction? I was starting to doubt that this had been a good idea.

"Ashe and Celia, Mat Five." I looked at the girl Eric had chosen for me to fight, her arms and legs lanky and lean, hair wavy and cut short and cropped around her neck. She had deep brown eyes, but they were cold and lifeless as she looked at me, assessing me like I was assessing her. Her hair was pretty much a platinum blonde, which made her someone hard to forget. I remembered her from the choosing ceremony. She had been Candor, like Archer. Silently I wondered whether or not they had been friends. If so, I was probably screwed. She rolled her eyes at me and walked over the the labeled Mat.

We first had to watch the other initiates fight. Dahlia won her fight since she was fast, short and dainty, maneuvering away from her opponent, Zachary, and landing quick blows to his feet and legs. Quickly she had taken him down with efficient hits.

"Dahlia, you will focus on strength training and more skilled take downs. Zachary, you will focus on blocking and defense."

Four more fights later, Archer, Shea, Bennett and Dahlia were the winners of their fights, and it was Celia and I's turn in the ring. The feel of Eric's gaze on me, watching me, set my nerves on fire, making me even more worried and self-conscious than I had been before.

"Initiates, ready?" Eric asked in a low voice, the rasp of it connecting with my body like a wired string. Celia smiled and raised her arms, placing one leg in front of the other as she took a defensive pose. I took up a similar stance and nodded, waiting for Eric to give the word that would set my training apart from hers. That would either choose whether I lived or died here. Or got thrown out. There was that option too.

"Fight!" Eric quickly removed himself from the Mat which he had been standing on, and Celia walked forward, keeping her stance and her defense steady. I moved in closed circles, avoiding becoming closer to her. She lunged, launching herself across the ring at me, and before I could react, she had grabbed my shoulders and connected a punch to my cheek. I recoiled quickly from her blow, ducking and slamming my shoulder as hard as I could into her side, but it wasn't hard enough. She gave a loud cry and lunged again, kicking with both her legs and hands. I managed to avoid or block most of her hits, but one of her feet struck my stomach with such force I gasped for breath and fell onto the Mat. Before she could pounce on me and hit me or kick me, I spun underneath her grasping. As I crawled away, she grabbed my pony tail and yanked me backwards, knocking me onto my back and making my head ache with the blow. She began to straddle my hips, but before I could throw her off, she went to punch my face again. I moved my head out of the way and punched back, making blood stream from her noise.

She screamed in pain and in that moment I took her position from her, straddling her hips and landing blows to her. Before the fight ended though, she managed to kick my ribs, punch my face and throw me out of the ring.

"Enough." Eric growled, his eyes unnaturally cold at the blood bath before him. The fight had gone longer than the rest, and it had been much more dramatic. I panted harshly, wiping away blood from my lip and cheek. "Celia, you are the winner. Your training will focus on defense and combative strategy. Ashe," his eyes connected with mine and I felt shame at my loss cross my features without any consent from my own body. I wasn't sure if I was more ashamed that I had failed, or more ashamed that Eric had watched me do it. Either way, both facts gnawed at my stomach. "You will focus on blocking, maneuvering and attacking." He turned around without any more words, and I followed reluctantly, my body aching. Three things I had to focus on, not two like the others, great. He thought I was a complete and total failure, and it only pissed me off more that I cared. Why couldn't I just have chosen Erudite? I wouldn't have to fight like an animal, or against bloodthirsty people. I wouldn't have the chance of failing and getting kicked out. I would be safe, and calm. But as I watched the next fight, I wondered if I truly wanted safety or if I wanted adventure. I had lived my whole life in safety, and I never knew what exhilaration, thrill or true friendship was. I looked at Eric and then at Dahlia, who smiled at me from across the ring. The adrenaline coursing through my body told me that I would feel it a lot more from now on, and maybe I should embrace the chance rather than discourage the act.

* * *

Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter of Fire and Ashe, if you did, please review and if you really liked it, favorite it and follow it for more updates! It gives me lots of happiness and support and makes me have more courage to write more, faster (yay!)! Can't wait for the next installment? Review and write what you think will happen next. Do you think Eric's cold bloodedness will keep up, or will he start to melt faster because of Ashe's approach? Do you think Ashe will be able to come back and fight better? If you have any ideas leave them in the reviews or PM me and I will try and incorporate your idea into the story! Thanks for reading!

With Bushels of Love,

∞ Craseelix


	7. Strange Occurences

_**Chapter 6 – Strange Occurrences**_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

I had lived my whole life in safety, and I never knew what exhilaration, thrill or true friendship was. I looked at Eric and then at Dahlia, who smiled at me from across the ring. The adrenaline coursing through my body told me that I would feel it a lot more from now on, and maybe I should embrace the chance rather than discourage the act.

* * *

I sat in the front of the small dorm room where all of the initiates slept, my legs crossed over each other and my fingers playing with a small Erudite emblem that I had somehow managed to sneak past the Dauntless guards when I burned my clothes. That's how bad our clothing was. We had emblems for it. The little blue eye had been stitched on the hip of my pants, and before we had gotten in the line to burn the clothes, I had very easily ripped the small piece of fabric from the side. I turned it over in my fingers, wondering if perhaps I hadn't made a huge mistake. The rest of the day we had trained our butts off and I had come to the dorm rooms soaking in my own sweat, with some blood and tears most likely tattooed into the dark fabric.

Luckily the girls had had the sense to combine blankets to create a small barricade between half of the bathroom, so that even though we had to be naked in front of each other, we didn't have to be naked in front of the guys. I shivered, the unwelcome thought of having to shower even close to Archer and the other boys eating away at me. I felt that would be one small victory out of many large losses, but the rest I had to figure out on my own. I sighed at the fabric in my hands and threw my head back against the wall, closing my eyes. I didn't want to admit it, but I felt the fear creeping up my spine and the sadness begin to overwhelm me. I knew that Vera had cried her first night, and more than a few nights after that, but I thought that I had cried my tears out years ago. Instead a few unwanted drops fell from my eyes, leaving cold streams against my cheeks.

"You okay, Erudite?" I snapped straight at the voice, my head whipping through both hallways before landing on a familiar figure. Tall, controlled and cold as usual, Eric stood in the middle of the hallway, his arms folded across his chest. I didn't have enough wit or sarcasm to throw a comeback at him, nor did I have the strength to tell him the truth. I just let my head fall to the small emblem hanging between the space in my legs, my head hung in defeat.

"I'm fine." I heard a snort before Eric took a seat next to me, landing quietly and gracefully, more graceful than I had ever expected from Eric. Everything about him, his physique, his tattoos, his piercings, the coldness of his gaze; they all told me that he should be brutish and aggressive, and although I saw that, I picked up on the quiet sincerity in his actions.

"Glad you're not in Candor." I knew I was a bad liar, but the remark made me apprehensive. I couldn't deal with his apathy at the moment. One day and I already felt like I could read this side of him like a book, but perhaps it was because I had grown up around people like him for most of my life. Erudites, cold and calculated, using hard facts and manipulation. That was their game, and I guess even when they transferred, it didn't change them. Although most of him seemed Dauntless, I could see in the way that he looked around, inspecting everything, that he was both curious and intelligent, but instead he used fear and brashness to achieve his goals. I don't know whether it made me happy or sad that I knew this type of person so well.

"What's this?" He pulled the small piece of fabric I held tightly in my hand from my fingers, inspecting the emblem with a curious scrutiny.

"Do you miss it?" The question caught me off guard, coming from him, and I realized this whole situation seemed hilariously misplaced. He shouldn't have cared how I felt, and he especially shouldn't have wondered if I missed my old faction. Wasn't he the one to tell me to stop speaking about Erudite?

"Does it matter?" He handed the symbol back to me.

"Not particularly, but I don't need depressed and suicidal initiates." I looked at him through the corner of my eyes, trying to stick to impassiveness if I couldn't stick to sarcasm.

"I'm not suicidal."

"I don't think you are either, but do you miss it?" A second time. The question caught me off guard again, and perhaps, I realized, I was afraid to say yes. Not because of Eric's response, but because I knew that if I did say I missed it, I may never move on from it. _What was there to miss?_ I shrugged my shoulders and glanced at him, his eyes unnervingly focused on me, utterly and completely locked on me. If I was a target and he was a gun, then his gaze would be the little red dot marking me as his next victim.

"I don't know." A small tug pulled at his lip and he rested his forearm against his knee, taking in a deep breath.

"I guess that's a fair answer." I was starting to realize that maybe Eric wasn't a certain type of person. For me, he was spinning my head in circles now, with his cold gaze and at least lukewarm words. No he wasn't a type of person, and he surely didn't fit into any category, perhaps other than bipolar.

"Why do you care?" I blurted out, my hand making its way to my mouth as if it could try and shove the words I had just so carelessly asked back into my stupid, stupid mouth. I was surprised to find a few emotions pass over his face, the first uncertainty, pass over his features before the cold demeanor I was learning well slid back into place.

"You mistake my questions for emotions. I don't care." I raised an eyebrow at him, and instead of giving me another witty remark or cold comment, he stood without another word and loomed above me for a few moments.

"Don't get ahead of yourself Erudite. You're in new territory now, and you're in more danger than ever." I didn't know whether or not it was a threat or a warning, but I took it as a mixed signal of both. He began to walk away before he halted and turned halfway towards me again.

"Oh and one more thing, you should probably cut your hair." I could feel the blush creep up my skin as he assessed me carefully, his blue eyes resting lazily on my own. In this lighting they looked more green, and I realized that his eyes were speckled with both colors, making him even that more unique to those in Dauntless. My eyebrows pulled low over my eyes in confusion at his words.

"Why?"

"So that initiates like Celia don't end up grabbing it again and making you fail." With those words hissed at me so much more cruelly than anything else he had said, he walked off, his black boots making loud thumps against the cold stone and metal floor, filling the silence of the hallway. I let fresh tears fall where the dried tears stained my cheeks.

* * *

The next few days were awful. I felt like I had been tortured for five days straight.

I began to find bruises where I didn't even think bruises could form, and my body was beyond achy. No, achy described pain from muscles growing and physical exertion. My achy body was caused by sixteen years of barely exercising and the same amount of years of letting my body become accustomed to sitting behind a chair and typing the results to experiments. That didn't mean I was overweight. I was probably underweight at this point, skipping meals because of anxiety due to the choosing day and losing weight due to all this exercise. If I didn't die before the end of training, I would be freaking lucky.

I didn't mind the training so much, except for the fact that Eric now avoided me as if I was the plague. There wasn't any reason for me to mind him not talking to me with little quips and insults, but I realized I had become accustomed to that, just by the first day. It wasn't exactly helping that I was bruising myself more from my own hits than the actual punching bag or any initiate opponent, not that I had had to fight anyone else. And other than the fact that I had forgotten that once you punch the bag the bag comes back, my happiness at pushing it far enough with enough force leaving me unguarded as the hard bag knocked me onto my back, the wind pushing out of my lungs with harsh gusts.

"For an Erudite you sure have a bad sense of trajectory." Archer smirked, his face the only thing in my sight after I had gotten knocked down. I simply stared at him until my breathing came back to a close to normal rate and I allowed Dahlia help me up, Eric watching the events transpire, his lack of emotion setting me on edge. After that I started punching with wild abandon, making the muscles in my arms burn with harsh fire as I relentlessly hit the stupid bag, kicking it with all the force in my body. And that's how I got to today, where after punching the bag so hard for so long, my body finally gave out and in the middle of class I had to sit down before I fainted. Eric walked over to me, his posture straight and his eyes set on my own with burning accuracy.

"You'll wear out fast that way." I lowered my head into my hands and sighed deeply.

"No kidding, thanks for the info." He crossed his arms over each other, his jaw set tightly.

"I'm not here to be your mother. Get your ass back on the floor and move to defense. Four's teaching today." When the name Four passed over his lips, a scowl slid over his dark features. I shot him a harsh look and wobbled over to Four, where he tackled one of the initiates to the ground and held the poor boys leg above his shoulder, the boy crying out in pain or fear or shock, or maybe a mix of all three, I wasn't sure. I glanced back at Eric and found him staring after me, his eyes assessing my body as I moved away from him.

I had trained until my body was so weak that I slumped against the side of the wall, watching as all the initiates filed out of the room, leaving only Eric and I in the training room. It was time for dinner but I could barely register the time as I relaxed against the cold surface behind me, the only relief from fighting and training. I sucked in a harsh breath as I stood, my legs wobbly and beyond sore.

"It's not a new rule, is it?"

I was satisfied that my question caught him off guard, but other than his first reaction, his body quickly slid back into his old demeanor. He stared at me with a bored, uninterested look. His gaze made me feel like I was the most annoying thing in his life at the moment, and he just crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall.

"What did you say, Erudite?" I walked closer, my legs carrying me only so far in a small amount of time.

"The new rule you said was put into place, it's not a new rule, is it?" He stance remained impassive but his eyes held more curiosity, annoyance and exasperation at me. After a moment of a staring match between us he pushed himself off the wall and slowly walked towards me, his steps purposeful and his gaze predatory. He paused as he reached in front of me, his body straight and unnaturally composed. I saw the muscles in his arms bunch and flex, his grip obviously tightening on himself. I wondered if perhaps it was a way to keep himself calm. I could tell he was trying to intimidate me but I just looked back at him, waiting for a response.

"You're right. It's a lie. To make initiates feel like they have more to prove, make them work harder or die."

"Did you create the rule?" He raised his eyebrow at that.

"Why would you think that?" I looked up at the ceiling as if I was contemplating my answer.

"Because, you seem like the kind of guy who's either do it or die." At this he smirked and rubbed the back of his neck, craning forward towards me slightly.

"Can't say that's a bad reason."

"What was your rank?" My question took him off guard again, his eyes snapping towards mine like a whip. I could practically feel his anger in the small space between us. He moved closer towards me, until there was barely an inch of space between us, his eyes boring into my own and branding me like a white hot fire.

"You don't get to ask me questions." Eric growled. "Go to the pit and eat." It wasn't a question and it wasn't just an order. It was laced with so much venom that I began to realize that his initiation was a sore spot to him, and I mentally noted that fact. I gave a slight nod and pushed past him, walking slowly towards the door. It wasn't much, but it was a small win in learning more about my trainer and leader, and small wins could lead to large ones.

* * *

Hey guys! Omg I am so happy to be back after that FanFiction meltdown! It was killing me! I missed writing and uploading my stuff but I'm glad it's up and running now and I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter that I wrote while dying as FF didn't work haha. Please please please review (it's one of my favorite forms of communication), favorite if you loved it and follow it to keep updated. What do you think of Eric and how he is paying attention to Ashe? Do you think he cares or is it just a leader looking after initiates? What do you think of the training revelation with scores? Will Ashe continue to dig under Eric's skin or will Eric call it quits? Let me know what you guys think! PM me with ideas or questions, I'm almost always available and I'd like to think I'm sweet :)

∞ Bushels of Love, Craseelix


	8. Sweet Things

_**Chapter 7 – Sweet Things**_

* * *

 _Hey guys! So I hope you all enjoy this chapter a lot. Please support! Review, Favorite and Follow! Thanks a bushel for reading!_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

"You don't get to ask me questions." Eric growled. "Go to the pit and eat." It wasn't a question and it wasn't just an order. It was laced with so much venom that I began to realize that his initiation was a sore spot to him, and I mentally noted that fact. I gave a slight nod and pushed past him, walking slowly towards the door. It wasn't much, but it was a small win in learning more about my trainer and leader, and small wins could lead to large ones.

* * *

"I think I wanna cut my hair," I said to Dahlia as we stood in line and filled our plates with different foods. On a little platform there was a large piece of chocolate fudge cake, and I could practically feel it calling to me, telling me I had worked hard enough to enjoy something so devilishly good.

"Good, you're eyeing it too. I thought I was going insane." Jake walked up behind me, grabbing the cake with his hand and plopping it on his plate, moving forward on the line like nothing had just happened. Dahlia chuckled next to me and I just stared at him, my eyes still on the chocolate cake.

"We could share it!" He said, his eyes alight with humor and sweetness, the orbs a richly blue, glancing at me with warmth like I hadn't seen in days. I knew his offer was genuine, but it still was hilarious. For some reason I compared Jake's eyes to Eric's. Where Jake's eyes were almost constantly warm, Eric's had a cool edge that could make you burn or freeze you, and it all depended on his mood. For some odd reason I favored Eric's gray, bluish green eyes to Jake's sweeter, deep blue eyes.

"Like she wold want to share cake with you after you snatched it like an animal." He raised his hands, and there were still a few small crumbs of chocolate on his fingers.

"I'm clean, I swear." Dahlia gave a small laugh and I joined in, walking off and sitting next to Vera, who had recently begun to slowly pull away from all of us. She had dark rings under her eyes, which were also red and puffy from crying for long periods of time at night. I patted her on her back and looked at her, pushing my plate towards her since she didn't have one of her own. I felt bad because she didn't want to eat, and I didn't want her to starve herself off the rankings. If she did that, she'd never survive the first category, and it seemed like she thought the same.

"Here, take this." I rubbed the middle of her back and she flashed a small, weak smile–a motion of gratitude towards my action. If I didn't know any better, I would swear I could feel her ribcage.

"That was so Abnegation of you, Erudite." Shea, Archer's little henchman, spoke up at the table across from us. Archer, Celia and Shea all snickered at his comment and I worked hard to ignore it.

"Shut up Shea!" Dahlia yelled across the table, not caring about the other people staring at her from the tables surrounding us. She had been in the same faction as Shea, both of them Amity, and obviously there weren't great things between them.

"Oh and what are you going to do, throw flowers at me, tree hugger?" Shea's eyes glinted dangerously.

"No but I wouldn't mind throwing this knife at you either." She retorted violently.

"What are you gonna eat, huh Erudite?" Celia spat at me, her eyes more venomous than Eric's. Dahlia nudged my side, looking at me as if I should speak up, but I kept my mouth shut and stared at the blank space in the table in front of me. "Keep up like that and you definitely won't survive another fight with me."

"You don't have to do this," Vera's small voice whispered next to me, but I shook my head and remained impassive.

"Your parents starve themselves out too? That why you here, cause they're dead?" Archer tilted his head and I could feel the rage boil in my stomach. I saw Dahlia shoot a sympathetic look my way and my veins lit on fire. Just as I was about to stand up and walk over to him, attack him out of the training ring despite the consequences, a large hand rested on my shoulder before I could get the momentum to stand.

"Sit," a raspy voice muttered, and I recognized it instantly. Eric. I didn't dare look up out of fear or surprise, I didn't know, but I simply obeyed his order and sat down, allowing the anger to simmer through me like hot lava. I noticed Eric walk around the bend of the table, staring at Archer and the group with a dark look, one that hinted at death and torture. Dahlia nudged me in the side again, but this time it was out of triumph, a smile pulling at her lips. Eric's stare had worked and Archer bowed his head, pushing the food around on his plate. Eric surprisingly decided to sit directly in front of me, blocking my view of Archer and his makeshift gang. I shot Eric a curious look.

"Why would you do that?" He didn't answer me. Instead he took a bite out of the chicken on his plate and ignored my presence altogether, eating like nothing had happened at all. Jake smiled at me from the end of the table, a forkful of cake on it's way to his mouth. His features were boyishly adorable, and sometimes the way he acted, like with the cake, made me laugh too hard. I shook my head with a small smile on my face and looked down, silently waiting until dinner was over so I could go back to the dorm and starve myself in peace. At least Vera wouldn't go hungry tonight.

"So you said you wanted to get your hair cut?" Dahlia mumbled with salad in her mouth, her eyes meeting mine with a sideways glance. Oh my god the timing. Eric's head perked up, his eyes landing on my own for a millisecond before I looked away and watched the dauntless-born on the other side of the room. I felt like I was going to literally die. Their hair were freakishly styled, all sorts of colors of the rainbow and different lengths. Some with the two mixed together.

"Yeah. It sounded like a better idea in my head." Eric puffed out a breath, almost as if what I said was amusing and took another bite. I turned towards Dahlia with a small smile on my face. Dahlia didn't realize that while Eric and I weren't _speaking_ per se, we were having a silent conversation through what Dahlia and I said.

"You know what, maybe I'll chop it all off. It's annoying anyways." Eric choked on the food in his mouth and a champion winning smile spread over my face.

"You okay, Eric?" Lauren asked, her eyes gazing at him with compassion but caution as well. She probably had the need for both around someone like Eric, where you pretty much never knew what he'd be like. He shot me a look that could kill and then nodded at Lauren, silent understanding passing between them.

"Don't you think that's a little dramatic?" Dahlia asked, her head tilting to the side.

"Dauntless is all about dramatics, it seems." Vera looked at me like I had a death wish and it was probably because of the way Eric was looking at me. Probably like he wanted to kill me using a very, very hard object. Dahlia shrugged and looked at me, her eyes shimmering with humor and excitement.

"I really wanna get a tattoo, or maybe a piercing, or maybe both." I hadn't realized it, but Jake had finished eating the huge piece of cake in what had to be record time and bent between Dahlia and me, his head turned towards the red headed girl.

"For an Amity you sure are bold."

"Why do you think we would wear such bright colors?" She winked at him, her eyes challenging him silently.

"And we have to go shopping for new clothes." I said, glancing at Eric. He made a point to ignore me but I knew he was listening very closely to our words, his little outburst proving as much.

"Do you have any ideas for piercings, Eric?" I practically burst out laughing at Dahlia's question. If I had a death wish then Dahlia obviously did as well. First, Eric's eyebrows raised high on his forehead, the small black piercing above his right eye catching the light of the mess hall and reflecting it. Then his mouth twitched into a dangerous smirk while his eyes flashed annoyance before settling on amusement.

"Maybe one over your mouth would do you some good." Dahlia's jaw practically dropped to the floor, Jake held his mouth, trying to keep from laughing and I just stared at Eric, trying to read him. His eyes switched to mine for a moment, still cold, before he stood and took his tray with him, dumping the contents and walking out of the mess hall.

"Burnnnnn!" Jake let his laughs out now, holding his stomach to keep from dying on the floor.

"Shut up!" She whacked him halfheartedly in the stomach but he kept laughing until he took Eric's spot in front of us. The rest of dinner seemed fairly normal, with laughs and talking, but my mind couldn't wander too far away from what Eric had done earlier, the way he had silently protected me from Archer's group. The selfless act surprised me coming from him, especially after what had happened in the training room, but I decided to ignore it. Or at least as best I could.

* * *

The next day of training, Four wasn't in sight as usual and Eric just glanced at all of us as if he wanted to kill us. All of us. At once.

"Fine." Eric growled in a low voice, checking the clock at the edge of the training room before hopping onto the large training mat Four had been using earlier yesterday, taking his leather jacket off and throwing it nonchalantly at one of the corners of the mat.

"The first person to get me to the mat gets an extra five points added to their ranking." He cracked his knuckles, then his neck, and took a defensive stance on the mat.

"Don't you think that's a small amount of points?" Celia asked, her head tilted to the side. Although it seemed like a compliment to him since it was worth more points to take him down, or at least I thought, Eric shot her a cold glare.

"For you maybe, but for those on the bottom of that ranking score," he nodded towards the holographic board at the end of the warehouse. "Then the points mean something." She scoffed and put her hands on her hips, challenging Eric's authority more than I ever had.

"Those on the bottom of the rankings don't have the guts or the muscle to take you down." Eric let out a animalistic chuckle, one that scared me to my core, before he took two of his fingers and motioned for Celia to take the mat.

"Fine, then show me that _you_ can." Celia smirked and leapt onto the mat, not as easily as Eric had, but she had the gracefulness not to stumble. The difference in their height was a stark contrast, Celia looking almost childish next to Eric. Immediately the two went at it, and it was obvious who was the better fighter. Eric dodged Celia's first hit, grabbed her arm by the place just above her elbow and pushed her arm backwards until there was a loud crack. Celia let out a painful scream that rang throughout the training halls and I flinched. If it was painful to watch, I couldn't imagine how painful it was to endure. He took her to the ground easily. She tried to maneuver underneath him, but he pinned her solidly underneath his weight and wrapped his hands around her throat. Her face turned bright red, the veins on the side of her neck popping out of her pale skin and her eyes bulging at him.

"The next time you question me, or try to be smart," he took a long stare at all of us. "You'll be either factionless or dead, understood?" Celia could do nothing but nod, and he released his hands from around her throat, his eyes cold and calculated. It was the first act of extreme violence I had seen from him and it set me on edge. Celia crawled off the mat, and Archer and Shea were there to quickly lift her up and get her by the water fountain by the nearest pillar.

"Next initiate?" His eyes glinted more grey in this light, and it chilled me to my bones. His eyes settled on me, and he raised his eyebrows, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"Ashe. Why don't you give it a try?" The amusement in his voice proved to me that I was singled out against the rest. I wasn't about to contradict him, out of fear that he'd retaliate the way he had with Celia. Instead I sucked in a deep breath, my eyes connecting with Dahlia's fearful ones before I hopped onto the mat, one foot after the other, and stood a few feet from him. I took up a defensive pose and waited for him to attack. My heart was beating quickly in my chest, my thoughts running a million different directions, and when he faked an attack, I jumped backwards and almost fell off the mat. He smiled, a wide smile that scared me more than getting physically hurt. From nerves or fear, I couldn't tell why I almost jumped three feet off the mat, but I hardened my stance and waited for his next attack.

He rounded the mat and tried to kick my leg from underneath me, but I dodged and landed a quick blow to his calf. It didn't do anything to stop him or even at least slow him. No. Instead he grabbed my leg and yanked me down, pulling me below him. He bent my leg and collapsed in front of me, his body weight keeping my leg from stretching out, and his forearm went on my neck. Not as hard as Celia's I noticed, but hard enough to keep me down.

"Give up Erudite," he hissed into my ear, out of the hearing radius of everyone else. "You know you'll never make it." His chest pressed harder into my own, and I could feel the warmth his body radiated through the dark grey tank top he wore.

"Come on Ashe!" Dahlia shouted, jumping on her feet. I used my right arm to sneak underneath his forearm and behind his shoulder, where my elbow hit his shoulder with brutal force and his side, knocking him off of my neck momentarily. I was glad I had lasted longer than Celia, but with the new, focused determination in his assessment of me, I knew I wouldn't last longer for any more time. Out of that fear, I lunged at him, and as he prepared to use my momentum against me, I changed the angle of my attack and kicked his side before he grabbed me again and threw me across the mat and out of the ring.

"Next attacker." He puffed, his breathing harsher now. Although I had hit my head with the fall, I was triumphant with how far I had gotten, yet that triumph faltered as I saw the next fight. Eric was mercilessly beating the kid, Lucas, who had been from Abnegation, and Lucas had used the exact same technique I had, defense over offense. He had taken it easier on me, and it made me angry. I stormed to the punching bags and took out my anger, my blood boiling much harder than before. That fire had me punching for much longer and harder than I had the day before.

* * *

"Oh my god my entire side hurts from him," Dahlia whimpered as we perused the shop that she had dragged me into, trying to get our minds off of training, she had said. She rubbed her side which Eric had practically body slammed onto, a bruise already forming on her cheek.

"This can't be allowed. It's like child abuse or _something,_ " she groused, picking a fiery red dress and turning towards me.

"What do you think?" I raised my eyebrow at her and moved to the next rack of clothes, my fingers touching the soft fabric of a light grey dress that had spaghetti straps and ended about mid thigh on me.

"Ooh! I like that dress!" She appeared behind me like a ghost and I jumped. "Jeez, someone's on edge." She murmured, patting my arm reassuringly.

"Getting beat up repeatedly doesn't exactly relax me, Dahlia." She laughed and threw the red dress over her arm.

"You should get that dress. It would look good on you." I pursed my lips but took the dress with me anyways, deciding that I might as well try it on if I was going to be here for a length of time before dinner started. My eyes landed on a pair of black combat boots across the store and I walked towards them, my hands brushing over the shiny leather material.

By the end of my shopping experience with Dahlia, I had bought two pairs of leggings, the pair of combat boots that I had grabbed and the grey dress that Dahlia had said would look good on me. She had been right, of course, since she had a good eye for style. Although it was a little too short for my taste and it showed a little bit more skin than I would have liked, both of us agreed that it was pretty. It would definitely raise eyes around the mess hall.

"You really want to get your hair cut?" She took a small strand between her fingers and gave me a grave look.

"I would die for straight hair like yours! And it's so long and pretty!" I took in her words but the same time the words Eric had said to me repeated in my head, and at my loss to Celia I felt ashamed, and I would do anything not to lose like that again.

"Yeah, but not today, I've had enough." Dahlia chuckled and walked out of the shop, her eyes settling on the small art shop across from us. Until I slowly realized it wasn't an art shop, but a tattoo parlor.

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

Dahlia picked out the small outline of the infinity symbol to be tattooed on the back of her neck, while I eyed the tattoo of a small feather which broke away to form small birds that flew away from the feather. The small design called to me, and it reminded me of how I felt alone despite how many people I was surrounded by, a flying bird amongst many. A feather fallen by one. I took the small glass pane and walked over to one of the tattoo artists.

"Hi." I mumbled under my breath, only catching her attention because I had been standing there longer than a minute.

"Hey there." The girl smiled brightly at me, her eyes a beautiful shade of rich brown. Her head tilted to the side.

"Oh my, you're one of the new initiates, aren't you?" She spun around in her chair, her elbows landing on her knees as she paused in front of me.

"From Erudite?" I raised my eyebrows at her, surprised at how much she knew. Her dark brown hair cascaded over her shoulder and half of her scalp had been shaved, the edge of the shaved area tied into a taut braid, separating both sides of her head.

"I take care of the initiation process. I remember your face! Welcome to Dauntless sweetie! How can I help you, my name is Jasmine." Her smile was pure and genuine, and it made me warm. She was one of the first few Dauntless members I had met who had been warm and welcoming to me.

"Hi there, I just wanted this tattoo," I handed her the plate, and she glanced at it.

"I like your tastes! Okay where would you like it and in what color ink?" I contemplated the places on my body before finally coming up with the perfect place.

"On my back please, on my left shoulder blade, in black." Dimples appeared in her cheeks before she rolled herself backwards in the chair, grabbed the supplies she needed, including the needle and the ink.

"My name's Ashe, by the way." Jasmine's eyes gazed at me warmly. She probably remembered my real name if she remembered my face, but she said nothing. She seemed awfully kind to be Dauntless, and I wondered if perhaps she was a transfer.

"Well Ashe, I'm gonna need you to lift your shirt so I can get clear access of your back. You're not afraid of needles, are you?" I shook my head, no, and glanced at the mirror. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god, the last girl to come through here had a huge fear of needles and screamed through the entire thing. You can't even really see the needles, it's all under this pad." She tapped the small black pad that she held in her palm.

"How does it work?" I asked, my eyes watching her movements curiously. I guess some Erudite things never died, then again I had only been in Dauntless for practically a week. I couldn't expect immediate change.

"Well we upload the art through the machine over there," she pointed to the big machine which took up a lot of space towards the back of the room. "Which processes it into the computers, and the ink transfers to the specific needle slots before it, ya know, does its thing." I pursed my lips and laid my chin on the counter, releasing a long held breath.

"So how big do you want it? Big and down the middle? Small and more towards your waist?" I looked at her through the mirror and decided I wanted people to see the tip of it, like Four's mysterious tattoo, but keep its anonymity from the rest of the people I knew.

"I want the tip to be around my shoulder blade and the rest to go below my shirt, towards the middle, on my left shoulder blade." Right over my heart. I intentionally left that out of my words as she placed the small pad down on my back, the cool surface molding to my skin like fabric. She typed in a few things into the computer and I felt the small jabs of needles poking through my skin, my eyes closing as the sharp pangs of adrenaline ran through my veins. I was actually getting a tattoo.

"Holy shit." I looked up and found Dahlia staring at me with wide eyes, her fingers on her lips which were parted slightly. I don't know what amused me more, her shock at my tattoo, or the fact that I had just heard an Amity like Dahlia curse.

"Are you sure you wanna get that?" I snorted and rested my cheek against the table.

"Like going back is an option." It held a double meaning and I knew Dahlia picked up on it, her head bowing sympathetically.

"I'm sorry." She murmured, her eyes staring at her feet, her toes lifting off the floor.

"You're all done Ashe! Great job! Hopefully I'll see you two back here someday." She gave a final warm smile before both of us left. I stretched my back, the skin there sore with the needles poking through my skin, but I immediately knew it was worth it. Now I just had to feel that Dauntless was worth it too.

"You should wear that dress you got to the mess hall tonight." I raised an eyebrow at Dahlia but she said nothing as she awaited my response.

"Why do I need to dress up for the mess hall?" Dahlia gave me a small smile and tried to look at the tattoo behind her neck.

"Who knows? Maybe Jake will be there." That made me truly confused, so it was my turn to wait for her explanation.

"C'mon, you have to know Jake likes you." I let out a giggle as my cheeks flushed a shade of red. What the ever loving hell.

"Jake doesn't like me. If anything he likes you." She tilted her head at me.

"Oh! You mean that flirting on the train? No, that was him just being a guy. He offered to share his cake with you." She winked at me and I threw one of my pillows at her face, effectively shutting her up before she retaliated, which began an all out pillow fight. Vera eventually joined in, and so did her new friend, Zachary.

"Am I interrupting something?" A loud, very annoyed voice asked cooly from the other side of the room. I froze mid attack, standing on the bed as feathers flew around us from all sides. Zachary bent his head down and got off of Vera's bunk, while Dahlia and I just shared a look. Eric stood in the doorway, his eyes passing over all of us with the warmth of an arctic breeze. Dahlia jumped off the bed, but I stood still, dropping the pillow onto the bed.

"Dinner was five minutes ago. If you don't go now you won't get food."

"Like you care." Zachary muttered under his breath, and Eric was walking very quickly over to him.

"What did you say initiate?" Zach jumped at Eric's loud question which had been barked right behind him.

"Nothing, sir."

"What did you say?" His gaze stared ruthlessly at the back of the Candor's head. He had gritted out the words through his teeth.

"Nothing!" Zach said louder, turning around to halfheartedly face the Dauntless leader. He had not only defied the leader of Dauntless, but lied, which meant he had gone back on his old faction.

"That's what I thought." Eric stomped off, obviously in a down mood.

"Well wasn't he a sight for sore eyes." Dahlia said, turning around in her blanket and changing her clothes.

"More like sore bodies." Vera murmured, rubbing at the bruises along her forearms and legs. Eric hadn't been taken down, but he had made sure to beat each of us up pretty well. I sighed and got dressed. For some odd reason I wanted to know more about the cruel and heartless leader who didn't always seem to act his part. I fixated on the doorway where he had left, but I still wondered about him. Although he scared everyone, me included, I couldn't shake that there was something more about him. Something that seemed to haunt his dispassionate eyes when he wasn't careful, and I was intent to find out what it was. I cursed at that Erudite part of myself, but now that I wasn't in Erudite, I wasn't so sure that it was still Erudite or just my inquisitive nature. Whatever it was, I would know, whether Eric liked it or not.


	9. Bravery

_**Chapter 8 – Bravery**_

* * *

 _Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter greatly, if you do, please leave a Review and tell me why! Favorite so I know that you guys are liking what you're reading! Follow if you want to see more! Repeatedly visit this story (like I do with many stories I become obsessed with) to see how long it will take me to move my bum and update! Pleaseeeee! Enjoy reading!_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

Although he scared everyone, me included, I couldn't shake that there was something more about him. Something that seemed to haunt his dispassionate eyes when he wasn't careful, and I was intent to find out what it was. I cursed at that Erudite part of myself, but now that I wasn't in Erudite, I wasn't so sure that it was still Erudite or just my inquisitive nature. Whatever it was, I would know, whether Eric liked it or not.

* * *

I stood on line in the mess hall, a small metal plate in my hands as I waited until it was my turn to move up the line and eat. Because of what had happened yesterday, Vera stood next to me, her shoulders sagging and her eyes dark and hooded. Dahlia, Zachary and I avoided asking her if she was okay, because we already knew the answer. I also guessed that was why we never asked each other either, because until initiation was over, I wasn't sure any of us would truly be okay. I nudged Vera on the side and nodded to a sliver of chocolate fudge cake that was on the little platform on the serving table again, and Vera showed me the small traces of a smile.

"Jake said it was good." I murmured, my eyes warm, or at least I hoped. I wore the grey spaghetti strap dress that I had bought earlier, and just like I had wanted, the tip of my tattoo showed just above where the dress ended on my shoulder blade. It burned sometimes when I moved, but otherwise I was mostly able to ignore it. The bruises on my arms were a little more difficult to cover up, however. Dahlia had lent me the mascara and eyeliner she had bought, and she said that I looked good when it was applied heavily. I had almost no choice but to believe her. I was at least grateful that I didn't look so Erudite anymore, instead blending in with my dark clothes and even darker appearance.

"Are you trying to make yourself a target?" The dark, raspy voice that I was beginning to know well spoke next to me, closer than I had anticipated. I turned to my left and found Eric looking at me with a curiously amused look in his eyes. I pursed my lips and went back to the food line, picking some rice and beans that Dahlia had said were really good, since she had eaten it back in Amity when they made it. It was starch and it was supposed to help us train better. If anything it was just more filling.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I heard a snort but I ignored it as I moved closer to the end of the table. Just a few more steps and I wouldn't have to hear him, no matter how much the closeness of his body next to mine made my body warmer. I couldn't understand it, and even if I wanted to, today wasn't the day for that. I was tired and beyond sore.

"That dress." I shifted so that I could see Eric's grey eyes, which didn't seem so cold anymore. I was beginning to think I had hit my head very hard when I was thrown from the mat earlier.

"No, I'm just trying to fit in here." Eric tilted his head, as if he was weighing what I had said in his head. The little piercing above his eye glimmered in the light as we moved another step forward on the line. I noticed his plate was empty, but as I looked down at it, he took a piece of cake.

"All you're doing is standing out." I shook my head and pivoted on the soles of my boots. One more step and I would be out of the line. I noticed Vera watching our interaction from the corner of her eye, but like the most of the time, she said nothing.

"Thanks for your interest in my safety, Eric, but it isn't necessary." Vera moved away and I walked with her, rounding the corner of the serving table and heading back to the benches where Jake and Dahlia were talking, their hand movements showing they were having a debate over something. Hard boots followed me as Vera practically scrambled towards the table.

"You got a tattoo?" Eric asked, appearing next to me as if no space had been between us before. As if he actually cared. I was done for the night and I wasn't willing to read into his confusing attempts at being warm towards me.

"Does it matter?" I asked dully, looking at him with the same bored eyes he usually glanced at me with. Glanced at everyone with. Blonde eyebrows knitted in the middle of his forehead as he contemplated my question. Grey eyes connected with mine, making me shiver as the cool ice that usually filled his gaze returned. I hadn't been crazy– he had had some warmth in the strange, confusing bluish grey pools of eyes that reminded me of vast water. He was cold to the touch now, and I knew there was no penetrating that.

"No." He stormed off, annoyance and anger rippling through his strong body which normally exuded complete control. The blue-eyed leader carried the tray of cake to the Dauntless leaders table where he sat with Max and the other leaders. Eric and cake didn't seem like a logical mix, but I didn't focus my thoughts on it. Max directed a strange glance towards me, but turned to Eric as he sat down. Quickly I moved my gaze to Jake, Dahlia, Zachary and Vera.

Shrugging off Eric's strange emotional antics, I sat down next to Zach and smiled at him as he pushed a forkful of string beans into his mouth, his eyes darting at mine before falling to Vera who kept her head down, her spoon moving the cake around on her plate. I sighed in defeat. The young girl that I had seen in Erudite, the shy, outspoken girl obviously didn't fit in here, and of both Dauntless born and Transfers, she ranked the absolute lowest. Sadness welled up in my chest as I realized she probably wouldn't make it past the first stage, and it was a grave thought.

"You know, he's staring at you?" Dahlia's question broke me out of my depressive thoughts. I almost turned to look at Eric, but before I could embarrass myself like that, Dahlia nodded towards Archer and his group. She was right. Archer's dead eyes were trained completely on me, their piercing depths assessing me in an almost sickening way.

"Well, that's not creepy at all." Zach muttered, looking at me sympathetically before resuming to eat. Jake curled over the table and gave Archer a viscous stare before he sat back on the bench and gave me a breathtaking smile.

"That guys about as tough to crack as hard metal. Glad I ain't a transfer." Jake sipped some of the soda on the counter until he practically spit it out when Dahlia elbowed him in the ribs.

"Good going, stupid." Jake held his hands up as if Dahlia was holding a gun to him.

"It's not my fault the guy is at the emotional level of Eric." He shrugged and tried sipping the soda again.

"Oh do not bring him up to me. He freaking body slammed me." Jake put an arm around her and gently squeezed her shoulders.

"Don't worry, little flower, I'm sure you slammed back." Her eyes sparkled dangerously, as if he better watch where her elbow landed next. I laughed at the scene in front of me, the bubbly sound erupting at the table.

As it turned out, I was finished eating before everyone else. I hopped off the bench and dumped my tray into the small bin for leftovers and dishes. I began walking down the hall, through the corridors so that I could go back to my dorms. Tiredness could not describe how I was feeling, my eyes dreary and my eyelids heavy. Today had been a long day and I couldn't wait to fall into my dormitory bed and sleep off my exhaustion.

"Going somewhere, baby Erudite?" I stopped where I stood, chills running down my spine. Fear clawed viscously through my thoughts and I kept from turning around.

"C'mon Erudite, don't ignore me." I spun around and was met with Archer's dark eyes.

"You're Abnegation too, right? Aren't you all about giving?" Archer grabbed my hand but I yanked it back, slowly walking away from him. I tripped on something, my boots shuffling as I lost my balance. I quickly scanned the halls, but no one was around. I was completely at his mercy and the thought of what he could do to me scared me beyond reason. He moved forward quickly for a Candor smart mouth, slamming me against the wall and shoving his body onto mine.

"You wear that dress for a reason?" He growled brusquely, his hand at my hip.

"Help!" I found my voice and I screamed, but before my call could echo Archer's hand wrapped around my mouth, the foul scent of cigarettes from Archer's breath sickening me to my stomach. Archer took advantage of my silence and let his other hand roam my body while I tried in vain to push him off of me, to punch him. I tried to kick him but it just allowed him to move closer to me.

Archer palmed me into his hand harshly, rubbing my chest through the fabric of my dress. I screamed through his hand, trying to somehow get him to get off of me. I panicked, wet tears streaming down my cheeks in hot rivulets.

"You like that, Erudite?" He moved his hand and I let out a sharp cry.

"No, get off me!" Before Archer could move any further, a large hand appeared on his shoulder from the corner of my eyes. Piercings glimmered in the darkly lit hallway before harsh blue eyes flashed. Archer recoiled at the touch and let go of me, allowing me to kick him–hard–right between his legs. He went down to one knee, but before my savior, Eric, could drag him up, Archer shot up a right hook and caught the fearless leader off guard. Eric and Archer fell to the ground in a flurry of black clothes and shadows, until I heard a grunt and Archer was thrown up against the wall next to me, where my body was frozen.

"Get out of my sight before I kick you out of Dauntless." Eric snarled menacingly, hitting the metal next to Archer's head with a thunderous bang, his curled fist leaving a visible dent in the hard wall. Archer's feet scuffled before he actually began moving, his back quickly disappearing behind the bend that led back to the mess hall.

Eric turned to me, worry in the dark depths of his eyes. "Are you okay?" I couldn't respond. The words were stuck in my throat. "Ashe?" My name. He had said my name. Joy shot through my body like a wave, before the events at what happened began to settle over me like a terrible storm once again. I glanced at him, my eyes wide with fear and apprehension, but defiance as well.

"You didn't have to come and save me like that." Eric raised his eyebrows, the gesture showing his dubious belief.

"Yes. I did."

"What? You don't think I could've fended for myself?" I could see the laughter almost bubbling out of him. Almost.

"No." Indignation swelled in my chest but before I could say anything, Eric spoke up.

"I'm not here to feed your ego. I've seen Archer fight, and he's brutal. You're no match for him. Yet." As if the yet was supposed to make me feel better about myself, Eric stood there, waiting for a thank you. I probably couldn't have taken Archer on in a fight, but it only angered me more that Eric knew I couldn't either. When Eric's arms crossed over his chest in his signature pose, I mimicked him. When I did, I noticed a gash on the side of his eye, bleeding down his cheek.

"Oh my god, Eric!" Automatically my fingers shot out and inspected the cut, making me come nearer to him. Eric drew in a noticeable breath and watched me analytically. "You're cut here." As if he didn't feel it, he watched me with an unreadable expression. Gently my fingertip brushed over his piercing, making his arms fall away from his chest and his hand grab mine.

"It's fine." I pursed my lips at him. It was my turn to be disbelieving and disapproving.

"No, it's not. You need stitches. You need to go to the Infirma–"

"No." The quickness of his answer caught me off guard. "I can do it myself." I gave him a _yeah right_ look.

"What?" He questioned sharply, eyeing me with fiery blue and grey eyes.

"Let me help you. Please. I know how to stitch and it would be hard for you to reach." Eric paused, assessing me quietly before giving me an imperceptible nod.

"Follow me." Eric led me through a hallway that led us to the pit before he began to take me through a series of corridors, all of them seemingly familiar and yet distinctly set apart. A little sign on the next hallway told me that where Eric was taking me was what I assumed was his apartment, in the leadership district of the of the compound. Eric stopped at a black door, taking out a keycard and swiping it against a small pad that seemed like a holographic sign. He opened the door. He let me step in first, his fingers pushing a small light switch that made the small apartment dimly lit. For someplace in the Dauntless compound, the apartment was strangely homey. The first thing I saw was a large living room with a black leather couch with three seats, the material looking soft and welcoming. There was a small table with some books strewn across it, a few papers and what looked like a spare set of keys for the door. I wondered why the Dauntless still stuck with the key system even if they had the obvious card system, but I was in no position to ask.

On a shelf stood a few candles and from that living room there was a small kitchen with a little table that cut into the space that led to the doorway, all of the parts seemingly closely interwoven. A door next to the couch was open a little, and I assumed that that was where Eric slept. His bedroom. Eric moved within the apartment with an ease, his grace within his surroundings softer now that he was someplace that was definitely his. All of it was thrown at me like things I had yet to know about Eric. It seemed so warm for the cold leader, and that's what surprised me.

His hand settled on the small of my back and I practically slid out of my skin, goosebumps erupting over my arms. His touch made me burn and it felt so good, I wanted more. Had Archer hit my head against the wall that hard? He led me to the chair where I sat and waited for him. He disappeared into a small room I hadn't noticed, one that looked like a bathroom from what I could tell. His dark figure reappeared from the room with a medkit in hand. He placed it on the table next to my small frame, and while he stood I felt like he was a monument compared to me. All muscle and strength, we had no comparison, and yet the softness in his eyes told me that muscle wasn't always what mattered to him. Not everything was once fear. With the silence growing between us, Eric sat down in the chair next to mine, turning it to face me.

"Have you done this before?" I took the stitching kit on the table and held it out for him to take into his hands. As he took the little box out of my palm, his fingertips brushed against my skin and goosebumps broke out along my arms. Again. It felt like my own body was rioting against me, inviting Eric, his touch. He set me on edge and made me want even more.

"A few times. I've stitched some patients when I interned for a doctor in Erudite Major." His question seemed sincere and I noticed his eyes cataloging every one of my movements.

"Relax. I know what I'm doing."

"I could've easily done it myself." He muttered, his grey orbs connecting with my own bright green ones.

"It would've been harder to reach. It's easier this way." He let out a deep breath. I took some gauze and poured some rubbing alcohol on it. When I gently patted it onto the gash on the side of his eye, he sucked in a deep breath through his teeth, his jaw set firmly in place.

"Sorry," I whispered guilty as I sterilized his wound. I wasn't sure what surprised me more, that Eric had come to the rescue and beaten Archer up, or that Archer had actually gotten a punch in on Eric–and a good one too.

"Don't be." He muttered under his breath. I took the needle and pulled the twine through the small loop, securing it with a knot.

"Can you open your legs, please?" I asked, and all Eric did was raise a perfectly sculpted eyebrow before widening his knees, allowing me to walk closer to his body. I could feel the heat of him radiate off his body, sending chills through me. The reaction was a contradiction, but so was Eric and his ever shifting emotions. Amusement brightened his strangely dark eyes.

"So, why did you follow me down the corridors?" Eric's eyes landed on mine, and I could see that me bringing up what had happened only made rage ignite in him.

"I saw the way that Candor piece of shit of was looking at you, and I knew that when he followed you out after you left the mess hall that something would happen."

"You could've just let me handle it on my own." He grunted at both my words and the needle as it pierced his skin, bringing the first corner of his cut closed.

"That obviously wasn't going so well." I practically rolled my eyes at him.

"Who knows, maybe for once it didn't matter, that thing you have about ruining your shiny record of being too tough to care." I watched as the greyish blue color in his eyes practically went black as his pupils dilated.

"Sorry, I don't support statutory rape." My lips pursed in response, but instead of continuing on with the argument, I concentrated on making secure, even stitches. Before I finished stitching, I glanced at Eric, who seemed to be fiercely occupied with his own hands.

"Thank you." I whispered gratefully, watching as Eric's mouth pulled into the first genuine smile I had seen from him since I arrived here. One that wasn't full of anger and malice. Thanking him had been worth the small milestone.

"There you go, all done." I steadied both of my hands on his shoulders, his muscles bunching tightly under my fingertips. I took a step backwards to remove myself from the close proximity of his body and the clean scent of his aftershave. As I did so, my boot slipped on the shoelace of his and my leg fell from underneath me. I would've fallen on my back if it wasn't for Eric's quick response. His left hand splayed on the top of my back, his other holding onto my hip with a soft firmness; steadying me. I gasped as his forearm brushed against my thigh, his warmth seeping into my body. He had never touched me this way before, and it completely shocked my senses. I breathed heavily and struggled in his hands, pulling myself back upright.

I blushed fiercely as I realized that he had definitely understood the effect that his touch had had on my body. He had the nerve to smirk.

"Watch yourself, Erudite." He hummed, the vibrations of his words igniting my fingertips, which were on his chest. Eric was amused by me. I wasn't sure whether to be elated or terrified. His warm fingers still hung onto my hips, keeping me close in front of him. From this position I was a little taller than him, and I couldn't help my eyes from falling to his lips. Oh my god, I'm losing it. I must've hurt myself somewhere, given myself a concussion. I couldn't be thinking what I was just thinking.

Eric released me from his grasp, standing and looking at himself in one of the mirrors across the room.

"Not a bad job." It wasn't a compliment by any means, but I silently knew if it came from Eric, it meant something. The blue-eyed leader spun around slowly, looking me up and down. He coughed, but I didn't realize anything was wrong until Eric's warm touch met my shoulder, and he pushed the strap of my dress back over my the curve of my arm. I blushed such a shade of scarlet red or ripe tomato that I could feel the heat rise in my ears.

"I'm going to go back to the dorms now." I glanced at the clock I had noticed in the living room, which read nine o'seven.

"You sure it's safe?" Eric asked, his controlled posture still intact, but his eyes were a little less frozen. I knew he meant was I safe from Archer, but I couldn't answer his question without either bursting into tears or bursting into hot, riotous flames. I shrugged my shoulders at his question. I wasn't sure that it was safe. In fact, I wasn't exactly sure of anything anymore. Everything seemed to be passing me by in a whirlwind; my training, my choosing ceremony, my newfound friends, and now–especially Eric.

"I don't know, but I can't be cowardly." A ghost of a smile played over Eric's lips, but it never appeared.

"All right, Erudite. Training at eight sharp tomorrow." His normal cold, apathetic, leader-like self was back, sliding right over the Eric I had just been speaking to like comfortable armor. All of a sudden I was envious of him, of his ability to let his emotions fade away like nothing underneath his boot. I nodded my head, keeping it down and opening the door out of his apartment. I walked out without a backwards glance, moving forward to keep myself from going back.

I wandered the halls aimlessly, afraid to go back to my dorms in fear that Archer would retaliate in the middle of the night and accomplish what he hadn't been able to finish when Eric showed up, saving me from his disgusting touch.

I wandered until I realized I had ended up in front of Eric's apartment again, almost drawn to the black door among the others like a moth to a flame. I didn't know how I knew it was his, since it was the same boring, dull color as the rest of the doors in the hallway, and there were no other distinguishable marks. But I knew. I could feel it, almost like a pull to the door. I couldn't go back to the dorms, my fear making bile rise deep in my throat, so instead I gathered up the courage to knock on Eric's door. I waited patiently until I heard a loud bang, a string of curses, followed by Eric appearing in front of the door in nothing but boxers.

His blonde eyelashes splayed over the curve of his cheekbones as he rubbed the space between his eyes, which were not yet open. I was glad he hadn't opened them, because the look of shock on my face was probably evident to everyone who could've seen me at that moment. Eric's guard was obviously down, and this made him look ten times younger than what his normal, over-analytical-self prevented him from looking like. He seemed somehow more relaxed, despite the look of annoyance that was growing on his feature every second he stood in the doorway. Or maybe I was simply too used to his annoyance to everything to be bothered by it.

"Max if this is about that goddamned training–" Amazingly dark, grey spheres opened and now focused on me, obviously drowsy and upset from sleep. I could tell he was acutely focused on me as if I was a target, realizing that I wasn't Max or anyone else he was probably expecting more. His realization happened at an extraordinary slow pace, and that surprised me more than anything. Even more than his black boxers.

"Ashe?" He asked, rubbing a hand over his eyes as if I was some dream that would disappear once he reopened his them. I knew the feeling, since I couldn't believe I was actually standing in front of his door–waiting for, wanting–I don't know what. A shelter. A safe haven. Anywhere other than that cold dorm room and the fear of being touched against my will, without the power to fight back for the second time that night. I knew that anyone else I went to wouldn't understand, and if they did, wouldn't have the means to actually help me. To think I figured I could find safe haven in his apartment probably made me even more crazy.

"Ashe, what are you doing here?" Eric either didn't know that he was practically naked in front of me, or he just really didn't care as he stood in the doorway, his eyebrows knitted in his forehead, his forearm leaning against the doorjamb. His eyes were a mix of fierceness and drowsiness, and it was an adorable look. Quietly, I wondered how many people had gotten to witness the leader like this.

"I...I," _tell him the truth, he's probably a human lie detector test anyways._

"Spit it out, Erudite." Eric said sharply, but it wasn't as cold as I would've expected. Probably from sleepiness, I mused.

"I thought I was brave enough to face Archer in the dorms. Strong enough to fight him off, but I don't think I am. You were right, and I'm afraid to go back there." I was ready for him to tell me to deal with my own problems and leave him out of it, or to get out of his face, or to suck it up and go back to my dorm, but it never came. Instead a few unidentifiable emotions passed over his face before he took his forearm off the doorway and held his hand towards the inside.

"You can crash here for the night, but don't expect to do this again. This is Dauntless, not Abnegation." I nodded, shuffling inside quickly while he closed the door. Most of the lights were off, and the door to the bedroom was open. A pang of guilt washed through me, knowing I had disturbed his sleep. He yawned, rubbing a palm over his face.

"You want something to eat?" I stood in the middle of the living room, feeling oddly out of place.

"No, it's okay. Thank you Eric." I had never noticed before how well Eric was built, only seeing his arms and his back. His muscles, as I studied rather intently, were taut and defined. There was a small tattoo that led down to his shorts, and another that seemed to be right over where his heart would be, but he moved before I could identify it.

"You can take the couch. It's pretty comfortable and it has the essentials. I'll be over there." He pointed to the bedroom and slowly sauntered that way, closing the door almost all the way before leaving it slightly open.

"Goodnight." I heard him say during a yawn before there was a crash, the sound of a body hitting a large bed erupting from the room next to the couch.

"Good night, Eric." I smiled. I was happy, and yet I couldn't directly pinpoint the reason. Instead of trying to hyper-analyze it, I laid down gently on the couch, which was harder than I expected, and pushed my head against the pillow. All I knew was that it was definitely better than the dorms where Archer would no doubt be waiting


	10. Heartlessness

_**Chapter 9 – Heartlessness**_

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Hey everyone! I hope you all enjoy this chapter of Fire and Ashe! Please, please please please pleaseeee review if you have feedback, comments, critiques, or ideas! You can also PM me anytime, I don't bite! Please favorite if you like what you're reading and follow to keep updated! I wanna thank you Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins for always giving me great feedback! I always enjoy reading your reviews! :)

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 ** _Previously..._**

"Good night, Eric." I smiled. I was happy, and yet I couldn't directly pinpoint the reason. Instead of trying to hyper-analyze it, I laid down gently on the couch, which was harder than I expected, and pushed my head against the pillow. All I knew was that it was definitely better than the dorms where Archer would no doubt be waiting.

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Groggily, I woke up, moaning as my back arched into a long, catlike stretch. I hadn't slept so good in so long, and the feeling of the pillow under my head was the greatest feeling I had had in almost a week of my being here. Then slowly, my mind started to pull itself into reality, and the reality was that the couch was far too comfortable than it had been last night, and there hadn't been any pillows. That and an arm was draped over my side. An arm that was definitely not my own, and had dark, winding tattoos. I practically screamed.

What surprised me even more was that I didn't scream. Instead I opened my eyes to find that Eric was sleeping soundly next to me, neck craned at a strange angle up towards the headboard. His fingers were splayed on my back like a hot branding iron, and his grip on me was so strong I could've sworn he was awake. My eyes darted around the room, which was surprisingly homey. Bookshelves lined the far wall, there was a television hanging from the wall with a couch near the window. Gently I turned around and found a desk and chair in the corner, which had scribbles and notes all over the wall near it. I couldn't make anything out, but it wasn't what occupied my attention. Slowly I turned my upper half back towards Eric, who still hadn't acquired any more clothing, and it made me slightly embarressed. I could feel a blush rising in my cheeks and I was glad he wasn't awake to see it, otherwise I'd probably never live it down.

I began to relax, knowing there was no escape anytime soon with his arm around me so tightly. My eyes travelled over his chest and his arms, which were finely built. I knew he was strong, but he wasn't overly defined to the point where he was no longer handsome, and the fact that I was even calling him handsome made me question what the hell I was thinking. Silently I touched on the thoughts that had been swirling through my head, which was that he was handsome, and I wondered if his lips were as soft as they looked. He was genuinely relaxed, and it was quite the sight. Even though he seemed like he looked younger, I couldn't say he did. Even asleep, he exuded nothing but built in power and strength. He was meant for what he did and who he was now. Eric definitely wasn't Erudite, and neither was I. At least, not anymore. My eyes fell to the small tattoo that was planted right on his heart, and in a moment of bravery, I traced it with my fingertips. His skin was soft and smooth, and I was surprised. Immediately I had the instinct to snuggle closer to the warmth his body but I ignored it. I knew it wasn't a good idea. No matter how relaxed he seemed, if he woke up to me against his body, I was almost sure that wouldn't end well.

The small tattoo looked like a misshapen thunderbolt, more like a deformed black mark against the smoothness of his skin.

"It's supposed to be a scar." Eric's drowsy answer made me jump away and snap my hand back, my other hand clutching itself tightly to my chest. Eric's mouth pulled into a smug smile before he pushed both of his arms above his head, his muscles contracting with reined control. Even his stretches were made from power and dominancy. Thick muscles pulled taut, he was almost like a god to me, and it only made him that much attractive to me. Hesitantly my eyes met his and his pupils were so wide I barely saw the bluish grey depths that normally were so cold. Instead he just looked sluggish and tired. His arm tightened around my middle and he pulled me closer, bringing me in tightly to his chest. I gasped as my palms splayed against his abdomen, my eyes frantically darting at anything other than his own. I tried in vain to pull away but it was no use.

"Are you afraid of me?" He whispered, and there was definitely dark intent within his question. Slowly I swallowed back my fear and looked into his eyes, which were watching mine with such awareness that it caught me off guard.

"No." I murmured, trying to hold his gaze. His chest rumbled with a short laugh and he sighed, almost sad at the fact that I wasn't.

"You should be." I knew that if I didn't change the topic of conversation, I would be caught in a bad position, if I wasn't already. My body was pressed closely against his, the already short length of my dress which I was still wearing pushed up my thighs in a practically indecent manner. Eric's hand fell insidiously lower, his fingertips grazing my hips. I refrained from shuddering at his touch, his contact making my body heat up.

"Why would you have a tattoo that looks like a scar right above your heart?" His eyes were closed but I could see the acute emotions that passed over his face, one of them looking so similar to pain that it made my heart ache in my chest.

"It's the scar where I lost my heart." In another surge of confidence, my fingers touched the small mark and he inhaled sharply.

"I still think you have it." He simply shook his head.

"I don't." His eyes opened and I could tell his visage was back. Eric either didn't want to talk about it or he'd rather just shut me out before I made any headway and it frustrated the hell outta me. I didn't say a word, but I sighed my exasperation, closing my eyes.

"Why am I in your bed?" I asked almost sleepily, my voice much more sultry than I intended. Eric eyed me warily, seemingly set on edge because of my question. The wheels practically turned in his head with a transparency I found surprising. Eric could be described as many things, but not one connected with transparency.

"You were cold and uncomfortable on the couch." He stopped as if there was no more to explain, so I just stared up at him, waiting for more of an explanation.

"What?" His rough voice snapped at me, and although in normal circumstances I would've been taken aback, these circumstances weren't quite normal. I was practically snuggled against Eric's chest. In his bed. In the early morning. If anything I felt like the odds of something like this ever happening to me, especially with someone like Eric, were extremely unlikely. I smirked and turned away, pulling my short dress over my thighs as much as I could for the somewhat stretchy material, and looked at him as his body slowly pieced together his surroundings.

"So much for heartless, Eric." His features pulled into a frown. As he was preparing to say something I cut him off.

"Look, I'm really hungry and I look like I just had a really long night. I don't know how I'm going to get back to the dorms without playing twenty questions and I don't want to fight with you, Eric." I paused, realizing how much I had just said. Slowly my fingers moved to my mouth and I backed away in fear. I had just snapped at one of the leaders of Dauntless, who could no doubt kick me out, and I had the strong inkling that I wouldn't have to worry about the dorms. I had to worry about leaving here alive without letting my smart mouth get the better of me.

Without saying a word Eric jumped out of bed, his back marred with little white scars. I was about to move closer to have a better look, but I stopped. It was probably a bad idea to set him on edge like that and I was already taking my chances. Slowly I thought over everything that had happened, with Eric allowing me to not only escape to his private quarters for my own sanctuary, but also let me sleep in his bed so that I was more comfortable.

I had to admit, the pillows in the apartment rooms were pretty damn amazing.

"Has anyone told you it's impolite to stare?" Eric smiled smugly, apparently aware of my scrutiny of him behind his back. He turned around to face me before he threw an oversized grey sweater at me.

"What's this?" I asked skeptically, turning the soft fabric over in my hands. It was obviously his, but it was already warm in the facility, the weather outside only turning slowly from autumn to winter, and it made no sense for him to give it to me. He crossed his arms and the amusement dripping from his posture made me feel overly stupid. He wanted me to wear it, to cover my dress.

"Oh." I mused silently. Grey eyes watched me, waiting for me to put it on.

"You want me to put this on in front of you?" I asked incredulously. I only heard a chuckle as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. I looked around. Everything felt oddly cold, mostly because of the way Dauntless rooms looked. Dark grey and black walls, metal desks, hard and sharp contours and outlines. Everything seemed so hard and yet it didn't feel like that. It almost screamed closeness, the want for warmth and heat. My feet took me a few steps away from the bed towards the bookshelf and found rows of books about what our past was like, fiction. I touched one of the spirals, the soft leather greeting my fingertips. Quickly I shuffled the long sweater over my frame which smelled faintly of soft, buttery soap and the musky scent of a wooded forest. It reminded distinctly like Eric and strangely it eased me. I took the book in my hand and took brave steps towards the door.

The smell of sweet bread wafted to my nose and I walked outside of the bedroom, finding Eric flipping a pancake in an iron pan he held closely in his hand, his grey eyes concentrated wholly on making sure the little pancake made it fully to its other side.

"Are those pancakes?" I could hear the excited notes in my own voice, and I couldn't help but glide over to Eric's side.

"There a reason why you're staring at me like that?" He asks nonchalantly, his eyes scanning over the different things on the counter. Eric had freaking eyes in the back of his head like a really strange, muscular, handsome mother. I could slap myself for even thinking that.

"I just never thought I'd see you making pancakes like this. It's oddly...Charming." I bit my bottom lip and watched him carefully from the doorway to his bedroom.

"Don't get comfortable with it."

"I'm starting to disbelieve your threats, Eric."

A throaty laugh is all I hear before he responds, taking his sweet, merciless time. "That'll be your downfall." He stopped before peeking at me through his eyelashes. "For an Erudite you're awfully mouthy."

I smiled cheekily at him.

"I'm learning from the best." He chuckled and warmth spread through my body at the sound. It's sweet and carefree, and it made me oddly relaxed. I stepped closer to him, stopping at the counter, watching him meticulously cook.

"I haven't seen pancakes in..." I paused as I realized that my memories have taken me back to Erudite, where pancakes and other delicious products without meat and large protein levels are distributed. Eric's eyes shifted to the corner of his gaze, so that he could glance at me.

"I'm sorry." My fingers wrung themselves tightly within each other, and I silently stood still, staring at my toes.

"None of us can expect you to forget it that quick." He paused to take in my reaction, which is none other than surprise. Not only can he cook but he can be understanding. The only question running through my thoughts is why now? What happened within the past twenty four hours to make Eric talk to me like this? To open himself up?

"You see, my other tough guy faction trainer, Eric, he doesn't think I should talk about my old faction." A smirk caught on the corner of Eric's lips, and I counted it as a small win.

"Is that right?" He asked as I snatched a piece of bacon from the pan next to Eric's opposite side.

"Oh yeah, he's all about brooding angrily and silently around corridors. And he's really into Dauntless. Everyone else finds him really scary." I widened my eyes to exaggerate the shock effect.

He held up a small bottle of syrup, and I nodded thoroughly. Strong fingers, fingers that just a day ago were held tightly against my neck now did something entirely innocent. They poured syrup onto a surprisingly large batch of pancakes.

Darkly lit grey, blue eyes met my own.

"It sounds like you don't find him scary." I pretended to contemplate his obviously hidden question as I took the plate he offered. Although talking about Eric in the third person like this was more than strange, it seemed like he took it in stride.

"I don't." He huffed out a breath and sat at the small table next to the oven. His eyes caught on the book that I had unceremoniously plopped onto the table and I blushed.

"Snooping?"

"Investigating."

"Snooping." He confirmed, amusement in his darkly lit orbs. Letting out an exasperated noise, I sat across from Eric's still shirtless figure, and it was then I realized he had thrown on pants. He must've sneaked them past me while I inspected the sweater he had given me.

"My sweater looks good on you." My cheeks must've caught fire somewhere in between his words because he let out a throaty laugh. "Relax."

"I may not be afraid of you, but you're definitely not someone I can be calm around." He raised an eyebrow before eating a forkful of pancake. The sight was so normal I couldn't help but let out a few small laughs.

"Something funny?" He questioned, eyes moving over my writhing figure. I assumed he knew what was funny, but simply enjoyed making me laugh.

"You. This is so normal!" I spread my hands over the table, almost like trying to convince him that this scenario was completely insane. He chewed as if I had said nothing.

"Jeez', what else've you been hiding." Eyes darkened and eyebrows raised, he made a hilariously bad attempt at being mysterious. I held my stomach as I laughed, grasping the table for dear life.

"Eat up." Eric nodded at my plate and I complied, gulping the food down hungrily as if I hadn't eaten in days. It felt like I hadn't, the starchy and filling food not doing anything for my appetite or for my taste buds.

"This is the best food I've had in a while." I managed to say between chews.

"I noticed." I pursed my lips at him but otherwise the room stayed silent. I finished what was on my plate and quickly offered it to him, which he washed mechanically before setting it to dry.

"Training starts in a few minutes. You should get down there before everyone gathers."

I nodded, quiet and insecure of how to proceed. He could turn hard leader again, or he could keep this up, and if he did, it would be a miracle from the gods. I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. The silence could be cut with a knife, the tension heavy and practically visible between us. I couldn't understand it, but I felt oddly connected to him, my body leaning towards his in an almost needy way.

"I'll give ya the t-shirt back later. Thanks for everything, Eric." I murmured before practically running out of the apartment, closing the door behind me with a loud thud. I held myself against the door before I proceeded to walk at a quick speed down the hallways before making my way towards the dorms. Dahlia and Vera both let out relieved sighs as they saw me, arms hugging me protectively. I took in my surroundings, searching for Archer, but him nor the group of two he usually hung out with were around. I let out a breath of relief, pent up anxiety releasing from my chest.

"What's wrong?" Dahlia asked suspiciously, looking behind her as if she would see what I was seeing. "Why weren't you in the dorms last night? Or in the mess hall this morning?" Vera eyed me with the same question turning over in her thoughts.

"Archer..." I paused, remembering the way he had cornered me against the wall. The way his hand had pushed against my body... "Archer assaulted me last night and I couldn't come back here." Figuring that telling them I slept in the same bed as Eric, our leader, wasn't such a good idea, I opted for leaving as much information out of my story as possible. Dahlia's hand fell over her mouth and Vera just gave my forearm a squeeze of support.

"I'm so sorry, Ashe." Vera murmured, her sadness evident.

"Where did you sleep?" Dahlia was smarter than a lot of people gave her credit for, and she peered at my t-shirt with the knowledge of a private investigator.

"I just crashed wherever I could." I could see she didn't believe me.

"And the shirt?"

"I got it from the store." My answer came too quickly and too sharp, the disbelief and mistrust evident in the way her light green eyes glimmered in the soft glow of the dorm lights.

"How did you manage to fight off Archer? He's got so much muscle and he's–"

"Dahlia," Vera said with the hint of a warning tone to her voice.

"What? I just want to know how she did it." Her posture took one of supreme speculation.

"Just ya know," I paused, trying to think of something to make an excuse out of quickly. "What Eric's been teaching us." Eric. _Eric_. My heart sped up as I said his name, the musk of his sweater was even more evident now that I paid attention to it. It felt like it intoxicated me, and I only wanted more of it. Of him. Oh heaven.

"You mean how to get our asses handed to us? Okay, yeah, sure." Sadness welled in her doe brown eyes. "Look, training's starting now. So we should get going." Vera said in a quiet voice. I nodded, walking quickly to my cot and pulling Eric's sweater over my head along with the small grey dress that had gotten me into so much trouble. Burning it seemed like a great idea in that moment. Vera walked up the stairs meekly, her shoulders hung in defeat. I wondered silently what happened this morning while I wasn't there.

"You stayed with Jake, didn't you!" Dahlia accused, slapping her hands together in happiness and disbelief.

"What? No–"

" _I knew it!_ I knew you two would hit it off." I raised my hands, trying to cut her off, but it was like trying to secure a very loose, very volatile cannon.

"Dahlia–"

"How many bases did you get? Is he a good kisser? Did you sleep in his bed?" Her eyes were alight with a fire I had only seen in a few people, and this time around, it scared the tattoo off of me. The idea of Dahlia asking me these questions if I had told her I stayed with Eric made my stomach burn with desire that frightened and excited me.

"I didn't stay with Jake." She quietly assessed me for a few moments before deciding that I was telling the truth.

"So wait..." She paused, holding her hand out in front of her body as I pulled a black training shirt over my head and a pair of leather and spandex leggings up, over my thighs. "You weren't with Jake? Who were you with then?" I bit my lip and stood in front of her nervously. I couldn't tell her. Not yet, at least.

"Can we drop this? We have to train." Seemingly beginning to relent, she let out a loud puff of breath and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

"You know I'm here for you, no matter what, whatever you need. Whenever." I smiled at her and held onto her hand. We walking into the training room together, and everything felt that much more bearable in that moment. Especially facing Eric after the level of closeness I had seen from him this morning.

"Rise and shine initiates." Four chided lightly, pacing back and forth in front of all of the initiates, his posture achingly rigid. Archer walked in with a big black and blue right over his eye, along with a split lip and a cut on his cheek. It was obvious he was beat up well and I felt a sudden gratitude at what Eric had done for me last night. How he had protected me, secured me from Archer, my worst threat. Failing Dauntless paled in comparison to Archer. At least for me.

"So wonderful for you to join us, Archer." He stood next to me and my body stood on end. Eric, who sat behind Four as he gave his small speech, straightened his back and his knuckles tightened within his fists. I tried to tell him with my eyes to relax, but he ignored me completely. A pang of sadness welled in my chest, but I quickly squashed it. Dahlia held my hand and Zach, who now acted as the bodyguard for all of the girls in our small group, eyed Archer with a menacing gaze. So it seemed that Zach knew what happened already.

"Since Lauren isn't feeling so well, the Dauntless born class will be joining us in training today. Because of that class exception, we've decided to switch topics from attacking and defense, and the small subcategories within that, and instead move to shooting guns." Shea gave a loud whoop and a few chuckles sounded alongside him.

"Something funny, initiate?" Eric spat, his glare meeting Shea and Archer simultaneously, which I had to give him some credit for. I held in a laugh and watched as Archer practically jumped from fear next to me. Before Eric, Four or Archer could say anything though, Max came through the large blown out door to the training room and into the warehouse. Behind him trailed all of the Dauntless born initiates, and behind him I found Jake, a bandana around his head and black glasses hiding the blue eyes that I knew would shine brightly underneath.

Max spoke to Eric before motioning to Four, and that was it. Max took his leave and Eric stood up, his arms flexing. He took a moment cracking his knuckles with harsh pops until he spoke.

"Guns are dangerous, so don't go poking them at others." He shrugged his shoulders, glancing at Four. If that was his big speech about guns as a leader, it was almost comical.

"I think that's a given." Jake said. He had taken off the stupid glasses he had worn to practice, but I could barely look at him with the bandana wrapped around his brown hair like that. The Dauntless born initiate and my friend pushed himself between Archer and I, giving me a wink.

"You'd be surprised." Four said with a chuckle, and that was it. That was the entirety of our prequel to guns.

I had seen guns around the Erudite compounds, on the guards shielding some big monuments or even laboratories that were off limits, but I had never actually wielded a gun.

"You scared?" Jake asked, pulling himself alongside me until he was flush against my body. The closeness was supportive and it made me feel slightly better. I was scared, but would telling him the truth make the truth of it any more bearable? I was scared, but did I want to admit my weaknesses like that? I glanced at him and sighed.

"I guess. I never really liked guns." Jake snorted and took a peek behind him. I followed his gaze and found Archer giving me dirty looks.

"And him?"

"You know about that?" I asked, shocked.

"Of course. Word spreads fast. And what I mean by that is Dahlia grabbed me as soon as she got out of the dorms." Dying on the spot sounded like a good thing to do, right then and there.

"Oh my god. Please tell me no one else knows." I sounded like I was pleading with him, but really I was just pleading with myself. For my own sanity.

"No one else knows. And no one else will know. It's all good." Jake smiled wide and wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we made our way to the path that would ultimately take us up to the roof.

As my eyes travelled over the other initiates, one of the Dauntless born boys making Dahlia laugh and Vera staying silently on her own as usual. My gaze fell on Eric, who seemed trained on Jake and I, with his arm over my shoulder. For some odd reason I felt guilty at the way he glared at Jake, but I ignored it and put it off as him being his usual grumpy self. We made it to the roof after a few levels of stairs and walking.

"Dauntless born," Four yelled over the howling of the wind, the chill of the air beginning to bite at my skin. "You'll go on the opposite side, with me. Eric will be training the transfers today." He smiled kindly at all of us, and I felt like he almost felt bad for letting Eric train us.

Eric turned towards the remaining initiates that hadn't parted to train with Four, and we all stood, awaiting his next abusive training tournament.

"First things first," Eric stopped in front of a long table with pistols and small sharpshooting rifles. "These guns are fully loaded, fully operational and ready to use. Each gun has a safety." He pulled the safety on one of the pistols back, aimed at the target which had to be at least thirty feet away and shot it. He barely moved at the recoil, his muscles bunching under the short black tee that he wore. Obviously an expert and well versed with guns, the bullet hit the target dead center, the small mannequin fallings off the pedestal it was on from the force of the blow.

"If you aren't shooting, this safety is on, understood?" Eric barked, pulling the small lever and placing it back on the table. All of the initiates nodded in unison, me included.

"The recoil is strong. Don't let it break your shot. You're dismissed, begin shooting." I let everyone else pick a gun before I went up, taking a small revolver and walking to a section of the range. A long line of panels were set up, each with glass dividing each of the sides from the shooters. Eric called everyone's name quickly, ordering them to their spots in the small glass sections. I noticed quickly that Eric placed Archer, Shea and Celia on the opposite side of me, and I was on the other end. I aimed the gun at the range but it missed completely, driving hard somewhere along the wall all the way behind the targets. Dahlia made two of her shots already, both close to the center, her section right next to mine.

"Are you sure you were even Amity? It's like you were born Dauntless or something." Dahlia just shot me a broad smile, the large noise canceling headsets protecting her ears from the harsh sounds of the guns. My arms started to shake from the adrenaline that began flowing steadily through my bloodstream.

"Careful where you aim that." Eric's strong voice came from behind me and I let my mouth form a smirk. I pulled the safety on the gun and set it on the counter of the panel, glancing over my back to Eric.

"Afraid I'll shoot something that isn't a target?" Eric's dark eyes fell on the end of the ring, where Archer stood, the Candor boy flinching as the recoil of his sharpshooting rifle rammed into his shoulder.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it happened before, let's just say that." I tried to give him a reassuring look.

"No need to worry, I'll only aim it at inanimate things. But," I leaned against the glass and threw my arm over the small railing that separated both roofs, trying to take a relaxed pose and failing miserably. "All bets are off if he comes my way." Eric moved closer, leaning his forearm against the glass. He was so close, but so off limits to me. That and he was effectively blocking my escape route.

"I'll take care of him if it comes to that." I was about to lean in and touch his cut, the small stitching looking much better than last night. Instead my fingers twitched and Eric looked down, his eyes falling to where my hands craved to roam over his body. I wanted to ask him why he felt the need to protect me, but I knew that would lead to him ignoring me, or just turning cold and heartless like he said he was. The idea that he thought that made a small part of my heart sink.

"Keep shooting." He murmured silently, his eyes roaming carefully over my body before landing on my green eyes. Without another word he walked away and left me practically hanging on the side of the roof.

The beating of shoes were loud, even through my headset. The Dauntless born were running fast down the roof, stomping down the stairs. Watching as Jake saluted to Dahlia and I, I waved back at him, laughing at his silliness. He still wore the stupid bandana on his head.

"I am so jealous that they get to leave earlier than us." I quirked a brow.

"I'd take shooting guns over running laps through the Dauntless compounds."

"That's just 'cause you're missing all your shots." I threw a glare her way but tried to ignore her while I fired two more rounds, both effectively missing my target. I let out an aggravated noise and secured my gun as my head pushed against the glass.

"So, Eric talks to you. Like actually talks; no growling or threatening or anything." My fingers pulled nervously at the hem of my shirt, the stretchy fabric allowing me pretty good flexibility.

"Yeah, so?" Dahlia snorted, her eyes rolling back into her head as if what I had said was the most stupid thing she had heard in weeks. Her hair was tied back today, her red locks safely tucked away.

"Yeah, so? That guy is like a brick wall. Emotionally and physically." She rubbed her side. "Literally." I chuckled and shot a round.

"It doesn't matter. Eric is Eric. He's our trainer and leader." She narrowed her eyes, and for a moment, it seemed like she could see right through me, through my bones and my blood straight into what I secretly wanted but couldn't admit.

"Right." She muttered, taking her stance and shooting round after round until her gun ran out of ammo. She made almost most of her shots and I began to feel envious at how good she was at this.

"Hold the guns," she practically shouted, taking her headset off before looking violently rattled as Sierra, one of the other girls, shot her gun. Shifting her headset back over her ears from the shrill gunshot, she gave me a dazed look. "I'll be back. I'm gonna go get some more bullets." I nodded and aimed at my target. Faintly in the distance I could hear Eric yelling at one of the initiates who was frequently missing the targets. I wondered why he didn't yell at me and glare at me the same way he did his other initiates, but I doubted any of them had seen him in his boxers either. I blushed at the thought and tried to push it to the furthest part of my mind. Maybe Dahlia was right, maybe the way he acted with me wasn't so normal, and I couldn't help but feel happy at that thought.

"You miss me last night?" Chills ran up my spine as I heard that voice, the voice that had whispered sickening things to me the night before. I turned my head, my eyes meeting the lamented ones of Archer's. I sucked in a breath as he took Dahlia's panel next to me, his eyes roaming over my body almost the way Eric's grey, blue orbs had, but Archer's intent was much more sinister. Much more evil. I knew he would drink in my fear so I tried to stay neutral, but it was taking the cooperation of every nerve in my body not to haul off and whack him with the butt of my gun.

"You afraid to sleep in the dorms with me, Ashe?" My nails dug into my palms at the sound of my name coming from his mouth. The pain was barely felt as the fear of Archer's closeness reminded me of the way he had shoved himself against me back in the darkly lit corridor only yesterday.

"Paranoia is a fickle friend, don't you think?" Archer whispered next to me and I balled my fist into my palm. Maybe I couldn't hurt him enough to knock him out, but if I could get one punch in, I would be happy. If my shot was good I could break his nose. "You're not safe anywhere, baby Erudite." I froze.

"Candor." Eric hissed through clenched teeth. I could feel the heat he radiated behind me, still remember the way he had held me tightly in his arms earlier that morning. Instantly I felt comforted by just the memory. I backed up almost instinctively, feeling safer with Eric rather than where I was now. Archer turned his shoulder but gazed at the leader impassively. His eyes chilled me to the bone. Unlike Eric's cold one's, Archer's were dead inside. Eric walked forward, pressing himself between Archer and I.

"Go back to your position and stay there." My protector snarled, staring menacingly at Archer. He leaned in closer to the now trembling initiate. "Or I swear I will kill you with my bare fucking hands." Betting that he could, Archer shuffled his feet back to his spot on the other side of the shooting range, where Eric had originally assigned him. Eric turned to me, and although his cold features didn't change, I could almost see the worry in his grey orbs.

"You okay?" I was inclined to touch him, to show my gratitude in some way, but with all of the other initiates and Four so close, I knew I couldn't. And I knew that Eric wouldn't like it either. Jeez' I sounded like an Amity.

"Yeah." I kicked some of the gravel from the roof, a little puff of dirt and dust swirling around my foot.

"Honestly, initiate." I wasn't Ashe, and I wasn't Erudite. I was somewhere in between to him, and it felt like lightyears away from where I had been close to a week ago. Before that I had been Ashely, but I felt like that girl was slowly dying now, being replaced by this girl that I had been named in Dauntless. Ashe. I was becoming someone born of the ashes of the flames that had engulfed my past, and I was no longer afraid of where I was, despite Archer.

"Fine." I picked my head up defiantly and gazed into his eyes without fear of him. "I'm scared out of my wits but I'd rather not show it." If I didn't know better I would've sworn I saw Eric's lip twitch in amusement.

"You can show it around me. It's not like I bite." Eric gave me a look. "Much."

"You've missed most of your shots." His deep voice commented cooly, squinting against the sunlight to see the small target which had only one shot lodged deep in it's shoulder. I sucked in a breath and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Really?" I said in a mocking tone. "I hadn't noticed." I had been looking for at least a smirk or some sort of laugh, but I got no reaction out of him. Instead he just glanced at me and tilted his head to the shooting panel.

"Stand here." Slowly I responded, moving in front of him and taking the safety off of my gun.

"Point at the target, in the middle." I lifted the small hand gun, and despite it's size it was surprisingly heavy. The weight in my hand felt familiar from the rest of my shots, but it made both uneasiness and adrenaline course through my body wildly. "Straighten your posture." I felt Eric's warm hand caress my back, pushing me forward so that my chest was jutting out and my back was very stiff. One of the initiates shouted something to the other on the roof, another erupted in an adorable fit of giggles, but I ignored it. That or I couldn't hear it over the pounding in my blood and in my ears. Eric's touch made me burn and it felt amazing. His fingertips trailed over my arms to my hands, and because of his stance his chest was pressed flush against my back. I held in my breath, waiting for him to let go of me but it was no use. Eric's body was like a steel case and it would be impossible to get out of, and I wasn't so sure I even wanted to. My skin tingled under his contact.

"Relax." He whispered right into my ear, his lips grazing the soft flesh that seemed all too sensitive now. His palm repositioned the gun, and then dropped to rest on my stomach. I shivered at his touch and I knew he felt it by the smirk that pressed into my shoulder. It felt like a close-mouthed kiss.

"Are you nervous around me, initiate?" I swear his voice got deeper, his tone both sinister and seductive. I didn't give him an answer and he just let out a chuckle, not waiting for my response since he already seemed to understand the answer.

"Take the shot." He commanded, making my body tingle in anticipation. Pulling the trigger, the gun recoiled harshly and the bullet hit right off the center. I laughed and turned around, glancing at Eric with gratitude. I wanted to hug him, thank him for teaching me something I thought would be another hopeless cause for me like my training with Four. For once I felt control over my life in Dauntless, control over my rank and my score. His face was the epitome of emotionlessness, but that didn't stop me from looking into his dark grey eyes with some form of a shaky thanks.

"Continue shooting until you make every shot." With that he turned on his heel and walked over towards the other initiates, critiquing them with harsh words and rough shouts. I released my long held breath and looked at the target. Maybe things would look up after all.


	11. Protection

_**Chapter 10 – Protection**_

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Hey there everyone! Thanks for the favorites, follows and reviews! Thank you StardustSpike, I think it was a pretty awesome chapter as well. We get to see more in depth into Eric's character and how he works. Thank you so much XWarrior for your amazing words! It means so much to me! As a sidenote, I've been reading your story about Aria/Eric and I'm absolutely loving it! Keep writing! As always, please review for feedback, comments or questions. PM with any private matters, I'm nice! Favorite if you like what you've read and follow to keep updated. Enjoy!

P.S – Eric will begin to regress back to old habits, habits that Ashe seemed to working through. Don't get discouraged, the juicy bits will be coming a few chapters from now!

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

"Continue shooting until you make every shot." With that he turned on his heel and walked over towards the other initiates, critiquing them with harsh words and rough shouts. I released my long held breath and looked at the target. Maybe things would look up after all.

* * *

My arms ached from the heaviness of the gun, even though I hadn't shot a gun since three days before. I sat in the mess hall, my fingers controlling the spoon playing with the rice on my plate. I hadn't seen Eric for the rest of the few days after the shooting range and for some reason that fact sent me on edge. I hated it, that I wanted to see him. I couldn't admit to anyone else but my thoughts that Eric was like an addictive drug that I seemed hooked on. The more I prodded the more he would respond, and if I was lucky, I would get a reaction–good or bad. I had never been one to prod, always too shy and too small to say words aloud. To threaten or to ask questions. Now, with this new air of confidence, the support of my friends and the adrenaline that seemed to constantly beat through every single body, it seemed I couldn't let Eric seem to drown in the coldness of his own stare. At least that's what it felt like to me. I hung my head, patting the rice and pushing a spoonful of the white grains into my mouth.

"You okay?" Dahlia asked, sympathy lacing her sweet tone. I knew that all of them were worried about me, especially because of Archer, but the more I denied thinking about him, the better I felt. Tonight I would have to sleep in the dorms again and I would have to face Archer. I don't know what scared me more; the fact that I couldn't trust sleeping or that I felt cornered at every moment, afraid that somewhere he'd turn a corner and Eric wouldn't be there to help me again, if he even decided to after the other day. It seemed like I had used up whatever warmth he had in his system, and he was back to being the Eric I had met the first day here. The one that had challenged me with his eyes, his voice, his entire body. Now I felt like I was on a withdrawal from that feeling. Eric was one volatile substance.

"Yeah," I murmured, glancing at her with eyes I hoped conveyed confidence or at least some semblance of happiness. I didn't want to start looking like Vera. That was what giving up looked like, and I wasn't ready to give up. Not yet. Jake smiled at me. So far Archer hadn't pulled anything, and for that I was lucky.

"You know, if you ever need someone to share cake with–"

"I will slap you with this piece of buttered bread." Dahlia threatened, her fingers curled warningly around the small butter roll. Jake stuck his tongue out at her and she threw the roll at him. I figured he would dodge, or at least try and slam it back at her, but no. That's not like him. Instead Jake effectively caught it, biting into it and smiling at her. After pissing her off enough, Jake poked my side with his elbow.

"But really, I'm here for you." I smiled, picking my butter roll and trying to throw it at Jake too. Jake recoiled from my hand but ended up biting the bread and ripping it from my palm like a feral animal. Once he had swallowed both pieces, he whooped triumphantly and raised his arms above his shoulders.

"I am the Official Butter Roll Champion!" He called out loudly within the mess hall.

"More like the Official Dauntless Idiot Champion." Dahlia muttered, her gaze dangerously close to murderous. I could see the two of them being a couple, their daring natures two to be competed with. That and Jake often succeeded in annoying the living hell out of her any chance he got.

"You're just unhappy because your people made these rolls." He paused. "Probably." The red haired girl puffed out a breath and gave him a death stare.

"My people could pin your ass to the bench you're sitting on with a pitchfork, my friend." Jake widened his eyes for a dramatic effect, suspiciously eyeing the crowds of Dauntless members.

"You're telling me a bunch of Amity pitchfork wielders managed to break into Dauntless just to spear my ass to this seat?" I couldn't hold in my laughter as I leaned across the table, trying to keep the food that was in my mouth exactly that– _in my mouth._

"You guys gotta give up, you're too much." Vera admonished with a small voice. Jake peeked at her from around my shoulders.

"Watch out or the vicious Amity defectors will come and spork you. That or Dahlia here is gonna throw her peas at you."

"It's not a spork dumb ass," she commented, putting some of the said peas in her mouth. Jake managed to put his fork on top of his spoon and tried to poke Dahlia with it. "Hey!" She squealed loudly, dodging his spork attacks.

"Revenge of the Spork! Amity Edition, baby!" I leaned away from Jake as he pushed himself over the table to reach at Dahlia better, the spork falling from his fingers as he tried in vain to move close enough to tickle her sides.

"Oh my god, Ashe! Ashe help! He's nuts!" I held my stomach as I practically fell backwards off the seat from laughter that I couldn't hold back, watching the pair play around. Vera just shook her head and returned to eating, her eyes meeting Zach and his hazel eyes. I had the acute sense that Zach and Vera were somehow very close, or at least would start a relationship. The way that she looked at him and the way he looked at her made me think that nothing like that could be innocent, and I silently wondered if I looked at anyone like that. Eric was the first person to pop into my brain unwelcome, and I tried to push my thoughts of him down where I wouldn't have to worry about them.

I glanced around the mess hall but Eric was still nowhere to be found.

"Hey Ashe," Dahlia said, finally getting rid of Jake's attacks. "You want to head back to the dorms and get some rest? Early?" I sucked in a breath. I knew what she was doing, knew that the once Amity, redheaded girl only wanted to watch out for me, but the Erudite part of me wanted to tell her that I didn't need it. That I didn't need anyone.

"Yeah. Sure."

"Okay, cool."

Jake looked up and pouted at me, his brown hair and blue eyes meeting my own.

"Really? You guys have to leave early?" I let out a small laugh, suddenly feeling overwhelmed, but patted his back and moved around the table.

"Goodnight guys, goodnight Jake, Vera and Zach."

Dahlia stood up straight and saluted everyone at the table. "Good luck my friends, and may the dinner rolls be with you all." With that we left, trying to walk around the crowded mess hall, the masses of people clothed in black numerous. Dahlia peeked at me from the corner of her eyes as we made it to one of the many hallways adjoining the mess hall, which ultimately led to the pit and split off into the dorms.

"Look," she held her hands in front of her, stretching them, before letting them collapse back into her lap. "You don't have to tell me what happened, and I don't need to know. But, if something's going on and you feel you need someone to tell. I'm here and I won't tell anyone else." I snorted.

"Right, and that's why Jake found out what happened so fast." I said almost venomously.

"Ashe...He needed to know. I asked him to watch over you when Vera and I–" She cut off as if realizing Vera wasn't a great asset, like she couldn't do anything which made a pang of guilt rush through my chest. At this rate Vera had a great chance of not making it through, as time seemed to be passing more quickly. With training, and food, and just general interaction, ten months would pass faster than we could have ever thought.

"Jake and I are here for you. And it seemed like you have Eric on your side too." She said, albeit a little bit more curiously. She had questions, and I knew she wanted answers.

"For another night." She waved her hand as I began to speak. I had no intention of telling her what had happened that night between Eric and I, because honestly it would probably confuse her as much as it confounded me. We walked silently into the dorms, and there I found Archer, sitting on his bunk, staring at me. Dahlia's back straightened, and her eyes hardened fractionally. In that moment I was elated to have such friends that would be so defensive and protective over me. My eyes welled and I turned around, not wanted Dahlia or Archer to see. It had been a long time before I had people that truly cared about me, and my wellbeing, and having Dahlia and Jake in my life made me appreciate that so much more. Archer stood, shot me a final glance before he walked off to the showers with a towel.

"Go to sleep." Dahlia said, her voice barely a murmur. "I'll keep watch." I was about to argue with her, but she placed her hand over mine and nodded once, a small smile creeping up on her features.

"It's okay." I let out a sigh and laid down on the bed, curling against the stiff pillow and the even more solid bed. I found myself missing Eric's bed, the soft pillows, the comfortable mattress. I found myself missing the warmth of Eric's body as he had pulled me closer to him, bringing me into his chest. The thoughts frightened me more than anything, but I shoved them out of my brain as I heard the water in the showers turn on, shutting my eyes closed with deliberate forcefulness.

I glanced at Dahlia once or twice to make sure she was still awake, out of fear or curiosity, I couldn't tell. I did that before I was too tired to even look up, my eyes dragging me down into the peacefulness and lull of deep sleep.

My body jolted awake as weight pressed down on me, my mouth suddenly covered. Green eyes, eyes I knew which were frightened, opened fearfully and found that my worst fear was right. Archer held his hand over my mouth, his eyes bright despite the complete darkness of the room. I yanked my head away, trying to shimmy further up the bed, my terrified eyes seeking out Dahlia, Vera, anyone. Archer was so close I felt the rumble of amusement he let out of his chest as he held me down, his leg pushing apart my own, looming over my body like an evil presence.

I choked back a scream, tears welling in my throat. No one was awake, no one could hear me. Archer had won and I had been stupid. I had been a stupid, defenseless Erudite. I wasn't smart and I wasn't brave, and it was going to get me raped. I wriggled in his grasp, my mouth shut off from tears and fear, my eyes rapidly taking in my surroundings. The smell of cigarettes as he leaned close, the hard press of his hand against my mouth, soft hands. He leaned forward and I tried to pull away in vain.

"You may have gotten away the first time, Ashe," he whispered pressing his hips against my leg. "But I have the advantage now." I let out a noiseless yelp, kicking my legs, aimed so perfectly right between his legs. I shoved him off me as he fell to the ground, his hand over his groin, his mouth held open in a large O. I heard a small moan and a shuffle, knowing that someone was waking up and that I couldn't stay there. I had to get away. I tore out of bed like a bat out of hell and ran up the steps, my sweatpants so long that they pooled at my ankles and my tank top exposing me to the new, cold air. I ran, and I didn't know where I was running. I ran through the corridors, through the empty mess hall, all the way to the pit until finally I came to the chasm. I froze, looking over the edge.

Water tumbled below, the harsh beating of liquid against rock ricocheting up the jagged walls and to my ears. I fell to the railing, my legs buckling beneath my weight. I was terrified and I let hot, wet tears drip down my face like the river down below me. I cried for everything. My parents, my faction, my personality, my stupidity. I cried for the people that cared for me because they didn't even know me that well, didn't even know my real name. I cried for that innocent girl that had died in Erudite along with her life. I cried for things that I shouldn't even cry for–Eric. I cupped my face in my hands and rocked myself back and forth, my body shaking violently. Overwhelming fear and sadness welled in my chest and I crawled, and the water below me seemed more appealing than ever.

The quick rush of water, the soothing sound of the crashing, the beating like a drum or a heart. They probably wouldn't find me if I jumped, and those who cared would move on. It would end up alright. I would be safe, wouldn't I? I imagined seeing my parents on the other side of the water, my eyes becoming blurry again with tears welled up from time.

I loved Dauntless, I loved the idea of bravery but if I couldn't even stand up to someone like Archer, how could I ever be Dauntless? The slow thought trickled through my brain–I wasn't even Erudite. I was Divergent. I was a mix, I was that person that shouldn't even be alive. I was a danger, and yet I wasn't. I couldn't even protect myself and the pathetic thought repeated through my brain like a broken prayer. A long forgotten line from some old poem.

"Ashe?" I turned around quickly, my eyes searching for features as fuzzy outlines came into view. Striking blue grey eyes, blonde hair that was no longer glued in place permanently, or so it seemed. He usually resembled something of an intense sculpture, but now he seemed extraordinarily human. Especially for the dorky smile that outlined Eric's face and left adorable dimples in his cheeks. That was a sight I never expected to see on Eric.

" _Asheee._ " He slurred, stumbling forward, and it was then that my eyes cleared and secured around the bottle of wine he clung to in his other hand. So we had an attempted rapist, a starving, outspoken Erudite girl who would probably end up factionless, and a drunk leader. I sighed and dropped my head backwards, watching as his footing took him one step closer to the edge of the chasm; the chasm that was not closed off.

"Eric." I warned, my voice cracking pathetically. His eyes darkened and his smile turned into a smirk.

"I," he let out a small, childlike hiccup. "I like it when you say my name." I rolled my eyes at him.

"You're drunk." I whispered, and I wondered if he could hear me over the sound of the tumultuous water.

"No really." He took a step forward, then another, and plopped down with a loud thump next to me. The emotions behind the grey in his eyes were hauntingly sweet, like that of a broken glass. Something beautifully broken. He had definitely been drinking, the smell of whiskey and some other concoction of drinks making its way to my nose. "Sometimes you say it in this way," his hand tried to show me, but only ended up making swirls in the air. He chuckled at nothing and glanced at me with vulnerable eyes. "Almost like I actually mean something." My observation fell to the grating on the floor, my fingers playing with the little holes in between each break.

"Eric." My voice was surprisingly soft for the amount of crying I had done, cracking and rasp aside.

"See." He pointed, blue eyes darting over my body before reaching my green eyes again. Then he looked at the chasm, perplexed. Slowly he seemed to be processing the series of events, asking himself the most obvious questions of all. The question I would ask myself if I was in his shoes. Why was an initiate up this late, sitting in front of the chasm bridge with obvious red, puffy eyes I could feel. A headache pounded behind my thoughts but I pushed it aside. I was too exhausted to process everything.

The most obvious question was what I dared not answer and what his eyes picked up on. With a sudden urgency he turned towards me, hands outstretched.

"No." One word, and it held probably all the command he could muster in his state. _No_. No he disapproved or no he didn't want me to, either way his drunkenness kept him from answering me, I knew, in any advanced way.

"I wouldn't." I said, eyes carefully scanning the jagged rocks.

"You can't."

"I can, but I won't." His fingers made their way to my arm, his grip on me strong despite his state.

"No, I won't let you." I shook my head at the decisiveness in his voice.

"Why? Why do you want to protect me?" Maybe I could get a truthful answer out of him now, now that he was in a better state to tell me, rather than his cranky and hard one I was more used to working through. I knew he wouldn't like it if he remembered, but he probably wouldn't so I stuffed it away along with everything else I blamed myself for and watched him curiously.

"Because..." He searched for words, his thumb tracing little patterns on the bottom of my arm, rubbing me and soothing me in ways I didn't expect. Ways I was learning that he could. "Because you mean something too."

"You're an awful liar."

"I'm not lying." He said, almost indignantly.

"Ah huh."

Eric let out an exasperated sigh, taking a swig from the bottle in his hand. "Always so freaking stubborn." I quirked an eyebrow at him, the want for me to tell him how infuriatingly stubborn he could be popping into my brain. But I didn't want to go there.

"We should get you back to your apartment." He stretched, standing slowly before gripping the rail with tightly. His body swayed.

"I know my way." He muttered, before taking a few steps in the wrong direction.

"Your apartment is the other way." I could feel the glare, but I didn't particularly look for it as I turned around and walked in the direction of his apartment. I knew he was following, the loud thud of sporadic and clumsy boots trailing behind me. I walked until I stopped in front of the black door, the middle door in the hallway, I remembered. Eric put his hand on the door, and then turned to me with a small smile.

"Hi." Eric leaned forward, his lips coming dangerously close to my own. He paused, patting his sides with one hand, looking for the key. I looked down and saw the little card that he had used before in his pocket, and with some form of confidence that I didn't even question, I slipped my fingers into the tan pocket of his pants, taking the card in my hand. His smile shifted into a very deviant smirk, a dark, carnal look to his eyes. I spun on the soles of my shoes quickly, swiping the card and opening the door. Eric followed behind me, like he was a child and I was his mother. Although I hated the analogy, especially since whatever I was feeling definitely didn't relate to motherly emotions, it seemed childish was the best way to describe his state.

Immediately he kicked off his boots and stumbled towards the bedroom, leaving the bottle of wine on the small kitchen counter along the way. I shut the door, looking at my socks. I hadn't even worn boots, and suddenly I felt a chill run down my spine. I could practically feel Archer's hand still covering my mouth, and the thought of him over me sickened me to my core.

A curse came from the bedroom and I took one hesitant step forward after the next, until I opened the door. Eric sat on the large plush bed, struggling to pull down the zipper on his pants. I looked away, my eyes focusing on anything other than him. I never imagined in all of my time here, no matter how short it was, that I would ever be in Eric's bedroom, witnessing him stripping his clothes off. Now that the visual of him like this was in my brain I doubted it would leave anytime soon. I peeked out carefully and found him next to me standing, his grey orbs glinting with humor.

"Hmm," he took both of my hips in his large hands. I shuddered at his touch, my body wanting desperately to move towards him.

"Stay." He practically moaned, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck. I felt his lips, so seductively soft, kiss a sensitive part of my bare shoulder. Goosebumps riddled my skin at his touch. I felt as if I was under a spell, obeying each and every one of his commands.

"Eric." I could barely find my voice, I could barely contain my thoughts. All I wanted was to run my hands over his bare shoulders, feel the muscles moving under my fingertips, and that want scared me beyond reason. I pressed my hands flat against his abdomen, and he placed his palms on top of them, securing them on him.

"You're drunk and you don't know what you're asking." He groaned and moved backwards, bringing me with him. Fighting against Eric was like fighting against steel, his body keeping me locked against him.

"You told me that this wouldn't happen again." I said. Eric pulled away, his eyes dark and hooded in the unlit room. He was asking me a question, even if it wasn't verbal. _Do you want to stay?_

I sighed, admitting defeat. It wasn't like sleeping in his bed was terrible, and earlier I had wanted to feel him again. Now I could. Slipping on the bed with cautious movements, I laid down and watched as Eric slumped forward face first, adjusting once he landed so he could lay on his side. Facing me. I watched his eyes close slowly, as his breathing began to become more clear and regular. Reaching closer, I let my fingertips trail over his bicep, tracing the lines of muscle. One eye opened and peered at me curiously. Eric's arm moved, wrapping around my middle and bringing me in close to his body. I curled into his chest, wrapping my hand around his neck. It was unorthodox, and it shouldn't have been happening. Eric was a leader, he was my trainer, he was everything that should've been off limits to me. I should've let him be off limits to me, but instead I found myself growing closer to him despite the obvious walls he placed so thickly and carefully around his heart. My hand trailed through the short hairs on the back of his head as I felt myself gradually fall back asleep. I was no more safer than before. I knew that when I woke up in the morning Archer would still be a threat, but in Eric's arms, I knew that no one would think of hurting me. I probably should have been afraid of Eric, afraid of the way he touched me in ways that seemed almost needy, at least now. Afraid that it would end up like Archer, like assault. But I knew that wasn't it. From some form of intuition I knew that Eric was simply protecting me, for whatever reasons he had.

I fell comfortably asleep in the strength, security and warmth of Eric's arms.


	12. Bittersweet Sanctuary

_**Chapter 11 – Bittersweet Sanctuary**_

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Hey guys! I hope you enjoy reading this! Next chapter will be up soon, depending on how my week goes. I love all of your feedback, whether it's in the form of reviews, favorites or follows! It all means the world! If you enjoy, please, please, please tell me why! Make theories! I love to read them and respond (without giving away a whole bunch)! If you have a private inquiry just PM me! I'll get back ASAP! If you enjoy what you read favorite and follow for more!

 _ **My Thanks:**_ Thank you MyHusbandsAPrick, I'm so glad you loved this chapter so much! (I think it's probably one of the most revealing chapters we've seen of Eric yet and that's sooo exciting for me and it seems you too!) I'm really happy you decided to reread the story! It means a lot to me that you enjoy it that much! I kind've wanted to pinch his cheeks too honestly. We won't see the end of Archer for a while probably. He's a big antagonist for Ashe, representing the things grounding her to the now but also reminding her of her past, which is huge. But we'll definitely see Eric's response a lot more. Like I said in the last chapter Eric's gonna regress to old ways for a bit (response wise too), but not for long. The suspense won't hold for long! You'll have a lot of answers *and more questions* (from Eric or other places ;)) soon enough! Thank you so much! Thank you StardustSpike, you'll find out soon! And Archer...Well Archer shall be dealt with in different ways :) Thank you canadice for your sweet word! I'm glad you love it :)

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

By some form of intuition I knew that Eric was simply protecting me, for whatever reasons he had. I fell comfortably asleep in the strength, security and warmth of Eric's arms.

* * *

Movement on the bed made me pick my head up, my eyes darting drowsily around the bed, immediately landing on the body laying beside me. Eric was watching me with his blue eyes, the dark depths unusually fiery. I haven't seen many emotions in Eric besides fury, impassiveness or just reined control. I'm reminded of the scars on Eric's back, like fine wisps of a long forgotten dream. He couldn't have been tortured, the fine white lines seemed too old. Too faded for that. No, he must've been hurt. Silently I wondered if the reason he was so cold was because he had to be, to save himself.

Gazing into Eric's eyes was like gazing into ice most of the time, the pools only reflecting your own image back at you. Normally he was only processing, not reacting. Now, his eyes definitely showed the spark of life that set people apart. That set Eric apart from everyone else in Dauntless, and all of the people in the other factions. I yawned, stretching lazily on the bed and covering my mouth. I noticed Eric's scrutiny of me never paused–the way he watched me was as if I was an interesting attraction. As if I was something new he'd never seen in his life before.

"How long have you been watching me?"

"A while." He admitted, fingers brushing over my arm gently. The touch surprised me because of its softness, the act almost unlike Eric. He was changing all of my perspectives, and I had only spent small amounts of time with him. I examined his figure.

"You're dressed." Letting out a small chuckle, Eric crossed his ankles over each other and put his arms behind his head.

"It's seven in the morning." I puffed, trying to push the hair that has accumulated overnight away from my face.

"That's still too early to be awake." I grumbled, my tone somewhat sulky. Despite the time, I gathered myself closer to Eric's side, his warmth inviting me against him. "You're like a machine. Don't you have a hangover?"

I could feel Eric's smirk, I didn't even have to see it to know it was there.

"I have my ways." I glanced up, carefully inspecting Eric's face as his eyes closed and a scowl set in over his features.

"What's wrong?" I inquired, my voice so much more smaller than normal.

"We have to meet with Max to talk about your sleeping arrangements. You can't stay in your dorms..." There was a long pause before Eric opened his eyes and regarded me carefully.

"And you can't stay here either." Sighing, I rested my chin on the pillow next to Eric and tried to pretend that his words didn't sadden me. I enjoyed being with him, even though I shouldn't have. Why shouldn't I? The answer was something that involved a large gap between initiates and trainers, especially trainers who were two years older than me and a leader of Dauntless. If anything I wasn't even supposed to feel comfortable with him, an ease when I joked and that small smirk or the mirth in his eyes that gave way through the coldness he often exposed to everyone else. That small gesture made me want more.

"Come on, wake up." Eric sat up, eyes raking over my body before he stood and made his way towards the doorway to the living room and kitchen. "Food's ready."

"I _am_ up."

Eric raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled at him but he said nothing, so instead I opted for the safest route to eating.

"I'll be there in a minute."

Knowing that Eric could cook was another small thing I didn't know about him. Sure it was small, but it was definitely something I bet no one else thought he knew how to do. If I told Four that Eric knew how to cook pancakes, I'm sure Four would tell me to get my lying butt out of the pit. Cooking didn't really seem to be his forte, or at least he made it seem like that. In reality, he was a really good cook, and it was better than the food from the mess hall so I was happy. Except that neither of us spoke as we ate the eggs our plates, the silence almost deafening. Eric's eyes found mine over the table and his hand rubbed the space behind his neck.

"I saw the video from the dorms." He blurted out.

"What?"

"I saw what Archer did to you." The bluntness in Eric's voice made me cautious–as if there was something he was leaving out. As if this was all he could tell me. I felt ashamed at what had happened, at how slowly I reacted. I felt ashamed that I had trusted my instincts and tried to be brave. I felt ashamed that I chose Dauntless, because I obviously didn't fit in. I dropped my fork to the table and fiddled with my hands in my lap.

"Will he be punished for it?" I asked.

"No." The finality in his answer made me flinch.

I looked up at him, waiting for further explanation, but he just gazed back at me impassively, as if that was the way it is.

"So he just gets off? He assaulted me, Eric." Eric waved his hand as if it was unimportant. I didn't expect anything more, or maybe I did, because it still felt like a blow.

"This is Dauntless, this isn't some Stiff compound or some Erudite safe environment. People like Archer come and go, or they don't." Shrugging, he stood and brought his plate over to the sink and pushed it through the waterspout.

"So no one cares." I said, and I hated the pathetic undertones I could hear in my voice. Eric's face turned to me, but his eyes didn't meet mine. They just stared off somewhere into the distance.

"Not anyone that matters." Shaky legs allowed me to stand, out of fear and anger. Out of something that made Eric's blank stare reach a part of me that I knew. It reminded me of the broken years of my childhood when I had no one. When there was no one.

"Not even you?" I questioned. At this he turned around. Lips pressed tightly together and back straight, he was everything that resembled a brick wall. Distinct power poured out of him and I began to felt unsteady. Maybe he was right, this wasn't what I thought it was. It wasn't a place I could run to for safety, and Eric wasn't someone other than this cold person.

"You confuse me for a stiff." He stated matter-of-factly. "I'm your trainer, not your mother."

"Sorry, I just actually thought you had emotions. I forgot your motto: heartlessness." He didn't react but his arms crossed over each other, his signature pose, his hands grasping his biceps. The muscle in his jaw ticked and I could see the annoyance that mirrored his eyes.

"You did." He said with a tight lipped smile. It was fake, as fake as the smile I had seen on Jeanine's face when she walked through the compound in Erudite, and every bit of his was harsh and cruel. Did he push everyone away like this? I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair, somehow trying to pick up the pieces of everything falling around me so chaotically. I restrained myself from showing emotions, instead mimicking his pose and setting my head to look away.

"Are we going to meet Max?" Without another word, even that of confirmation, Eric picked up a jacket and put it on. He wore a black cotton shirt which was open at the collar and a pair of loose black ribbed jeans. Of course the jacket was leather, I doubted the Dauntless faction wore any other type of jacket. Even when I had gone shopping with Dahlia, not a one was different from the next. I followed him quietly, my steps almost pathetic to the way he marched with confidence and pride. He led me through the hallways until we ended up by my dorms. I staggered for a moment, glancing up his body before landing on his grey eyes. They were inscrutable, the dark rings that surrounded the blue depths–flecked in grey–shone in an almost deceptive manner. They were nothing but bright, instead hooded with emotions I couldn't even discern.

"Why are we here?"

"You can't see Max dressed like that." I raked my gaze down my tank top and over sweat pants. I rolled my eyes at him. His perfectionism at this point seemed pathetic. Maybe he had everything sorted in his life but that didn't mean I had to.

"It's better than my grey dress." I countered, leaning against the doorway.

Eric moved his head back and forth, as if considering my statement. "I liked the dress." The small, surprising compliment almost made me smile. Almost. Instead I shuffled quietly into the dorm room, peeking around to find Archer but he wasn't in his bed and he wasn't even in the room. I breathed out a sigh of relief and tiptoed quietly, turning the corner from the stairs and rummaging through the black wooden night stand by my bed. I grabbed a plain black shirt and leggings, practically tearing through my clothes to put them on. I shoved the old clothes in my drawer and bolted up the stairs until I stood in front of the Dauntless leader.

"Better." He commented, turning on his heel and taking off down the hallway.

"Do you think you could slow down? Your legs are longer than mine." Eric only chuckled, looking back at me from over his shoulder.

"Keep up." I had never felt smaller. Not only did I just meet Eric's chin, but I didn't feel as self-assured as I had been before. Anger at Archer boiled in the pit of my stomach and made my chest burn with fury. I hadn't liked him from the start, but attacking me? Everything he had done was uncalled for. I was still thankful for Eric's help, but I knew now he wanted no part in it. Trailing behind Eric as he led me to Max's office, I watched the muscles in his back tense as we neared his office. I automatically felt on edge from Eric's stance, the scenery changing from cold and black hallways, the metal and stone of the walls glinting off the light in hard angles. Now the floor which had been stone only a corner ago turned to dark oak panels and the walls seemed somehow less dark. Offices with desks and modern looking glass windows allowed me to peer inside and see men and women working on tablets, typing away at holograms and checking files.

My self-esteem slid to the wood floors, becoming one with the carpet that Eric stopped at. Fitting in here was beginning to seem even less likely, and that was if I survived.

"Don't be scared." Eric murmured quietly. He couldn't stop me from being scared even if he wanted to. I was way out of my league when it came to being people pleasing, apparently better routed for witty comebacks and inquisitiveness. At least around Eric. If anything I could always blame it on Dahlia and Jake. Their personalities could change anyone else's. I brushed against Eric, coming to stand next to him. I probably wasn't ready for whatever happened next, but I definitely wasn't ready to fight back against Archer. Eric and I both knew that.

Eric's balled fist raised up and he rapped against the door, four distinct hard knocks in a row.

A dark shape appeared from the opaque door, the same dark wood as the floor lining the glass. The door handle turned and with it appeared a finely dressed Max, a smile curling on his features. It was meant to be nice, and to anyone else it probably was, but I grew up around smiling people. I felt uneasy and I couldn't pinpoint why.

"Why hello there. Eric," Max nodded his acknowledgement of the leader and then his scrutiny fell to me, eyes meeting my own green ones. They were chocolate brown, almost like Four's, but even richer. Four's eyes reminded me more of dripping chocolate, warm. Max's eyes glimmered as hard as the floors I found coming here. I switched the weight on my feet and outstretched my hand.

"Hi." I barely recognized my voice, quiet and small. Around the two leaders I felt even less important in the scheme of things, my own little world of the Dauntless mess halls, dorms and training area shattered by this entirely different environment.

"Hello." Max's voice was calm and steady. I wondered if he was Dauntless born as he shook my hand because he felt more like a sweet talker; a liar.

"You must be Ashely Carr. Is my presumption correct?" I nodded while I noticed Eric's head turn towards me. I doubted that the extension towards my name caught him off guard. I bet Four wasn't Four's real name, and everyone had nicknames here right? He eyed me with silent disbelief.

"Maximilian Denvers, leader of Dauntless."

"One of." Eric added with a tight smile. Max shot Eric a look that Eric simply reflected, standing as still as a statue.

"Just call me Max." I eyed both Eric and Max, tall and confident leaders who obviously had issues. The testosterone in both of their presence, just in the way they stood was almost overbearing. They were both alpha males in the same environment, and as I learned from Erudite schooling, environments with two competing males often led to fights. Brutal ones. I found myself automatically betting that Eric would win any fight against this leader. I would've questioned why I took his side so instinctively but Max broke my small train of thought.

"Would the two of you like to come in?" Eric stepped forward, not even thinking twice about Max's offer. I, on the other hand, hesitantly advanced. I entered the doorway and I could've sworn I was transported into a whole other world. Brown couch with plush seats surrounding it, a black rug surrounded by a side bar that had different glasses adorning the table. The designs were extraordinarily complex, small swirls cut into glass deep, looking practically jagged yet ironically beautiful. The glass reminded me of Eric.

There were a few sets of doors and Max came up behind me, ushering me to one of the doors opposite the room that I had entered.

"You'll have to sit out of this conversation, but is there anything I can get you?"

"Wait why?" I asked, whipping around quickly as my eyes landed on Eric. Impassive was the only word I could've used to describe him, and at that moment, I completely gave up on trying to fight to learn more.

"Just a leader thing, is all." Then why would Eric bring me here in the first place? Max opened the door and led me through it, shutting it quickly with a brief smile. The opaque door allowed me to see his figure disappear as the distance grew further and further apart. Exhaling harshly, I turned around and sat in the small waiting area. The decoration was the same. Dark brown accents with modern art, the decorative effects completely different from what I was accustomed to. Even though the walls and wood had changed, it was no less chilling.

Muttering came from the other side of the door, and as I leaned forward I realized I could distinctly hear what Eric and Max were saying. I leaned forward and pressed myself to the wood, so that Max nor Eric could see I was eavesdropping on the conversation through the glass. If Eric didn't kill me for snooping–again, I didn't doubt Max would. Dauntless wasn't a Stiff compound, after all.

I had missed most of the conversation, but I figured that I came into it at the most interesting part.

Max's voice bellowed from wherever he was in the room. _"My question Eric, is why you even care about this girl. She's an initiate, a smart ass. Is this some Erudite bias–"_

 _"I don't."_ Eric's reply came out rather defensively, and harshly at that. I was surprised to hear one leader speaking to another like this. It only furthered my theory of the whole alpha issue.

 _"It's not like you helped other initiates who were being abused."_ Max countered, his side of the argument making much more sense, even if it didn't side in my favor.

 _"Well most of the time I was the one giving them the abuse."_

 _"My point."_ I could hear Eric's exasperated sigh, even through the door.

 _"So am I just supposed to let her get raped by this kid?"_

 _"No. I can't give her an apartment and you know it. She's not a member. We won't waste the time or energy if she doesn't make it. And she doesn't even look promising. If she doesn't want to get raped, then she should fight better."_ Like someone would _want_ to be raped. I rolled my eyes at Eric's foolish response. There was a long pause.

 _"So then what do we do with her? We can't let her go back to the dorms."_

 _"Why not?"_ Max asked as if he was missing a fundamental reason.

 _"She'll get raped, Max, or have I been wasting my breath here?"_ Eric snarled, his voice reminding me of tangible, painful things.

 _"Hey–since it seems you care so much, why don't you just let her stay in your apartment?"_

 _"She can't stay there."_

 _"Then you have no choice but to not get involved. Now if you'll excuse me."_ Eric growled something and the door opened quickly, surprising me so much that I stumbled against the wall and grasped a small bookshelf next to me. Eric appeared at the entrance, his face contorted in fury.

"Let's go." It wasn't a question, rather more of a command, and I quickly complied. I rushed forward, jerking my body towards the first door as if being pulled by a very strong rope. I passed by Max and shot him a sympathetic glance. He was probably just doing his job and Eric was being difficult, but I felt warm at the defense I had heard echoed in Eric's voice. Defense over me.

Eric hustled me away from the compound until the both of us were by the chasm again, like last night, except now his hand raked through the hair on his head impatiently.

"Fuck!" He growled, pacing the length of the small bridge before grabbing the rail with a white knuckled force and pushing his body off of the railing angrily, his boots pounding against the metal. If there was anything nearby to punch, I could swear that it wouldn't have made it out of the fight with a pulse. Eric was clearly infuriated, and it made me even more confused that he was letting me see it. He was letting me watch him fall apart in brittle pieces as he obviously had an internal struggle of what to do with me. He was always off limits to everyone else, and yet I found solace as I saw this other side; no matter how scary it was to watch.

I swayed from side to side, hands wrapped around each other as Eric threw his fit over the chasm, the heavy fall of water hiding the thickly muttered curses.

"I want you to know that you don't have to help me–"

"Like I have a choice?" He bit out, turning towards me fast. "It's either that or whatever else!" Eric waved his hand like a madman, his hair curled and hanging over his eyebrow. His piercing glinted in the light, his harsh movements cracking against the air like a whip. I moved forward slowly, approaching him as if he was possessed, until I stood next to him. My fingers tentatively brushed against his eyebrow, sweeping the messed piece of blonde hair back into some sort of placement on his head.

He gripped my hand and shoved me against the wall hard, his other palm flat against the hard metal. I winced as the wall pushed against my back, Eric's chest strong and unyielding against my front. His breath washed over me, fresh and minty. He was so close to me that one small movement and his lips would be touching mine. Slowly the thought trickled into my brain and I found myself wanting his lips on mine, kissing me. Would it be rough? Sweet? I didn't think Eric knew the word sweet. Anticipation racked my body as his lips came closer to my own.

"Why?" He murmured slowly, as if saying that simple little word pained him deep in his heart. Eric rumbled and groaned, releasing my arm and leaning his forehead against the wall above me.

"You don't have to." It was all I could say. He didn't need to, I was a pain in his ass. I was everything he didn't need and everything he could do without, but as he looked into my eyes I realized maybe that wasn't exactly the truth.

"I do." He took in a labored breath and pushed off the wall, standing in front of me as if I was the one with the power now.

"Why?" The question of the day it seemed, or at least the question of my entire life. Eric made no sense, an intricate puzzle that shifted every time I pressed too close. His heart was a maze and it seemed he was fine with that.

"Because I can't..." He pulled his lip between his teeth–hard–and sighed. "Because I'm going to protect you. I will never, ever..." He moved forward, his gracefulness back in place, his body like a sensual tower against me. "Let anyone hurt you. Never again."

"'Cause that's an answer, Mister Unspecific." He chuckled.

"Out of all the things I've been called, I never think I've be called that."

"Then you've missed out on life." Eric's eyes softened until the blue seemed predominant and his pupils were so dilated that the black seemed to eclipse over the color.

"It seems I have."


	13. When All Else Fails

_**Chapter 12 – When All Else Fails**_

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Hey guys! Here's the next chapter for Fire and Ashe! If you noticed, there's been a little pattern to how I upload ^-^

This means–hopefully–without dilemma–I will be able to post every 3 or so days, depending on if my writers block cooperates or not. If you enjoy this chapter please please please favorite it, follow for more, and do my favorite thing–review! I love to hear your voices, your feedback, your responses. I love to read theories and answer questions. If that's too public, y'all can just PM me with questions or queries!

 _ **My Thanks:**_

£ Thank you so much MyHusbandsAPrick! Omg I love reading your theories, and you are so on point about some of them! Now I'm wondering if I'm giving away too much info too soon :O! *thinks up torturous plot twists* but no, I hate those too. It's hard as a reader, I know haha. The questions you're asking are the questions that Ashe is kind've trying to pull out from Eric, but of course Eric being Eric, he's gonna get in the way of that. _*Of Course*_ Eric's scars are huge. They're a physical manifestation right now, but as we move on we'll see a lot more of the emotional implications of it, and we'll begin to get the answers simultaneously, so hang in there! And Eric's heart being broken...It's a question that has a bunch of answers to it, and the inklings of answers will being to pour out (coming soon) one way or the other. Ashe is persistent and here it pays off. The rest of it you'll just have to find out yourself haha, I don't want to give too much away! But thank you so much for keeping up with the story and being so interested, like, it means the world to me! Omg! The closer we get to the middle and getting through training, the more Eric's gonna have to adapt to having Ashe in his life and that will be interesting for both me to write and hopefully you to read! So thank you again! Lots of love and reading happiness :) :) :) :) :)

£ MyHappyLove, I am so happy that I was your first Divergent fanfic and you loved it that much! It makes my heart so happy! I love meh fans ^-^

£ Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins, ikr, thank you so much! I can't wait until they get together soon. After this...There's definitely some more close moments, and if you read into Eric a bit more you can see him start to soften, _bit_ by excruciating _bit_.

Thank you guys so much! Enjoy!

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

"Because I can't..." He pulled his lip between his teeth–hard–and sighed. "Because I'm going to protect you. I will never, ever..." He moved forward, his gracefulness back in place, his body like a sensual tower against me. "Let anyone hurt you. Never again."

"'Cause that's an answer, Mister Unspecific." He chuckled.

"Out of all the things I've been called, I never think I've be called that."

"Then you've missed out on life." Eric's eyes softened until the blue seemed predominant and his pupils were so dilated that the black seemed to eclipse over the color.

"It seems I have."

* * *

The blue in his eyes were as hard as shrapnel. I tried not to watch him while I trained, but it was practically impossible. I found myself unintentionally wandering closer to him. I wanted to beat myself over the head. I was acting stupid, it wasn't like Eric wanted me in his life. No, I was probably the most annoying initiate he's ever had to watch in his entire life. My problems haunted him like a ghost, but it wasn't like he couldn't stop taking my problems into his hands. He could just ignore me whenever he wanted, but it was like he was making it his occupation to take them on. I lowered my gaze to the soft mat below my feet as I remembered how he had held his body so close to mine. How his lips looked so _soft_ and he had smelled so _deliciously good_.

He didn't want anything to do with me, and yet he told me himself he would protect me; no matter what. _Eric Coulter, the leader and the man, was a paradox of legendary proportions._

"We got some news initiates!" Four yelled to the classroom, his grey sweatshirt and pants looking almost unfitting for the training room. He could go into a meeting that way, rather than take us all on in a fight.

"Max just came back to us with some info about your training." I gathered near Dahlia, who took Vera's arm with her own and leaned her head on my shoulder. All of us were exhausted, the training, the exercise, making us teenage zombies. Holding myself up nowadays seemed like a job all alone.

Of course Dahlia had asked me where I stayed last night. What had happened. I had told her most of the truth, that Archer had attacked me again. The lie was that Max had forced me to stay with Eric, believing him to be the most ruthless and fearsome for Archer to have to deal with. Dahlia had believed me, no matter how bad of a liar I had been, but I could tell she was reading for something else behind my words. She had never looked at Eric and I the same way after he had helped me learn how to shoot the gun, albeit teaching me more like a sexually dominant male than a Dauntless trainer and leader.

Now Eric stood in the back, scanning the crowd of initiates for signs of weakness. The scrutiny of his intense gaze fell to me, immediately softening. Then he turned away and padded towards the punching bags, taking a few hits.

"Max has ordered the new training be cut more than half in its time aspect. It will shorten the time we will be spend training." Dahlia picked her head up and glared at Four furiously.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She demanded, the fury in her eyes reminding me of how she had watched Jake as he tried to tickle her. Four was in for it.

"Max has shortened the training to four months." I heard a snicker from Shea.

"Irony." He joked, butting fists with Archer. I averted my eyes and stuck to the floor. It was an obvious jab at Four's name, but it was also obvious that it wasn't the first joke Four had heard about it. Or the last.

"Shut up Shea." Four barked. "This means that training will happen at a more intense rate, and that not only do we have to train you harder but faster. Which means the end of your physical training ends in five weeks." I gaped at Four, then whipped towards Dahlia who couldn't hide the shock and fear from her face.

"Dahlia, I'm still–" I choked back my horror, my throat closing off. "I'm still below the red line."

"So am I!" Vera blurted, her eyes wide and so devastatingly innocent.

"Shut it up everyone!" Four shouted over all of our small conversations, his fist held high over his head to signal for our silence. I couldn't help but let my sad green eyes trail over to Eric's, his stance closed off, body set away. Away from me as if he couldn't even face me while the news was being read.

"This also means that a fight will happen every week for the next four weeks, the last week consisting of a break. You all are starting today." Four dropped the chart in his hands on the large stone slab in the training room and nodded towards the mats.

"Take your positions and I'll call you out."

Dahlia and Sierra.

Archer and Celia.

Bennett and Lucas.

Zach and Vera.

Shea and I.

Zoey and Rylie.

"Amity and Stiff, in the ring!" Eric spoke sharply, prowling around the mat until Dahlia and Sierra were both in the ring, their stances defensive and their eyes watching the every movement of their opponent. Dahlia winked at me from across the ring, before Eric barked at them to begin. Dahlia winced as the girl hit her in the side, but Dahlia easily tackled the girl to the floor and proceeded to hit her. My redheaded friend glanced at Eric, as if asking if she should stop, but he just watched her expectantly.

They had to carry the Abnegation girl out of the ring.

Archer and Celia were the next ones, Archer promising Celia that he'd let her win, both of them shaking hands. Archer's honeyed voice set me on edge, and his smile was too wide. I had a bad feeling, and when they began fighting I realized I had been right. Archer was brutal. He grabbed Celia by her throat, tackling her to the ground and pummeling her face into the mat. He stood suddenly, kicking her in the stomach until Celia choked up blood. I turned away, disgusted at what I was watching. I couldn't believe Eric, or even anyone for that matter would let us be hurt in such violent ways. It was if they wanted to see us get killed.

Eric's cold eyes dragged over the platinum blonde, pulling her off the mat and handing her to Four to give to the medic. She stumbled and collapsed onto the man who was trying to bring her to the infirmary, and Shea clapped Archer on the back, smiling at him. They were vile human beings and this was their perfect environment. I found myself asking why I left Erudite.

Bennett and Lucas came after, their fight quick enough. Both of them fought well, but Lucas, the other Abnegation boy was too skinny and ended up being knocked out after a few punches to the face.

Zach gave Vera a hug, kissing her temple and moving to the ring. The small Erudite girl had bruises on her hands, her arms. Her cheeks were prominent because of her lack of sleep and eating, her frame even more dainty now. She pulled herself into the ring, facing Zach and nodding to him. It seemed as if they had a similar understanding like Archer and Celia had, but I wondered if it would end up coming through. Zach winced as Eric shouted, bringing his fists to the front of his face. The fight was a blowout. Zach didn't punch once, allowing Vera to attack him, bringing him to the ground. I could tell Vera didn't want to hurt him either, but I felt grateful to him for letting her win.

Eric annoyingly called Zach out of the ring, grasping him harshly by the back of the neck.

"Do you think this is funny?" Eric asked monotonously. Zach shook his head, his eyes fearful. Eric dragged Zach through the training room by the back of his collar, Zach's feet barely keeping up with him. Four motioned for us to follow him. Jogging at a brisk pace to the roof, Dahlia, Vera and I made it to the roof first, watching as Eric turned Zach around and shoved him against the ledge. Zach's back broke through the glass, the sharp scraps cutting little bleeding wounds into his skin as Eric balanced him half off, half on the roof.

"Oh my god." Vera pushed her hands over her mouth. All of us knew we couldn't stop Eric as he hissed into his ear. My foot shot out, immediately putting me closer to Eric and to Zach. I couldn't stand by and watch as Eric beat up a part of our friend group, especially knowing how much he meant to Vera. All of us watched on with horrified gazes.

"You think it's allowed to let that smart ass win?" Eric slammed Zach's head into the ledge.

"You know what the penalty of doing that is? Of cowardice?" Zach's breath labored against the colder air, his chest rising and falling at rapid speeds.

"I could kill you right now." Eric dragged Zach closer to the edge.

"Stop it!" I yelled automatically, watching as almost black eyes turned to me. Dahlia and Vera shared shocked glances at me. I had just challenged Eric. Did not letting anyone hurt me account for Eric himself too? I hoped so as I walked forward out of the group, meeting Eric's furious scowl as he seemed to stutter mentally from shock. Zach slid forward, back onto the roof, and Vera moved quickly, picking up her boyfriend–I assumed–taking him back to the group. Now Eric's fury was directly focused on me. He stalked forward, back hunched, and pushed his face right in front of mine.

"You want his punishment?" Eric bit out, his lip curling from anger.

"Do whatever you want. I'm not afraid of you." Eyes glazing over, Eric straightened and looked down over me. If his pissed tactic wouldn't work, he was going to try his emotionally frigid one.

Eric took my arm and led me down the stairs, through the pit, through the long corridors and winding hallways until we ended up by the chasm. He took my hand in his, tightly grasping my forearm with his other hand as he pushed me off the ledge.

I screamed. I couldn't do anything but scream. My hands automatically grabbed the bottom ledge of the chasm rail, but the rainwater that slid over the rocks and onto the metal made it slippery. Dahlia gasped and chills rain down my spine as my eyes fell to the jagged edges below me, the rushing water. Wasn't this what I had wanted only hours before? Now it seemed like a terrifying reality. Eric made a point of letting my other hand go, leaving me hanging for a moment before I could get a solid grip on the cool metal.

"Eric I don't think–"

"Shut the hell up Four." Eric spat, his glowering grey orbs secured tightly on my own. I choked out a breath. I thought my arms had hurt before. Now that pain was laughable. Hanging from the rail as water trickled down my fingertips, slackening my hold, the weight of my own body bringing me closer and closer to my own demise. It was the most painful experience I had ever felt in my entire life.

Archer leered at me from the hallway opening, a snicker permanently etched on his face. I tried to yank myself up, loop my arm through the gap between the rails but it was no use.

"You want to be smart in this faction? You want to get in the way of me? Be my guest, but you won't live to see the outcome next time."

"Please." I panted, my body slinking further down. Eric stared at me for a minute before marching forward and yanking me up. I wanted to be nowhere near him. He repulsed me, but as I came up and my arms finally relaxed I couldn't help but collapse against his chest. His strength had once made me calm but it made me fearful now. I had no idea what Eric had been capable of before, only having inklings and glances. It seems I horribly mistook the brokenness in his gaze for more than it was. No one could reach him, not even me.

Dahlia wrapped her arms around my middle and shot Eric a dirty look before she took me back down the hallway, past Four.

"Why didn't you do something?" Zach practically wheezed to Four. I didn't blame Four, I knew he wanted to help, the soft and sympathetic look in the rich brown reflection of his eyes telling me as much. He was just no comparison to Eric. Unfortunately we all knew it now.

"I can't kid. Let's get you patched up." Four looped his arm underneath Zach's as Vera clutched to his side.

"Training's over for today! We'll continue tomorrow." Sure. Tomorrow was my fight, and I had to make up points that kept me below the red line. To anyone else that would be devastating, especially if I lost. Except now I was more afraid of the towering mountain of power, ego and cold emotions that I would find when I went back to Eric's apartment.


	14. The Calm and The Storm

_**Chapter 13 – The Calm and The Storm**_

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£ Author's Note

 _Hey guys! So here's chapter 13, The Calm and The Storm. I know that you guys are looking for answers about Eric and also want to know more about the scars, etc. Well, in the next three chapters, things are going to get kind of personal, with Eric especially. So don't give up! There are A LOT of things in the next chapter, especially some bonding and even some *wink wink* scenes. It's coming! As usual, follow, favorite and REVIEW! I love reviews! They're my life juice! If you guys want to know about the songs I listen to while I write then you can find the playlist (WILL BE UPDATED) on my profile page under my blog._

 _ **My Thanks:**_ £ Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lorins– I would hardly describe anything having to do with Eric as being goody goody, and even if it's goody, it's good in a bad kinda way ;). But yeah, I can agree Eric has a lot of assius majoris moments, I can't imagine something without him being one at times. BUT improvement like everything will come, hopefully with Ashe. Who knows. When I add things to my main plot (which I've outlined) I always find things going off track, so, everything's up to discussion haha. Thanks for always giving me your feedback! I love it!

£ MyHusbandsAPrick, I kind've like Eric's brutal side too. The rough side of him is something that is very familiar, for like everyone in Dauntless, Eric, Ashe and also for me to write. It feels natural for him, but I'm all about getting out of comfort zones and Ashe will do that. In the next chapters. A LOT. :) But your 'I hope he feels bad for it' will be answered in this chapter. It's a little bit of a harsh way still, but you get to see Eric's twisted logic a little closer–remember he's been in Dauntless for a while, he's seen stuff go down. So factor that in while reading what he says to Ashe in this chapter :) I plan on having your scars idea technically answered/skirted by the next few chapters. I don't want to just give it away, but it'll be interesting. I double promise! :D So you will also see Four's confusion about it and a little bit of his interest in Ashe's welfare too (Cause who doesn't love a lil nice Four?) Btw I totally get computer's spazzing. I HATE IT! But any review is an amazing review so I thank you so much for always showing interest and asking questions! I always feel like I don't answer enough, but I swear it's coming, just like Winter... (Switches to Game of Thrones intro) Thank you! :D :D :D

 _Btw if you haven't already guys, go check out MyHusbandsAPrick's story **The Sound of Silence** it's amazing and I love it! READ! :D_

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 ** _Previously..._**

"Training's over for today! We'll continue tomorrow." Sure. Tomorrow was my fight, and I had to make up points that kept me below the red line. To anyone else that would be devastating, especially if I lost. Except now I was more afraid of the towering mountain of power, ego and cold emotions that I would find when I went back to Eric's apartment.

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I traipsed around the hallways, intentionally avoiding the apartment that was only two corridors away. Turning around, I walked back to the dorms. I couldn't go back to his apartment knowing fully well that he would be there, his normal infuriating self, cold and detached. I couldn't handle that. I came to a halt when I found Four carrying a small duffel bag my way.

"Hey, there you are!" He pointed to me with his free hand. I eyed him warily, turning around and looking at the duffel bag in his hands, hands that seemed strong. His skin had gotten more tan and I wondered if he had gone up on the roof more since what happened earlier.

"You holding up okay?" Was I? I didn't know if there was a real answer to that question, at least not until I was in Dauntless. Everything seemed to be hitting me from all sides, and a silent fear that I would become factionless creeped up my spine.

"Yeah, I guess." Four nodded his head, but he obviously knew the truth by the way he glanced at me with sadness.

"I got a message on my tablet that said you were moving in to Eric's apartment, so...um–" _Crapcrapcrapcrap._

"Oh, yeah." I paused awkwardly. " _Yeah._ " I took the small duffel bag which was probably filled with a dismal amount of clothes and the hairbrush I had bought from one of the stores earlier the other day.

"Found this at the bottom of your drawer." Four handed me the Erudite emblem, the little crinkled fabric halved in Four's palm. I took it from him, pushing it between my fingers as if the feeling of the softness would soothe me and my fears.

"Thank you, Four. That's really kind." I shifted on my feet. "Did you see the video...? Of what Archer did?" Four shot me a reassuring look.

"No." He said. "I just got a briefing on it. Are you gonna be alright?" His eyes shot to the hallway where I had come from, knowing that I would have to go to Eric's apartment now.

"I uh..." I was at a loss for words. I was scared, bruised and battered and I couldn't handle what might've been behind that door waiting for me. "I don't know, honestly."

"Do you want me to walk you there?" He asked kindly. I didn't realize it at first but I found myself nodding thoroughly. Four smiled, the warmth reaching into his eyes. Four took the bag back into his hands and continued on the hallway, his boots filling the silence within the compound. As we walked, I noticed the tiny black etchings of a tattoo spiraling against the back of his neck, out of sight.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." I said in a rather small voice. Four shrugged.

"Most Dauntless do."

"I guess." I said quietly. I knew the reason why too, the reason why most of the people in Dauntless got their old tattoos. At least mine. It reminded them of everything they had left behind. I tightened my hold on the emblem between my fingers.

"Was Eric always this way?" I asked flatly. Four peeked at me.

"Borderline psychotic? Yeah. He's always had an edge to the way he operated, but he wasn't always like that. Not when we started." Four looked ahead as if he remembered something in his past, brown glazing over with history.

"What was he like before that?" I inquired, shuffling along to stand even closer to Four so he could talk to me more quietly. Why I cared so much about Eric's past I couldn't pinpoint. I was afraid of him, or at least I wanted to be. He had given me every reason to be. I felt stupid on so many levels, especially the level where I wanted to know more. I wanted to know the real Eric and that maybe scared me more than anything else.

"He was–who am I kidding, he was never conventionally nice. But he was made fun of a lot for the Erudite tendencies he had, where he had come from. He seemed to enjoy learning how things worked and then, bam, he didn't. It was like a lock had closed and he was an entirely different person." Four rubbed his chin, the stubble on his face turning more into a beard.

"Eric started cozying up towards the higher ups for a leadership position and that was that. He wouldn't let anyone else in his way. He became ruthless and he became everything the Dauntless leaders wanted and what Erudite HQ could use."

"Erudite HQ?"

"Yeah, it's a program for new ways to improve life, sims, things like that." Four turned the corner and nodded towards the door. What had changed Eric so much in such a short amount of time? I was reminded of my Choosing Ceremony, of how only one thing could change the course of events forever. Eric wouldn't be exempt from that fact–it was life.

"Do you know what Eric's scars are from?" Four seemed rather uncomfortable, like he was put under the light and had to answer a billion questions for me. He straightened himself at the doorway and dropped the bag slowly.

"Not really. He has a few from combat, but..." Four scratched his chin. "The ones I've glimpsed on his back...They're different. Eric's not exactly to open up about things like that." Both of us gave a short laugh.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Four, I really appreciate it." I said nicely. Four pursed his lips and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing over my body before looking at the door. He knocked, once and then twice, waiting for Eric to come. When the lock clicked out of place and Eric stood in the doorway in a blue shirt and black slacks, he looked almost Erudite. Then his piercings and the tattoos that lined his neck and forearms came into view and I was slapped back into reality. I played with the hem of my long sweater and waited patiently for something to happen.

Eric's eyes snapped to Four. "Thank you for bringing her here, Four. Go. _Now_." There was no hesitation in his voice, no mixed signals. He wanted Four gone and I didn't, because I was not looking forward to the conversation that would happen between Eric and I when he left. Four turned to me reluctantly, eyes roaming my own.

"I'll see you later in the mess hall, Four." I tried to smile sweetly at him, but it probably came out more like a pained grimace. I hugged him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and taking him by surprise. I appreciated his kindness, even though he was my trainer and he probably wasn't even supposed to talk to me, let alone be kind to me. That and the obvious dislike of my affection towards Four lined on every feature of Eric's face. His jaw twitched and I swore I could see his eyes narrow from the corner of my vision. Four trotted down the hallway, turning back only when he went around the corner. Eric swirled his hand along the entrance, inviting me inside. I threw the duffel bag over my shoulder and laid it down next to the light switch. This; this sanctuary and imprisonment, was going to be my new temporary apartment. I turned to look at my roommate who reminded me more like a disgruntled guard.

"You're not going to the mess hall tonight." Eric said nonchalantly, turning around and walking to the kitchen as if he hadn't even uttered a single word.

"What?" I asked, bewildered.

"You're not going." I opened my mouth and let out a sarcastic laugh, pushing my hands into my pockets. I wasn't looking for a confrontation no matter how much I craved it, to yell at something, scream my frustration at the world; at someone. Eric was perfect at that moment.

"Why in hell not? If anything that's my right as an initiate." Play him by his own rules. In Erudite I never would have acted this way, I never would have stood up against someone like Eric. Now as I stood here, I felt powerful and powerless at the same time. Eric chuckled darkly.

"Not if you decide you're going to make a target out of yourself at every turn." I took my hands out of my pockets and spread them wide, as if asking him physically– _why?_ If only someone would answer that goddamn question. It didn't seem that hard, all honesty. I hadn't even made a target out of myself, and his arrogant response only ticked me off further.

"When did I make myself a target?" I hissed, stepping closer towards him. His tough guy act was seriously getting on my nerves. "You threw me off the freaking chasm!" Eric moved forward as quick and as devastating as a storm, a hurricane in his own right. He cornered me against the wall of the kitchen and let out an animalistic growl.

"You decided to stand up against me. You went against my rules–"

"Your rules are stupid."

" _My rules are effective_ , and you had no problem working with my rules when they benefitted _you_." Eric waved his hand over the apartment, his eyes holding barely restrained contempt.

"That was my friend!" My voice cracked pathetically as I tried to reason with him. He had threatened the life of my friend, and I couldn't imagine the small Abnegation boy that I had begun to learn, the boy who liked Vera, being hung over the chasm like something worthless. Then again I also never wanted to admit to myself that Eric would've done that to me, but it seemed I was no exception to Eric's rules. The idea that I was worthless to Eric hit me somewhere that I found was soft to the touch, something that hurt when I prodded with the questions I wasn't sure I wanted the answers to. I hated that Eric's dispassion hurt me.

Eric's lip curled up. He was beyond pissed off, but so was I. I had every right to be–I think I had every right to be. "You have no friends here, you need to learn that now."

"Is that what happened to you? Is that why you're like this?" I poked at his chest, and it was as hard as poking against metal.

"I am the way I am. You accept it or you get the hell out." Eric fumed at me, his words uttered in such a deep and venemous tone it rattled me to my core. Eric turned and slammed his fist against the counter.

"Eric–" I felt guilty all of a sudden and it clawed at my chest. Eric glanced at me over his shoulder, his fingers digging into the wooden table. I could tell he wanted to break something, but he kept some form of composure and I was grateful for that at least.

" _Go_ , in the shower. Dinner'll be ready in ten." Eric sounded like a child scorned as he moved back into the small alcove of the kitchen, opening the door to the refrigerator and digging through the different food stuffs. I breathed deeply and stormed off, going through the bathroom door. Inside the bathroom was a mirror that hung above the sink, both things dark metal. I quietly tried to guess what type of metal it was made out of but gave up when I couldn't figure it out. I didn't fail to notice the small separate cup with a toothbrush in it and a separate towel that hung next to what I assumed was Eric's. The small action of even acknowledging my presence in his apartment made warmth spread through my chest. I carefully took off each piece of my clothing, my training tank top and leggings looking like they had been through the mill and back.

Stepping into the shower, I studied the handles and tried to turn the water on to no avail. I stood there for a moment, mentally cataloguing all of the ways that this could be going better. It wasn't like I could go outside naked and ask for Eric's help. And even if I took away the factor of my nakedness, I knew I still wouldn't get more than a quirked eyebrow or some witty remark. At least right now with the tension between us so high, his irritated state and my angered one wouldn't work well to help my situation. So instead I pushed the different buttons, twisting the knobs halfheartedly. Finally, after many tries I got the complicated water system to work. Thank the heavens, otherwise I wasn't sure that I could go back outside to the kitchen where Eric no doubt stood waiting for me to mess up in some infinitesimal way.

The water felt miraculous on my skin after the long day, the warm, nearing hot water pouring on my back and seeping into my flesh. I sighed, leaning my head against the wall. I wanted to cry. I had many things to cry about, or at least I thought I did. I didn't have a family to mourn my loss in my faction like Vera or Dahlia. I wasn't a Dauntless born like Jake where the pressure was even harder to succeed for his faction. I was an orphaned defector found helpless in the hands of a man who was little more than frigid.

Yet it irked me that I couldn't say he hadn't protected me. At every turn Eric seemed to pop up and save the day, and it was so uncharacteristically different from him. I knew I wasn't the only one to notice that, and it only made me more curious that he didn't care what anyone else thought. It was like he set his mind on me, and once he did, he wouldn't budge. That came across more like Eric. Eric was something that was practically set in stone. He had his laws, his exceptions and his lack of emotions to get him through anything. My only problem was that I knew it couldn't be true. No one–not even me–could hide my emotions. It was impossible. For years I tried, pushing my hopelessness down into the bottom of my throat. Cutting off the screams that I wanted, the screams that threatened to give way every single night I was found alone in my room with no one to console me. Erudite hadn't done anything but show me how irrevocably different I was.

I hopped out of the shower, taking the soft black towel between my fingertips. It melded against my body as I dried myself off. From it's appearance you'd never guess it was so downy, and yet it was. I wrapped the towel around my body and peeked out of the room, finding Eric still cooking away with his back turned to me as he strained something in the sink. Quickly I hopped on my tiptoes back into Eric's bedroom, where I knew my small bag would be. I drove my hands through the dark grey bag and came up with only my other set of tights, a black short sleeved tee and my grey dress. Of course _now_ I ran out of clothes to wear. I slipped on the leggings and shirt, stuffing the dress back into the bag and dropping it near Eric's closet, next to the wall.

I didn't know why, but I entered the dining room/kitchen rather self-consciously. I felt suddenly bare, as if Eric could see right through me and the thought set me on edge. I noticed Eric glancing at me from the corner of his eye, but he otherwise stayed silent. Making what I assumed was pasta with olive oil and garlic, Eric made a show of tossing the pasta around and setting two big plates full of the angel haired carbohydrate. The smell alone made my mouth salivate, and I found myself eyeing where Eric placed my plate. Laying it rather gently in front of me, Eric took a seat across from the table and began eating without a word.

I followed his lead, eating and eating, restraining myself from asking the questions I both knew wouldn't be answered and still ate at the story I was trying to piece together about the grey-eyed leader.

"Are those your training clothes?" Eric pointed with his fork at what I was wearing, and I dropped my gaze self consciously.

"It's not like I'm overflowing with enough points to buy any decent clothes at the moment." I retorted quietly, a bit of snarky humor laced within my voice. I was still afraid of Eric, still afraid of what he was capable of. I knew he probably had murdered. Dauntless were our protectors, they had to do things that were necessary. Thinking about shooting another human being sent chills through my spine, awakening old nerves that I thought had died a long time ago. I remembered the Divergent girl that had been so mercilessly shot in the street. An innocent girl and a life lost. I bit my lip nervously, very aware that not only was I in danger of being found out by Dauntless but that Eric would no doubt sniff out my Divergence like a blood hound. He seemed that committed.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow. After training." Eric said between bites.

"You and me? Shopping?" I asked, rather amused at Eric's proposition even though my thoughts were anything but amusing. Eric raised an eyebrow, asking me if the thought was so far fetched with just the tinted grey of his eyes and the way his piercing glinted off the light.

"Is that such a hard thing to believe, Erudite?" I shook my head and resumed eating before the inevitable thought of that the factionless may become my future. I hated to admit it, but the idea that I wouldn't belong in any faction, that I wouldn't fit made a large ball lodge in my throat. I pushed my plate away slowly, gazing into my hands with soft eyes. Tears welled in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I knew I couldn't show any fear around Eric or he would surround it and use it to his advantage.

"Are you done?" Eric asked. Nodding without a response, I curled into the chair and tried to make myself disappear. Eric's large body loomed next to my own, and fear crept up my spine. Was I afraid of everything? I sucked in a breath and glanced up at Eric.

"What's wrong?" The question didn't exactly hold worry, but it wasn't exactly cold either. Eric confused me beyond belief.

"You don't need to get clothes for me." My heart faltered in my chest as despair filled my thoughts. I meant nothing. Eric could easily throw me off of the chasm, he could stare at me with all of the hatred in the world. I had no family. I thought of Dahlia, Jake and Vera. Eric had said I had no friends here, but I didn't want to believe that was true. Yet it clawed doubt into my heart.

"Why not?" His voice was obviously clipped, the tone of his voice thick and barred against any emotion.

"Because I'll be factionless soon enough." A singular tear fell from my cheek and I wiped it away harshly. Eric pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and eyed me warily.

"That's not true." Scoffing I stood and made my way to the bedroom. I felt Eric's warm hand on my arm, pulling me back towards him and I flinched. My memory brought me back to his fingers pressing into my flesh as he hung me over the chasm and I moved myself away from him. "Ashe, that's not true." He whispered, the words uttered from his mouth leaning towards reassurance. The tone of his voice didn't match his words.

"Oh like you care." I spat, frowning when Eric's hand tightened on my arm.

"Ashe–"

"You don't need to pretend Eric. For me or anyone else." I shoved my hand against his chest as he neared me, but it was useless. I let his arms engulf me as he came closer. "It doesn't matter to me whether you care or not." _Oh but if he only knew how much it truly meant..._ "You _threw me_ off the _chasm_. To _prove_ a _point_!" I almost yelled, my voice breaking and the high notes hitting a louder pitch. I emphasized certain words, words that I wanted to drill into his skull and repeat until his ears bled, so that he _knew_. So that he _understood_. My fear in that moment felt all too real. Would Eric even react? "I am going to take that as an unuttered, 'I don't care'."

"What do you want me to say, Ashe?" Eric growled, his forehead pressed against my own. His body was craning towards me, hunched over me. I felt enclosed but also set free in the way Eric clutched my body closer to his.

"There's nothing left to say."

"Bullshit." Eric said quickly, his tone still quietly forbidding. "I..." Eric inhaled deeply and waited, for something, I don't know. It was like there was supposed to be a piano that fell out of the sky at that moment and it didn't. I glanced into his eyes, sweeping in his features. My words were paining him. I felt a little bad because I was happy that they did.

" _I'm sorry_." Eric spluttered quickly, turning his head to the door. Shutting his eyes, his fists clenched on me and then let go slowly. I watched him, shocked, waiting for something else to happen. To say he hadn't meant it, laugh and chuckle it off like he was used to doing.

Sorry.

 _He had said he was sorry._

I felt like I was the first person to ever hear those two simple and overused words. With Eric, now, they definitely didn't seem overused.

"Will you forgive me?" Eric asked quietly. If it wasn't for his lips moving so close to my own, the sight laid out before my eyes, I wouldn't have believed that Eric had said a single word. Now it was my time to be under the spotlight.

"I–I don't know Eric." We stood there, both of us silently brooding for a few moments about everything that had just been said. I released a long withheld breath.

"May I go to sleep?" I asked, completely wiped out. I had experienced a lot for the day and I was beyond exhausted. My eyes became heavy and I gazed at Eric dully.

Eric was obviously fighting an internal war with himself. Why was this Eric so much more different than the one I was so accustomed to during the training hours? Why couldn't be simply one or the other instead of this confusing jumble of raw control or complex and hidden emotion. Hand dropping back to his side, Eric walked to the sink and leaned over it. I took that as a yes and pushed myself into Eric's bedroom.

Sleep was hard to come by that night as I worried over whether or not Eric would be compelled to kill me or not. Eric's words kept repeating in my head.

 _I'm sorry._

 _Forgive me._


	15. Another Side to The Same Coin

_**Chapter 14 – Another Side to The Same Coin**_

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 _Author's Note:_ Hello everyone! Happy friday! I hope you all are going to have a wonderful weekend, enjoy it, relax! So this is a long chapter– a really long chapter. It's actually one of the largest chapters I've done. It has a lot of hidden info in it, and a lot more Eric/Ashe interaction. It was brought to my attention in a comment that all of this description and the * _blah blah (as I describe it)_ * may be a little too much for some, or even boring at some points. Although it kills me /3 I absolutely understand. For a long time I fought with it and I feel like it's one of my vices. So, I pose the question to thee my readers– since this chapter is the last that's kind've 'already done' and everything else is a WIP (Work In Progress), do you guys want me to just focus on interactions and less on Ashe's thoughts? Should I cut most of the description? I want to help make this story the best for you guys while making it fun for me, so if you can, reply in the comments. Do you like it the way it is? What should I change? Okay! Now that that's out of the way, if you enjoy it and like it, Favorite! If you want to be updated for more, Follow! Please please review! It truly helps! If you're like–this was the crappiest thing I ever read and I hate it, tell me why! _(I hope to the heaven of writers that that isn't the case though)_ ¡Gracias!

 _ **My Thanks:**_ £ So, as always, thank you for always reviewing! I love you for reviewing so much and always giving me your opinions and feedback! I love it! :) On Eric's side, planning on how writing goes, we should see part of Eric's story two chapters from now. (Next chapter should be rather short). So that means it's closer than we think. Secondly, maybe he wouldn't let her fall, but I feel like part of Eric's M.O is to make people think that he will, and that's through fear. I feel like fear is so important to how people interact, so we'll be playing with that a little! :3 I found the idea of Eric making that little space for Ashe in his life really important. It doesn't seem really like him, does it? I feel like Eric has this imbalance with how he feels due to this little war inside of his head of how he should act and the way he does. So it'll be a constant battle with him. Btw, the apology was meant as a shocker :3 I actually wrote it first without him saying he's sorry, but without it I felt like he was acting a little too much like a *dick* and I didn't want that to cross over so much to the story. I wanted Ashe to be as shocked as y'all haha. Thank you x a billion for reading! :) :)

£ Canadice, when I read your comment, I was soooo happy. I was on another level of happiness. That's how I always wanted it to be and hearing that it makes you smile when you get the update literally made my day. Thank you so much! I appreciate you reading and reviewing! :) :)

£ Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins, oh how I wish I could just have her up and jump out naked in front of him. That would surely be interesting–but there will be fun :3 In the next two chapters hopefully, Eric and Ashe definitely become closer ;) :) And don't feel like you'll have to wait for that for long! It's coming, especially with the next fight. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :)

£ XWarrior, I totally get you. I understand getting to the point and cutting the slack off. I, as a very, _very_ visual person, strive on meticulous description. To me, if it doesn't stick in my head, I can't think why it would stick in anyone else's. Unless the things I say and everyone else says and the environment is memorable. And I feel so sad that you found yourself skipping! I hate it when I have to do that and it kills me that you had to. Although then if that's the case, this chapter is probably not for you. I wrote this before your comment and then I was left staring at it like... _Well what do I do now?_ Haha. But I will definitely try to incorporate shorter back and forth, especially depending on the response to said query in the Authors note ^ above. And kissing–it is coming. xD haha. Please enjoy! :)

Go read The Sound of Silence by MyHusbandIsAPrick!

Also go read Aria, dangerous beauty in a Divergent world by XWarrior!

 _(Totally Awesomesauce Stories)_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

Sleep was hard to come by that night as I worried over whether or not Eric would be compelled to kill me or not. Eric's words kept repeating in my head.

 _I'm sorry._

 _Forgive me._

* * *

For the third morning, I woke up in Eric's bed.

Unlike the second morning, I was molded against Eric's warm chest, my hand lazily thrown over his abdomen and my leg curled between both of his own. I breathed in Eric's scent and closed my eyes. A part of me wanted to push myself away from his intoxicatingly hot, strong body. He was the same person who had threatened my life. He was the same person that stared at me with pointed glares.

He was also the same man who had protected me when I needed someone, needed _him_ the most.

I curled further into his side, plastering myself against his body. He felt oddly comforting. His body felt like what home should feel like.

Today I had to fight.

I was below the leader board, under the red. Like Max had said, my future in Dauntless didn't seem very promising. In fact, I had begun to assure myself that I was doomed. Somewhere in the distance the distinct sounds of a train rumbling across metal tracks reminded me of when I had first jumped off the moving vehicle. So much had changed since that moment, and it was like I had begun living an entirely different life. _I had_.

I let my eyes roam over the expanse of Eric's rich skin stretching over his muscles. His faint bronze skin reminded me of the Amity who worked in the fields, and I wondered how much time he spent in the sun. He was relaxed, his arm wedged behind my head to support me. The boy that I remembered from Erudite, the paler boy who was thinner and had a softer face, he wasn't the man that I slept next to now. It was like one replaced the other. They were no longer the same person, instead two singular points in time; the past and the present.

A small pale scar poked from around his side, the little cut reminded me of that of a fine hair. I ran my fingertip over the skin. I glanced up at Eric's features to see if it would wake him up, but he appeared to be sound asleep, his breathing even. I wanted to ask him where it was from, why he had such small scars that marred his back but knowing Eric he would only brush me off and that cold glint to his eyes would return. I had to find the perfect moment, and I wasn't ready to have Eric back to _'heartless'_ just yet. Stubble outlined his cheeks and chin, the lack of shaving obvious, more obvious than a five o'clock shadow.

Eric never seemed worried, he didn't even remind me of the type to worry, but being a Dauntless leader had to have it's moments. I ran over things that could make him so worried that he couldn't shave, and the only thing that came to my mind was me. I pursed my lips at the thought. I felt bad that I had put Eric through so much, and yet I wasn't sorry that I did. Eric liked to push others to their limits, scare initiates. Perhaps I was some form of karma.

I leaned away from his body and yawned, stretching my arms away from my sides. My training with Four had taught me next to nothing. I didn't doubt Four's ability to fight. I had seen him take down initiate after initiate using intelligent and quick techniques, but he wasn't a good teacher in the slightest. Most days he came in half drunk or hungover, his eyes glazed over with lack of sleep. I felt bad for him in that sense. It was like everyone in Dauntless had terrible vices. The memory of Eric's drinking popped into my brain, but instead of feeling sorry like I had for Four, a small smile crept to my lips.

Eric was sweet when he was drunk, from what I had seen. Overly affectionate, his eyes held a vulnerability that he almost never had at any other time. That man and those eyes reminded me more of the haunting image of the boy from Erudite the more I thought about it. Did we ever truly lose ourselves; the memory of our faction? I leaned my forehead against my head and decided until I felt truly Dauntless, I would never know.

 _If_ I made it into Dauntless. That was the real question.

I had left the apartment early, taking a quick shower and throwing on my only other pair of training clothes. The more time I spent with Eric, the more I smelled like him. The scent reminded me of those late Fall days when the counselors would take us into the forest to go hiking, sometimes to take in the surroundings. We catalogued different species, but I could always remember the smell of morning dew and fresh pine. Eric reminded me of falling leaves and broken skies. He was like the trees that seemed dead but had never been more alive, vying for life in even the harshest conditions. Eric was a survivor. Of what, I didn't know, but I planned to find out the longer that I stayed with him.

I still didn't forgive him for throwing me over the chasm, even though I did recognize I had insulted his authority over me. I wanted to believe that I was different, that I held some sort of power over Eric, but that wasn't even close to true. When it came to initiates and rebelling, I guess where one slipped through the cracks, the rest would come pouring through. The memory of holding onto the rail and slowly sinking down metal towards the chasm brought a shudder through my body. I don't think I would ever want to meet that fate.

I pulled the short sleeve tee over my head and patted my sides. I hadn't gained much muscle. I wasn't training long enough to have enough muscle yet and even the training that I did do wasn't rigorous enough to show much improvement.

The compound was quiet. It was too early in the morning for anyone to really be roaming around, and the few people that I did find were there for duties that involved helping Dauntless. There was a man who was cleaning the mess hall and a woman who was setting out the breakfast food, preparing for the rush of Dauntless members to come through the pit and adjoining corridors to eat. I grabbed a bagel, not feeling particularly hungry, and made my way to the training room.

That was empty too. The clock had read seven am, and I felt like more people should be down here to train, even Four. With a strike of realization I figured out that Four was probably drunk or hungover again and wouldn't be training us today.

The thought made me fearful.

It meant that Eric would be teaching us.

Eric's training wasn't any more beneficial than Four's. He believed that if Four wouldn't teach us, since he technically was our teacher, he didn't have to. And he didn't. He also didn't need to expect us to beat _him_ in a fight. That was a bit preposterous, but I finished my bagel and began punching at the orange bag that was situated at the side of the warehouse.

I had to make it. I wasn't about to be kicked out of Dauntless because of myself or anyone else. No–I would succeed in the physical aspect and I would succeed in the mental one as well. I had to. The thoughts that hung in the back of my mind were too frightening to want to consider. Having no family, living in the streets, relying on the selflessness of others to help me survive. I had never truly relied on anyone else before, and even being dependent on Eric to protect me yanked at me in annoying little tugs. I never failed to recognize Eric's help because my brain and my heart wouldn't let me.

"Where the hell were you this morning?" The biting words echoed through the compound and from the corner of my eyes I could make out Eric's shape entering the blown out warehouse hole, the technical door that led from the pit to here. The Dauntless compound was intricate but as I spent more time here, the halls seemed less confusing and reminded me of a small maze. For protection reasons, I guessed that it was smart to make the faction harder to infiltrate. Anyone who didn't know the faction well enough wouldn't know heads or tails. But it begged the question; who believed that Dauntless would be attacked in such a manner?

"I got up early." I reasoned, landing a blow that was considerably weak to the punching bag. "I decided I would train a little bit." I could feel Eric's presence behind me. He may not have been touching me, but I was so accustomed to his presence that my skin tingled in anticipation. I _wanted_ him to touch me. My flesh almost remembered the way that he had held me against his chest this morning, and the thought only made my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"What if Archer had been here?" Eric growled, his stare burning daggers into the back of my skull. I winced at the mention of Archer's name.

"He's not."

"And if he was?" I could hear the patience in Eric's voice dropping with every letter that came from his mouth. I didn't want to fight with him, especially not after what had happened yesterday. I bowed my head and leaned my forehead against the bag, sweat peeling from my eyebrow.

"I don't know, Eric." Eric's fingers brushed against my arm, turning me towards him.

"Next time you decide to go run off, at least wake me up." I met his eyes which struck me, their soft depths contradicting the strong hold Eric had on my arm and the sharpness that edged Eric's words. Letting myself smile a little, the small gesture made me feel a bit better. I decided to submit to Eric's logic, no matter how much I disagreed with him. Maybe a part of me knew he was right. What would I have done if he had been here? I obviously couldn't fight him off, and words wouldn't have pushed him away. I breathed deeply.

"Thank you, Eric." I leaned forward and gave him a small hug. I withheld a chuckle from erupting from my throat as Eric straightened nervously at my touch, his jaw ticking. I was happy that I wasn't the only one effected and that my touch could make him so tense.

"Now if you don't have anything left to say, let me train." I heard a snort when I turned around to continue punching the bag followed by a short chuckle. I spun to face him again but he walked off, his training bag thrown over his shoulder as he strode to the other side of the training room.

"Are you laughing at me?" My blood began to simmer as I heard another tormenting chuckle.

"Yes. You think you're training. That's _cute_." Eric said, and even from here I could see the sparkling glint of blue amusement flicker in his gaze. It was a challenge.

"Do you have a better idea of what I could be doing to train, _leader_?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes at him and leaning my hand against my hip. His eyebrow rose to his scalp.

"Let me train you and you'll see." I scoffed at him, and the sparkle that his eyes consumed turned dangerously sharp.

"I'll keep up with my training, thanks." I threw out before turning and punching the bag a few times. Jumping at Eric's touch, I gasped as his arm wrapped around my neck.

"Eric!" I shouted but it was cut off by the soft pressure Eric exuded against my throat.

"I like to train by experiencing things in the moment." Eric grunted as I tried to kick him, which only turned out horrendously. "Make it out of my hold, _initiate_." I noticed that as Eric held me against his chest and pulled me tightly, he didn't put enough pressure to actually hurt me. It was uncomfortable, and I could think of a million other things I could be doing better with my time, but I knew that Eric didn't want to hurt me if he didn't have to. And that was a step in the right direction.

I yanked on his forearm with my fingers, trying to pull him away and failing.

"What would you do if this was Archer? Hm?" Eric whispered into my ear, his lips brushing against my skin. Archer had never made me quiver in his hold like Eric did. The comparison was terribly inaccurate. My body careened away from him, making my hips collide with his. We stumbled forward for a moment, but Eric's hold didn't waver. I decided to concede to Eric as a tactic, letting myself fall limp in his hold.

"You're right." I whispered, the soft trail of Eric's lips on my neck intoxicatingly sweet and tormenting at the same time.

"Hmm..." He nuzzled my collar bone over my shoulder and I let out a small mewl of helplessness. Of desire. "Are you admitting I'm right?" He asked, amused. I exhaled slowly, feeling Eric's grasp begin to waver from it's strength.

" _Definitely._ " I murmured with sexual undertones, leaning my hips against his. I felt a rumble erupt from his chest, the sound distinctly male and primal. His hand moved from my neck to my chin. Eric spun me so I was in front of him, his intention to say something. Instead of giving him time, I responded quickly and took his arm, pushing all of my force behind his elbow to throw him off. He grunted but didn't let out any other knowledge that he was hurt, instead aiming to grab me again. I dodged quickly and landed a soft blow to his side before twirling my leg around his hip, collapsing against his side and bringing him to the ground.

Four hadn't taught us the move, but I had watched him use it to take down Zach in the training ring a few days before. As it turns out, I'm more of a visual learner. I panted as I straddled Eric's hips.

"Manipulation rather than force. I like it." Eric grumbled irritably, and yet I could visibly see how surprised he was. The satisfaction in my chest probably radiated off me in waves. I puffed out my breath to push away a few loose strands of hair that had fallen in front of my face. When that didn't work, I dug my hands through my hair to free my vision from the long tresses.

"Of course you would like it, you invented it."

"It all comes from somewhere." Eric said quietly, and I could tell there was something hidden behind those carefully lined words. He exhaled a breath before pulling himself up. His hand outstretched to me and I took it gratefully, jumping up quickly and faltering against Eric's chest. His hands circled around my waist, pulling me close. A moan built up within my throat but I shut it off before it would get out. Eric couldn't know how much I was beginning to rely on his touch. "You were smart to use my ego, but it won't work on everyone. You still have to learn the physical aspects." I smiled sweetly at him, my hand gliding over his bicep which twitched under my touch.

"I'll work on that." There was a long pause of silence, Eric not letting me go but not pushing me away either. We stood somewhat locked in place, just staring in each other's eyes. I felt Eric's hands knead softly into my hips and I shut my eyes tightly, turning my head away from him.

"Ashe?" I pulled away from Eric as though his closeness burned me. Four came through the doorway that Eric had come through just a few minutes before. He wore dark navy cargo pants and a black shirt, but seemed otherwise normal. Honey brown eyes flickered between me and Eric. If Four was trying to make inferences about what was going on, I doubted that it involved Eric and I somewhat training. "You okay?"

He was thinking that I hadn't come to the mess hall last night to eat dinner.

Without getting the chance to respond, Eric piped up and rested his hand on my shoulder. It was a subtle act, not meant for anything other than to tick off Four.

"You think I'm gonna kill her?" Eric asked, his tone like a taut wire–ready to explode. The tension between the both of them was palpable and I came to the realization that maybe every man who encountered Eric felt the need to get defensive. It wasn't like I would exactly blame them. Four considered his words, glancing at me. Then he shrugged and moved over to one of the benches, preparing the mats for the fight today. Fear shot through me at the thought of fighting one of Archer's friends. It would be the first real fight that I was ever faced with.

"I don't know." Four's voice held a bare honesty, and Eric just scoffed at Four like he meant absolutely nothing in the scheme of things.

"I guess we'll see." Eric said comically, an edge to his voice. Eric shot me a wicked grin, but I ignored it. I was too afraid, too overwhelmed to even be worried about what Eric had said. Four turned to Eric, a tablet in his hand.

"So the Dauntless kids are joining us again. Max said he needed Lauren for something." Eric sighed and leaned against one of the pillars, turning a knife over in his hand.

"Doesn't surprise me. Max has been prepping her for a Communications post." Eric remarked. I turned to Four and Eric, silently eavesdropping on their conversation. _I knew I should keep my mouth shut, I wasn't supposed to get involved with these things–_

"Then who would train the Dauntless born?" The question shot out of my mouth and I instantly regretted saying anything, even if the response I got wasn't homicidal. Eric quirked his eyebrow at me and Four brushed his fingers over the short stubble on his chin.

"Probably Jacob, a new trainee. He's number one on the ranks." _No, no it couldn't be. It couldn't be our Jake, number one? The boy with the goofy smiles and the sweet murmurations?_ I turned to the small hologram at the end of the warehouse, and there it was. Having been so preoccupied with my rank on the bottom, I hadn't even questioned who was at the top. And there he was, Jacob Fryer, _our_ Jake, was at the top. My lip trembled.

"Ashe." Eric whispered quietly behind me. I noticed that Four wasn't in earshot, but I still didn't turn to the sound of his voice. For some reason, although he knew my true name, he decided against using it. At least I was past, or mostly past, the phase of being called _initiate_. "Are you going to be okay when he comes through?" I took that personally. What did he think I would do, throw a tantrum like a child?

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" I asked, albeit with a slightly annoyed attitude.

"Because one of your friends has the highest rank. And you don't." Ducking my head so I wouldn't have to look at him, I was saved by the thunder of feet crashing through the training room.

"Ashe!" Dahlia ran forward, hugging me tightly in her arms and looking over me like a frightened mother. Dahlia ranked third, after Archer.

"Oh my god, you worried all of us! Where were you last night?" Her eyes crept from me to the man who I knew stood behind me, tall and brooding as ever. The dark green in her eyes narrowed to stare up at him with a disapproving look attached. I smiled.

"I decided I didn't really want to go to the mess hall," why was I protecting Eric? Eric's motives? He had kept me from the mess hall, probably for the exact reason to spike fear within everyone after the incident with the chasm. Except Dahlia knew where I was really staying. Dahlia simply stared blankly at me before glancing at Eric again. "I wasn't hungry, really. I'm fine." I patted the side of her shoulder before Jake bounded up behind me and picked me up.

"Your fight is today!" He threw me over his shoulder easily and ran around the training ring, all of us laughing, even me. Except I couldn't help but think how Jake's hands could easily strangle someone. Win a fight. Become a Dauntless trainer–leader. _Just like Eric_. My heart began to palpitate in my chest–hard. Jake put be down with a loud drop, my boots hitting the stone with a _thump_.

Celia stood within the group entering the warehouse, Shea's arm thrown around her lazily. I remembered the way Shea had congratulated Archer on winning against her the day before, and the backstabbing made me feel a little bad for her.

"You think you're gonna win?" Jake asked, rubbing his hands together. He reminded me of someone trying to rub sticks together to make a fire. I inhaled deeply, enjoying my friends and their soft faces of comfort as they crowded around me. Behind them I noticed Eric watching us, a frown marring the sides of his mouth. When his eyes met mine, he turned away and went to Four.

"I don't know." Shrugging my shoulders, I leaned against the mat and took a seat. It wouldn't be long. I was next. What I hadn't told Jake, Dahlia, Vera or Zach was that I didn't feel like I had a chance. Fighting in the ring didn't involve talking, it didn't involve any wit or smarts. It involved brute force–something I didn't entertain.

Eric pulled the tablet from earlier out of Four's hand and updated the scores from yesterday. Vera pulled the last position, putting Zach below the red. Dahlia still had her third place, with Shea after her. Jake grinned as he kept his rank at first place.

"How did you pull a first place?" Dahlia asked grumpily, pulling Jake's hand into her side and nuzzling against his shoulder. The black collar of his jacket cut off her moving any closer. Jake winked at me and gave Dahlia's pouting face a kiss on the forehead. She pepped up at that.

"Ashe!" Eric practically shouted over the initiates, even though we were all gathered around Four and him. I jolted upright at the sound of my name on Eric's tongue, fear trickling up my spine like an unwelcome guest. I wasn't ready. _I wasn't ready._

"Shea, in the ring!" Eric threw the tablet the short distance to Four. Eric leaned against the ring as Shea and I climbed up. Archer saluted to Shea before turning his eyes to me. I went numb as he watched me, his eyes boring into my own with hate that I couldn't even begin to describe.

"Begin." Four announced in a loud voice, something I rarely heard from him.

"Come on, Ashe, what are you afraid of?" Shea teased as he jumped around the edges of the ring, my movements nearing towards any place that wasn't close to him. I dodged one of his attacks, his fist connecting with air as I moved away. His knee shot up instead, and I barely managed to deflect it.

I fell backwards with his next hit, the blow landing straight to my right eye. I scrambled on the mat quickly, turning around just as Shea kicked. A laugh erupted from him with the next kick, until it turned into a strain of laughter from him. I wouldn't make it if I didn't move, if I didn't fight back. I knew that. I grasped his foot on the next hit, yanking Shea beside me.

He squealed like a little girl.

I shoved my hand into his throat, cutting off his circulation and making the veins pop out in his neck.

Somehow he was able to throw me off of him, yanking my hair backwards and dragging me across the ring until he landed a punch so hard, it made me dizzy and the room began to spin. Eric called the end, Four called the medic. I couldn't stand, my eyes felt watery. I didn't want him to end it. I didn't want to lose.

Eric's arms pushed under my knees and behind my head, bringing my small body close to his chest. Picking me up, Eric walked me past the medic who tried to work while Eric moved towards the infirmary at a brisk pace. He obviously didn't know Eric well enough to know the icy man would never be stopped by anyone. The last thing I saw was his frown.

* * *

I woke up to the shrill sounds of a doctor yelling. I wanted to close my ears as the woman yelled, shut my eyes from the bright light that loomed in front of me. Groaning, I shifted and felt pain shoot through my skull. I gasped and stilled my body. Opening my eyes slowly, I let certain things come into focus. No one was near me, but I was correct about a fierce looking female doctor yelling at a patient to my side. I recognized the girl as Rylie, her nose bleeding profusely. She must've lost the fight too.

A sharp stinging radiated from the back of my neck, my body was achy and it felt torn into pieces.

I had lost the fight. I wasn't going to make it into Dauntless, I was going to die here or I would become factionless. I would live my life with no meaning, no one to comfort me at night and tell me I would be okay. I shoved my head into the back of the medical bed I was in and let out a strangled scream. The pain of everything crashing around me brought stars to my eyes and made my heart yank in my chest.

Maybe death was better.

I had lived life with no one before, a ghost walking around space. What would death mean? No, I didn't want death. Death was the bottom of that chasm and I had already practically faced it. Except...Now I wasn't so sure Eric would have let me fall.

"It's not good for you to strain yourself like that." Eric's voice came from next to the separator that kept the beds private. His head peeked out and blue eyes met mine. Trying in vain to hide all signs of my distress, I sharply turned and tried to wipe away the wet tears that made my cheeks burn.

"I'm sorry." I said in a low voice. The confusion that shot over his face was comedic.

"Why are you sorry?"

I had a million reasons, but in that moment I felt like I didn't have one. Or maybe I did have one, one that ate away at me and dug itself through my heart like an agonizing parasite. I had let Eric down again. I had proved to him that I couldn't protect myself. Being useless only made me drag him down further and that wasn't something that he needed in his life.

"I'm sorry I let you down." I whispered, tears gathering at the corners of my mouth. They were salty and it woke me up. Eric didn't care if I had let him down or not. I wasn't really even his responsibility. Out of some reason that was far off, Eric had decided to help me. It wasn't more than that.

"You didn't let me down." Eric paused. "You just didn't win." If the mood wasn't so sinisterly dark, I would've laughed. His observation of the situation was less than exceptional, but his admittance that I didn't disappoint him made me feel a little better.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, his arms crossing over his chest.

"Like I got beat up. Hard." Eric let out a short laugh. The doctor across the room looked up at the sound, obviously surprised to find it had came from Eric. I smiled.

"Other than the physical, I mean." He said. Of course he knew what I was feeling. It was probably etched across my features like a neon sign blinking. I bit the inside of my cheek nervously and looked away.

"Sad. Scared. I know that I failed, and I'm already under the red." I took in a breath and glanced up at the ceiling to keep from crying in front of the confident blue eyed leader. "I don't want to be factionless." Eric crossed the distance from where he was to my side at the bed in almost no time. He yanked a seat forward carelessly, turning it around so he could sit forwards with his forearms crossed over the back of the chair. He stared deeply in my eyes, the specks of blue and shades of grey emphasized this way by how close to me he was. A light blush colored his cheeks, probably from exertion rather than embarrassment. I couldn't even imagine Eric embarressed.

"You won't be factionless." I let out a small laugh at his words, along with a small hiccup from letting held back tears be shed. My head throbbed and my eyes hurt but Eric just stared at me like I misunderstood a million things.

"You're a realist Eric, you have to know the truth." I said shakily. Eric pushed himself forward and wiped away a tear from my cheek, his thumb rubbing my soft skin. I tilted my head to press into his palm, feeling comforted by the small action.

"I never took you for a pessimist." Eric replied with a little smile on his features. "If you think it will be so, then it will. Don't think of it that way."

I breathed in his words but the truth still clung to my mind. "Eric. You know that there's a great likelihood that it will happen, you can't deny that to me."

"I haven't denied anything to you. I just choose not to believe it." Eric said as if it was the most common knowledge in the world, a little lilt to his words.

"Oh and why is that?" I pulled myself closer to him. His bluish orbs widened fractionally but stayed otherwise open, touches of vulnerability scattered across his gaze. It was something that wasn't normally a trait for him. Eric's words weren't cold, they weren't even impassive. He was opening up a little, the tough exterior cracking slowly like glass.

"Because I won't let anything bad happen to you here. I promise." I licked my dry lips, my thoughts contemplating everything Eric was telling me in vivid detail. At this point I wasn't quite sure what to believe. Eric watched me do this, his stare turning dark. I bit my bottom lip anxiously under Eric's salacious scrutiny.

"But why? You could have saved anyone else, you could be nice to anyone else that you wanted. Why me?" I asked.

"You remind me of someone I know." It was the most I had gotten out of him in a while, his gaze heavy lidded and his mouth set in a tight line. "You're fierce–a fighter–even if it's not physical. I honestly...I don't know why _you_." He rubbed the back of his neck and then proceeded to ghost his hand through his hair, mussing up the gelled hair there. I took comfort in Eric's nervousness at my question, his squirming making me smile. He was more human with me then he would let anyone else see. "It's just _you_."

"Okay..." I mumbled, leaning forward. I wrapped my arms around him and I could feel the tension that immediately seized his body at the touch, as if this type of feeling was entirely foreign to him. I maneuvered off the bed and curled myself against his chest. After a few moments, Eric's strong arms wrapped around me. I was cocooned in heat, warmth and protection, everything about me suddenly Eric too. I let out a weak laugh. "Are you used to this?"

Eric leaned back, allowing me to see his face. His hand palmed the back of my head, holding me close to his frame. His eyes were provocative, the blue questioning everything going on around him. I smiled.

"Not exactly." Eric's voice was gruff, grating against my ears. "I should go." He said in a quiet voice before picking me up as if I weighed absolutely nothing to him. Plopping me on the bed, he made he way towards the door before yanking a hand through his hair and turning back to me.

"Meet me at the apartment at six thirty. We have to go shopping." That was all he said before quickly exiting, his retreating figure letting me fall back into the confines the small four walls that surrounded my mind and heart once again.

* * *

Of course, I wasn't late at six thirty when I came to his apartment. I highly doubted that he would appreciate it if I was late. That seemed like a no-no with him. Making Eric wait would lead to broken bones. Or worse.

He seemed so jittery when I walked towards the door that he had stuck to waiting outside, not even allowing me time to go inside and change from my training clothes. If I didn't know any better I would say he was genuinely out of his comfort zone, walking in the halls with someone out of enjoyment rather than on a mission or out of duty. He was just walking, and that seemed to set him off.

"Are you okay?" Eric's eyes darted to my own, which widened at the sharp movement of his body.

"Yeah." We turned a corner which led us directly into the pit, before Eric glanced up at one of the levels cordoned off by glass. " _Yeah_ , I'm okay." I followed Eric's gaze.

"Is that where we're going to get clothes?" Eric simply nodded, moving forward through the crowd of people that were in the pit. Most of them were playing games, the little children playing a game of tag where everyone would try to catch one child. The child playing now was doing really well, climbing up one of the walls high enough out of the reach of the other children. Apparently none of the other children knew how to climb like the little boy did. The ginger-headed boy smiled wickedly and jumped down, letting his friends trample over him and tag him.

The pit smelled like metal and gunpowder today, along with the sweet scent of chocolate cake and fresh bread as we neared the mess hall. I ran up behind Eric, catching up to him as he kept moving for the top shop. We jumped up the stairs silently, Eric apparently no longer in the mood to talk to me. Instead I just hung my head down and took in the new surroundings. This was a level that Dahlia and I hadn't gone up to. There were tattoo parlors here too, row upon row of shops that had all different sorts of clothing. There was even a furniture store. At the end was a bar with a dozen or so rowdy men drinking heavily and ranting about how Amity's didn't know how to kick a ball decently. I chuckled when I overheard the conversation.

Eric stopped in front of a shop that I hadn't been to the time I had come to the stores with Dahlia, the dark clothes and red accents catching my eye. They were all meant for women. I looked up at him, amused.

"What are you going to do while I look for clothes?" Eric pointed across the store at a chair and a changing room in front of it with a red curtain closed to the public eye.

"You're going to sit out on me buying clothes with your points?" I put my hands on my hips. "That seems like a bad investment, I could buy this whole store and put you in debt." Eric scoffed and leaned forward. To anyone else, the act would seem overwhelmingly menacing, but as Eric's lips brushed against my cheek and bent closer to my ear, it felt nothing but intoxicating.

"If you did that, I would have plenty of points left. _Go crazy_." I raised my eyebrow at his words and whacked him playfully on the arm.

"You must be pretty good at your job to be _that_ comfortable." I said, nudging past the first row of shirts with Eric close behind.

"I wouldn't complain." Came his short reply a moment after. A picked out about two dozen shirts, a dozen pants, a good handful of dresses, and two pairs of boots. Somewhere between that point, Eric had to help me carry everything to the changing room. Eric dropped off the clothes and sat in the chair. He relaxed considerably once he hit the leather, crossing his leg over his other thigh and leaning his head onto his fist. I picked out a few outfits and stared at him expectantly.

"What?" Eric asked nervously, put on edge with my sudden happiness.

"Would you be willing to see what I try on?" I swear if Eric's face could become any more annoyed, it did at that moment. His eyes narrowed at me and his jaw tightened.

"You're kidding me, right?" I giggled and grabbed another armful of fabric and clothes.

"I'll take that as a yes!" I ran behind the curtain before Eric could say anything, my squealing cut off as I entered the room.

" _Ashe._ " Eric's voice was mischievous as I heard it. He probably didn't like the idea of having to sit through me trying on every article of clothing that I had gathered from the store, but he had inevitably set himself up for failure there.

I hadn't seen a mirror since that morning, and now I could see every ounce of exhaustion and the bruises that outlined the flesh on my cheekbone. I looked tired and my hair was thrown around my head as if I had just been through a wind storm. I tried to tame it as I changed into one of the dresses. I patted it down and combed my hands through it, with only half of the satisfaction rate. Swallowing the thick knot in my throat, I opened the curtain and met Eric's amused gaze.

"What do you think?" I asked as I stepped forward. I swirled the dress around, the black charcoal dress pleated so that it could spiral in a beautiful circle as I twirled in front of Eric.

"It's fine." Stopping, I stared at him.

"Fine? That's it?" His chuckle irritated me. Was he trying to make fun of me?

"Yes, what else? It's a dress." I raised my eyebrow, and decided to work around a new tactic. I walked towards him, my footsteps light on the small carpet. Leaning against the chair, I let my leg cross over both of his own, putting my thigh dangerously close to his face.

"What about now?" I asked in a soft, sickeningly sweet tone.

"Looks a lot more appealing from this angle, I'd say." Eric whispered, eyes trained on me. I giggled softly.

* * *

Much to Eric's dismay, after I had come out of the dressing room for round two of clothes and dressing, I found the lingerie and sleepwear section. Keeping the shit-eating grin off my face while Eric stood next to me, the look of horror drawn over his features, was the absolute hardest thing I had ever had to do in my life. He shot me a mean look before spinning on his heel to sit back in the chair.

I gave a short chuckle and pulled him back by his wrist. "Oh no you don't."

Eric shook his head vehemently. "I don't need to be here for this."

"Yes you do." I smiled and leaned against a panty and garter section. "You pay for it and you get to see all of it." Sweeping around the racks, I grabbed a black and red bra and panty set with red garters and little bows.

"Are you a red color type of guy?" The glare on the back of my neck was answer enough. "Never mind. I like red."

I swear I practically skipped to the dressing room, Eric in tow behind me, looking murderous.

"I'll agree to buy anything you want as long as you don't try that on." Eric paused in front of me, safely securing me from ignoring his proposition and trying it on anyways.

"Really?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at him. Eric's nodded. If he had agreed any more vigorously I could've sworn his head would roll of his shoulders. Moving forward, I pushed myself against his chest to reach his ear and whisper, "No money or points or clothes in any of the factions could stop me." I pushed past him giddily.

"Ashe." I didn't turn around. " _Ashe._ " He was definitely getting ticked off, and me ignoring his requests probably didn't make it any better. I tried my best to ignore him as I entered the room and put on the lingerie. I looked better. Of course I had bruises that lined my cheek, curved around my eye like eyeshadow gone wrong from Shea. I had gotten a little more lean, the beginnings of muscle replacing childhood fat that lined most children. I felt like a woman as I stood in front of the mirror, my hair a long black waterfall against my olive toned skin. The most different feature was my smile.

I sauntered out of the changing room, my hips swaying in the most sexual way I could muster. Eric's protests were silenced as his eyes connected with the lace covering the most private parts of my body. The way he studied my every movement, scrutinized the way I walked towards him in the fine lingerie; I burned under the intense blue of his gaze. His eyes darkened until his pupils were wide and dilated, his hands clenching the side of the chair he sat in. I stepped forward slowly until I was directly in front of him. I gave him a small spin, allowing him to see every inch of bare, exposed skin that the lingerie uncovered.

The skin he had never gotten the chance to see when I curled into his side late at night.

His blazing hands ghosted over the outside of my thighs, until he stood. My head met the top of his chest, but I wasn't intimidated as I stood in front of him. I was practically naked–as good as naked–but I felt even more confident, especially as his eyes met mine and the fire there was just as passionate as the fire burning in my chest.

Was there _anything_ else in the world as intoxicating as this?

My black hair fell around me in waves. His large palms moved over my hips and to my sides, until he pushed me away, a few inches from him.

"Ashe." Eric warned, his eyes roaming over my chest and my hips. Quickly he rubbed the back of his neck and then shoved his hands in his pockets. I took pleasure in watching his usually graceful movements stutter in an uncoordinated way. He swallowed hard, and his next words were so deep it sounded like a rasp. "Change, _please._ " The last word was a request, a plea. I had never heard such words on his lips. I had never heard anything other than a command or a question– _other than his apology_ , my thoughts reminded. I proceeded by flashing a sultry smile before turning around and flipping my hair over my shoulder. I made a show of swaying my hips to catch his attention, and I was beyond ecstatic to find his eyes inspecting my entire body. I closed the curtains with a loud _swoosh_ and turned to the mirror. My show had concluded, but I betted the night was beyond over.

I met Eric by the counter once I had changed back into my training shirt and leggings. Bringing everything I had tried on that Eric had agreed with and that I liked, I gave it to the woman behind the counter who seemed sweet. I pushed the lingerie into the pile of clothes left over to be re-shelved, but Eric's voice caught me off guard.

"Get it."

"What?" I asked, beyond confused.

"Get it." He nodded to the lingerie on the counter.

"What? Why?" Eric gave a small shrug of his shoulders at my question. I gazed up at him curiously, watching as his eyes met mine and then focused somewhere behind me. I smiled at the young woman behind the counter. "I guess I'll take this too." She rang up the red lingerie set, the points of everything Eric was buying me ringing up on the counter. Eric touched the lock card that he owned against the metallic board, then pressed his thumb against it for identification. The register beeped and she handed me the bag. Eric's palm landed at the small of my back and I couldn't help but shudder a the warmth that flowed into my body from his touch. I became a living hot wire within one millisecond, my nerve endings electrocuted to life. He leaned over my side and took the bag, moving me across the store until we reached the entrance.

I knew that if I asked Eric again he would get annoyed. I also knew that in both scenarios I wouldn't get an answer, or even a clear one if he decided to speak. Walking through the compound at a leisurely pace, Eric made sure to keep close behind me, as if he was securing me wherever we walked. I felt oddly at peace knowing what he was doing, his side occasionally brushing against my own. We came across a hair parlor, and Eric paused.

"You want to get that haircut that you talked so much about?" His question caught me off guard, and the memory of talking to Dahlia in front of him in the mess hall sprang to mind. I leaned forward and looked at myself within the short mirror that hung from the front.

"Only if you get one too." I could see the small smile that pulled at his lips from behind me, his eyes lowering and his body hovering behind mine until it looked as though he was haunting me, a shadow of my presence. He was darkly sinister and in every way his appearance showed dominancy and sensuality.

"That seems fair." He peeked at himself in the mirror again. "And it looks like I need a trim." I slowly pivoted, my hip rolling in a long o-shape until I leaned against the glass of the shop and was met with his wide shoulders, my chin held up to stare into his eyes deeply.

"And a shave." I brushed my fingertips over the stubble growing on Eric's cheek, my hand cascading over his skin only to trail over the intricate tattoo design on his neck. Eric swallowed hard, as if a lump had just formed in his throat. He coughed and my hand fell away from his chest, curling into a balled fist at my side.

"Yeah."

Eric walked into the small shop, full with buzzing clients and the sound of machinery and equipment being used. Many of the people giving the haircuts had bizarre hair designs themselves, different colors, sizes and shapes. Eric smiled somewhat formally at the man behind the register, his eyes roaming over the back of the facility.

"The regular." Eric spoke in a clipped tone, a finality to his voice that assured the man that no more speaking was needed. I let my eyes scrutinize every single movement, and in that moment I felt distinctly like Eric. This was what he did no matter where he went, even if he knew the place like the back of his hand. Eric was never someone to be caught off guard and I was picking up traces of his character. Despite how flawed it seemed to be. How beautifully broken.

My eyes fell on a woman who was typing in something on a tablet towards the back, her white, red and black hair cropped short. She was clad in leather and a long dress which almost reached the soles of her feet. She seemed eerily familiar, like I had seen her before. Eric said something next to me but I didn't hear him. I couldn't hear him over the beating of my own heart in my chest. I hoped to God that Eric couldn't hear it.

The woman turned around and I recognized her instantly. She walked forward a few steps before looking up and stopping dead in her tracks. I was met with shocked brown eyes.

" _Tiffany?_ "


	16. Fools

_**Chapter 15 – Fools**_

* * *

 _Authors Note: Hey guys! Okay so I'm really happy with the overall response I got from the last chapter ^-^ This is the last chapter before things start getting fun :)_

 _So everything's going to essentially stay the same and I was thinking it through and things should seem pretty understandable and interesting here on out!_

 _If there are a lot of other questions, or concerns, or anything else, just send a review or a pm my way! As usual; favorite if you like it a lot, follow to keep updated and review to let me know how I'm doing!_

 _My Thanks: £00BlackHawkDown00 don't worry to much! Not much will change, if anything. My plot is still sticking to my plot! (Btw I think Compromises are huge, but they happen in subtle ways :)! Thanks for your feedback! I appreciate it greatly!_

 _£XWarrior, so last chapter I kind've assumed you'd guys would remember Tiffany, but it was way back from the beginning. Her placement in this chapter is the main focus, but she was the woman who administered the aptitude test to Ashely. Thank you so much for thinking last chapter was better ^-^, and I have issues with that too. I usually like to map my chapters out on paper before I start writing them otherwise they turn out to go completely off the plan. Also you'll find, like Tiffany that many things that seem unimportant are big character development milestones. So, forewarned! Haha Four is kind've a messed up character but he'll grow along with everyone else, as you'll see. You'll also learn next chapter about Eric, some parts of his scars and even who reminds him of Ashe. So-looking forward to that next chapter!_

 _£MyHusbandsAPrick, no problem! I'd shout out every story I read that is so amazing as yours (#marketing, read her stories, btw, I *heart* Nicotine! You made me love a concept I couldn't even really imagine in my head haha) I don't think I answered your question the other chapter (eek I forgot) Eric was the one being teased for his scars especially after initiation, during training for the Dauntless leadership and stuff. I'm writing a really short prequel to this story that explains more in depth Eric's perspective. Kind've. Wait for that to come! Next chapter is huge, for the scars, for Ashe's perspective of Eric and the other way around. Tension is mounting! ;) also I can't thank you enough and like give you writers blessings for the amazing support and feedback youve given me! I know what you said is true, it's just I, like everyone has vices and weak points that sometimes make me doubt myself, but your reviews always give me strength to keep pushing forward! THANK YOU! *hugs* haha,as always thank you for the beautiful review! Ily back! Enjoy the chapter and anticipate the next :)))))_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

The woman turned around and I recognized her instantly. She walked forward a few steps before looking up and stopping dead in her tracks. I was met with shocked brown eyes.

" _Tiffany?_ "

* * *

I froze. Both of us did. She had stopped dead in her tracks by one of the coworkers, and the man cutting hair snapped angrily at her, but she paid no attention to the distressed man. My eyes bored into hers, and both of us stood there floating in space and time for one moment. I felt Eric brush my side, awakening me from my reverie as I stood by the counter, the both of us quietly assessing one another.

The last time I had seen her was at the aptitude test room, and now her hair had grown out. She had a short set of bangs that hung over one eye which she pushed out of the way. Her features gave way to a forced smile as she continued forward, her pointed gaze switching to Eric who stood by my side. I glanced at him and sheepishly looked away as I was met with his frown which looked like if he stayed that way for one more minute the lines would stay permanently etched within his face.

Tiffany stopped before us, her hand outstretched to me.

"A pleasure to see you again." Her voice was deadly soft, as if the level of her voice couldn't reach any higher or the true intention of her words would shine through. I took her hand and shook a few times, matching her unfriendly tone.

"You two have met before?" Eric asked, immediately catching onto the tension. He glared holes into the side of my body, but I ignored it and tried to stay as impassive as possible.

It seemed I was taking after Eric.

Tiffany switched her molten brown eyes to Eric, her brow quirked up in amusement. It was clever deflection and I picked it up immediately. That meant that Eric would understand it soon too and I looked at Tiffany in a pleading way. In order for this façade to work, Eric couldn't be suspicious for too long.

"I do get around ya know." She said with a joking air, lightening the dark mood in the room fractionally. I was panicking in place, my hands finicking with my hair nervously. It was like I couldn't pretend to be something with Eric so close right next to me. "I know dear Ashely here from her aptitude test." Eric tensed next to me, and for a moment I was afraid Eric had pieced something together–something I didn't want him to know. My _divergence_. I smiled and moved towards Tiffany quickly.

"You wouldn't mind cutting my hair, would you Tiffany?" I didn't leave any room for Eric to respond. A scowl spread over his face, his arms crossing.

"Oh stop pouting Eric, I'll take good care of her." She smiled one last time before waving him off to one of the other workers, who shook hands with Eric. I presumed that Eric was regular enough with the hair stylist to know him by name as he took the seat, already gathering supplies like he knew what he wanted. How long had Eric had the same haircut?

"Xora, can I take your end chair? I need it for my client." She asked one of the other girls who was busy cleaning the hair of another person who seemed agitated that the two workers were even talking.

"Sure. Just make sure it's clean, I don't want no mess." Tiffany snapped and shot her a wink before placing me in the last chair by the back, the rest of the chairs by the front filled up. The chairs towards the end were mostly empty, and it would give Tiffany and I the perfect time to speak. I inhaled slowly, watching as Tiffany grabbed a spraying bottle and began to dampen my hair.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She hissed near my ear as she doused my head with the liquid, which smelled like small white blossoms. I held onto the chair tightly, my fingernails digging into the plush leather as I tried to mold myself away from the look Tiffany gave me as she shot daggers my way through the glass. I picked up my chin, feigning confidence, and stared her down.

"What do you mean?" She scoffed and took a comb, pulling through my hair.

"I mean you're pretty stupid for a former Erudite." Her voice was low and held so much contempt I almost swiveled in my chair. Her hands grabbed my shoulders and kept me in place as she leaned forward, pretending to grab for something so she could whisper in my ear.

"You're _Divergent_ and you came to the faction that _hunts_ them like _insects_." Tiffany emphasized each word, making it clear that my decision was in fact idiotic.

"You came to the wrong faction. You're more likely to die here than anywhere else." She shook her head, trimming my ends quickly. I watched her work, the words that I wanted to reply with, the dirty remarks dying in the back of my throat. She was probably right.

"How do you know all of this?" I asked, but she made a point of ignoring my question.

"Why are you with Eric?" I raised my eyebrow at her.

"I'll answer your question if you answer mine."

"I am one too, like you. I've been through unimaginable things." I was taken aback. Out of all the things she could've told me, that shocked me the most. Her revelation obviously made her satisfied as she watched my reaction. She looked from me and then to the mirror, peering off into the distance–her past. She was Divergent and it made so much more sense. "Now you."

"Eric's been protecting me. I was being assaulted and he helped me–"

"You have to separate yourself from him." Her voice took on a frantic tone and she peeked over her shoulder. I followed her gaze but her hands clamped on my neck.

"Why?" I asked, my light green eyes, speckled with patches of color as the light reflected off of them, darted towards hers.

"He will find out about you. It's his job. I've seen what happens to Divergents here before, what Eric did to them." She paused. "He will have no hesitation in killing you if he thinks you pose a threat to him or the faction." Her words hit me exactly where my fear had made it's home in my heart. I dropped my head, staring at my hands in regret.

 _Faction before blood. Faction before anything._

I wasn't safe anywhere, even with Eric protecting me. But how long would that last? I knew she was right, but I didn't want to pull away from Eric. The idea of not sharing that same closeness that I did with him, sleeping by his side. It felt like a broken piece of glass had lodged itself in my chest as I began to understand I would have no choice. Not if I wanted to survive.

"Eric won't hurt me." She laughed dryly at my comment.

"You see Ashely Carr when you wake up every morning; _you_ see _you_. If he finds out, he won't see Ashely, or Ashe, or whoever you think you are. You will become Divergent. You will become one number and one black ink stain amongst every other murdered Divergent member." She stopped, her hands rubbing on the black cloak that was wrapped around her middle. It was like she had walked out of a trance and was only now looking at me. "You're just a mark on a spread sheet."

"You made a mistake choosing Dauntless. All I hope is you're smart enough to choose your next moves correctly." I bowed my head as she methodically went through washing and conditioning my hair.

"What cut do you want?" She asked flatly, her breathing deep as if she was raging and had plenty of more words to say. As it turned out, I wanted the back of my hair to be shaved short in the back with an intricate pattern carved into the short hairs that remained. She complied willingly, not speaking any more words as she continued with my haircut.

"You're done." Her words were short and final, and I stood out of the chair. Immediately my gaze pulled to Eric's and when his eyes met mine, he gave a small smile. They had reshaped his sides and cut the short hair on top of his head, gelling it neatly into place. Me on the other hand had put the rest of my straight, black tresses into a simple pony tail. Tiffany had walked with me, charging Eric's lock card with the amount for my haircut.

He shot me a once over before giving me a nod of approval, but I couldn't think past the soft touches that outlined the blue in his eyes. Eric was a storm, the torrent of his emotions changing with the tides, his eyes freezing as his emotions did. The bluish grey orbs melting when he regarded me. I felt hot under his observation, my body heated as he stood next to me. The memory of the chasm, how Eric had grasped my hand tightly only to throw me over the edge made me shut my eyes. I squeezed them hard, trying to rid myself of the images coursing behind my eyes like blood coursed through my veins but it was no use.

Tiffany was right, Eric could kill me any time he liked and he would probably be able to move on from it as if it was nothing. Pain shot through my heart.

I stood impatiently next to Eric, waiting for the account to be charged. When Eric pulled the card back and pushed it into his pocket, I shot out of the room and made my way to the entrance, pulling the door open and tearing through the corridor. I leaned my head back against the pillar that sustained the large opening full with shops and parlors, the glass above our heads letting the setting sunlight pour through the open holes.

"Ashe." The one word on his lips was a warning and a question, both I wasn't prepared to work through.

"Thank you, for all of that." I murmured quietly, playing with my hands as I leaned towards Eric's voice, his body appearing from the side of the pillar.

"Are you alright?" His question soothed my nerves, but only slightly. I took the bag he held in his hand from him and decided to change the subject. I had to change the subject or I would get lost in his eyes and the unanswered question that lingered through my pounding heart. _Could he do it?_

" _Yeah_. Yeah, I'm okay." That wasn't working out well was it? Well _crap_. "I'm just really tired and my head hurts." Almost as if an automatic response, Eric's fingertips crept to touch the small bruise above my eyebrow. His touch made me tingle, but the pain from the gentle pressure he applied also made me pull away.

"We should get you back to the apartment. Let me." He swiftly grabbed the bag from my hand and shot me a playful glance from over his shoulder as he made his way through the compound, with me trailing behind. I felt out of place by his side, consumed in the way my body yearned to be close to his. If I didn't fit into Dauntless, then I had to fit in somewhere. I wanted that somewhere to be next to Eric, but he would never allow that. He would never allow me to utter those words.

But he had let me into his life, even if it was out of kindness, maybe even pity. I doubted it was pity, and it was dubious if it was even kindness, but I knew somewhere Eric cared. Now it was just to make him realize it before he made things worse. On himself and others.


	17. Blood Is Thicker Than Water

_**Chapter 16 – Blood Is Thicker Than Water**_

* * *

 _Authors Note: Hiya everyone! So sorry I updated this a day late–I was planning on posting it today but life got out of hand and called me back to duty haha. But here it is, **the** chapter! Eeek! *makes excited author noises* okay, so we get to peek at Eric, we get to meet two new people andddddd–well you have to read :) **QUESTION!** __So for next chapter there was this section that I could only imagine doing in the POV of Eric, but I was wondering how you guys would feel about that. Yay? Nay? Tell me in the comments! Okay, as always, please please pleaseeeeeee REVIEW (I love reading thoughts and reactions), favorite if ya like it and follow for updates! (Or do a simultaneous click for both, I'll accept that too xD)_

 _£MyHusbandsAPrick, thank you for your kind words. I'm glad my last post was updated just in time! *even though this one wasn't*! I hope everything's okay! If you need anything, I'm always here for support :) ily and enjoy! :)))_

 _£XWarrior, yeah she's really kind've alone if you think about it. Her mental state is her, herself and she. She's always been that way, especially because she was raised an orphan (as we'll see a peek of here) and that loneliness hasn't left. So as much as Eric has the emotions of a broken stick at some points, she also doesn't know who to trust/who to put herself into as far was loyalty because no one's lasted in her life (or have they? *hint next chapter*) Omg I want Four and Ashe to be buds so much, and I think we'll see that dynamic more once we get to simulations cause we know how he'll understand her *coughcough divergence*, and since right now her focus is Eric, that will shift, cause she can't really tell him she's Divergent, right? (or can she? xD)_

 _Btw I agree that I was a lil sneaky. Just a lil. ;)_

 _Hope you all enjoy!_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

But he had let me into his life, even if it was out of kindness, maybe even pity. I doubted it was pity, and it was dubious if it was even kindness, but I knew somewhere Eric cared. Now it was just to make him realize it before he made things worse. On himself and others.

* * *

I stretched languidly and yawned, waking up to the same four walls of Eric's bedroom that had become so familiar. Moving over, I found Eric's side empty. The smell of food told me that he was cooking, the wafting scent of toast. I glanced at the clock on Eric's side and read that it was well after seven in the morning. Of course he'd be up by this time, I couldn't even imagine Eric sleeping in late. He seemed too meticulously prepared for everything to ever do that. Too in control.

Slipping out of bed, I put on some of my new black jeans and a long sweater, the thick knitting looking big on my smaller frame. I left my hair down, mostly to cover the bruises that riddled the side of my cheek all the way to my hair line. I didn't want anyone to see that and ask what happened. Probably everyone else knew what had happened already and wouldn't ask about it.

I stepped out of the bedroom, and was met with Eric in formal Dauntless attire. I stopped dead in my tracks. He looked so groomed, his face cleanly shaven and his blue eyes bright as they gazed at me from over the rim of his coffee cup. Trying to remember how to swallow was hard as I looked him up and down, my mind freezing on the dignified black blazer he wore with the Dauntless insignia labeled on his collar, the black slacks and the crisp white shirt he had on. Eric looked beyond amazing, beyond any form of attractiveness.

Eric opened his arms to my scrutiny, using his coffee cup to point up and down his body. "What do you think?"

"I–I think you look really good." There was a quick pause before I glanced into his eyes and felt suddenly hot. "Handsome." _Wrong, shit, wrong wrong wrong._ I blushed furiously because of what I had just admitted. "You look nice." The amusement I found on his features, the gleaming in his bluish grey orbs and the smile he shot my way told me he knew exactly how uncomfortable he was making me and he loved it, _a lot_.

"Do you think the clothes would look better on..." Eric's voice got considerably lower, his eyes darkening with his words. "Or off?" In that moment I was glad that I hadn't taken the other cup of coffee on the counter because I probably would have spit it out. I glared at him because of the sexually provocative question, but Eric pointedly ignored my response.

The bastard had _the nerve_ to smugly smile at me.

I ignored him, moving past the counter to take a piece of toast from the plate, chewing on it before speaking in a rather small voice. All I could think of was Eric without clothes.

"So, why _are_ you so dressed up? Special occasion?" Eric nodded, sitting with ease in the chair and unbuttoning his blazer.

"Don't you know? It's Visiting Day." I blinked at him, utterly confused about what he was saying.

Eric raised his eyebrows at my blank look, continuing, "Visiting Day is when the parents of the transfers come to the faction to meet their kids. Or family of transfers who have grown up." I dropped my gaze to the black coffee in my cup, the sweet and dark scents swirling around my nostrils and making me yearn for so much more.

"Oh." I murmured carefully, making sure to turn away from him so that he wouldn't see the vulnerability in my eyes, the sharp pain clawing through my heart like a demon trying to escape from hell. I bit my lip to remind myself to stay in the present, not to return to the silent, lonely nights of being in my room all alone, only my thoughts to hold me to the ground. The days that passed like victims of time, forgotten and long destroyed. My imagination–my dreams and my nightmares twirling into vicious reality as I awoke every morning without a family, without my parents.

"Ashe, what's wrong?" I swallowed the thick ball of sadness that had begun to block my throat, words caught on my tongue that stung with bitter memories.

"Remember when Archer and his little gang were targeting my friends and I?" I asked, throwing the words to Eric in a barely there whisper over my shoulder because I couldn't face him as a part of me broke.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Archer made that jab about my parents." I could hear Eric's intake of breath when the remaining piece of dialogue clicked into place in his mind.

Eric's voice was little more than a growl. "He said that they had died."

I gave a little nod to his words, my eyes focused hard on the tiles of the kitchen wall, the intricate designs of the ceramic glasses. I didn't want to focus on anything else important. I just wanted to let my mind swirl around the unimportant facts of my life rather than the devastating ones. Jumping slightly, I was startled as Eric's cup hit the counter with a loud _clink_. Eric's warm hands brushed over my shoulders, sending tingles through my body. He pulled me around towards him, his fingers trailing over my neck to grasp my chin tightly.

Eric bent forward and wrapped me firmly in his chest, hugging me close to his body. Freezing at the small act of endearment, it was only until a few seconds after I realized what Eric was doing that I actually dragged my hands over his back, my fingertips brushing over the hard contours of muscle and fabric.

Eric whispered his next words by my ear. "I apologize for reminding you of that." Was Eric full of surprises like these? Was one apology enough to let a stream come through? I wondered this as Eric pulled away and met my eyes with a sort of understanding sadness in their depths.

"Do you want to spend the day with me?" Hearing those words form from his mouth was a shock to my system, but the want to actually be near him, feel him close to me made my answer definite.

I nodded my head along with my words. "Yes, but don't I have training today?"

"No, initiates have a day off." I let myself smile up at him.

"Sounds like fun, but can we get something to eat at the mess hall? Toast isn't exactly filling." Eric placed his hand over his chest.

"Your words _wound_ me." I whacked him playfully on the arm and watched as he placed all of the plates in the sink. I shook my head slowly, amused at Eric's meticulous motions as usual.

"Let's go." Eric grabbed one of his sweaters, which was oversized compared to me, and pushed it at me. "Take it, it'll be cold today." Eric told me as we moved out of the doorway, my body so close to his that every time he shifted his side brushed my own.

My heart pounded in my chest as excitement poured through my veins at his words.

"We're going outside today?" I asked, leaning towards him as we began walking at a brisk pace towards the mess hall. Eric shook his head, his eyes meeting mine.

"No, but the warehouse we're going to has an open roof, and winter is coming." I looked away, suddenly sad that I wouldn't be able to see the surroundings like I had before. The closest I had ever come to seeing the outside since the my first day within Dauntless was me being on the roof.

"We can go out another day." Eric compromised calmly.

"Really?" Eric approved by nodding his head, blue eyes softer and open. I smiled at him widely, joy filling the small holes and dents that usually made me sad. I enjoyed spending time with Eric above most other things. He seemed to understand me in a silent way, despite his lack of letting people in. I was grateful that I seemed closer than most.

When we walked into the mess hall, I found my friends fairly easily, all of them congregating towards one of the back tables. When Jake's eyes found me as I entered with Eric by my side, he stood and made his way over to the both of us. Immediately I was on edge, especially by the assertive way he stalked forward. If Eric noticed him, he said nothing as he grabbed a plate and took some of the scrambled eggs being served.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Jake hissed at me before shooting a glare towards Eric. I watched the muscles in Eric's arms flex before he turned to glower at Jake. I didn't know what was going on, but I straightened and backed up automatically. The way Eric's blue depths had changed so drastically; now cold and merciless, set me on edge.

"Jake, what are you talking about?" Jake pushed forward, moving me behind him as he faced Eric.

"You don't get to protect her, or whatever the fuck you think you're up to. You don't get to be _near_ her, do you hear me?" Jake threatened. Eric laughed, his smile dark and chilling.

"Walk away, initiate." Eric sneered, eyes glued directly on Jake's. I maneuvered myself in front of Jake but he just swept me aside, preoccupied in whatever he thought he was doing.

"Jake, what are you talking about?"

"Him! He threw you off of the chasm, and _no one_ thought to tell me." Jake growled. His normal soft, sweet personality had morphed into this person that I didn't even know. I stepped towards Eric, no longer sure of anything else but him. Jake's gaze shot daggers at me in response, but I said nothing as I delved closer to Eric's side.

"You're protecting him? What the _hell_ did he _do_ to _you_?" Jake was causing a scene in the mess hall, and I was surprised at the restraint that Eric showed. I figured that it was because Jake was a dauntless member, born within Dauntless. Maybe it was even because Max needed him for the new training plans. Whatever it was, it was slowly wearing thin with each letter spewed from Jake's mouth.

"Eric didn't do anything to me! Jake, _please_ , go away." I spoke in a small voice, the words derisive despite the plea mixed within it. He examined me as if I was some new thing, a scowl replacing the anger on his face.

Eric finally snapped, dropping his plate on the table and facing the initiate who seemed to be losing his will with every second. He didn't know what fight he picked when he decided to yell at Eric, and I almost felt bad for him as Eric turned. "Why are you still here?" Eric barked loudly. The rest of the mess hall had become silent. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment at their spectacle.

"Ashe." Jake spoke my name as a request, trying to reason with me. "He'll hurt you." I just stared blankly at him in response. I couldn't form any words, the words had dried up in my mouth as Jake had begun his rant. The testosterone and the anger thrummed in the air with each second that I didn't respond, each moment that I couldn't say anything. Eric put his foot forward and I grasped the fabric that clothed his bicep, the muscle bunching with my touch.

" _Don't,_ Eric, _please_." I knew what he could do. What he would do if I let him go. Maybe part of my fear is I couldn't even imagine it. I turned my back on Jake and looked up expectantly at Eric, waiting for him to stop boring into Jake's, for his eyes to turn soft again. Would Eric listen to me where Jake hadn't?

Eric's hand grasped my own, before moving deliberately; slowly. He moved as if he could no longer recall how to. His eyes met mine, the blue slowly recognizing me like he had never seen me before and yet remembered me from a long forgotten dream.

"Come on." I pulled on his sleeve, shooting an apologetic grimace towards Jake. I ignored everyone else in the mess hall, all of the silent murmurs that became loud chatter as I pulled Eric away from the room. Eric automatically began leading be again, but this time his steps were harder, a heavy prowl that almost seemed uncoordinated for Eric. "Eric?" I called after him, but he didn't give me any acknowledgement. I found myself remembering this pathway, Eric having brought me this way before.

The dark walls changed from metal and stone to wood and glass, somewhat familiar and yet definitely new. Eric stomped into an office and I quickly shuffled in behind him.

Once I found my voice, I steadied it and moved towards Eric. "Eric." I addressed him clearly, waiting for his response.

"Fucking hell, I should have beat that pathetic excuse for an initiate until his skull cracked!" Eric bellowed loudly, crushing his fist against the wall in anger. Shuddering with the loud crash, I slowly neared him. "But _no_." He turned around until he was hunched over, his posture bent to menacingly dominate me. "He's your _friend_." Eric spat the words as if they tasted wrong in his mouth. After he said it, he let out a forbidding laugh.

I noticed that the knuckles from his abused hand were bleeding. He was painfully self-destructive and he didn't even realize it. It tore me apart. "Please–Eric."

"Please what!" He shouted, waving his hands around, opening himself to me as if I should take a shot and aim towards him as if his chest was bare and exposed to me. "What else do you want from me, Ashe?"

" _Nothing,_ " I practically whined the simple word, pained by his adverse reaction in this closed off place. Ironically this seemed like the last setting that would hold someone as dangerous and contained as Eric. " _Please_ calm down and let me look at your hand." His eyes flashed towards his hand and he contracted his fingers, a frown appearing on his face. I took a tentative footstep forward, one becoming many until I crossed the small room and reached him. Softly gripping his palm, I turned it on each side to check his bone structure.

"It's not broken." I whispered, frightened by the harshness of Eric's words. "Don't let Jake change your mood from before. You were being so _nice_." I could tell that Eric wanted to smile, but he seemed to be stuck in a permanent frown.

"You should get used to me like this. It's who I truly am."

I pressed myself to his chest, leaning forward and brushing my hand over his cheek. He was forced to look at me here, gaze into my eyes without turning away. "I don't believe you."

"You may be one of the only ones." Eric's head slowly tilted until his forehead rested against mine. He released a sigh slowly as he opened his eyes. His scrutiny fell to my lips and I let them part, surprised by the beating in my chest and the warmth running through my veins. In this position, everything felt open and intimate. Our breaths mingled–Eric's lips so close to my own that it was a strain not to close the distance and brush my lips against his.

"Eric." I moaned, moving forward until I was pressed securely against him. Eric leaned down, closing that distance inch by inch. I let my eyes close.

A loud knock on the door made us pull apart as if fire burned wherever we touched. Eric was obviously annoyed, his eyes searching mine, expectant of something.

Eric moved forward, opening the door quickly. "Who is it and what do you want? Someone better have died." He groused.

"That's not usually the answer I expect from you on a day like today." A woman with sleek, flat brown hair moved forward and plastered herself against Eric, hugging him fully. I bit the inside of my cheek as she touched him, suddenly jealous. I beat myself up over it internally. There was no reason to be jealous, it wasn't like I was in a relationship with Eric. It wasn't like he was mine. That fact sent cold chills running through me, especially at Eric's absence.

"Oh, oh I didn't know you had company!" The woman, who I assumed was roughly the same age as Eric, was clothed in Erudite blue and studied me intently. I felt set on edge with her presence, the way her hand rested on Eric's wrist. A small little girl ran forward, clutching Eric's thigh with her small arms. If I thought I had lost my voice before, now was definitely proof that I would never gain my voice back again.

I found Eric's small smile adorable as the girl clutched at his leg, before he rested his eyes on me in amusement. Was my jealousy that obvious?

"Ashe, this is my half sister Sophia and her daughter Cara. You two, meet..." There was a long pause, the blue in his orbs turning dark. "Ashe." He hadn't called me his initiate. He hadn't even addressed me as an underneath. I felt awkward as I stood in the office, which I assumed was Eric's, the obvious gap between Eric and his family. I felt bad that I didn't think Eric could have more family than the parents that I could remember clearly, but I never remembered a sister.

The dark haired woman with green eyes resembled me in many ways. She _really did_ look like me. " _Sister,_ Eric. We've been through enough to be more than blood." Her sharp gaze turned to me. Her blue dress moved rather loosely as she came forward quickly, closing the space between us.

"Hi there." She spoke. When I raised my hand she laughed at me and hugged me close to her. Stuck in a state of shock, I tried to make it up as it was flung towards me, but I found myself dodging the infinitely small details. I hugged her back quickly before she let me go. "Are you one of Eric's initiates? You look so young!" I nodded slowly, interpreting all of the things before me. I hadn't even known that Eric had a sister. Or a niece.

"I've never met one of Eric's initiates before, oh you must be dying working with him." She laughed and I couldn't help but join in with her, no matter how hesitant I was. How out of place.

Eric scowled from across the room, his attention off of the little girl in front of him. "This is why." Eric muttered under his breath.

"Oh hush." Sophia leaned forward and whispered in my ear. "I'm nicer than he makes me out to be." Knowing that the woman was just Eric's sister made relief swarm my insides. Thinking that she had been more, especially seeing the little girl, had been like a little knife twisting in my gut and that fact scared me a heck of a lot more.

"Ashe, do you want to take a walk around the compound with me? I'd like to get to know you a little more." She asked, her smile contagious. Cara moved forward and hesitantly watched me, her small muddy green eyes dark against her pale skin.

"You're just going to leave me here, all alone?" Eric asked, pouting dramatically as he swept the little girl into his arms in a big hug.

Sophia gazed at Eric lovingly before turning to her daughter. "You're not alone, you have Cara, and I'm with you all the time. I know you more than you'd like, trust me." Eric let out a gruff laugh before setting Cara down.

"Just don't go too far in the compound. Max doesn't want people wandering around on a day like today."

"Don't worry little brother, I know how to take care of myself." Eric glared halfheartedly at his sister.

I followed Sophia out of the office, my feet trailing behind her as we walked back to the pit before she took a shortcut I had never seen and we both came to the chasm.

"I always found it relaxing here." Sophia murmured silently, glancing at the falling water. Here we looked even more similar, our long hair and green eyes.

I was pulled out of my observations as she peeked at me through the dark strands of her hair. "Aren't you Erudite? You seem to know this place better than I do." Sophia laughed and pulled her hands together, cracking her knuckles carefully. The distinct pops seemed to calm her down, even though she was the older one here, especially if Eric was her younger half-brother.

"I _am_ Erudite, but I work for Erudite's Communications Administration, which means I travel from faction to faction very often." She smiled kindly at me, the skin around her eyes crinkling with the movement. "I'm sure you have plenty of questions to ask me. About me, and my brother." Sophia let out a soft chuckle. She was sweet, and kind. If I didn't know better, she would seem more my age.

"Have you been to Dauntless often?" I inquired, mimicking her pose over the chasm. The running water soothed my nerves, especially about being around a part of Eric's close family. She seemed like the complete opposite of him, and it was a rude awakening. Four had said Eric hadn't always been so closed off, and Sophia was hard evidence that it was probably true.

"Yes. I've spent a lot of time here, for both Eric and other reasons." Her eyes focused on the water in front of her. "I was raped in Dauntless, and after that Eric didn't want me to leave Erudite for my post in Communications, but I couldn't just stand by and let my life fade away." Her smile turned melancholic, memories filled with different emotions. My thoughts stuttered at what she had told me, the sadness of her voice, the starkly depressing turn the conversation had taken so far. She glanced at me before letting out a short laugh.

"Sorry, that was a lot to place on you. I figure you have to be important to Eric, especially by the way he looks at you." I blushed at her words. If only she knew the truth of our predicament.

I shifted nervously next to her. "I'm sorry about what happened to you here." The space between us was silent before she turned next to me sharply.

"Don't be. Something good came from it; my daughter. That I can never regret." Her lips turned up at a memory. "When Eric came here, he broke into Max's office, found the file and beat up the guy. Almost killed him." I just stood there, glued to my place. All of this information was surprising, especially coming from Sophia, a woman who I had only just met. Yet even in just a little bit, I felt like I understood Eric that much more. Why he was so protective of me, why he decided to shield me from Archer so defensively. It all connected to his sister.

"Sorry, again. It's a lot to take in, I know. I've been spending a few months in Candor and the whole honesty, spilling my guts thing just seemed completely normal there. I didn't mean to put you into shock or something." I tried to smile at her kindly even though my system was going through a complete shock like she had described. Not ten minutes ago had I been introduced into this entirely different world that I hadn't known about, and now I felt like I knew so much more than I was supposed to. Irony for someone who was once Erudite.

"It's okay. I've never met a Candor, at least not one I really talk to so I'm not accustomed to such forwardness. I'm just surprised that Eric didn't kill the guy." She laughed at my response, her eyes lighting up.

"Trust me, he wanted to." Eric now appeared to me in an entirely new light, the way he interacted at every moment with me somehow connected to protecting me. Making sure that I was never hurt like his sister was. I began to appreciate him in my life all that more. If only Jake had known what Eric had been doing for me all of this time rather than just that singular time that I basically disrespected everything Eric had done. I stared dully at the floor, starstruck with the new realization. He might've been cold, even remorseless at times, but I had no doubt he cared. I was a special case to him, someone that hit him where neither of us probably ever expected.

"What about you? Where do you come from?" Sophia spoke up, her eyes focused completely on me.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. "I'm originally from Erudite as well, but I transferred because–well, I guess I transferred because I didn't have anything keeping me there." She snorted and then laughed.

"And you thought the best place to come to was Dauntless?" She asked.

"I guess I just wanted to be fearless over everything else." She sobered at my words, glancing at me, the thoughts swirling obviously in her eyes and in her features. She definitely had spent too much time in Candor.

"No one is ever fearless, Ashe." Sophia whispered quietly.

"Do you know where Eric's scars come from?"

Sophia raised her eyebrow. "Look who's Candor now." She patted my shoulder at my frightened look since I was immediately afraid that I had overstepped a boundary. "It's okay Ashe, I'm only joking. Eric...When Eric first passed his initiation, he wasn't immediately a leader of course. He was in training for it, but he was enlisted in the guard program. At one point, there was a rebellion within the factionless." Her voice cracked and her green eyes reflected the light and flowing water of the chasm.

"I heard about that." I murmured quietly.

"Yeah. Well Eric went into combat, and he was held hostage there. The factionless had weapons–we still don't know where they got them from, and Jeanine is working on that, but he never really went in depth about what had happened to him for the weeks he was there." A tear slid down her cheek and I felt almost like an Amity as I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. I couldn't imagine the fear, or the pain that she had went through during that time. "Let's just say, he came home with more scars than the ones on his back."

She wiped away the small drop of water as she faced me again, releasing a pent up breath and glancing at me. "We should probably get back to him despite how interesting this conversation has been. He'll get worried."

We walked in silence on our way back to Eric's office, but it was comfortable. Sophia was an obviously kind person, openly honest–even more open than I had ever met in a person. I admired that quality, but I also felt overwhelmed with information as we stepped towards the glass windows. From inside, Eric was swinging Cara in his arms, a broad smile on his face and it was apparent that Cara was giggling. I had never seen him like this, so carefree and vulnerable. He probably had to be icy and hard for everyone else. He was right. It was a cruel world.

Warmth spread through my chest as I watched him interact with the little girl, tugging on a small length of her hair before she hit him in the shoulder with her tiny fist. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face at the little window into Eric's heart. I was shocked at how sweet the view was.

"Do you care for my brother, Ashe?" Sophia's question was so unexpected, I practically spun into her body, her similarly small frame so close near my own.

Stuttering was what I was left to do. "W-what do you mean?"

"My brother, do you care for him, as more than an initiate would a leader?" I was struck, immediately hot by the straightforward question. I found him handsome, and nice when he wasn't completely cold. I found myself craving his small touches, the little smiles or the amused chuckles. I found myself wanting him to kiss me.

I openly avoided the question."Why would you think that?" I asked.

"The way you look at him, now; in the room. The way he let you in before. If he didn't want you to see that, he wouldn't have, and yet he did. I know he doesn't act like that with others and yet you're different. That's why I ask."

"I...I don't know." But I was fearful because I did know. I felt like I knew with every fiber of my being, and yet I found myself unable to answer her.

"Just don't give up on him just yet. He talks a lot of shit but he's different once you crack him open." She entered the office and I was left to string along behind her, entering Eric's office for the second time that day. Eric peered over Cara's head and smiled at me.

"Welcome back." Eric's voice was more relaxed as he greeted us. Cara called for her mother and hugged her. The little girl turned her cheeks up when she saw me over her mothers shoulders, little dimples forming in her cheeks–like Eric had when he smiled wide enough.

"Although I love to see you, and I've loved meeting you Ashe," Sophie turned to me with a knowing look in her eyes that made me feel bare to how I felt, she spun around to look at Eric. From her words I could tell she was leaving just as quickly as she had entered my life and bared my heart to my own thoughts. "I have to run back to Erudite, report to Jeanine and go to Candor for a follow up."

"All right, have a safe trip." Eric gave her a small hug and moved away, suddenly looking rather shy in a room full of three women. I'm sure he felt out of place, especially with me as an onlooker into this whole new perspective into his life.

When Sophia and Cara left, Eric moved forward silently, his gaze dark and hooded. He towered over me, his body a fortress of power and restrained passion. I felt cornered as I returned the heat in his eyes.

"How did things go with my half-sister?" He asked, yet it felt like he didn't want to talk about his sister at all. His blue eyes were too intense, too focused on me.

"Oh, it went fine. I learned a lot of new things about you." I joked lightly, spreading my hand over his chest only to wrap it slowly around his neck. My eyes stuck to the columns of black tattoos that stood out against his throat. The problem with what I said was it wasn't a joke. I had learned things about him that made me see him in a new light, things that made me want him all the more with a yearning deep between my thighs. I smiled as his eyes darkened.

"They can't be all bad if you haven't run for the hills yet." He murmured, gaze closing in on my own. I hummed my appreciation as his hands kneaded against my hips, pulling me closer.

"They definitely weren't."

"Hmm.." I could feel him strain closer to me, his lips so close. "Remind me, what were we doing before?" The simple question held so much more. We had been like this before, so close to a kiss–only a breath and a knock away. I anticipated his lips against me now as the strong, masculine scent of him and his cologne filled my nose.

"We were talking." I answered coyly, my eyes daring him to tell me differently.

I wasn't surprised that he accepted my dare.

I was surprised that he admitted it though.

His voice was addictive, sweet and dark and everything that someone could easily want more of. "Really? I could've sworn you were going to kiss me." My fingers trailed over his cheek, rubbing the stubble that had began to grow on his face, until my thumb played with his bottom lip.

" _Me_? Kiss _you_? In your dreams, Eric." Eric laughed darkly, the sound much more sinister than normal.

"You can bet on that..." He leaned forward, his lips brushing _oh-so-softly_ over my cheek to my ear. "Ashely."

I shivered with my full name rolling on his tongue, the grind of his hips on mine sending hot warmth through my spine.


	18. Candor or Whiskey

_**Chapter 17 – Candor or Whiskey**_

Hey guys! Okay, one day–almost two days late! EEK! It's been a long while and keeping a three day update period is tough. Idk what I'm going to do for the rest of the week because after this things start getting _crazeh!_ So in this chapter we have a partial Eric POV towards the end, because I couldn't imagine writing it in Ashe's POV, so I hope you guys enjoy that shift. Idk if it'll happen again, maybe when important parts happen without Ashe, but right now it's all Ashe. The game that Candor or Whiskey is based off of is actually called Truth or Drink and you can find some funny videos of it on YouTube. Btw this chapter is like, HUGE, so, *wipes off sweat and tears and blood* I hope you enjoy it! Fun stuff coming now, especially after the ending :3 If you like it pleaseeeeeee favorite it! It means a bushel of love to me, follow to keep updated and _**REVIEW!**_ Tell me your thoughts, yell at me, shout at me, tell me I'm awful or that I'm amazing *always accepted* haha! I love deh reviews :3 Without further ado, my thanks!

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 _ **My Thanks:**_ £MyHusbandsAPrick, yes, definitely some dark themes in the last chapter, and we'll see the ramifications of that moving forward, definitely. He can be a sweetheart, I think, in private, but sometimes I just wanna strangle him as I write him, and this new perspective of him kinda lets us see into that hard veneer he has up a lot. I hope I represented it well enough. So we don't get much more info in the next few chapters about his scars, because now at the end we have new things arising, but we will see a new problem arise from it next chapter that's actually hinted at in this chapter. (Can you find it? Prolly not) lol. It's hard, you probably won't expect it but it is coming :) Also he didn't exactly 'kiss' her. He came close. Like excruciatingly close. Like why couldn't you move two inches close. BUT, hehe next coming chapters, thanks for your feedback as always! Lots of Loveeeee!:3

£Leneah1, hehe yes I was a little mean with the end...And I was a little mean with this end...And the next coming ends will probably be meaner xD, but thank you for your sweet feedback! It means a lot! I'm glad you like my OC :3 Sometimes I war with her but I think she's strong and weak in all of the human places. :)

£Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins, yes sexy times! lol, sexy times _are-a-comin',_ glad you yayed Eric's POV, enjoy it :3 haha. And yes, GoT references, gotta love them. I love Game of Thrones so that's probably not the last time you'll see a quote about winter like that haha. Thanks for your feedback as always!

£Canadice, hehe yes it was a tease. I'm so sorry. I know it's cruel torture and this will probably torture you more, but I hope you enjoyed it :) Thanks for your comment and your enjoyment! I love it! :)

£XWarrior, (BTW NICE NEW COVER *love*) actually it's so funny you bring that up. When I was coming up with Sophia's character, I was like–okay this can be taken a little weirdly. Or a lot weirdly. But actually what Ashe is doing was because she thought Sophia was his wife/partner/whatever else at first, she instantly compared herself to her. She wanted to be her (even if she didn't realize it). Realistically, their only common trait is straight hair and green eyes. And their eyes aren't exactly that similar. It's all perspective :) And Eric finds her similar because of what they went through, Ashe was almost raped, Sophia was. Automatic protection duty activated. Without thinking I wrote Eric as protecting Ashe from that because I don't think he wants anyone to go through that, and in one of the earlier chapters (when she's cleaning his stitches and it's their first real convo sorta) he says he doesn't exactly support statutory rape. But think about it–he was interested in her life even before that happened to her (Erudite emblem/first jumper attention), so there's more! :) Yes it would be a smack, I'm glad it wasn't a smack (totally). I am a tease, I'm starting to feel bad about that lol, but I hope you enjoy this chapter :) Thank you for commenting as always, I enjoy reading it all! :)

 **Go Read:**

Go read The Sound of Silence by MyHusbandsAPrick

Dauntless Bootcamp by Leneah1

Aria, dangerous beauty in a Dauntless world by XWarrior

 _ **Enjoy!**_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

" _Me_? Kiss _you_? In your dreams, Eric Coulter." Eric laughed darkly, the sound much more sinister than normal.

"You can bet on that..." He leaned forward, his lips brushing _oh-so-softly_ over my cheek to my ear. "Ashely."

I shivered with my name rolling on his tongue, the grind of his hips on mine sending hot warmth through my spine.

* * *

That morning, I was happy to wake up early and find Eric sleeping soundly next to me. It hadn't taken me long to get accustomed to sleeping with him like this, and it seemed almost contradictory to Eric as a person. At least the person everyone else knew. Eric wasn't the kind of man to just allow someone into his life like I had, and yet he did. _To protect me_. My skin tingled at the thought of how deep his want and need to protect me went, even if it began with his sister.

His arm was thrown lazily above his head, exposing the tattoos on his neck that symbolized his role as a leader. I had found the same tattoos on Max and some of the other leaders around the faction, but no one's stood out like Eric's. Maybe I was biased, since I was nuzzling his cheek and admiring the view up close and personally as he allowed me to in these small moments.

I imagined Eric fighting in combat like Sophia had said. I could practically see his graceful movements, each footstep followed by stamina and power. Eric being held hostage seemed like an unlikely outcome, but I still didn't know the whole story, and I doubted that I would any time soon. Sophia might've been more straightforward with me, bringing me in close, but Eric still held close to the precautions and guards around every single thing he did.

I was sure he had his reasons for it.

Sometimes I just wished he didn't do it. Not with me.

Seeing him so relaxed now, his breathing deep and calm, made up for all of the times that he barked and acted bossy when we were out of his apartment. This was the Eric he allowed me to see, and I was more than grateful for it.

Jake, Dahlia, Vera and Zach may have been my best friends, the ones I relied on heavily, but I didn't even know what I would do without the blue-eyed leader here. He kept me sane while simultaneously driving me absolutely nuts. He understood me in a way no one else seemed to, two burdens of different kinds of solitude. One forced and one chosen.

In a moment of confidence I kissed the underside of his chin, the stubbly fine hairs tickling my lips. Groaning, Eric slung his arm over my side and clawed me against him, bringing me as close as I could get to him.

His voice was deep and gravelly, and I was so close I could feel the rumble from his chest that came with it. "You're playing with fire, Ashe." I let out a small giggle and rested my head against his arm.

"I hope I don't get burned."

"That's a given." Eric replied, stretching and all the while holding me tightly to his front. "You have a new stage of training today." I lifted my head and was met with a small smile.

"What stage is that?" I asked, my voice a small whisper.

"You'll be throwing knives."

I turned my cheek and peeked up at him. "Fun."

"Depends."

"On?"

"If you can aim well or you need my help again." The superior smirk that ghosted across his features was well enough to remind me of how Eric had helped me on the roof, when I was learning how to shoot a gun.

My eyes challenged him silently, asking him if he thought I could do it. "Maybe I'll prove you wrong."

"We'll see."

* * *

Eric poured a bowl of cereal and milk for himself, leaning against the counter and balancing his weight on his side. I was already dressed and it was only seven thirty in the morning. It left me half an hour more to train, thirty minutes more to improve without Archer's eyes checking me as I did it. Eric raised his eyebrows at me, his expression otherwise closed off.

"Where are you going?"

I grabbed the cup of coffee on the counter, the one next to Eric's, and took a long sip. "I'm going to train in the warehouse." Reaching for the door, Eric's voice held me back while I turned and looked at him in surprise.

"Gimme a few minutes and I'll come with you." He set the bowl down and walked into the bedroom.

"You don't have to." I called into the empty space, my light voice echoing through the silence. Eric meandered back into the living room, pulling a plain black shirt over his bare torso. I watched, taking note of each and every muscle that moved carefully. His scars peeked at me, reminding me of Sophia's words, before the shirt covered the exposed skin.

"Yes, I do."

I crossed my arms over my chest at Eric's words, thrown out there as if I couldn't take care of myself. I was instantly reminded of Archer shoving his body over my own, his hand cutting off my mouth. I drove the thought to the back of my mind and focused on the less than enthusiastic man standing in front of me.

"Eric, Archer hasn't tried anything in more than two weeks. I doubt that he'll try anything now." I reasoned, shifting as chilly blue eyes focused on me. My body heated up at the contact of his eyes, the simple glance almost tangible as his eyes raked over my body.

Eric threw his vest around his shoulders and pulled up the collar, emphasizing the black tattoos that had stood out only earlier this morning. "That's just it. He will make you feel comfortable, rely on that belief, and strike when you're at your weakest."

I straightened at Eric's words but stayed quiet. Eric was probably right, he had more experience in the topic of hunting and probably even killing. If he figured Archer would strike again, he probably would. As he moved closer, the specks of grey and blue became even more prominent and I was reminded of the man Sophia had said protected her, stood up for her with all of the costs on his shoulders. I may not have always seen the protective side of Eric's ways, but I didn't doubt they existed. I squared up to him so I didn't feel like I was conceding but my next words just proved him right.

"All right. You win. You can come with me."

Eric scoffed and pulled open the door. "Like I asked."

"Okay caveman, I'll let you believe what you want."

Eric paused in the doorway, his lock key in his hand. His eyes darted to mine, questioning. "I just have to drop by the office. You want to come with me while I clear some stuff up?"

"You want me to go to your office again?" I asked, surprised.

He confirmed with a nod of his head. "Yeah."

"Okay."

"Good, let's go."

* * *

In his office, I found a lot more things than I had the previous day. Photos of him and Max, along with a blonde women with striking blue eyes. They all had the leadership marks. Eric sat behind me, typing away at emails that he found in his inbox, completely concentrated and in leader mode. I glanced at him over my shoulder only to find him closely inspecting a document before typing up a response.

Sighing, I padded over to a few certificates, one of high merit, another of youngest qualification. From the date of birth on the degrees, he was only seventeen. Only one year older than me. And his last name was Coulter–I was almost ashamed I had forgotten that fact from when he was in Erudite. He was only one year ahead, after all.

That in itself seemed like an entirely different notion. He was powerful, confident. Nothing about him hinted at being young or naive, rather that he had too much experience. I could see why he had won their award and worked his way into their ranks. As I remembered his scars, I wondered at what price.

After closely inspecting most of his office and finding it cold and calculated, like much of him, I comforted myself in sitting in his visitor chair and watching him as he worked. He typed effortlessly, his fingers flying over the keyboard as if he expected where every word would go. Where every sentence began. After two or three emails, Eric's concentration shifted from his computer screen to me.

"Why are you watching me like that?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

I responded with a small shrug of my shoulders. "I'm just watching you."

"But why?"

"Because I enjoy reading you." I leaned back, copying Eric's air of confidence. The side of his lip curled upwards, and he mimicked my position. Of course though, he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh really? And how do you do that?" I could tell by his question that he wasn't even slightly intrigued, but rather he was mocking me. I stared him down.

"I just watch your reactions to the emails you get."

Leaning forward, Eric steepled his fingers in front of the keyboard and shot me a frightening smile. "What kind of reactions are these? I'm _dying_ to know."

I parted my lips, watching closely as Eric's eyes narrowed in on the action.

"Well, the last email you read, the pressure you exuded on the keyboard meant you weren't happy with what the person had written. Your eyes got darker–that could mean one of two things. One, you're angry or second, you're intensely focused. Lastly your muscles buckled underneath your shirt as you wrote, which is a signal that you're angry about what you read." Disbelief crept up on his features before he returned to his control, eyes hungrily searching my own for answers.

"And the one before that?"

"The side of your lip twitched in amusement and your eyes became wider. That could mean that either what the person wrote was funny or so stupid that it made you want to laugh–except you wouldn't. Instead you'd internalize it and keep a neutral façade." Eric turned the monitor to the side, so that there was nothing hindering the space between him and I. Taking in a deep breath, I watched Eric lean forward. Now it was my turn to focus on his lips; the way he chewed the plush bottom flesh before letting it go and confronting me.

"It's slightly scary how easily you're able to read me." I shot him a cheeky smile.

"Maybe I should create a course, How To Read Eric Coulter 101."

His eyes narrowed in on me, and I could tell it was mostly because of my use of his last name. "But then all of my secret tricks wouldn't be up my sleeve anymore."

"True. Maybe I'll just keep it between us." Standing, he absorbed my words and leaned against his desk, towering over me.

"Hmm..." He grasped my training jacket from over the chair and handed it to me. "I would greatly appreciate that."

* * *

Leading me to the compound with his normal gracefulness and accents of dominancy, we entered the training warehouse. As we made it past the first pillar together, Eric's side brushing my shoulder, we found that Four was already there with his initiates. I frowned, pulling towards Eric as Archer shot me a glance.

"Ashe, come on. New thing to learn today." Four smiled kindly at me, the stubble around his jaw crinkling with the movement. I peeked at Eric to find him standing rigid, gaze focused anywhere but at me. I quickly grasped my jacket, the cold air meeting my skin and making goosebumps rise. Quickly shaking myself, I walked towards Dahlia, Jake and Vera. Zach was out of the group today, and his absence was noticed.

"What happened to Zach?" I asked, leaning against Dahlia.

She sighed, reaffirming her position next to me so my weight was bearable on her neck. "Archer and him got in a scuffle last night at the mess hall 'cause Archer was messing with Vera."

"Is he okay?"

Vera cut in. "He's in the infirmary but he should be okay." A grimace passed over her face when Jake glanced at her. "He's already behind the ranks because of what he did for me." _Right,_ he had let Vera win, and I had gotten thrown over the chasm. Jake blinked at me.

"Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday. If I caused problems between you and him–"

"It's okay Jake, don't worry about it." I didn't want to fight with him about what had happened the day before. He had been idiotic to stand up to Eric, but I didn't doubt it was for the right reasons. If anyone else had held me over the chasm like Eric had, I wouldn't even blame him. It made me wonder what made Eric so different.

I doubted that Eric would hold back next time, if Jake decided to confront him again, whether it was for me or not. Moving forward, I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck and pulled him into a tight hug. Jake was excessively warm and I snuggled closer to him.

"How in hell–you're like an oven!" I practically purred, shivering as Jake willingly let me cuddle closer to him under his jacket, a smile on his face.

"Blame it on my parents. We're warmblooded."

Dahlia made a beeping noise and whacked me on the shoulder. "Eric alert, you're getting dirty looks." Jake picked up his head, gaze narrowing on the blue eyed leader. If I didn't know any better, Eric looked fuming.

Jake just shot him a bright grin that had _mine_ written all over it and turned us towards Four.

I rolled my eyes at Jake. Guys were so territorial. I wasn't even anyone's. I was happily my own person.

Four cracked his knuckles before his neck, becoming relaxed rapidly. This was his zone, and it was obviously what he loved to do.

"Use your arm for aim, don't throw knives at each other. They're real and they're sharp. If you want to kill each other do it on your own time, not mine." Four said loudly, propping himself on one of the pillars. "If the knife rebounds, don't be that one stupid initiate who goes to pick it up. There's a time when everyone runs out of knives and we collectively retrieve them. Like normal, your accuracy and attention is being scored. Begin."

Taking a package of knives wrapped in a black leather and cloth bundle, I spread it apart and revealed the sharp tipped weapons. They glinted in the light, almost as a warning to how dangerous they truly were. The metal and sleek black handles reminded me of Eric's piercing. Dahlia immediately took one and threw it against the board, the butt of the knife hitting the backboard and flying backwards with a harsh clang.

Four cleared his throat. "Actually try to aim, Amity."

"Sorry Numbers Sir, I was just checking to see if they worked." The sarcasm dripping from her voice made me shake my head, but I followed Four's orders and used my arm as an aim. Following my sight, I threw the dagger and it hit the edge of the middle ring. Dahlia glared at me.

"Ugh, you're kidding me." She spoke in a sour tone. I stuck my tongue out at her, returning to my pose and throwing another, a little closer to the center this time.

"You were good at shooting guns, I'm good at throwing knives. Suck it up."

"You've been spending too much time with our dearest leader." I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at her words as I hit the next target dead on.

"You're just jealous because I don't have to be naked in front of eleven other people."

Dahlia shrugged as she spoke, throwing a knife and missing horribly. "I'd choose eleven people over one Eric, personally."

Jake leaned over the small post and his blue eyes gleamed at my own from the light. "Wait," he turned one of the blades over in his fingers. "You change in front of him? I thought you had separate living arrangements." Dahlia and I both stiffened but didn't respond.

Four saved the day, his gruff voice pulling Jake back over the post. " _Shut up_ you three."

After making all of my shots consecutively, we went forward and got all of our knives. As I leaned across my aisle to take one of the sharp tools with sleek black ends, Archer went for the same one.

Archer growled. "This one's mine."

"Over my dead body." I retorted, grasping the metal. Archer just sneered at me as his lip curled menacingly.

"Gladly." Archer lunged at me, the knife stretching past my face. I dodged in time, missing the blade's connection to my skin. On the pull back however, the sharp metal cut against my shoulder, ripping my shirt and making blood blossom at the wound. My lungs burned from fighting, my breath was labored and the skin around my cut hurt like _hell._ I couldn't let it get to me though, I couldn't let him win when this was on my terms. Grasping his wrist tightly I connected my fist with his jaw and yanked down, pulling his head between my arm and wrenching the dagger out of his hands.

"Enough!" Four barked, pulling Archer away as familiar warm hands picked me up by my middle and yanked me backwards.

"Let me go!" I let out a muffled scream, lunging out of Eric's grasp in Archer's direction.

"Stop it," Eric growled, setting me down on the opposite end, away from Jake and my friends. "Stop acting like a child."

I wheezed harshly, scowling at Eric's cool demeanor. "A child?" He was calling _me_ a child when I didn't even start the fight in the first place? What had changed from this morning, to the man that seemed so calm around me? So different? "You've got some nerve, let me go!" I slapped his hand away halfheartedly, stepping away from the post Eric had dragged me to.

When Eric didn't listen to me, I growled the words again. "I said let me go." I shimmied away from Eric, moving back to my original place in the lineup. Dahlia and Jake both turned to me but I ignored them and shot my daggers at the target. I didn't miss a shot but I didn't stop either.

After a short amount of time, as the small fight that had broke out between Archer and I before died down and we all began to cool off, Eric's booming voice echoed through the warehouse.

"Jacob. Ashe." Eric said our names with a degree of coolness that I hadn't heard in a while, but still felt familiar as I listened. I had an inkling of what was coming. I knew Eric was still upset at Jake for yesterday, and if that meant making him pay in different ways he would. The only thing I didn't know was why I would be involved.

"Other initiates, step away from your posts." Quickly scanning the compound, I watched my friends back away cautiously, and then my focus narrowed on Archer who wiped a drop of blood away from his lip. I was satisfied I had at least gotten a good punch in on him, but I doubted my happiness at that fact would last long. Everything had a price here.

"Jacob, stand in front of the target." Eric commanded. Jake and I shared a worried look.

"What, sir?"

Eric let out a sinister laugh, and it sent chills down my spine. "So now it's sir? I said get in front of the target, or are you deaf initiate?" Without a response, Jake moved to stand in front of my line of sight, letting the previously thrown daggers fall to the ground so that he could stand flat against the backboard.

"Erudite, you're going to throw daggers at him where I say, understood?" I peeked at him. He was cold, unreachable. I knew even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to reach the leader standing next to me now. The Eric I had seen this morning was gone.

"What if I miss?"

"Then we'll have a lot to clean up, won't we?" The piercing above Eric's eye raised slightly as his lips upturned in a torturously harsh grin.

"If I refuse to?"

There was silence, everyone's breaths being held along with my own as Eric glared at me peculiarly. "Did I ask you? Did I stutter? Take position and be ready."

My hands shook rapidly, the blood in my ears pounding like a loud drum. Palms sweaty, I grasped the dagger and shot a sympathetic glance at Jake. _I'm sorry,_ I mouthed to him, steadying myself next to Eric's side. Eric wouldn't let me do it if he thought I would miss.

Or maybe he wanted to do it exactly for that reason.

"Neck." Eric murmured. The small knife flew through my hand and hit the space just beside the column of Jake's throat. Jake let out a held in breath while I stood immeasurably straight. The blue-eyed leaders presence by my side was palpable. Eric gave the barest of nods.

"Hand."

"Ear."

"Legs."

"Head."

Each shot, I missed Jake with only an inch left to spare, the adrenaline pumping through my veins. It was not only from the fear and the unsureness of my aim, but also because the fight from before left my body weak.

"Would you trade your place with Ashe?" Eric asked Jake, the darkness in his tone swirling around all of us like a heavy cloud.

Jake answered quickly and surely. "No."

Eric tilted his head towards the side and whispered in my ear. "Right between the eyes." I stared at him incredulously.

" _What?_ " I asked, as if I had heard the words wrong. I knew somewhere in me that I hadn't. I tried to reason with him using only my eyes, but he was cut off–emotionally a million miles away from where I was standing. It was almost like he wasn't human in that moment, capable of anything.

"If you don't do it, I will." The scent of Eric's aftershave filled the air around me. He was that close. If it was the Eric from this morning, I would have wanted him to come closer, but now I repelled his touch and his presence like the opposite end of a magnet. "It wouldn't weigh down my conscious, but can you say the same?"

I fixed my position and stood parallel to Jake, him and I only fifteen feet apart. The blade moved quickly towards the middle of Jake's skull, and I was beyond grateful to whatever gods there were when he ducked at the last second. I could tell Jake's trust in me diminished as his eyes met mine, the shock and barely held back fury ignited in his blue orbs.

I had followed Eric.

And I had sacrificed my friend.

What did that mean now?

Jake straightened, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. "Am I done?"

"All of you are done for today. You got points for bravery Jacob, but you lost so much more for your stupidity." Jake bounded off without turning or giving any of us a second glance. I wondered if he had heard what Eric said. Dahlia pulled on my wrist.

"Come, we have to get your arm patched up." I turned my head to look over my shoulder, spying Eric going to his training bag.

"I'll meet up with you in a few. I have to take care of something first." Dahlia frowned at me but moved on, linking arms with Vera and hopping out of the warehouse. I treaded warily towards Eric, his back turned to me.

"If he hadn't have ducked I could have killed him." I didn't think he cared, but I couldn't help but accuse him. Eric ignored my presence and zipped up his bag.

Eric briefly looked at me as he began walking. "Is that somehow supposed to make me feel bad?" I jumped a step ahead of him and held out my hand, halting him from leaving.

"When you decide to apologize for being a _total ass_ , talk to me."

I walked off and didn't dare look at Eric from behind me.

The glare however was definitely detectable, even when it was directed at my back.

* * *

That night the mess hall was buzzing with people, an excited hum amongst them that hadn't been there when my group of friends entered the large compound. I sat amongst them because I didn't want to sit in perpetual silence while Eric brooded around like a surly old man. Dahlia ate silently across from me, focused on anything but us, and Vera was way too preoccupied with Zach to notice anything else going on. The poor Candor kid had a split lip and a bruise on the side of his cheek, but I considered the bloodied face of Archer today to be my payment for sticking up for Vera.

And to warn Archer to stay away from me.

What Archer probably didn't know was that I had sneaked a throwing knife out of the training room before leaving, slipping the cool metal behind my jeans. Of course I had wrapped the tip, I didn't want to stab myself before I even got attacked, but I was sure it would come in handy at some point.

Jake peeked at me from over his rice. "I don't blame you. I want you to know that." But his eyes held all of the contempt in the world.

"You should. I threw a knife at your face." My bluntness made Vera's head perk up.

Jake's face contorted in thought for a moment. "So he did tell you to hit me there."

"Did you assume that she missed that one shot while she made all of the others?" Dahlia asked, condescending towards Jake's belief that I wouldn't be able to do it.

"I didn't think she'd listen to Eric."

"Oh what and you want her to get thrown over the edge of the chasm again?"

I raised my hands to the both of them. "Stop it you two, I'm fine. I'm sorry Jake, that I threw the knife at you."

He shook his head. "You didn't have a choice." But I did. I could've challenged Eric. I probably could have told him off, but the ramifications of that would have been great and I knew it. Bowing my head with his words, hiding my gaze, I couldn't truly tell him that I didn't have a choice.

I couldn't lie.

Not to him, at least.

"All right, enough gloom and doom. There's this really cool bar over by the cross section, anyone wanna come with me?" Jake asked, crossing his arms and stretching.

Dahlia's green eyes lit up like a star. "We can drink? Like actual alcohol?" Jake let out a chuckle.

"Yes, actual alcohol at an actual bar." I couldn't say alcohol didn't sound fantastic right about now, so I picked up my tray and beamed at Jake.

"C'mon, let's go."

Vera glanced up at us sadly. "I don't think we're coming tonight, sorry guys." My eyes met Dahlia's and we shared a look before I nodded and moved to stand behind Jake.

"I guess we'll see the both of you tomorrow."

* * *

"You just don't want me to win!" Dahlia barked at Jake as she leaned over the foosball table, trying and failing hard at whacking him. He, on the other hand, did a victory dance on the opposite end. Once yelling at him didn't work, she resorted to whining. "It's not _fair_!" Jake just raised his eyebrows and took a swig from his beer bottle.

"You wanna go a round against me, Ashe?" He winked. "I promise I'll play nice."

Rolling my eyes at his obviously sexually suggestive comment, I took Dahlia's position at the opposing foosball end as Jake prepared for the final round. "You're going down hard Fryer."

His eyes took on a suggestive tone.

"I look forward to it."

Dahlia raised the little white and black flag that signaled the start. Jake's hands flew against the table while I decided to use my kicks more carefully, waiting for him to kick before he could think so I could steal the ball and get it in my goal.

Ten times.

"That's my girl!" Dahlia squealed happily, jumping over to me and throwing her arms around my shoulders. All of it, the game, the booze, was a great distraction from the reality of my imminent downfall to live with the factionless and the man in the leaders compound. I hugged Dahlia back.

Jake pouted at us.

"Oh don't even you!–" Dahlia pointed her finger at him before loudly whispering to me, "he's just sad because he didn't get it in the hole." I burst out laughing so hard I was in hysterical tears within seconds.

"You know if you're gonna make sex jokes you may as well make them to my face."

"And where's the fun in that?" All I got in response was a blank look.

"I call a rematch."

Dahlia put her lips against the mouth of the bottle. "May want to take a raincheck on that, Spitfire." I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Says the girl with the red hair." I stuck my tongue out at her when she scrunched up her nose at my comment. "Why do I have to take a raincheck?" Dahlia pointed with her eyes behind me, and slowly I turned to find Eric leaning on door to the bar, arms crossed over his shoulder.

He had changed clothes, now looking more casual and definitely more sexy. His training clothes made him look sinister, especially because of my association with him and evil acts when he wore the tight fitted clothes.

Eric just wore a grey sweater and simple black slacks.

Spinning back to Dahlia, I found her bright reddish eyebrows meeting the hairline of her scalp.

"If I knew better I would keep my mouth shut–" "And we know you can't do that." Jake broke in. She slapped him on his shoulder. "But I don't exactly think you'll just be able to hide behind Jake. Unless you have a knife on you and then I'd say go for it."

The irony that I actually had a knife on me was exceptional.

"I guess then I'm talking to him." Jake stiffened, sparkling blue eyes meeting my own.

"You don't have to."

"Yeah, I kinda do."

Dahlia outstretched her beer to me and I took it from her gratefully. It was the first throwback of alcohol I had all night, and the earthy taste stuck to the back of my throat as it went down. "Thanks Red."

"You'll need it, Spitfire. Go get 'em." She shot me a devastatingly wide white smile, leaning her elbow against Jake's shoulder. The redheaded girl had to reach her arm up high to make it, but she was persistent.

Taking my time, I sauntered over to the leader, who looked decidedly more annoyed. I gazed up at him expectantly. "So?"

His lips thinned. "I acknowledge that what I made you do today was wrong." I waited. "And I was an ass." The last words from his mouth sounded more mocking than anything, his eyes egging me on. He acknowledged what he was saying, but he wasn't apologizing for it. I cocked my hip, resting my fingers on it, waiting.

"Is this your way of apologizing without actually apologizing? 'Cause it's kind've half-assed." A smirk formed on his face.

"Have you been drinking?"

"I may need a few drinks when I deal with you, but no, that's not where my confidence comes from." I peered up at him. "Does your confidence come from others' fear?"

Eric reaffirmed his position, making him even taller than he had been when I first walked up to him. "What else do you want me to say?" Eric asked in a strained voice.

I scoffed at him, dropping my arms to my side. "Can you at least understand that you made me, quite literally, throw daggers at my best friend?" Before Eric could speak, I put my hand up and shot him a condescending smile. "Oh no, wait, he questioned your authority by trying to protect me."

"From me. I'm not the enemy." Eric responded quickly. I practically laughed. Sure, maybe Eric wasn't the enemy, but he wasn't trying to get on my good side. He seemed to target me at every turn, making my life even harder than it was before with the pressure of my friends and my training on my shoulders.

"I wouldn't exactly call you an ally." Eric bit his lip, pulling the soft flesh between his teeth and effectively distracting me. He noticed this, a small smile crossing his features before returning to the cold mask he wore before.

"I won't hurt you." I shrugged my shoulders and stared at him. If this was the best he had, he'd have to do better.

"Give me one reason to believe you. You've thrown me off the chasm, picked my friends as your enemies. Why would I trust you?"

Eric growled between his teeth. "You could always run back to Archer if you'd like."

Gazing at him numbly, I tapped my foot against the hard stone and tried to attract my attention elsewhere. Eric wasn't someone who could easily be ignored, instead everything he did caught my eye. "Is that it?" It was a double sided question. If he didn't want to help me anymore he didn't have to. I never forced him to.

"What? Should I have come with a dozen roses and begged you for your forgiveness?" Eric's retort made me laugh and I leaned in towards his body unintentionally.

"Funny man."

"I'd like to think." Pausing, Eric moved into my personal space, the smell of his cologne and shaving cream filling my scent and making me shiver. "There's a game that true Dauntless play. We could play it. Upstairs." My eyes met his.

"What's the appeal to this game?"

"You can ask me whatever you'd like." The appeal was definitely worth it if what he said was true, and nothing in his icy blue gaze told me it was a lie. I watched him, waiting for the scoff to tell me that he was just joking with me.

Instead, Eric's fingers found my hips and brought me nearer to him. I had no choice but to lift my head to crane against his higher angle, my hand resting on his chest for support. The subtle act wasn't left unnoticed by me, and I nervously glanced over my shoulder.

Of course Dahlia had her eyes raised at me, and Jake looked like he was about to chew off Eric's hands from my body with his teeth.

"Are you inviting all of us to your apartment?" The warmth of his hands bled into my skin, making me tingle.

"Just you." There was so much more to that statement, I could feel it in the rumble from his chest, the deep voice. As usual however, his eyes conveyed nothing but the words uttered from his lips.

He was asking me to choose; him or my friends. Normally, I would have chosen Dahlia's witty remarks and Jake's unique charm, but as I pressed myself against Eric, I wanted nothing but what he promised and more. I would learn more, I would dig beneath the surface whether he liked it or not.

I'm sure he had his agenda, something I couldn't even fathom, probably. I didn't care either really, if I got to learn more about him.

"Let me grab my jacket." Quickly shuffling past the loud guests of the bar who seemed not to recognize the leader, especially without his normal insignia coat and dark look, I reached Dahlia and Jake in a few seconds.

"Going to my apartment." Dahlia pursed her lips. She knew that I really meant Eric's apartment, but Jake had no clue. I gave both of them a quick hug, Jake's lasting longer as he grasped me tightly in his arms.

"Be careful, will ya?" Jake murmured, giving my shoulders a quick squeeze.

Smiling weakly, feeling not one bit careful and even more reckless, I backed up slowly. "Don't worry about me."

* * *

I sat cross legged on the couch while Eric brought over a decently large glass bottle with the word Whiskey engraved on the side in neatly carved white calligraphy.

"So, what is this game that you promise will let me look into the deep corners of your mind?"

"I never promised anything," Eric said as he carefully placed the bottle on the short, rustic stone coffee table that occupied the area in front of the couch. "It's called Candor or Whiskey." I raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. It didn't have the desired effect as Eric took a seat in the couch across from me, crossing his leg over his knee and staring at me with great interest in his eyes.

"And you said it was for Dauntless." I let out a short laugh.

Eric smiled deviantly. "It takes more bravery than you think, Erudite." Licking my parched lips, green eyes met hooded bluish grey ones.

"What are the rules?" I watched as Eric waited as if I was joking before he snorted.

"You and rules, I swear." He shook his head as if I was a paradox. "It's simple. You ask me a question, I could either tell you the truth, or I could take a drink."

"Where are the cups?" The look he gave me spoke of homicide. "Never mind, I guess we don't need cups." Eric steepled his fingers over his leg.

"I go first. What was your favorite part of Erudite?" He asked it as a simple question, but it was so much more complex to me than I had originally imagined. I stared dumbly at him in response to his question. Sitting there, I went back through all of my history and remembered the small details. None of them really qualified as my favorite, rather being cold and simple. Erudite wasn't made for favoritism. It was made for truth and reason, not personal problems. I felt a twang of pain in my chest at the memory of the blue grey walls and the sterile outfits.

"I don't think I have a favorite part of it..." My interest was lost in the sole of my foot. "A lot of it was too cold for me, I hated the lack of familial ties that people created. They were lost in science and themselves rather than each other, and that's not what I wanted for myself." Eric's head turned slightly, but he said nothing.

"Your turn."

"Anything?" I asked hesitantly.

"Anything. It's my choice to drink or not." Eric smirked at me.

"Why did you make me throw knives at Jake?" The resentment edged within Eric's features represented itself in the way his jaw strained.

"Would've thought for an Erudite you had figured it out already."

"That's not an answer." I pointed out irritably.

Eric leaned back in the chair and switched the position of his legs. "Jacob was trying to control something that wasn't in his reach." Eric shrugged at the answer as if it was that simple. I didn't have to ask him to continue before he did himself. "He has some kind of crush on you, and he needed to understand that whatever he thought was going to come out of that wasn't."

"So you wanted to see how far your control over me would go?"

Eric's lips turned upwards, a small dimple appearing on the side of his cheek. "Is that a question?" I grumbled as Eric pushed the bottle towards me.

"Why are you pushing it towards me?"

"Get ready to drink." His statement made tingles crawl up my spine, the way he looked at me predatorily. I prepared for the worst, bracing myself against the couch.

"When did you lose your virginity?" My arms froze, before my legs followed suit and my gaze darted to Eric's. He was carefully controlled now, the contours of his face outlined in the low light. He angled his jaw away from me, tilting his head up in amusement. "Drink up, Erudite."

We quarreled with each other only using our eyes, and I could tell he wanted me to give in. My chest burned with a fiery passion now, and I was sure my scrutiny of him was bright. I wanted dearly to prove him wrong. "Seven months ago."

The look of shock on Eric's face was completely worth admitting it to him.

"Really?" Eric's eyes shined, with mirth or anger, I wasn't completely sure. I pushed the bottle back at him.

"When did you lose _your_ virginity?" Eric grinned at me. "Fifteen, in Erudite." I felt a pang of jealousy well up in my chest at Eric's quick response. To him this was a game, but to me it all really meant something. It was a look at how he thought, and the pride I found now almost frightened me. "Are you proud of that fact?" I knew it was a question, and he did too, but he ignored it.

"Should I be ashamed?"

"I just didn't think you'd be so proud of it."

Eric watched me curiously. There was a sour note to his voice when he responded. "I don't know what you and your boyfriend did–"

"He wasn't my boyfriend." It was true. Cameron Reyes hadn't been my boyfriend. We were good friends, closer than many friends usually were. It had been his idea and I went along with it. The memory of it was hazy, a mix of jumbled movements and awkward words. It hadn't been painful but it wasn't comfortable, at least not for me. Now under Eric's scrutiny, I felt like he could see every bad memory splayed out before him on a large platter.

"Oh no?"

"No. We were friends." The curiosity from Eric felt genuine, but the spark the lined the blue in his eyes told me there was more that I also wasn't seeing. Of course he would keep the gears in the back of his head turning far out of my sight, but there was _something_ there. It looked like it was on the tip of his tongue.

"How did that work out for you two?"

"We thought it would be best to...ya know...get it out of the way before the Choosing Ceremony. We were close, but his parents didn't approve of me, and so they kept him away."

Eric sounded pained with his next words, shifting uncomfortably across from me. "Would you have stayed in Erudite if he chose to be with you?"

There was a distinct sense of desolation as I looked into his eyes now. They were clouded over, focused on me but somewhere else entirely. "No." I murmured quietly, remembering Cameron's quirky smile before he left. I wasn't meant for that life of blue skirts and fake smiles. Looking at Eric now: his piercing, the tattoo that outlined his neck, the little peek of chest hair that I woke up to every morning–I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Eric pushed himself forward, grunting as he leaned his elbows on his knees. "Did you love him?" Eric didn't seem like he wanted an answer to that question, but he waited patiently for it to come nonetheless.

"No, I wasn't in love with him." I said heavy-heartedly, my searching gaze landing on anywhere else but on him.

"I didn't ask that."

"I didn't love him either." I sucked in a deep breath. I didn't want to be under this line of questioning anymore. It was my past, it was a stupid teenager thing to do where I wanted it out of the way and my best friend was my best choice. When I was in Erudite, I hadn't had anyone else to look up to; to like.

It had been just him.

But now it wasn't. Since Eric was adamant to delve into my sexual history, I crossed my legs and prepared for the worst.

"How many women have you slept with?" Eric chuckled for a moment before realizing that I was serious. That my question was true. Eric pushed off his legs and reached for the bottle. Carefully my hand shot out, my small palm covering his which seemed so large in comparison. Both of us were close to each other, our hands touching, and all I could do was control my breathing so I wouldn't climb over the table and into his lap.

"Don't drink." I whispered, rubbing the soft space between the scabs on his knuckles. "Please." His tattoo slowly winded away from the bottle filled with brown liquid, before readjusting in his chair.

"There were eight women." He said carefully, watching my reaction. I felt immeasurably stupid. Of course he would've slept with a bunch of women by now, he was a leader and he was handsome. My fingers itched to know who each and every one of them were as I sat underneath his scrutiny. It seems he didn't mind telling me when he started, but how many women was a different story.

"Did you love any–"

"No. I didn't. It was just gratification." Eric responded quickly, his tone sharp as his gaze met mine almost worriedly. I don't know why; it wasn't like I could be shocked by much at this point. Eric was quick to move on once he figured out I had no more questions. No, I was rather tongue tied on the spot.

"When was the last time you had sex?" Eric asked. His eyes were dark and predatory. Everything he did was primal, instinctive, and yet he managed to keep a level head and composed features. I almost envied that, if it wasn't for the fact that I had seen a small part of the darker side he kept away from me.

"Seven months ago." This made Eric raise his eyebrows and I smiled cheekily at him.

"Not since...?"

I laughed at Eric's sudden awkwardness. "Nope." He cleared his throat and looked at me, waiting to move on. I would've loved to watch him squirm in his chair for a few moments, but that wasn't possible.

"What about you? Your last time?"

"Two months ago." The answer was quick and short. I stared at him dumbly, wondering what he could possibly ask me now.

"What is your biggest fear?" I contemplated his question, turned it over in my head before the answer came quickly.

"I'm afraid that someday I won't be able to help someone when they really need it...That I'll be useless." I answered, meeting Eric's gaze with confidence. He chuckled lightly at my response.

"You're bleeding Abnegation, Erudite." I stuck my tongue out at him, since that seemed like the best response and my most used response, and watched as his eyes turned an even darker shade of blue. I prepared myself for the next question, prepared myself for Eric to drink and ignore my plea not to this time around.

"Have you killed anyone?" Eric immediately reached for the bottle, he didn't have to think, but I swiped it from him before he could get his hands on it.

I parted my lips, staring him on as his nostrils flared angrily. "Be brave, Eric."

"Yes. I have killed." I breathed in, let my heartbeat try and regulate itself. He had murdered someone, watched as their life left them. What could stop him from doing that to me?

Me?

That was stupid, or as Eric would've loved to say, _strange for an Erudite to think, if I was so smart._ It was obvious, he could kill me, and Tiffany had been right. What qualms would Eric have about killing me?

None that I could see.

"How many?"

"That's a question." Eric pointed out.

"Answer it then." Eric's face contorted angrily and he snarled at me.

"You don't want to know the answer to that question."

"Yes. I do."

"Fine!" He growled, the sound coming from deep in his chest. "I lost count after two dozen." Eric shouted, his eyes meeting my own before the realization bled into his gaze that he had just told me that he had killed over two dozen people. The confession made shock swirl in my chest. I dropped the bottle of whiskey from my hands, my fingers going slack, and Eric shot out quickly from around the table to grab it before it fell and made a mess. Eric kneeled by my side, putting the glass bottle back onto the table before meeting my eyes hesitantly. "Ashe."

"I'm sure you had a reason..." I mumbled almost incoherently, waiting for his response. I was pleading with him, pleading with that world that he had a reason to have killed all of those people.

I gazed into his saddened blue eyes and I couldn't imagine him killing anyone.

"Not for all of them, no." Eric's fingers found mine, and he should have repulsed me. He had killed so many people, not all of them justified, but I still craved his touch. I still craved the warmth of him and the poor soul that seemed to be trapped behind the ice in his eyes.

"Are you afraid of me now?" Eric asked solemnly, trying to pull away. Instead I slipped off of the chair and placed myself in his lap, in the most vulnerable position I could be in, and stared into his eyes with confidence that came from somewhere I was no longer sure of. I was just glad I had it as I looked into Eric's eyes. Taking his hand, the hand that had curled tightly around my hand, carefully, I placed it on my chest right above my heart.

"You feel that? You may not believe you have a heart, but I do. And it's steady. I'm _not_ afraid." Eric's hand tightened on my hip, his face inches below my own. It was strange being in his lap and being higher than him here. I wasn't used to it and it set me on edge. I wrapped my arms around his neck and silently waited for his response.

"Actually it's racing. Pretty fast." Eric said as he let out a laugh. I smiled at him, glad that I had brought the tension away from his past at least for a short time. I felt like I had a million different questions to ask him, none he probably wanted to answer.

I rolled my eyes at him, but responded playfully. "That's because your hand is on my chest."

"So I make you nervous." It was a statement, not a question.

"Not per se. You just don't make me calm." I blushed, realizing that was almost the same thing. So what, it wasn't like he was the first person to touch me, but he felt like the first true man. I realized then just how much of a bad position I was in, how close I was to the lion's den. Eric could easily choose to ask me my aptitude, or anything else. He could kill me, and yet I wasn't afraid of him. I wanted nothing but to kiss him. I wanted to curl into his chest like I didn't early in the mornings and relish his warmth–but that was just a fantasy. Eric was my leader, my trainer. Yet here, right now, Eric felt nothing more than human.

Eric's hand slowly glided over my skin, around my hip, before settling at the small of my back. Eric's eyes widened at me. "Ashe, what's this?" I froze as Eric's fingertips dug underneath my shirt, his skin touching my own and I shuddered in his grasp. Pulling the knife from its placement at my back, he twirled the metal around in his fingers.

"A knife." I answered coyly, smiling at him.

"Hmm, let's do an experiment, shall we?" I couldn't answer because Eric's lips had found my pulse. I jolted at the sudden touch of him so close, but slowly melted as he meandered his way to my ear.

"You tell me why you have this, and I won't tease you." I moaned at his touch, even though I didn't want to show him how much his movements affected me. I found any restraint at that moment almost impossible, the gust of his breath over the sensitive flesh of my ear making me tremble in his hold.

I responded to his words carefully, surprised I had any coherent thought left. "You always tease me." He only rumbled his approval in his chest. I couldn't stand it; not as a sane woman anyways. I pulled away and practically gasped at the loss of his warmth and his body against me. He was too intoxicating, to excruciatingly good. "I have it because I wasn't sure when Archer would attack and I wanted to defend myself."

Eric's lips pulled up in a small smile, especially at my discomfort. "Not bad. I wouldn't have thought you were brave enough to sneak it out of the training compound." I smiled.

"Next question Eric." I said, wanting to move on. I pulled myself back into my chair and Eric did the same. Waiting for a torturous amount of time, he made sure to have me squirm before he asked his next question.

"Ashely." _Uh oh._ My eyes widened at the use of my full first name, automatically knowing this question couldn't be good. Not that any of the others had been star shiningly amazing, but this meant it was important. Or that he was going to have fun asking it. "Are you attracted to me?" Letting out a strangled laugh, I grasped the bottle quickly and took a quick gulp.

Was I attracted to him? The answer was easy in my head, yes, but I didn't want to admit that to him. Just knowing that he made me nervous put him in a higher advantage, using his touch against me. If he knew I cared about him at all, he would inevitably use it against me.

The liquid left a warm trail in the back of my throat and I gasped afterwards. Eric smiled.

"I'll take that as a yes." Eric said smugly.

"Not necessarily." I responded quickly, pushing the bottle back onto the table. I wanted to change the subject; I needed to drastically otherwise it would lead to my demise and I would only end up pushing Eric away. He wasn't the type of man to be in a relationship. I doubted he had even been with someone for more than a one night stand.

The first time I had woke up in his bed, he didn't seem to care so much, his smug smile and calm demeanor almost shattering.

But he was good when it came to disguises. Really good.

My eyes met his from across the table and something that looked like apprehension filled the cracked blue. "Where did your scars come from?"

Eric stayed almost painfully calm. "That isn't a yes or no question."

"Like any of these were yes or no."

Knowing that he wouldn't be able to combat me, at least not now, he grabbed the bottle and took a very long drink. I had expected as much from him, but it disappointed me nonetheless. Sure, Sophia could've told me whatever she liked, but I wanted to hear the truth from him. "Don't frown at me like that." Eric chided, his voice deeper now. From the alcohol or my question, I couldn't tell.

I pouted at him and replied in a sad tone. "I will frown. I have a right to frown."

Eric let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed his chin. "Fine." He conceded, gazing hunting my own across the room. "I was taken. In combat, tortured, abused. Do you want the details too?" I dropped my head, sorrow filling my chest. I had known what Eric had said, learning it from Sophia, but the look of pent up aggression and agonizing memories tore little holes in my heart.

"I'm sorry." I uttered in a small voice, trying to hide myself in the chair. Eric inhaled deeply and shook his head at me.

"Don't be."

After a few moments of awkward staring, Eric smiled and glanced at me.

"Are you attracted to someone in this compound?" The burning in my throat from the whiskey began to warm my body.

* * *

 _ **Eric's POV:**_

I chuckled as the small Erudite girl across from me took the glass in her hands and drank for what had to be the eighteenth time; at least. Every question was the same, was she attracted to me, to someone in the compound. For some reason her lack of an answer only made me want to drag it out of her, hear it from her lips.

She smiled recklessly at me, her sharp green eyes now hazy and blurred.

Somehow her gaze was singled on me.

"Something funny, Eric?" She drawled in a slow voice, her body wavering in her seat. After a short time, Ashe had lost the will to even ask questions, but I had been unrelenting.

I was always unrelenting.

"Hmm, yes, you." I rumbled, only slightly buzzed by the alcohol. I felt bad, taking a short sip of the hard liquor before placing it back on the table. She giggled and I swear my chest tightened.

"I'm glad–" she hiccuped, covering her mouth with wide eyes before continuing. "I'm glad that you enjoy me so much." I rolled my eyes at her but she didn't seem to catch it, at all. In this state, she couldn't even be affected by my feigned annoyance.

I stood and picked up the bottle, throwing it in the trash. Turning back around to her, I found her eyes hungrily staring me up and down and it was all I could do not to grab her and push her against the wall–

No.

Never.

At all.

Swallowing the growing ball of knots in my throat and the bulge I'm sure was somehow present in my jeans, I stalked back into my small living room. When her lips parted as she stared at me, I had to graciously remember every code within Dauntless so that I wouldn't growl and do something I'd seriously regret.

That Ashely would seriously regret.

And I couldn't hurt her.

She was like an annoying needle in my side, constantly warring with me, questioning everything I did. When I moved she was felt and when I stood still I squirmed, highly aware of her presence. Yet now...Without her presence in my bed, her smile when she looked at me and the cheeky comments, I wouldn't know what I would do without her sleeping next to me in my bed or nagging me in my life.

I didn't need her.

No.

That definitely wasn't it.

I hadn't slept with a woman in two months, that's what it was. Did that count as medical leave? I could imagine myself walking up to Max and asking him to be relieved of all duties from training so that I relieve myself. Ashe had nothing to do with that. She was just the unfortunate subject of sexual tension–she was just that pathetic Erudite girl who would fail and not make it to the next round.

Could I let her fail?

As she met my eyes with more confidence than most people usually did, especially now that she was beyond wasted, I didn't think I could.

Dauntless help me what a Stiff I had turned into.

"Come on." I loomed over her and she bit her lip at me. I eyed her, careful to keep my pants away from her at all costs, and put my arms on either of her sides. "You need to get sleep."

"Considering you got me drunk." She popped the last letter in her mouth, swallowing carefully when my hands met the outside of her thighs. She was small and soft, yet strong in all of the right ways; the good ways. The ways that I had never been. Her strength and determination shined through her gaze.

"Do you like your girls this way?" Never mind, she had a death wish. That was pure stupidity, nothing but drunken fire. And yet looking in her eyes, I saw the disappointment there. It was a well aimed jab at my response to her earlier question about the women that had occupied small parts my life.

They didn't even mean anything, they never slept in my bed, they never were a part of my life in any way other then what happened in the small hours of the night. I paled.

"Let's go." I growled in a low voice, picking her up in my arms. She weighed close to nothing. She wasn't a child, no. She was full in all of the right places, the ones that seemed to stand out even more as she was against my body now or in the mornings she woke up in my bed.

I almost went into the guest bedroom to let her go to sleep peacefully, not acknowledging my erection.

It was only because of the alcohol. That was it.

I dropped her on the bed and she stretched out, her body pulling at all sides, her shirt lifting up and exposing beautiful olive skin. I cleared my throat and restrained myself, acutely aware of the constricting space in my jeans. "Do you really want to know who I'm attracted to?"

Would she give up after all that fight? Her will and her acceptance surprised me.

"If you're going to tell me, why not?" I said, moving up on the bed slowly and dragging the sweater I wore off my chest. Quickly Ashe cuddled close to me as if she savored the touch of my skin.

I tightened as her hands roamed over my back, my scars. My words failed me when she laid her head on my shoulder and wrapped her thigh around my leg.

Fuck.

Shit.

Hell.

She yawned sleepily and glanced at me with kind eyes. Why her? Why could I let her do this and not anyone else, other women that I had shared my body with? Who had been eager for this? Why _now_? I readjusted slowly, so that she hopefully wouldn't notice my discomfort with her warmth and body on my own.

"Do you really not know?" She asked, sniffling as her eyes shut slowly.

"No, I really don't."

"You know him." The amusement in her voice made me shudder against her. Anger roiled through me like a hot iron, branding my skin with thoughts of her and that _boy,_ her body wrapped around his– _Just. Like. This._

Why the fuck did I care?

"Oh really?" I commented cooly, trying to sound disinterested while every cell in my body spoke in protest. She giggled again and the sound calmed me even when she was making me beyond enraged.

"Oh god," her chest pressed against me as she filled the silence in the room with laughter. "You have jealous on your face."

I was so close to snapping, instead I barked in a low voice, "You wish." She snuggled against my side.

"It's you, silly." I waited. I couldn't speak. My chest tightened and then expanded on a long withheld breath. Her green eyes were shut, instead covered by flawless skin. I pulled her to my chest, and with that she let out a little sigh and her breathing regulated.

She had fallen asleep, after saying that to me.

Ashely was just drunk, she didn't mean it.

But she had no reason to lie.

My own strumming heart in my chest wouldn't let me go to sleep.


	19. Pure Part 1

**_Chapter 18 – Pure_**

* * *

Hello my readers! I know, it's been a while! Like twelve or so days, I believe. I'm sorry! So before I had a lot of chapter written in advance but now that has dwindled down to a meager intro/sketch of how everything's going. This chapter was meant to be much longer (combined with the next), but I decided it couldn't be held off and it felt like a pretty good place to end before things start to grow and unravel at the same time! I hope that you enjoy it and I hope to update soon, _if you enjoy what you read pleaseeeee favorite to make me love you, follow if ya like what you read and review to tell me why! PM me if you have any questions–I don't bite!_ :)

My Thanks: To Guest, I'm sorry I wasn't able to update as soon as I would've liked, but I want you to know that being the one who updated like ten minutes after it was posted I have to say you actually helped me through a tough spot. I wasn't feeling good and I didn't know if what I had written was coherent, but your comment lifted my spirits and I would like to thank you for that! I hope you enjoy reading! :)

MyHusbandsAPrick: Thank you for always writing me, I love reading your reviews! Yes, I think it's fair to say we know he's killed–a lot. But the emotional connection to that is huge, and I think that's why Eric is so quick to put it off and ignore it because if he didn't he'd have to address his emotions and that's a lot. So in this chapter [there] was supposed to be more interaction between them that we'll see next chapter, which I think kind've adds to the pressure he has to let go of what's eating away at him inside. But he's like grumpy cat, he's not really into doing that easily and we'll see that reluctance here. [*nudge nudge*] I hope everything is going okay, and as always, lots of love! :)

Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins: Ikr, even when I drink sometimes I don't think I could ever get drunk enough to tell someone like Eric that I had the hots for them, but I've had plenty of moments when I wake up and I ask my friends what happened last night and they're like, "Oh, you ate three slices of pizza and dared us fifty bucks to run into the street. And we have video." And I'll freak out, so I definitely think something happens that not a lot of others see and Eric's like spazzing out about that. Thank you for the kind words!

XWarrior: I am so evil, I admit it! xD I'm glad you liked the Eric POV, I'm not sure how I feel about it or if it will appear again, but I keep finding myself trying to figure out what the hell he is doing, and that only means getting in his head. I know, I gotta watch my past tense, it's a messy little guy, but I try haha. I actually feel really bad at cliffhangers because I like never want to end it. Ever. So I end up like figuring out a way to end my chapter by cutting the last paragraph I wrote and being like: _deal with it!_ The friendship interaction is really emphasized here and I think a lot of things are going to come out about what people are really feeling [if I can get my butt to writing it]. Btw I LOVE HARLEY QUINN. Anyways, enough of my fandoms showing through, thank you for your sweet words!

SSPI: So I got your review early in the morning and I can't tell you how happy I was. Your review came at a much needed time and I decided that I wanted to just update for the sake of it because I felt bad for not doing as early as I had wanted to. You have no idea how sweet and how touching it is to hear how much you like it and to know that you sped-read on Sunday, knowing that you liked it enough and were dedicated enough to read and review and that means the world to me! I'm not as great as you make me out to be, really. I'm just human and like you I usually have a million ideas circulating through my head at like all times. I'll be sipping coffee and bam I get an idea out of the blue and I'm totally struck by it. I have to hold myself back from making a million stories that I can't update all the time haha. I'm so glad you like Eric and Ashe and love Eric's character. I'm always kicking myself thinking–no, bad girl, don't make him gushy because that's not how he is, but I hope that at some point we'll see some very sweet moments! :) I'm glad you like it, and btw, I am sure you are a fantastic writer, I can sense it :) [and I see you have a story that I will read :)] Thank you for your sweet review!

Alrighty, LOVE YOU ALL, ENJOY! *whips away red curtain and trips on the way out*

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

After a few moments of awkward staring, Eric smiled and glanced at me.

"Are you attracted to someone in this compound?" The burning in my throat from the whiskey began to warm my body.

* * *

The flowers here reminded me of those that used to be outside of my apartment.

They were white, almost like poppies only slightly larger. They were pure and simple amongst everything around them; not acknowledged within all of the chaos outside of the compound.

Dahlia warmed her hands, blowing on the small digits eagerly before rubbing them on her face. When she pulled them away her cheeks were rosy and her eyes were wide.

"How can it even be this cold outside?" She muttered quietly, digging her neck into her coat and trying to hide beyond my equally as small body. "They're officially trying to kill us now." I laughed at her scrunched up nose, the cold making her skin looking even paler here. She was right, I was surprised that the small flowers were even growing. The closer we got to Amity I swore the colder it became. It was like the taller and closer trees were added to the lack of warmth as the train quickly bounded forward on the tracks.

I responded to her comment with a small lilt to my voice. Everything seemed calm, especially since the other day. "You think they're trying to kill us _now?_ " She made a low noise in her throat.

"I know, it's pathetic I'm only realizing this now." I nodded at her statement.

"Yeah, it kinda is."

The train slammed on the breaks hard, sending the different train cars screeching to a loud halt and jostling all of us inside. Dahlia's arm prodded the small knife wound on my shoulder and I let out a loud squeak of pain.

"I'm sorry–so so sorry!" Dahlia scrambled into a sitting position as I grimaced, the pain in my shoulder throbbing and radiating from the cut. "It's fine," I consoled her more than she did me, her frantic gaze searching my own. Her lips thinned.

Throwing a look over my shoulder, I found Four standing at the end of the train car, holding the door to the small space open with his forearm. "You all okay?"

The loud catcalls of the other initiates, both Dauntless-born and transfers, let Four know he was both unwelcome and that we were all just fine.

I was thankful to have Jake at my other side, protecting me from the ultimate meeting that I knew I would have at some point with Archer. I bit my lip and glanced up at him. Jake shot me a warm smile but there was a sort of sadness hidden there too. Living with Eric I was beginning to learn to be less investigative, instead finding solace within small words and actions. Sometimes people didn't want to open up.

I couldn't say I was immune to that. I would rather talk about bacteria and how it spreads than talk about my early life, growing up alone. Erudite didn't have a fostering program like the other factions. It was learn–do or die. Maybe that was my real test to see if I could survive, and now this was only the proof that I would.

Biting my lip harshly until I could feel the bitter tang of blood in my mouth, I shoved back my memories of the cold faction I had lived in before and instead focused on the people around me that made up my new home.

My temporary home.

If I didn't survive in Dauntless...I couldn't say what I would do. Even if I wanted to, there was no going back to Erudite, and I had seen the way the factionless lived when I volunteered to do census testing among them one year. They were starved, a perpetual hell of fear, disease and famine. It made me lucky to be where I was, no matter where I went from here.

Once again the train came to a stop, only this time it was much more gentler than the first. Dahlia, shivering and all, stood up and hopped off of the train. Jake jumped next, his feet hitting the ground with low thuds until he turned around and held out his hand towards me. Grasping his warm palm, I tried to jump out of the train as gracefully as I could. I groaned, collapsing against Jake as I steadied myself.

"They're all going to the fence, I'll meet you guys up there!" Dahlia yelled behind her as she ran towards the high stone walls. They were decked out in military grade fencing, look-out posts and even guards with large sniper guns. The protection that went into the fence was alarming, especially since I had never gone this far out of Erudite or Dauntless ever. The grass here was slowly dying, turning to a pale brown rather than the bright green I was so used to seeing every year. Winter was on its way and the more each day past the sooner I was to my next fight.

I looked amongst the initiates, inspecting each and every one of them closely. I would have to fight one of these people next round, and I wasn't even ready for it. I didn't think I could ever be ready for it.

What made me think that coming to Dauntless was a good idea is beyond me. I wanted adventure, to follow my dreams and passions rather than be restrained, and all it got me was a creepy initiate stalker, a pack of crazy friends and a less than lukewarm leader and friend.

 _Friend._

Was that what Eric and I was?

The word seemed foul even as I thought of it, turning it over in my thoughts. I wasn't more than that, and anything less and I would be just an initiate to him. I was something in between, a hybrid mix of forced roommate and awkward socializing companion.

I knew I drove him nuts, and that made me somewhat satisfied. It seemed like no one else got on his nerves. He walks around like he owns the place– _well, technically he does_ –and everyone just obeys. They don't ask questions, they never second guess. He's accustomed to people following his beck and call, and I'm everything that's against that.

I had never felt the need to answer to anyone, but I was never privy about my life. If someone asked about my past I was pretty open to letting people know me, understand me. Eric seemed to enjoy the opposite. He enjoyed being the mystery. Eric enjoyed being the person that everyone feared, hated and stayed away from. Knowing that made me sad. He was nice... sometimes. When it came to protection, he was always there for me, but he also had a wicked shift of thought that could lead to spontaneous anger and bursts of violence.

That was what made me edgy.

But it didn't push me away.

I remembered how both of us had played Candor or Whiskey, how although he hated answering, he gave me some small details of his life. It was _something_. He didn't just shut down with me no matter how much he probably wanted to. Sure he barked once in a while, but he never truly bit.

I was just waiting for that to happen, and I think he was too. Maybe that's where the apprehension came from. Maybe that's why the day after we played the game, when I had a wicked hangover, Eric made it his occupation to stay clear of me.

Jake rapidly waved his hand in front of my face. "Earth to Ashe, we're picking training teams." I blinked at Jake, confused. _Training teams?_ I thought this was just a visit to the gates. "The trainers are picking who they want to have in their team." Searching through the crowd of initiates, I tried to find Eric but because I was somewhat shorter than most of them, I had to push through the jackets and coats to make it through to the front. Dahlia wrapped her arm around my own and smiled dazzlingly at me. I gazed at Eric, waiting for him to look at me and his lip to twitch in amusement like it usually did, but instead Eric avoided me at all costs and instead glared at his tablet.

"Okay, Eric, do you want to go first?" Four asked, keeping a safe distance from the leader. The blue-eyed man picked up his head and glanced over all of us in a very annoyed fashion. Eric called off different names from the pad in his hands, effectively leaving out everyone in my group of friends and a few others.

Including me.

I adjusted to the sting of pain in my chest. _Why was he acting so cold to me all of a sudden?_ Kicking the dirt with my boot, I followed Four past Eric as we made our way to the large metal gates that allowed Amity farmers in and out of the city. I pointedly ignored Eric, brushing against him and moving to stand next to Four. I couldn't admit that I was upset Eric hadn't chosen me for his team, but when I thought about it I knew how bad of an initiate I was. I didn't even make it close to Eric's standards. When we made it to the stairs, Vera, Jake and Dahlia let out loud noises that I could only describe as disgust.

" .Stairs." Dahlia grumbled, expelling a long breath as she made it up the flight of hard stone stairs. Leaning her hands against her knees, she puffed harshly. "You all can go jump off the side of the building, _leaving me behind like that_." She muttered, pushing past us. Jake laughed.

"You can't blame us for being agile." Jake said, proceeding to demonstrate by doing a pair of jumping jacks. Dahlia shot daggers at him with her bright green eyes.

"Yes, yes I can blame you." She retorted, disgruntled with our responses to her hardship. She took a granola bar that she had sneaked from the mess hall that morning and threw it against the side of Jake's skull. The wrapping fell off the side of his jacket and he grabbed it deftly, opening it and sticking the entire thing in his mouth. "Ugh." She made a gagging sound and shot him the middle finger. Vera's tinkling laughter spread across the small hallway as we walked behind Four, moving through the large defensive structure.

Jake swallowed the bar and poked Dahlia. "Are you sure you were a former Amity?"

"I'm as sure about my heritage as I am about how close you are to getting your ass kicked right here, right now." Dahlia growled, pushing past Vera to aim a blow at Jake. He feigned fear. I pulled Dahlia back, restraining her from doing something she'd regret even though I doubted how well she could actually hurt Jake. She cared about him even though he got on her nerves. A lot. I enjoyed their little bantering because it kept things within the group light, and kept it away from the fact that imminent doom about our futures was looming ahead of us.

"Calm down, Red." I whispered in her ear as Four turned around.

Four responded to our actions with a simple _'watch it you guys'_ , before giving us a small smile and resuming forward, opening a door that led to a huge watching facility.

Jake poked his head around my shoulder. "See what you did." He tsked Dahlia. I swear her strength in that moment tripled, her small arms warring with my own to see who was stronger. I was thankful when Four finally stopped in an odd control room with four guards stationed on opposite ends of the door.

Their guns were large, slimmer and much more efficient than the ones we had used on the range to train. The hands that equipped them, held by men that looked too similar to my age, were strong and taut with cracked skin over their knuckles. The marks seemed like those that Eric had, but I had guessed a while back that it was because he trained relentlessly every morning, pushing himself to the brink of human capability.

Often I thought of Eric like a machine; incapable of feeling, strong, powerful, even merciless. He could work on autopilot, especially around other people, but in the training room it was an entirely different story. He was a totally different machine there.

Yesterday he had dragged me with him at six forty in the morning, telling me that I should bone up on my skills before my fight two days from now. Eric had taken off his over-shirt and just went at the target, beating it up with closed fists and a rigid pose. I could almost feel every emotion, every word, every single bit of pent up aggression that went into each hit, and afterwards he had come back to the apartment with bloodied knuckles.

A bright light glinted from the other side of the glass and I noticed, to my distaste, that Eric was leading the other group of initiates in a similarly spaced room. The object glimmering in the light and reflecting off of the mirror was Eric's piercing as he turned to address the group he had chosen. Anger boiled deep in my stomach, and I couldn't place why.

The glass that separated us couldn't keep me from staring, and I watched as his lips moved, forming each silent syllable. I hated his mood swings and the way he ignored me lately, walking past me as if I was invisible. Ever since the night I got drunk he would barely spare me a glance and I found myself spiteful. I felt like a hole had burrowed in my chest, nesting and making a home permanently. It seemed that everyone who came into my life eventually left without a word. Chewing my lip viciously, I waited expectantly for Four to give us the same lecture that Eric was distributing amongst his group.

"This is the gate that separates the outside from the factions." Four paced across the room, waving to the open windows that allowed us a peek of the large expanse of land that was called The Divide. "The Amity farms are out there, but after dusk they come back to their inland homes and the night patrol keeps watch for any activity."

Jake leaned against the control panel nonchalantly, looking at the buttons with disinterest. "Has there ever been any activity?" Jake asked.

"No." Four replied steadily, staring him on.

Dahlia leaned against me and whispered in my ear. "I'm so glad to not be there anymore." I shot her a confused glance. "I know, I know; my family, but everyone was so boring. It was only ever peace be with you this and oh-don't-worry that." She grinned at me, her cheeks bunching up and small wrinkles forming around her eyes. "I once got in trouble when I was a little kid with Johanna for kicking this boy when he stole my apple. The wide-eyed look my parents gave me was _so_ worth it though."

For some reason I could distinctly see her fighting a little sweet Amity boy and watching as everyone else looked on in horror.

"And that is why you're no longer in Amity." Four joked lightly, interrupting our placid conversation. I swear if the former Amity redhead had anymore granola bars on her, they would have been chucked straight across the room at Four's skull. Except with her accuracy at throwing daggers, I doubted it would actually hit him at all.

Her eyes blazed a fiery green. "You couldn't tell, mister numbers?" Dahlia countered. Maybe the sheer anger would help her aim. Four only laughed at her.

"Nothing I haven't heard before Amity, but keep trying, it's almost amusing." Jake snorted loudly and drew the attention of everyone in the room. Raising his hands, he looked at all of us.

" _What?_ I found it funny." I smiled at him kindly and he returned it before he looked out into The Divide. Beyond the horizon, I could almost make out a small shape. I narrowed my eyes, but the next time I looked it was gone. I shook my head and gazed at Dahlia from the corner of my eyes.

"Do you want to get pizza for dinner tonight?" Dahlia questioned as we moved through the different rooms, one molding into the next. When we passed through a darker room, I noticed Eric's reflection from a piece of glass jutting out behind the edge of the darkness. It seemed he was situated in an alcove unseen from the actual room, which was shielded by black and hard to see in. It was strange they had rooms like these, without any power or men to watch them, but I discarded the thought when I found Eric peering into the Amity farms.

"Hold that thought," I murmured without thinking. I slowly slinked out of the group, going unnoticed by Four as they continued on with the tour. Trying to make my way slowly to Eric, as not to make a sound, I found myself regretting it immensely.

Eric laughed, but it was almost detached, as if he wasn't really feeling the laughter that usually came with the action. "You're not so good that you can sneak up on me." I pouted even though he didn't turn to see it.

"Points for trying?" I asked persuasively, leaning against the window next to him. Blue eyes looked closely at me and even from his profile he seemed taut with tension and power.

He looked almost pensive and it spurred my next question. "Are you all right?"

"Thanks for giving a shit Erudite, but I'm fine." I scrunched up my eyebrows, confused at his words.

"What do you mean, 'thanks for giving a shit'?" His eyes snapped to mine in an instant and his cold gaze flooded over me like icy water.

"You don't need to care, Erudite. You're wasting precious time in your life."

I glared at him, tired of his back and forth antics. "Oh what, is that your new pet name for me?" I scoffed at him before turning to the window and staring at the fields with a scrutiny never seen before. "I don't need to care about you to be worried. I'm human, and so are you."

Eric smiled brutally, pulling my shoulder and making me face him. "You sound so much more _Amity_ than _Erudite._ " My gaze turned blindingly dark. " _Peacefully stupid._ " He spat harshly, the words thrown in the air with so much venom I stepped back. I took in an audible breath and turned back to the window. We stood there in silence for a while, and I wasn't sure how long we were there for. It seemed like forever, the tension between us tangible as he stood, firm and tense. I repeated his words in my head, those two simple words tearing each and every one of my memories to shreds. Maybe my aptitude allowed Amity? It would explain why I was usually the last one to jump into conflict, the last one to fight.

 _Peacefully stupid_ , as he so graciously had put it.

My green eyes flitted over Eric's form and I realized that I found myself able to fight ten times more easily in the presence of this one man. Everything was a fight with him, whether it was over toast or training.

"Do you know what's beyond the fence?" I asked quietly, my voice like the mellow background music within an orchestra. Erudite was obsessed with music, the beautiful pieces of old music that sang with the notes of pianos and delicate keys. Eric was the dark music that filled the gaps between the notes; that made up the space between every pause and stalked the symphony like a ghost.

Eric took so long to answer I worried whether or not he even heard me at all. "Nothing." He replied flatly, gazing beyond the fence and over the large expanse of farms where the brightly colored Amity worked. "We haven't checked."

"Liar." I confronted him, crossing my arms over my chest. Eric made a short exasperated noise in his throat and shook his head.

"Fine." He sighed, as if I was an annoying prick in his side that wouldn't leave. "The truth; we sent people, just none of them ever came back."

My blood froze at the revelation, my skin prickling at the thought of what could be out there, lurking about.

"Are we in danger?" I asked, shuffling closer so I stood touching Eric's shoulder. My skin caught fire where our bodies touched and I felt utterly connected to him in that moment. I despised him, questioned him, hated the way he made me feel and yet I couldn't deny that I was irrevocably drawn to him. He was my weakness.

 _Peacefully stupid._

I didn't want to admit that I could feel something for him and yet everything I did, every small reaction made my body want his all the more. I was just a stupid girl, dreaming of something that would never come to be. The corner of his lip twitched upwards at my question.

"Always." He murmured, turning back around. Eric leaned his shoulders against the window, his posture more relaxed.

"You know," I began, wringing my hands in my lap and glancing up towards him nervously. I was still set on edge by his words about my personality as well was I angry. I wasn't Amity, and I wasn't Erudite. As much as I hated to admit it, I was Divergent, and it meant I was more than whatever label he wanted to put on me. That much I was sure about myself, if I wasn't sure of anything else. "When you promised you'd take me out of the compound, I didn't imagine it like this."

" _Sorry to disappoint_ ," came his snappy reply and I frowned at him.

"Is there a reason you're treating me like this?" I was becoming more indignant by the moment, and my eyes found him amongst the darkness of the room. If it was possible, his irises turned darker and his pupils practically consumed all the color in his eyes.

"You don't remember what happened after you got wasted, do you?" He questioned, positioning himself directly in front of me, towering over my body. It was an obvious strategic placement on his part, meant to frighten me, but I was way beyond fear. He had killed, there was no doubt. I wanted to believe that he couldn't have done what he said, that he couldn't have let the life drain out of someone's eyes by his own fingertips but that was unrealistic. All Dauntless had killed, they were soldiers, it was what was expected of them.

It was their _duty_.

What scared me was the idea that Eric could have done it without any qualms.

I didn't want to believe that Tiffany was right, but I couldn't help but imagine him holding a gun to a defenseless person, a defector, _a Divergent_.

That person could easily be me.

"No." I answered calmly, facing him. Even if I had fear, I couldn't let him see it. No one said I had to be Candor, Amity and Dauntless.

"Ashe! There you are!" Jake's voice rang out through the hallway before he flung himself through the frame of the door without a care in the world, his body coming to an immediate halt when he saw Eric and I side by side. Eric's spine straightened and a malicious smile spread over his features.

Eric's eyes rolled over Jake's appearance, criticizing every movement and muscle in the younger male's body. It was obvious they were sizing each other up, the way Jake lifted his chin and stared Eric head on. In this way, Jake was stupidly Dauntless, brave where he shouldn't be. Eric would easily outmatch him, and I had no doubt about what he could do to him–my friend. I wouldn't let Eric hurt him again, especially not because of me.

"And the protector appears to save the day." Eric commented dully, pointing at me with his sharp blue gaze. "You may want to go before he feels the need to start a fight he can't win."

"Ashe." Jake said my name quietly, silently; it was a question, asking me to move forward with him. Choose _him_.

I shot a glance at Eric and found nothing but emptiness in every feature. Sighing dramatically, I walked past Jake and through the door. I hadn't chosen either of them. I chose myself.

Footsteps trailed behind me and Jake's voice carried to my quickly moving body. "Ashe, wait up." He called, and soon enough he was by my side. "What was that about?" Jake motioned with his head to the door that we had left behind on the other turn.

"Nothing important." _Lie, you can lie here. Protect Jake and don't make him upset_. "It was just about passing the first stage of the initiation." Jake's face lit up, his warm complexion brightening at my words.

"Oh." He muttered, grasping the door handle. Before he opened it, he gave me a warning look. "Just watch out around him, will ya? Eric isn't the type of guy to be friends with." Guilt pulled at my heart, gnawing at it like a small animal would a dead carcass. Maybe feeling guilt was useless in Dauntless, where people could feel no empathy for others. When Jake tugged the door open, Four, Dahlia and Vera stood on the other side, their faces worried.

"There you are! Four was worrying so much he was about to lose a number off his life." Dahlia joked, poking Four in the ribs. Four gave her a dark look but stayed otherwise neutral, his features similar to Eric's, and yet in it warmth leaked through his gaze and through the sweet brown eyes that I had first met when I fell down the net.

"Nice of you to join us." Four remarked, motioning to the stairs. "We were just leaving."

Quickly hopping down the stairs, I followed Jake and Dahlia side by side while Vera trailed behind us. Zach hadn't come today because he wasn't feeling well, and the effect of his absence was evident in the way Vera lacked a true voice among us. More times than not, she didn't even seem to want to be with us, but the only other alternative was loneliness.

Or becoming factionless, but none of us brought that up on the train ride home.


	20. Pure Part 2

**_Chapter 19 – Pure Part 2_**

* * *

 _Author's Note!_

 _Hi guys! OMG okay it's been a long while–I know. I've had some trouble, the normal; holidays, families, emergencies and just plain old writers block. I hate it beyond belief and it struck me hard for this chapter. Hopefully what happens here makes up for what I'm going to do in the future *evil laughs* and how long it's taken to get to this point. For Ashe after this next fight, we're going to rush to get to the last fight, so hopefully time will be of the essence._

 _In this chapter I feel like I spent a lot of time on Ashe personally and how she interacts with Eric, especially since things are going to be changing up quickly now. The next chapter should be up later today/tomorrow depending on where you are. It's short but it's important moving forward, especially for Eric._

 _Here's to not having writers block for the next chapters! :) Love you guys, if you enjoy what you have read/what you read in this chapter please **FAVORITE** and if you really enjoy it **FOLLOW**! If you really want to be extra supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, please leave a **REVIEW**! I love reading everything you guys say and it prolly helps me the most! *love*_

 _My Thanks: IamUNSINKABLE, thank you for your review! Hopefully all is well :) *much love and support* and the thing Ashe did was she told Eric she liked him while she was wasted, which is why last chapter we see him get kinda moody and distant. This chapter he's more the opposite when he realizes she doesn't remember and he's like testing to see whether or not she actually feels that way or was just totally wasted. hehe, much love always!_

 _Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins, thank you for your review! Yeah he can be a total prick, but he doesn't really know much else. This one he's more...Attentive?...*Thinks if that's the right word* Yeah. I'll go with attentive XD I like your butt/eye comparison–he really does! Hope you enjoy this chappie :3 – much love :)_

 _XWarrior, thank you for always being so amazing and reviewing! Yes I love how sometimes her friends just end up being written as this sarcastic, witty characters. Trust me, Jake pisses me off sometimes, but I think he's trying to be sweet and help her in the end, even though he doesn't even know what the heck is going on! *mega hugs and love always*! I hope you enjoy this chapter :) Snuggle time shall be coming soon, this chapter is more...sexy time xD_

 _SSPI, **HAPPY BIRTHDAY!** I was late getting it out and I wanted to get it done by sunday (Grrrrrr) but I got it done today, mostly today. Go figure! PLEASE ENJOY FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY! I sincerely hope it was worth the stupid wait haha. Happy Belated Belated birthday! Thanks for reviewing!_

 _Much love as always! Go check out the stories written by most of these guys! They're freaking AWESOME!_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

More times than not, she didn't even seem to want to be with us, but the only other alternative was loneliness. Or becoming factionless, but none of us brought that up on the train ride home.

* * *

 _Our veins are busy but my heart's in atrophy_

 _Any way to distract and sedate_

 _Adding shadows to the walls of the cave_

 _You and I nursing on a poison that never stung_

 _Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it_

 _Somewhere for this, death and guns_

 _We are deaf, we are numb_

 _– Sedated by Hozier_

Rain thudded against the window, thick sheets of water curling against the bottom of the pane of glass. It looked like the sky was crying, reaching down and coating everything in a heavy coat of clear drops.

I sat by the window, watching as the clouds slowly turned from a dark grey to a muted pink before nighttime swelled and made everything disappear. The scene was oddly peaceful as I watched it play out before me like a long forgotten memory.

We had made it back to the compound just before it started pouring, the rain making loud sounds against the gravel and hard concrete. Dahlia had given me a sour look before pulling the collar of her training jacket over her neck and running into the compound to join the rest of the initiates.

Two days.

I had two days until my next fight and I was already dreading it.

The last fight I had failed miserably and I felt ashamed by how Eric had to carry me out of the training ring. I'm sure Eric wasn't exactly happy about it either, I mean that action itself meant he had to care, and he would never dream of allowing that to happen.

The rain in Erudite seemed a lot less loud, looking back at moments where I sat in front of a window like this, contemplating everything. Silence and peace nowadays was as rare as getting an emotional response out of Eric, which was really saying never.

Sucking in a large breath I evaluated the facts; I cared about him in a way I couldn't explain. Eric was one large puzzle, always changing when I pressed too close, shifting when I neared. His system of keeping people at bay was practically perfect and unable to penetrate, and yet I found small little looks and actions more telling than any word he could speak.

When I had gotten off the train earlier, in the midst of everyone running around to make it before the rain began to fall, Eric had helped me off of the car and brushed a loose strand of hair from my cheek in passing. It was a pause, a moment within a moment where everything seemed to slow and it was only me and him. Eric, knowing him, would never do something like that, and being the recipient made me feel even more significant and _confused_. It was either he was cold instructor or he was calm Eric, but there wasn't an in between.

I had no idea what he had been through before, or how that even effected him and his relationships with others. All I knew was that I was being tugged deeper into the mystery that was Eric Coulter.

The door to the apartment creaked open behind me and I didn't dare look behind to see who it was. I _knew_. I couldn't gauge what mood he would be it; it changed so regularly I felt unable keep track. Hard footsteps and a thud told me he had moved farther within the room and I straightened as my nerves stood on end, knowing that he was coming closer towards me.

"What are you doing sitting by the window?" Eric asked from behind, his words muffled. I peeked at him from over my shoulder and found him dragging his sweater from over his back, pulling up the hem of his shirt and flashing a strip of pure, unmarked skin to my perusal. His imperceptible smirk told me he picked up on me ogling him. "See something you like?"

I pursed my lips and turned back towards the window. "You wish." I heard a low hum, almost like a growl, before his arms were around my shoulders, encasing me against the windowsill and his chest.

"Perhaps." I had no idea what that was supposed to mean but in that moment I couldn't even think. Breathing became hard, even more difficult when his warmth seeped into my seemingly cold skin. I bit my lip and turned my face to his, slowly rearranging my body to face him. Eric didn't budge whatsoever, instead looking rather malicious and enthusiastic at the same time.

"Is there a reason you're hovering over me?" I inquired quietly, swallowing when his blue eyes darkened in the barely lit room.

His lip turned upwards further. "Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"I thought I already answered that question."

"Answer it again, for me."

"Yes." I shifted, making a movement to stand but Eric wouldn't have it. His knee picked up and firmly placed itself by my side, making him that much closer to my face–my lips. The pain in my lip was barely felt as I bit it with raw anxiousness, my teeth digging deeper into soft skin with every inch Eric held himself above me, practically taunting me.

The little piercing above his eyebrow told me he was skeptical, the short hairs raised. "Interesting."

"What is?" I practically choked out the words, my breathing being cutoff by the immeasurable amount of man in front of me. The scent of heavy metal and ink told me not only had he been at work, but he had been to the gun range.

"Most people would've looked away by now, but you're staring at me dead on." He whispered, eyes narrowing slightly.

"So _you're_ reading _me_ now?"

"Ironic, isn't it?" He said carefully, his eyes thoughtful.

"What can you tell?"

Eric's thick chuckle, a dark sound through the rest of the silence and my breathing sounded full with intent. "Careful Erudite, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to."

The arm holding himself above me, his body close to mine, moved and shifted to attentively brush his fingers against my side. I held in my breath otherwise I would moan or make some noise that would give away every emotion I felt pitted in my stomach, the butterflies tumultuously dancing a fast salsa. "Come train with me." It sounded like a plea, but it wasn't. I knew better than to assume it was, Eric didn't plea for anything in his life. He demanded–commanded. He was the leader of all, no questions asked.

"Is this a polite way of saying I need it?"

"I would love to say it in an impolite way." He replied with a note of humor to his tone, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I know it's your forte."

"Touché." He responded. The warm fingers at my side slid further down my waist, to my hip, where he began to knead the soft flesh and ignoring him and his touch became nearly impossible. "Train with me and I can help you get better."

"I don't trust you."

"You're right not to, but how Dauntless are you?"

I scoffed at the thought of Eric possibly helping me. He would probably help me right off of a cliff, and yet even though that image created goose bumps all over my skin–or maybe that was the man in front of me–I knew that he wouldn't hurt me. Or at least not severely, the look being given to me restraining violence. I hated the fact he brought up Dauntless, the fact that I may not be as brave as I try to seem, which was more true than I wanted to let on. He knew where to rub me the wrong way and it only set my skin more on fire.

Despite the heat of my skin, I shivered when I stood, the cold by sitting next to the window for so long getting to me. Heating within Dauntless seemed to be a pretty hard thing to come by, and I assumed it would be a harsh winter. Eric pulled away, wrapping his leadership coat around me.

"Don't die of hypothermia, Erudite." I rolled my eyes at the sound of his voice which noted he was slipping back into old customs.

I ended up staring at his shoulder blades as we walked, my eyes only meeting the top of his chest. I tried to keep up with him but it seemed like he was striding forward without looking back at me. A small part of me felt indignant about the fact that he knew without a doubt I would follow him, and I was sure he would no doubt use it to his advantage in the future.

I hadn't noticed it before, but Eric had slung a bag over his arm, the large duffel bag looking stuffed with different things. I tried in vain to get a look, the small zipper to the bag opened, but all I could see was black and more black. Leave it to Dauntless to effectively hide things.

I played with my hands until we made it to the training room, Eric dropping the bag in a corner and switching his short tee for a simple black tank top. He had a routine, day in and day out, and I highly suspected that he never varied from doing the exact thing. Eric was many things, including intelligent, but he was definitely simplistic when it came to life.

He lived in plain living quarters with not much varying color, kept to the same schedule so much that it was almost painful to watch, and he was good at being calculated. Eric was extraordinary at it, actually.

Watching closely as he wrapped his scab covered knuckles, the black fabric carefully hiding the tattoos on his forearms, I noticed the intense look of disinterest on his face.

"What do those tattoos mean?" He didn't look up at my question, instead wrapping his second wrist securely before answering.

"Do they have to have a meaning?" Eric sneakily tried to ignore answering my question, but he should've known I was not so easily deterred.

I gave him a blank look and replied with yet another question. "Am I wrong to assume that you do nothing without a reason?" He shrugged at me and threw a sickeningly loud punch to the bag adjacent from him. The bag recoiled from his hit, flying backwards before Eric grabbed it and punched again.

A few minutes of this and Eric was still beating the literal crap out of the bag, some small grains of sand falling from the bottom of the poor material.

"You should train too," he muttered under his breath, releasing a gust of air with a loud pant. I tilted my head at him and crossed my arms at him.

"Make me." I responded cheekily, watching as Eric's eyes flared grey and then deepened to a dark blue; they were iced over, full of light and darkness at the same time.

The look that crossed his features made me think of explicit torture before they cooled a fraction and a sort of amusement crossed his blue orbs. "I could, very easily." He stalked forward predatorily, making me understand that I had no where to run or hide. Glancing at him, anyone could see that he would be the obvious victor against any opponent and that I was indefinitely stupid to test him.

With each and every step of his forward, I backed up until I hit a greyish, black stone wall, the cool touch making my overheated skin feel instantly better. I was not so lucky though, as the leader crowded my front, pushing his arms on either side of my head. I swallowed harshly, arching my back to stare at him cautiously. His legs brushed mine and I was hot again–it wasn't the room, no, it was purely him. Purely my reaction to his closeness.

A thin coat of perspiration coated my neck, making me feel unquestionably more vulnerable. I was completely open to him: my body, my mind. I felt the need to brush my hands over his chest, feel the coarse hair on growing beneath the black top or the stubble on his cheeks. I wanted to trace the fine black lines, the thick strands of sable that intertwined to look like an infinite maze of darkness and skin. Blue eyes hooded and dark, I felt undeniably trapped against him and I wasn't panicking, rather I was enjoying it. _Way too much_.

I murmured quietly, turning my head to the side. "You're very possessive today." His fingers grasped my wrist, holding it above my head.

"Well you seem to love questioning my power." In an effort to move away, I pulled on my arm, but it was useless. I sighed heavily, brushing my hips against his and evoking a small noise from my throat. It was torture but I was enjoying every moment of it.

"We both know you'll always win." I spoke quietly, staring him dead on. He met my gaze without hesitation, biting his lip between his teeth slowly.

"Dare me." He murmured, brushing his cheek against mine to make the words hushed against my ear. I sucked in a breath and tried to sustain any amount of sense I had left.

"What's that supposed to do?"

"Gain your trust and earn my compliance."

"I thought you said I had no friends, no one I could trust anymore. Not even you–"

He snickered at me, his lip curling upwards. "You trusted me when I said that, didn't you?"

"Touché." I groused, repeating the same words he had only said a little while ago. I stared into his eyes and tried to think of the most embarrassing yet informational dare that I could possibly plague him with, and as the gear shift the twinge of fear in his orbs began to creep forward. "I dare you to let me choose a tattoo and have it put anywhere on your body."

What looked like a light blush flashed across his skin up from his necks and by his ears. Maybe it was a trick of the light, after all we were pressed against the back of the training room, breathless and too close to each other. Hell maybe it was because I hadn't eaten in hours, but I doubted that as I scrutinized him carefully, my eyes roaming over his chest and body.

"You're good." He grumbled, pushing his hand on the wall to distance himself. "Anywhere?" I nodded at him, licking my suddenly parched lips. I didn't fail to notice as his eyes dropped down to my mouth.

"Anywhere."

Eric raised his eyebrow and stuck out his hand. "Okay Erudite, you have yourself a dare." I shook his hand firmly, his fingers grasping mine with more power than I would've liked to admit.

Grabbing his bag and throwing his leadership jacket around his shoulders, he led me around the compound until we made it to the same tattoo parlor where I got my first mark that reminded me of everything I had left behind in Erudite. As I passed a mirror I could see the soft tip of blackness reflect back at me, but I pretended to ignore it as I trailed behind Eric.

The blue eyed leader crossed his arms, rose his eyebrows at me and glanced at all of the tattoo designs in the parlor.

"You must have to have a lot of trust in me to let me do this to you." I joked.

Eric's normal serious face stayed intact. "Don't test it." _Did he admit he trusted me?_

"Oh, I have an idea!" I said way too enthusiastically, turning to the selection of clear orange glass stained with black designs. Making it out of his sights for a moment, I took one of the plaques and smiled at him widely, holding the piece behind my back. "How about this?"

I held a smiley face tattoo towards him, watching as his eyes dilated quickly before he glanced at me questioningly. I restrained myself from bursting into hilarious laughter, the joy of watching him get freaked out by the tattoo more than satisfying. "I would put it on your ass; you know, to make you more cheery." After staring at the tattoo for another minute or so, all he did was raise his eyebrows at me for the hundredth time that night. I found it almost endearing, the way he could show a reaction that no one could usually pick up on and yet I could.

"In hell you will." Eric practically hissed and I giggled at his reaction.

"Calm yourself leader, I'm only teasing." I raised my arms to show vulnerability as I turned and placed the design back on the rack. I disappeared behind another wall, finding a rather small tattoo that wound like a snake but reminded me entirely of Eric. I pulled over one of the workmen for the quant Dauntless parlor and he told me its meaning.

I pressed against Eric's side and looked at him, watching a small wave of hesitancy paint his features.

"Would you be willing to cover one of your existing tattoos?"

Eric snorted, the incredulousness in every muscle of his body. Unconsciously I backed away from him, suddenly aware of the fear tingling the hairs at the back of my neck. Eric paused and righted himself, pulling his stance to that of pure rigidness. "If you want to cover up my leadership tattoos–"

"No, I know I can't." It was against the rules to, I knew that much. Ironically I also knew that having a relationship with an initiate was against the treaty of soldiers. How I knew that was the fault of Erudite books left over in Dauntless libraries.

"Then what tattoo?" Eric asked in a clipped tone, snapping me out of my musings.

I moved forward attentively, touching my fingertips to the tattoo I knew would be underneath the shirt he wore, the black fabric the only thing separating the tattoo from my skin. "This one."

Eric breathed deeply, contemplating what I said, and for a moment I believed he wouldn't go through with the dare. Wasn't this to gain my trust? To make me trust him?

I knew I shouldn't trust him, it was against everything in my nature to.

But when his hand touched mine before I jumped into Dauntless, I was a complete goner.

He swallowed as if he had a ball in his throat, his adams apple bobbing, and in a split second I could see he was thinking the same thing as me in his gunmetal eyes.

"Okay." He whispered quietly, taking one of the parlor chairs as the artist reclined his chair. Eric pulled off his shirt, exposing the short hairs around his chest and the small tattoo that I was used to seeing right above his heart. The small black mark stood out against his pale yet oddly bronze skin. I knew I would find it was silky smooth and although I yearned to touch it, I kept my fingers knit in my lap.

Two white scars poked out from his side but I focused on him, his taut muscles and his hard jaw. He was obviously uncomfortable with this, uncomfortable with everything that was about to happen, but he had let me in. He was letting me in and trusting me with his body and, even though he didn't realize it, his mind.

I may not have known everything about the mysterious leader who would rather be protected by the dark, but from what I did know, I could feel myself aching to be closer to him. To know more.

I murmured some quiet directions to the man as he placed the pad over the small existing tattoo, effectively taking it out of my sight. It only took a second, the tattoo wasn't large and it wasn't so intricate that it would take hours to be put on. The meaning of it was simple, meant to help him understand and acknowledge what he normally wouldn't.

When the tattooist was finished, Eric stood without saying a word and eyed the new black marks that swirled on the plane of his chest. It was still small, still unnoticeable and unknown to everyone else but me.

Me.

It meant heartlessness to him but to me it meant something completely different.

It meant growth and chances and love.

He didn't say a word to me as he pulled on his shirt, and he ignored me most of the walk back to my apartment. Fear and doubt tickled the back of my neck, making me wonder if perhaps I had made a terrible decision and ended up making Eric run back to his hiding place. Eric wasn't usually one to be talkative and I knew that, but the silence engulfing the space between us was making it harder for me to breathe. I bit my lip as we neared the chasm, remembering the last time we were here together.

He had thrown me over the edge, his blue eyes never leaving mine, and now I couldn't help but think maybe he was saving me. We had grown so much since then, so much in such a short amount of time. Weeks, months, they all merged together down here, making it easy to become afraid and lost within myself. Looking back, below our feet to the water that crashed like it did every day, I don't believe Eric would've thrown me off. Tiffany's words slid insidiously into my thoughts as I stood next to the brooding leader, but I shook it off and tried to keep myself warm as the spray of dew flew from the colliding waves.

Eric stopped suddenly near the stone wall, turning towards me. "Why?" He asked, looking both uncomfortable and confused.

"Why what?" I bit my lip and stared at him, trying not to give the fear that was digging into my chest and making it race momentum.

"Why that tattoo? In that spot?" He threw his arm out, widening his stance. "Out of all the tattoos, you chose that. Why?"

"The tattoo itself means love, but I wanted you to believe that you're not heartless. That you could be loved." The soft appearing blonde brows knitted together in the middle of his forehead and my heart constricted in my chest. I sucked in a quick breath between my teeth and continued. "You are loved, Eric."

The fear that crossed his features momentarily hurt me, and I knew that he believed I was talking about myself.

Did I even know him enough to truly love him?

"By who?" Eric snapped, stepping quickly towards me. I could tell he was ready to fight me, convince me how wrong I was. Ignoring the chasm below, the imminent fear of death that came with it, I backed him down with my eyes.

"Your sister and your niece." Eric chuckled darkly at my statement.

"They haven't seen what I've become. What I transformed into. That they only way they could love me." He turned away from me quickly, rubbing a hand through his short hair. "Through ignorance."

I ached to ask the question even though I knew the consequences, and I found myself asking anyways. How _Dauntless_. "What made you change?" Eric made a purely Eric looking face, his eyes darkening and his stance straightening. He crossed his arms over his chest and I almost laughed at how the closed off nature of his pose felt familiar to me. I was so used to this Eric that it didn't even scare me when he slid into one or the other. It seemed I was only scared when he decided to show his lack of emotion, even in his eyes. "Sorry, sorry," I waved my hand at him. "I know, to much info."

Eric's features slipped into something that reminded me of physical pain. "What was that face for?" I asked, moving towards him, afraid that he was sick or that something was happening and I didn't even know it.

"I don't like that you are close enough to me to know what buttons to push," he shot me a small smirk. "...But..."

"But?..." I furthered, leaning towards him, my body yearning to be near his skin which seemed to radiate the warmth that I craved.

I only seemed to desire his warmth.

His next words were nothing but a whisper. "But I enjoy having you here." My lips fell open on a silent gasp both of our bodies seeming to strain closer until we were barely touching. I pressed my palm against his chest, halfheartedly keeping him a short distance away even though all it effectively did was made my skin light on fire. My nerves seemed to dance in anticipation as I gazed softly into his vast blue eyes.

"Eric..." I murmured his name quietly, leaning forward. My breaths were small pants, my breathing irregular now that I was so close to him. Eric slowly backed me against the wall, mostly without my knowledge, as I was focused solely on him. The only thing I noticed was how our hips touched when he pressed me into the wall for what seemed like the millionth time that night. I was irrevocably trapped in the lions den, and I didn't feel afraid. How stupid was that?

It didn't _feel_ stupid at all.

"I have a dare for you." Eric broke the sudden steamy silence, his breath gusting over my lips.

"Okay." I whispered in confirmation, my other hand wrapping around his shoulder to push myself closer against him.

"I dare you to..." Eric took a moment in deep thought to think of how well he could torture me. "Run naked through the pit." I practically laughed at his dare, but instead I just glanced back at him with no fear in my eyes. I felt proud for once of the girl that felt more power against this leader.

"And my second option?"

"Kiss me." This time his response was quick and decided. Large blue eyes flashed to mine, questioning me, and now it was my turn to swallow harshly.

"Eric..." I moaned against my will, taking a fist full of black shirt into my hands as more parts of his body leaned into my own. He towered over me, making me small compared to him. "You want me to chose the lesser of two evils?" I asked jokingly, watching as Eric's lip turned upwards in amusement. I felt powerful, in control of both myself and some primal part of him.

"You consider me evil?"

I responded with a slight shake of my head and a smile. "You're no angel. I mean you're the best choice..." I bit my lip seductively, now that I knew Eric wanted this as much as I did. I felt the power from his desire, heated up when he gazed at me. His attention fell to my lips and to say I didn't feel self conscious was a lie. I knew our differences, but in that moment, I highly doubted he cared and neither did I. All I knew was I wanted his mouth on mine.

"Ashely, admit it. I'm your _only_ choice." With those simple words, everything inside of me broke and I reached forward, closing my eyes and pulling myself closer to him.

It felt like I had waited a million years for this moment and I never even truly knew I wanted him like this, wanted his ardor and his passion. I expected a small kiss, something short and sweet, but knowing Eric I should've figured better.

Our lips slid against each others languidly, Eric's kiss definitely more dominating. His lips were surprisingly soft, brushing against my own with firm pressure that made me want to drown in him. My fingers wrapped around the back of his neck; pulled at the short strands of blonde hair. I braced myself to pull away but my planning turned out to be futile, he would always win and today I seemed to be the prize.

I moaned against his mouth, his kiss. One of his hands braced against my hip while the other buried deep into my hair, pulling my neck up to meet him at a sharp angle. Kissing Eric was hot, hard and pounding. We rushed together like the water and the rocks below, striking against one another, saving each other. I opened my mouth on a gasp when he bit my lip, dragging the soft flesh between his teeth and laving it softly with his tongue. My mouth was left to his assault and wasn't surprised when his tongue slipped into my mouth and begun an exploration. I mewled softly, meeting him just as needfully until both of us pulled away to draw in a much needed breath. Eric leaned forward, pressing his lips against my neck. I felt him suck the soft skin there, making my hips grind into his, a long forgotten ache appearing between my thighs. When he pulled away, the black controlled the blue in his eyes which seemed to have disappeared long before.

We didn't say anything for a few moments, just breathing deeply and accepting what had just happened. He had let me in and taken me to a whole new level. I sighed against his chest, nuzzling my nose against the exposed curve of his neck. His scent intoxicated me now and everything felt like it was on fire.

It felt perfect.

We walked back to his apartment in the leadership complex in peaceful silence, our shoulders touching in acknowledgement in each other.

I didn't expect him to hold my hand and be a good boyfriend like anyone else would be, kiss my fingers and call me their girlfriend. Eric didn't want that and I couldn't blame him. I was never good at relationships like that.

This was equal, an understanding passing between us that we both mattered.

Eric immediately began washing dishes, busying himself with any work that he could find for himself. I wouldn't say that the air around us was awkward but it seemed that Eric was in new territory. I peeked at him from the corner of my eyes, watching as his shoulders bunched nervously whenever I passed him and put away dishes. When I brushed my side against his, his jaw tensed.

"So what does this mean now?" I questioned to the silence, watching as Eric slowly swiveled towards me and put most of his strength into his hands.

"Nothing."

The one word hurt me more than I let on and I hung my head in defeat. Why would it mean something? I mentally kicked myself for ever wanting more from the leader. He was just my leader. Just my trainer.

We had nothing in common, no comparisons to draw up.

He was fire while I was water.

But I doubted any amount of water would ever put out his flame; no flare would make it burn brighter.

"Good." I murmured, turning my face from him to hide the sadness that welled in my chest and threatened to fall over my cheeks in fast streams of tears.

When he spoke I could hear the anxiousness. "Good?"

"Yeah." I said quietly. "At least I know you won't stop being an ass." Eric let out a soft chuckle but I didn't dare look. I didn't want to see the face that I had dreamed of, wanted. I shook my head, sucked in whatever confidence I had left and glanced at him.

"I'm off to bed. Goodnight Eric." I walked off without hearing his response, taking long strides to the Eric's bedroom.

A small crack of light brought my attention to another door that I had never opened. Inquisitively I stalked forward, inching closer until my fingertips touched the doorway and opened to reveal another small bedroom with an alcove that reminded me of home. There was a blue wall and a bed with dark navy sheets, made perfectly. Turning my head I found Eric leaning against the wall, watching me curiously.

"Wait, you have a guest bedroom?" I asked, incredulous he had kept this away from me. I had slept in his bed for so long and I kicked myself for not figuring out what was behind this door. It had never come up.

Did I want to sleep in Eric's bed? He made me comfortable, which juxtaposed Eric's personality. Why would Eric want someone in his bed if he didn't let anyone in? Looking back, it seemed sleeping in his bed was so normal, and looking back on the small moments we had every morning, I couldn't say I regretted it.

"You never noticed the other door?"

I shot him a harsh stare. "Don't deflect my question, Eric."

"Don't overestimate my choice and power in this matter." He replied without truly answering my question. I rolled my eyes at him and turned back towards the spare bedroom.

"Why didn't you let me sleep here when I first came?" My inquisition of him was beginning and I could already see the cold shell forming around his personality; his eyes became disinterested.

"I didn't think of it at the time." I scoffed in disbelief at his response, squaring up to him.

"The man who thinks of everything never thought of this?" I hooked my thumb to point at the door which was ajar. He shrugged, his eyes narrowing at my question. "Can I stay in this room?" For some reason sleeping next to Eric in only his shorts after just kissing him felt like a dangerous mission to uphold and this newfound bedroom came at a saving time.

"Do you want to?" The question was obviously double sided, Eric knew what I was thinking. He was smart enough to figure out that either one of us would step over each others boundaries and we had done enough trust searching for a day.

"I never quite took you for someone who likes to cuddle." I teased lightly, but Eric stayed painfully serious and neutral.

"I'm not."

"Do you want me to sleep in your bed?" I retorted, trying to pull an actual answer out of him that he didn't want to give me. Giving me an answer would be giving in to me, and Eric would never do that–even if this round I won. He refused to answer, so instead I tiptoed forward and planted a sweet kiss on his cheek.

Even if he wouldn't admit it, he _cared_ enough about me to not let me die.

To let me sleep in _his_ bed.

For it to be _more_ than nothing.

That night the sheets were cold and I found myself distinctly missing a powerful and warm body holding me near enough to touch only the exterior.

My beautifully broken tormentor.


	21. The Fear Inside Our Bones

_**Chapter 20 – The Fear Inside Our Bones**_

* * *

 _Hey guys! I hope you guys like this chapter a lot, I've worked hard on it! I've been sick for the past few days so not only have I felt like utter s*** but I've been able to write more! Yay? Yay!? Idk anymore! Haha, I just hope all of you enjoy this chapter! If you like it please **FOLLOW** it for more, **FAVORITE** to help me write more and **REVIEW** to help me get better! Thank you guys!_

 _Thank you's: Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins, thank you so much for reviewing! Yes I know, it's very frustrating, and it will probably get even more frustrating with Eric's responses. But it gets better, I promise! :)_

 _iamUNSINKABLE, Thank you so much! I hate being completely obvious because I feel like that gives too much away but I'm glad that you found Eric opening up more even though I guess it was more physical giving in than verbal confession. Of course it was steamy! Idk when our next steamy kiss will be *hint hint* but hopefully soon. And yes, knowing Eric, he will reject all meaning and closeness, i.e. this chapter. I think in this chapter though we see much more than Eric was willing to let on and it starts off like that, which is tough for him. So distance is his only coping mechanism, if that makes sense? I hope all is well and I'm always here for support as usual! Much love and kudos! :))_

 _XWarrior, you do not know how much your beautiful words inspired me and made me feel so special! I would hardly think I'm a poet or anything like that but this is just something I love to do and as long as others enjoy it that's all that matters to me, so I'm so happy you love it that much! Honestly your opinion means the entire world to me and receiving that review just made me a million times happier! I'm always thankful for your support of my writing and your ideas! I'm trying to work on Ashe's inner voice because I felt like for a few chapters I kind've lost her there, but hopefully she's making a return! :D Thank you as always for your entirely sweet words and support! Love you so much! I hope you enjoy! :))) ∞_

 _Leneah1, thank you so much for your sweet words! I'm glad that you love the story and love Eric's attitude. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled towards the Eric I want him to be and the Eric he probably would be at this point. Also I'm so happy to hear you love my OC. As being a product of my own mind and heart, it means the world to me! And as for saving our fiery girl Ashe...we'll just have to see! With much love I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)_

 _Go check out the amazing stories by these fantastic authors!_

 _Aria, dangerous beauty in a Divergent World by XWarrior_

 _Nicotine and The Sound of Silence by iamUNSINKABLE (Plus another story I must begin reading) :D_

 _Dauntless Bootcamp by Leneah1_

 _Remnants by Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins (Even though I have to finish the HP series)_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

Even if he wouldn't admit it, he _cared_ enough about me to not let me die. To let me sleep in _his_ bed. For it to be _more_ than nothing. That night the sheets were cold and I found myself distinctly missing a powerful and warm body holding me near enough to touch only the exterior. My beautifully broken tormentor.

* * *

 _"We were made with pain inside of us_

 _With the choice to feel just enough_

 _Or grit our teeth and take the whole thing down_

 _We were made with fear inside our bones_

 _The kind that makes you feel alone_

 _So hold on just breathe and figure out"_

 _– Fear Inside Our Bones, The Almost_

The peaceful silence of the night was sharply broken by a long, throaty cry.

My fingers clawed at my ears, pushing out the sounds that seemed to ricochet around the room. At first I thought the howling was coming from inside my head until my palms closed over the sides of my head and the noise became muffled. I blinked, my eyes taking time adjusting to the darkness of the room before I heard another low pitched howl. It sounded like the worst pain I had ever heard anyone been in. I threw myself out of bed and through the doorway of Eric's apartment. Everything was dark, the lights out and only a small shimmer of moonlight streaming in through the window situated by the hallway. My foot found the corner of a small table and I let out a low hum of curses.

Shoving Eric's door open with a large push and a grunt, I found him sprawled on his bed, clutching his sheets with a violence like I've never seen.

His neck was straining away from the pillow, his head thrown back as he let out an animalistic growl. I rushed over to his side, climbing on top of the bed. I was afraid that I would jostle him but it didn't seem like he was awake, rather, he was completely asleep.

"Eric!" I shoved his shoulder, watching as his head pushed back further, a sheen of sweat coating his body and his tattoos. "Eric!" I grabbed his shoulders and yanked, pulling him closer to my side as best as I could. Moving him was like trying to move a tree, something firmly planted within firm ground. His fingers wrapped around my wrist and held on with vicious power.

"You'll never get shit out of me!" Eric snarled, hissing through his teeth, his body arching off the bed. Finally having enough, I moved our positions on the bed and straddled his hips, putting just enough pressure down on him to keep him restrained.

"Eric, please, wake up." I was shaky, beyond scared of what I was witnessing, but I knew I had to wake Eric up, for his sake. "If you hear my voice you need to wake up. Eric!" He jolted awake, his body going rigid and his posture sagging against the bed.

The stubbly skin of his jaw ticked carefully as his eyes widened and consciousness alerted to him his surroundings. Without having a moment to catch my breath or even ask a question, his strong arms engulfed my body into his and the overheating of his body set mine aflame. This was what I was afraid of happening, being so close to his body the only thing I craved was his touch, his kiss. Even in this moment. I pushed those thoughts out of my head with a fervid groan and craned my neck so that my terrified gaze could meet his.

I had never seen him like this; so utterly defeated and scared. I could feel the hum of his muscles around my waist as he held me to him with a barely restrained death vise. The fatigue of being awaken so violently began to slowly weigh my body and mind down no matter how many questions I wanted to ask him began to pile up within my thoughts.

"Ashe..." Eric nuzzled his lips against my shoulder, his eyes wide and dazed. His fingers trailed over my spine and crushed me to him in a strange flurry of bed sheets and body. "Ashely. Don't leave," he rasped out, emphasizing it with a shake of his head. "Please don't leave." I curled against his body, surprised at his admission. I wouldn't have just left him here even if he wanted me too. This felt too dark and too real to ever be let go. I massaged his shoulder blades carefully, feeling the soft indent of scars I knew would stand out if I held his skin to the light. Working out the strain and the tenseness that his body held within his muscles, I watched his body slowly relax as he realized I was here and that I wasn't leaving, but apparently he needed confirmation.

"I won't." I whispered carefully, dragging my lips to his temple reassuringly. I could taste the slight saltiness of his skin and I pulled myself away for my green eyes to meet his vast blue ones. "I'm not going anywhere."

I couldn't fall asleep until I felt the soft rise and fall of his chest, his breath gusting over my hair with every peaceful moment. If Eric pretended not to be afraid of what I had seen tonight, the way I had seen him, then the fear in my bones could account for both of us.

* * *

The sun beat down on my back, sweat gathering at the base of my neck. I opened my eyes, squinting as light poured into the dark bedroom and illuminated the shadows from earlier that morning. My arm was slung over Eric's side of the bed. I didn't fail to notice that his side was empty, automatically leaving an emptiness next to my side. Some mornings he would curl against my body and other mornings he would be up before me, quietly sipping coffee or reading his messages from Max or some other leader. They always involved 'important things'.

Quickly maneuvering off the bed, I stretched my legs and pushed against my back. Two loud pops sounded before the ache of my muscles and bones set in. I pulled on a new pair of leggings and a red boyfriend sweater, the material bunching around my waist and arms. Pushing the door open with a creak, I found Eric on the couch with his legs crossed. He was wearing lounge pants and was shirtless–of course. If it wasn't for the loud sound of the door opening, I would've been able to get a better peek at just _how many_ scars he had but he was fast enough to turn around and cut off my perusal.

His eyes passed over my own disinterestedly and he continued reading his emails. "Coffee's on the counter." I sucked in a breath and made my way over to the island in the kitchen, grabbing the still hot coffee by it's base and blowing on it. I wasn't going to live last night down so easily, and I knew he figured the same thing. Eric was tense, his shoulders squared off as if he was already looking for a fight.

"Are you okay?" I asked, glancing at him quickly before taking a long drink and turning away. I couldn't look at him now and think of the shattered man I saw last night. I hated how he could slip back into the stupid shield he protected himself with and I wished he could just trust me the way I trusted him. Trusted him with my life. Slowly fear creeped up my neck and I wondered if he would completely shut me out now.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He responded cooly and I could already tell that he was ready to completely shut himself off.

I made a small noise in my throat before replying. "Eric, I saw you last night..." I shook my head and restrained myself from shivering at the thought of how needy he had been to have me against him. "That wasn't okay."

"I'm fine." Eric snapped, shutting his laptop and plopping it onto the couch. Quickly standing up he placed the cup in the sink and turned to look at me.

"I'm not stupid–" I started, cut off by Eric's harsh response.

"You must be. Don't feel too ashamed, a lot of Erudites are nowadays." The knowing smirk that passed his features made anger shoot through my body like hot, coursing magma and all I could think of doing was slapping him across his smug little grin. I bit the inside of my cheek, suppressing the need to snap back at him, and instead took a small step forward in his direction. Erudites had a technique for dealing people who just shut off, and it involved not giving them the response they needed to run away.

"You don't have to get like this, you know. Not with me."

He took a deep breath and I steadied myself for his next words. "I don't see why you're so different." I stared at him, waiting for something to tell me that what he was saying wasn't true but I couldn't find any hints that he was lying. Last night couldn't have been nothing, right? Or had I just read too much into him? He had said it meant nothing.

 _Nothing_.

But he had also said he wanted me _stay_. That couldn't mean nothing.

When I spoke my voice came out high and off pitch and I hated how close I felt to dragging the answers out of him like he was dragging my emotions around. "Why are you pushing me away?"

"You assume you were ever close." His words hit me like a physical blow, almost harder than that of the initiates who had made sure to thoroughly beat me up. I could feel my lip trembling and for the first time in what seemed like forever, my head fell and I gave in. I gave in to what Eric was saying and I no longer felt like I could even stand. I had no more fight.

I didn't know whether he's looking at me or not and something in me didn't even want to know. I have had to stare him down and drag answers out of him and I couldn't help but kick myself repeatedly, my heart racing with every mental blow, as I discredited all of our time together. All I've ever been to Eric was some initiate who couldn't defend herself, who was _afraid_. If I was anything more Eric would happily pretend like it wasn't.

The pain in the middle of my chest was familiar, the way my heart pounded and my ears were drowning out the sound of the birds chirping in the room. I bit my lip, hard, to keep it from trembling and showing weakness in front of him.

If I was going to get anywhere with Eric I couldn't be afraid, of him or of anything else.

I had to show that I deserved to be in Dauntless, that I was Dauntless. And a small part of me that was eager to be heard knew that I had to prove myself to Eric to ever gain _his_ trust in me.

I turned the corner angrily–half at Eric, half at myself–and grabbed my training jacket off of the post by the door and grabbed the handle.

"Where are you going?" I didn't turn back to look at him, instead leaving his apartment with the loud bang of the door ringing throughout the corridor.

Who cares if I didn't have breakfast, I had to bring myself up in the rankings. And fast.

* * *

The loudness of the pit didn't surprise me anymore and neither did the catcalls of men in the sparring rings or the children running around. I _was_ a little shocked to find the kids playing with wooden swords, fighting even at a young age. With loud screeches of happiness they ran past me. If I made it these would be my people. I would be a part of them. The murmuring of conversations lost to me hung over the silence I remembered within the Erudite facility, how everything was sterile and peaceful. My memory of that place only made me hate it more.

I stomped off angrily, past the rocks and the rings of people shouting, past the small shops until I had climbed up two stairwells of hard stone and made it outside of a hair salon.

I had been here only a while before. Lately weeks and days meshed together, time lost when most of the Dauntless compound was underground. All that mattered was making it past the first part of training and into the second. Walking hesitantly into the empty establishment, I could find no one but the cashier and the woman I was looking for.

I stepped up to her as she swept away the dirt from the dark grey, polished looking floor. Her black length dress reached her ankles and was ripped in many places, exposing cuts in the fabric that left little to the imagination. Her head perked up as I neared her and I swallowed down the fear and the bile that had risen in my throat. I shouldn't be afraid of this woman. She was just like me.

"Well, what should I owe this pleasure to?" Tiffany murmured sarcastically, leaning the broom on the counter and crossing her arms above her chest defensively. I laughed inwardly at the thought we could ever be equals but the only true thing we had in common was our divergence.

I sized her up with her eyes, trying to back her down using one of Eric's techniques, but she was more confident than me. "I want to know what my test results were." Tiffany almost jumped over the counter, fiddling with a small radio until music played throughout the store. Her dark brown eyes met mine cautiously before her head tipped to a small camera in the corner of the room.

She pursed her lips and responded. "You should be more quiet and careful the next time you ask about this kind of stuff." If I thought I had seen her pissed off before, apparently I was wrong.

I raised my eyebrows at her. _Next time?_ I didn't want to be here in the first place, I highly doubted that I would ever be here for the same answers again. Then why was I here? I couldn't answer that but I couldn't care. I needed to know what I was– _who_ I was. The idea that I wasn't even truly Dauntless had begun eating away at my nerves over the past few days, making me even more scared to fight for myself. If I wasn't who I believed I was then I was trying to be someplace that knew I wouldn't survive.

Although I hated the fact, maybe I was _meant_ to be factionless.

"I don't think I'll be coming back another time." I said cooly, turning my back to the camera and mimicking her actions. We both piled different beauty products on the counter and the hard rock song playing on the radio seemed fitting to the near violent aura in the room.

"You will." Her eyes met mine momentarily and I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if she had helped more people than me. If I wasn't the only one. Would what she had told me before be even more true? It wasn't like I hadn't gotten my fair share of warnings. "During the second part of your initiation, when you're afraid to talk to Eric. To Four. You'll be alone because they're not like you and they _will_ turn you in."

I straightened as my patience fell to an all time low. "I came here for my test scores, not for a lecture on how not to get killed." She snorted, a small laugh bubbling from her chest.

"You've defied all expectations so far." It felt like I hadn't defied any expectation at all. In fact, it distinctly felt like everything I touched or attempted failed with a big, bright burst of fire. "If you truly want to know, you're Erudite." She paused, glancing at me in the mirror. Our eyes met and for the first time since I had met her back in the decrepit room between all five factions, I saw the fear in her eyes. Tiffany wasn't afraid of me, but she was afraid of what both of us were. "And Dauntless, and Amity."

My eyes narrowed at her, this new revelation consuming every nerve in my body. The faction I wasn't expecting, Amity, seemed to be a part of me, and every jest Eric ever made about my sense of peacefulness and kindness seemed well placed. "How can they coexist?" I asked, my eyebrows drawn low.

"They can't. They're not supposed to. That's why you're in danger, you're a threat to the system and Jeanine and any of the other leaders can't control you if they want." The light haired hairstylist glanced at the cashier who seemed to be becoming increasingly suspicious of our conversation in the corner as the radio blocked us out. I took one last glance in the mirror and I couldn't help but think I looked too scared. In the mirror I couldn't help but I think I looked even more scared than Tiffany.

I sucked up my courage and turned away from her. "You have to be careful. Don't come here again until you really need it." She whispered, turning the radio down with long, slim fingers. She put her hand on the middle of my back and led me to the front of the shop.

"Good luck, Ashely."

I walked aimlessly for a few minutes, passing shops and looking straight past people. I was Dauntless. Surviving in Dauntless seemed even more possible, even more tangible as my feet fell on Dauntless stone floors.

"Ashe?" I turned at the sound of my name being called and found Four standing behind me, nervously combing his fingers through his hair.

"Four! Hey, what are you doing so far away from your computers?" I asked, trying to lighten the obviously dark and dreary mood everyone was in. I was afraid of being sucked into their melancholy so I shot Four a small smile.

Four returned my smile, tilting his head to gaze down at me. "I was taking a break, you?" Unconsciously my eyes darted to the small salon beside me and I quickly reaffirmed my gaze on Four. I didn't truly believe that Four was a threat to me like Tiffany had told me but she was right about one thing–what happened when I couldn't trust Eric enough to tell him the truth? When I truly needed him? I cleared my throat and smiled sweetly at Four because to him, nothing was wrong, unless I made it seem like something _was_ wrong.

"I was just checking out the different hair styles," I answered calmly. "I'm thinking of dying my hair." Four nodded, but he was obviously somewhere else entirely, his gaze trained somewhere off in the distance. For some reason I was grateful for his disinterest. "Are you all right Four?"

Four seemed to take a steadying breath before moving closer to me and pointing to the camera above us with his eyes. "I saw what happened last night, with you and Eric." Fear tingled at the back of my neck and travelled down my spine as I stared at the brown haired man long enough to affirm being in shock. I stepped back from him. Four caught my forearm and I had the intense need to run away. Not only could that affect my training but who knows what it would mean for Eric. I shoved that thought away angrily, reminded of how easily he had pushed me away this morning. I hated that I still protected him. "I wiped the footage, but I want you to know that you should be careful."

I practically rolled my eyes at him.

Did I seem so weak that everyone felt the need to warn me about spending time with Eric? Sure I was sixteen, but that didn't mean I was clueless.

"Why?" I jerked my arm away from him, pulling myself together.

"Around Eric, you need to be more careful."

"You don't understand–" Four cut me off, his eyes taking on a somewhat crazed appearance.

"No, you're the one who doesn't understand. You haven't seen him, seen the things he's done like some of us have." Four released a breath and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "Like I have. And I pity you if you ever do." I could almost feel the nerves bouncing from Four's body and for some reason I felt the need to believe him more than I felt the need to believe Tiffany or anyone else. Four had never been less than helpful to me and I couldn't see why he would warn me just because I was a kid. The haunted look behind his eyes spoke more to me about both of their pasts, and it would explain why Eric was always less than happy to see him.

What had happened to make everyone so fearful of Eric?

His personality was definitely an indicator for people to be cautious, but they warned me against him like they knew how much of a killer he was.

And he _was_ a killer.

My skin tingled with what I thought was fear, maybe nervousness, the hairs on my arms standing on end and my body becoming restless. I thought that it was Four's warning that had put me on edge, but when I heard his voice behind me I knew what it truly was. Four's eyes widened and my back straightened, waiting for the voice that I could pinpoint anywhere. He was probably wearing a black leadership vest and dark pants, clothes that would reflect his forbidding personality, present his leadership tattoos like a trophy.

"What are you doing here, Four? Don't you have a job to do?" Eric's strict voice murmured insidiously from behind my back and I dared not turn around, afraid of the closed of man that I would be met with. I wasn't ready to face him again yet.

Four's eyes bored into my own before he moved off. "I'll get right to it sir." Before he took off, Four grasped my forearm again tightly and turned me towards him. "And Ashe? Don't forget what I told you." Four shot a severe look Eric's way. I tilted my head towards the trainer, acknowledging his words but also painfully aware of Eric's presence.

"I won't." Four walked briskly down the hall, my words hanging somewhere in the tense air, disappearing around a bend that would ultimately lead to the pit. Sucking my lip between my teeth, I desperately wished Four had taken me with him so I didn't have to face Eric. As much as seeing him made my heart clench in the most delicious of ways, I knew that whatever happened would come with a side of cold and detached.

Eric stalked in front of me, arms crossed over his chest. If I didn't know better, I would say Eric looked distinctly jealous. "What did he tell you?" Eric's eyebrows pulled down over his eyes, casting shadows over the gleaming grey orbs. I angled my chin higher and tightened my resolve.

"Like you care." I spat, turning away. I would admit that the response I gave him was entirely childish, but I definitely had earned my fair share of childish responses after the way Eric had treated me when I woke up. I knew he was dealing with something and it only pissed me off further that he'd rather run away from answering to it and opening up to me than stand like a frozen statue.

His strong hand wrapped around my arm and yanked me back to him, pressing my side against his body. I could feel his muscles shift beneath the fabric of both of our clothes and I silently prayed that I would be able to keep my thoughts in my brain before they flew away and all I was left with was my want for his skin to be on mine. The memory of how his lips had slid so sensuously over my own, so needfully. Just thinking of it made my skin burned and with that thought my hands pushed him away when I came to the realization that that might be his plan after all. To seduce me into submission the only way he knew how–using his body against mine. Of course he'd seen my reactions to him before and it was likely he knew how to use it to his advantage.

"Does it look like I was asking you?" Somewhere between the Eric I had seen yesterday and the one I had woke up to today, it was obvious that he had become lost along the way and I could feel him slipping away from me inch by excruciating inch. When had I become so attached to this painfully arrogant leader? "Answer me initiate." I recoiled at the snap of his voice, his use of the word initiate rather than Ashely, or Ashe, or even Erudite.

I turned around and glared at him, meeting him head on. "He just had advice about what I could do for my training." I smiled at him sweetly, the underlying acidity clear. Whether he liked it or not he was not going to get through to me with the way he was acting and it irked me that I wanted him to break down my walls either way.

"You're a very bad liar Ashely." Eric chastised and I stuck my bottom lip out, the action immediately catching his attention just as I had planned. Eric's grey eyes latched onto my lips and I made it obvious when I licked my lip. Batting my eyelashes, I pulled my last card.

"I'm not Candor and neither are you, so let me go." The irony that I truly didn't come with an aptitude for Candor wasn't beyond me, but I knew that Eric would get the point behind my words. Maybe I was being unreasonable but he wasn't letting me in as much as he tried to make it like he was. I turned my head away from him with my next words. "And don't use my name like that. It's Ashe."

It was true. I wasn't the girl, Ashely, that I had left behind in Erudite. I wasn't immediately intimidated by Eric. Instead, now I got a thrill by playing his same game, even though it was annoying as hell to be a part of. He had his problems, but I knew what it was like not to have anyone to lean on and Eric needed to know that he _did_ have someone. I may have not known his entire past, but I had stuck around long enough to find out. Didn't that mean something?

But I didn't want to find out, not yet. If Eric wanted to run and hide, I'd let him, but I wasn't going to let him try and catch up so easily. Pushing Eric's hand from my wrist, I distanced myself from his intoxicating body.

"Where do you think you're going?" Eric called as I turned around, taking the same route that Four had just a few minutes ago. Swaying my hips, I threw Eric a look from over my shoulder.

"Pull some leadership strings, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out." Where I was really going was to work off some tension. Although I well deserved a nice spa day, I highly doubted Dauntless had anything like that, so instead I took to one of Eric's best ways to relieve stress other than running and abusing initiates. The training room.

* * *

For two hours straight I trained, first spending most of my time on the punching bags until my knuckles were an ugly shade of blue and yellow and then I took to running. I ran laps around the training room, around the warehouse, up the levels and back down until I saw Dahlia standing in the front of the opening to the training room. I was anxious to see her, especially since I hadn't really gotten much private time to speak with her with everything going on. Training had been beating me up and Eric was the one occupying most of my time, so seeing Dahlia was a well welcomed relief.

What I wasn't relieved to see was the worry on her face and the tears falling from her eyes.

"Dahlia, what's wrong?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into a long embrace. "Did something happen?"

She hiccuped, brushing the clear drops from her cheeks. "It's Zach...he...he–"

"What about Zach?"

"Zach's in trouble...He–Zach killed Shea."


	22. All's Well That Ends Well

_**Chapter 21 – All's Well That Ends Well**_

* * *

 _Hello guys! Okay, this is a much quicker update then I usually do, but I spent most of yesterday just writing away. I've been so exhausted and tired, but I had the need to post another update, so here it is! I hope you guys enjoy it! Dark times head, so be prepared! If you enjoy it and you really want to help, please **REVIEW**! To give me little twinges of happiness, please **FAVORITE** and **FOLLOW** for alerts to updates and more stories! Check out my **PROFILE** too! I have most of my songs and links to everything I'm a part of! Outfits/Playlists/Blogs :) Please enjoy! *love*_

 _My Thanks: Leneah1, here's your update! Yay! :) haha, but thank you for your kind words. I love/hate cliffhangers ^_^, but I'm sorry for the pain I know you felt haha. Don't worry about the shout out, you're totally welcome!_

 _IamUNSINKABLE, yes, as we learn later Eric has night terrors and it's a big thing for him. It's a part of his past which he tries to hide behind like layers of ice and hardness and being mean, but Ashe like unintentionally saw him at one of his weakest points, so...How will that go? ;) I'm sorry about the night terrors, they really are awful things to have! :( I hope you're okay! Much love and support!_

 _If you haven't checked out their stories already, what the heck are you people doing? lol_

 _∞ MUCH LOVE, ENJOY! ∞_

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

What I wasn't relieved to see was the worry on her face and the tears falling from her eyes.

"Dahlia, what's wrong?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into a long embrace. "Did something happen?"

She hiccuped, brushing the clear drops from her cheeks. "It's Zach...he...he–"

"What about Zach?"

"Zach...Zach killed Shea."

* * *

"Nothing goes as planned

Everything will break

People say goodbye

In their own special way

All that you rely on

And all that you can fake

Will leave you in the morning

But find you in the day"

–Andrew Belle, In My Veins

* * *

I hated small rooms.

Knowing that, it could be said that being stuck in a small room full with Dauntless guardsmen, Erudite specialists, Zach and the less than pleased leader who made it his duty to ignore me–all stuck in the same room within the Dauntless compound–felt a little more than small.

It felt entirely overwhelming.

I stood in the corner of the room, my arms folded over my chest, as Eric stared dismissively at Zach and the Erudites cleared the blood and evidence from the floor. I was somewhat grateful I hadn't seen Shea's body. No matter how much I disliked him for being a part of Archer's little creepy henchmen, I couldn't say that he deserved death. No one did. They had cordoned off the section of the hallway that it had happened in. Conveniently, there weren't any cameras and I found that to be a little suspicious. Zach hung his head low in his hands, his fingers playing with the longish hairs on his head. A part of me wanted to be there for him, sit next to him, especially since I could tell how sincerely regretful he was. Zach wasn't the type of kid to kill someone, and I knew that somewhere deep in my heart.

Glancing at Eric, I knew what would happen here would be a completely different story and I figured that was probably why Dahlia called me. I was the only one with a connection to the fearless leader. I was his only somewhat kryptonite. The fact that I could recall old, torn superman comics from my societal remains class astonished me. Kicking myself out of my own head and into the moment, I tried to focus on what Eric was saying, rather angrily as it was.

"Are you seriously telling me that you can't recall what happened?" Eric snarled, standing with a loud push against the ground, the room rather silent other than the different Erudites shuffling around. I ignored their blue insignias, cast away the resemblance and the memories from my mind. "Think!" His voice broke the scuffle once again.

I took a step forward, removing myself from the safety of the door. "What's going on?" No one had found it necessary to tell me what happened between Zach and Shea and an apparent murder. Eric sighed–rather obviously, as though it took all the strength in the world–and turned towards me. He could shove his ego away because I wasn't exactly happy with him either.

"This is a crime scene; you don't belong here." I held myself back and kept my eyes from rolling off the floor all of their own accord. I opened my mouth to speak but Zach spoke in my place.

He muttered the quiet words behind his palms,"I asked for her."

"Oh look he speaks!" Eric blurted sarcastically, pacing and waving his hand. I wondered if maybe acting like this was a tactic or maybe Eric was just overwhelmed. Guilt clawed at my skin and instead of letting it eat me up I bit my lip hard. It wasn't my fault that Eric had been completely pigheaded about his nightmare. I knew that he needed something–someone. Even if he couldn't admit it to me, tell me that it was me, I wanted something and I couldn't even tell myself what it was that I wanted. "You don't get rights," Eric pointed at Zach angrily. "You're lucky that I didn't let one of the guards throw you into the chasm first."

"Eric, stop..." He turned to me as if he was just acknowledging my existence there. "Please." I took another hesitant step forward, just enough to bring me that much more closer to him, and pressed my fingers against his forearm. I didn't know if it was enough to convince him to calm down but I hoped. I had hope. I spoke so that only Eric could hear me; turned myself into his body. I couldn't say that the closeness didn't effect me, make tingles spread over where we touched and my heartbeat begin to race, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't for right now and I had to keep telling myself that for my own sanity. "Let me talk to him."

The internal struggle was evident. As he turned his face to me I could see the hidden hesitancy in his eyes but I could also see the need for him to stay in power. In control of the situation. Handing a potential criminal like Zach over to me was definitely not a power move and Eric knew it. I knew it. The fact was, would he do it anyways? Despite how little I had to ask from him, how little I could expect, I felt a pang of fear for my friend when Eric straightened and pulled my hand from his arm.

"Make it quick."

I bowed my head, internally trying to thank him with my eyes. He pushed passed me, his chest brushing against my side as he moved. Although no matter how pathetic it was, every touch felt like a spark. Eric took the Erudite personnel with him as he leaved around the corner of the hallway and I checked each corner of the hall, just making sure that there were indeed no cameras. I had guessed it because when Archer had pushed me against the wall and tried to molest me, this was the spot he had chosen. The memory stung like a bitch, but I pushed past it and sat next to Zach.

He was what was important now.

"Zach, what happened?" Zach picked his head up and rubbed his temples, releasing what seemed to be a long held breath. For a moment he shook his head and I expected him to shut me out as well, but instead he turned to me and lowered his voice.

"He was talking about you and Vera," he shook his head against as if what he was thinking didn't make sense. "How he wondered if Erudite's knew the plan going into effect about Divergents." The word stuck out to me, hung in the air like a loud bell going off in my ears. I paused for a moment, trying to see if I had heard him right. My heart stuttered for a moment, trying to relearn the beat. He had said Vera and my name in the same sentence, with the word Divergent. _Divergent_. I leaned towards him, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

"What plan?" I was afraid of the answer but I knew I needed to know. Did Tiffany know about the plan? Was there even a plan at all? Zach looked up to the ceiling and I watched as tears welled up in his eyes.

"I don't know, Ashe." He shook his head and cleared his throat, gasping as if his words were his last. "When I asked him he attacked me and–and...He told me he was going to hurt the both of you. So I killed him." Zach shrugged his shoulders as if it was simple and I couldn't help but feel my fear for Zach kicking in. The sudden realization that he could be factionless, or worse–tried and accused and put to death–hit me like a pile of bricks sinking low in my stomach and weighing me down. Eric's words came back into my head and its concrete meaning only made me feel more sad for Zach. _You're lucky that I didn't let one of the guards throw you into the chasm first._ Eric could've easily had him thrown in the chasm, and yet here I was talking to him. I gnawed the inside of my lip and glanced at Zach nervously.

"Oh...Zach–"

"I know that I could become factionless, but I needed to protect her, Ashe. She's all I have left." The soft, vulnerable look in his eyes dug straight through me and I could tell that his words were truly sincere. Gazing at the still blood coated wall, my eyes met Zach's once again.

"What are we going to do, Zach?" I inquired softly, asking myself more than him.

"Whatever happens," he took my hands quickly and I stiffened when I felt something warm and sticky coat my palms. Leftover blood trailed over my fingertips and I gawked at the crimson liquid. "Protect Vera. Promise me, Ashe."

"I–," I pulled my hands away and stood, restraining myself from reaching out and caressing his cheek. Telling him that everything would be okay even though I knew deep down that it wouldn't be, and I couldn't help but think he knew it too. "I promise. I'll protect her." Zach nodded and Eric rounded the corner, poking his head past the dark grey stone wall.

"Are you two done?" Eric asked, pushing up the black sleeves of his sweater and folding his arms.

"This isn't a good time–"

"Can we talk in private?" Eric nodded at me, waiting expectantly for an answer. For a moment I wanted to push aside the deep-rooted side of myself that told me to tell him off, to protect my friend, but another part of me knew that I couldn't push Eric anymore.

I felt myself become unsteady at the thought of being alone with Eric. All we had done the entire day was fight, and it may have started and ended with me. "Um...Yeah, sure." I shot Zach a reassuring look and shuffled my feet, hanging my head low as I passed him. Maybe if I didn't look for a fight I wouldn't get one.

As soon as Eric led me into his apartment, closing the door with a thud, he began his real inquisition.

"Did he tell you what happened?" All right then, to the point. I grimaced at Eric's dark tone and put my hands on my hips in defiance. It wasn't a good idea but I wasn't going to let him hurt my friend, especially since I knew how much it would hurt Vera. If he died then she surely wouldn't make it through initiation, especially without someone to let her win.

"Is that all you care about?" I snapped, meeting his gaze somewhere in the middle. Both of us were standing on opposite ends of the kitchen, two sides of the same war. I wanted to be on his side, to trust him, but if he couldn't let me in then I couldn't put all of my faith in him either.

Eric brushed his hand through his hair and gave me a condescending look. "He won't talk to any of us."

"And you want me to tell you because I'm his friend." Eric squinted at me and my words, the only defense I had against him. My only chance.

"He's a criminal."

"And so are you." His jaw hardened and he stalked forward, making my body press harder into the cold counter. With Eric's hands on either side of my head, I was effectively trapped and frightened, especially by the devious look that tinted the grey in his eyes; made them as sharp as a dagger.

"You're right," his breath washed over the side of my face and my heart rate sped up again, my hair standing on end. I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat this close, or maybe felt the vibrations from the nerves of my skin. "But he trusts you, and you trust me." I closed my eyes and counted to ten, waiting for the decision to fall in front of me like some miracle but of course I wasn't so lucky. Turning my head I met his gaze head on.

"Do I?"

Eric bit his lip, rubbing his hand against my side slowly. "Isn't it obvious by now I'm not going to harm you?" His eyes scanned the living room over to the door to the bedroom, and his scrutinizing glance fell back onto my body. My cheeks lit on fire against my will and I drove myself to stay calm. "Don't let what happened earlier affect this now." His thumb pressed into my hip for emphasis on his suddenly persuasive words.

I sighed in exasperation and tilted my head to answer him. "He was just trying to protect Vera. Shea threatened her and apparently they both got into a scuffle, Shea with the intention to kill Zach. Only Zach won." Eric lowered his eyebrows as if he didn't understand and opened his mouth as if he was preparing to speak. I leaned forward, pressing my body closer against his. "He cares about her, Eric."

Eric pulled back, his body stiffening and his grey orbs cooling over quickly. "And we all do crazy things when we care about someone." His eyes didn't leave my own for a few moments, a few moments that felt like forever to me. I found myself wanting to kiss him again, practically forgetting everything that kept the both of us in different worlds. I swallowed the cotton ball that had formed in my throat and focused on my friend. I couldn't focus on Eric, not until he trusted _me_. Not until this thing, whatever it was, worked out.

"Eric," I pleaded his name from my lips, breathing thickly in the small space between us. "Promise me that you won't hurt him." Pushing myself forward, I held my hand over his heart, his tattoo and felt his heartbeat–fast and hard and unwavering. "Promise me, please." Eric turned his face away but I only took myself closer to his body. He wasn't running away this time. This was too important.

"I won't hurt him." He took a pause, a steady breath, and swept me backwards until I hit the counter again. I angled myself as he occupied more and more of my space, his mouth inches from mine. I wanted him to kiss me, I knew that if I didn't act he would kiss me and I would be swept up in him like I was yesterday. A hopeless victim in a hurricane. Closing my eyes as he closed his as well, I put more space between him and I using my hands. With each inch that he kept a safe distance, the steadier my heart became.

Zach. That was all that mattered right now. Not Eric and not me. "We...um–we should go back down." All Eric did was nod, seemingly caught up in his own inner storm.

* * *

Eric had left me sitting in the pit with Zach, who had been effectively restrained with advanced looking handcuffs I knew were from Erudite. I had seen them before when they had been used to lock up Divergents, hold them before they were quietly executed. The severe case I saw where the little girl was murdered right before my eyes, shot point blank–eliminated. That was just a much more public version of what I knew happened every day and shivers ran through my spine at the terrifying thought.

If Shea had believed Erudite knew something about Divergents, that there was a _plan_ , then I had to figure out what it was. So I could protect myself. And the closest way to do that was to figure it out from Eric. Eric had walked into a meeting with Max and the other leaders as well and most of the Dauntless populace had gathered in the pit, the buzz of rumors and lies spreading like a wildfire throughout the compound.

Immediately Jake found me. I stood up when he pushed through the crowd; hugged him tight when he finally waded through the last bunch of unmoving bodies and wrapped his big arms around my smaller body. He felt warm and safe and something more familiar than I wanted to admit. Not wanting to admit it, I was scared out of my wits. Every day I felt the inkling of fear, the fear of being factionless or worse, dead, but I commended Zach for sitting on the bench and putting on an air of calm.

I willed that calm to engulf my body, the fear to go away, but that was just a very well wanted wish. Silence fell over the compound and I looked up, Max emerging from the room with Eric and another tan looking man to his side. It was a powerful trio of men, all of them deciding the fate of this one scrawny kid from Candor who unfortunately loved a girl. Unfortunately.

Love was a lie. Cameron, the boy I had left behind in Erudite, had once told me he loved me. He wrapped his arms around me and told me it would be okay before he pushed me away the very next day. That image haunted my memory; the feeling that came with it of being completely alone.

The things we did for people we cared about. People we loved. People we admired.

The unwelcome thought of choosing between Eric and Zach popped into my head, the idea of who I would choose if it came down to it, and I shuddered at the idea that there wasn't a choice. A wave of guilt roiled through my body, making my blood simmer, as I imagined Zach's face when I left him behind in choice of the leader.

What if something like that truly happened? What if I had to choose?

Eric or Dahlia? Eric or Jake? Eric or anyone?

"Death in Dauntless is something to be mourned. We welcome death, embrace its' steady hand and guide it to our fallen ones. Shea, our young initiate, is no different." Max's booming voice spoke above the people, and I was silently pissed at him for cutting off my train of thought. Eric's eyes stayed firmly away from anyone else's, his gaze somewhere off into a grey wall. I squinted at him and noticed the white knuckled grip he had on his wrist. "It has come to our attention that Zachary Audric has killed his fellow initiates. Murder like this is never tolerated, no matter how much we welcome a soldier's death, and thanks to fellow initiate Ashely Carr, we learned Zachary has admitted to this heinous crime."

I didn't know what to think in that moment. I didn't have any words to form in my mouth as it opened slightly, allowing a deep inhale in. Everyone followed silently along, waiting for his next words, everyone but my friends.

Jake was the first one to turn, his dark eyebrows pulling low over his eyes before he shot me a disbelieving look. Vera's head from next to Zach snapped to look at my own and Dahlia just winced, keeping her eyes locked on the dark-skinned leader. I tried not to look at any of them, I pushed them out of my vision and the only person I could focus on in that moment, the only emotion that pumped through my veins, was _betrayal_.

Eric's gaze kept firmly ahead, but his hands kept a hard lock on each other. I felt the intense need to walk up there and slap him, beat my hands on his chest and yell at him for betraying me, _my trust_. He told me that he wouldn't hurt Zach so instead he sold him out and marked me as the snitch. Tears filled my eyes and I looked away, unintentionally arriving on Zach dull ones.

He leaned his head on Vera's shoulders, her orbs burning fire, and I saw a small, wistful smile pull his lips into a grim line. Max continued even though it disturbed the silent war going on between the small group that I called my friends.

Not only had Eric betrayed me, but I had betrayed all of them because I trusted the one person I was warned multiple times never to trust.

 _Eric or no one_.

"For committing such a cowardly act, Zachary has no choice but to be factionless–or face execution." A sharp pain twisted in my heart and I turned to Zach. His face showed he had already made up his mind, had already picked his poison. I ignored the other pain that seemed to overwhelm every one of my limbs when I thought about it, seemed to break me down. I pushed all of my thoughts of him out of my head.

I wasn't stupid and I wasn't going to be lied to–betrayed.

Awareness washed over my like a tidal wave, that getting Zach to confess had been his goal all along, and letting me talk to Zach, letting him trust me, was all a tactic for Eric to get his badge of honor from Max. To prove he was the ultimate leader, the man who could get answers no matter where they came from.

Zach stood shakily, acknowledging the audience and the leaders with a bow of his head, before he picked up his head and gave his final answer. "I will become factionless."

I will become.

Become.

The idea that Zach could become factionless, that I could become Dauntless like one becomes emotionally damaged, it was a new way to look at it. I may not have had a choice to turn back around to Erudite and fall into arms made of air, no one to welcome me back, but at least there I had no one to disappoint, including myself.

Oppenheimer had said the words when he detonated the first atomic bomb, we had learned in class, "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds."

Now I had to become Dauntless.

* * *

A few of us stood on the tracks. It was late at night, I could tell, but to most of my friends it didn't matter. We stood in the cold, watching as Vera clung to Zach with tears staining her cheeks and red blooming over her pale face. If only she knew it was all for her. A Dauntless soldier with a firearm the size of my entire arm escorted Zach onto an empty train waiting outside of the compound.

I stood there awkwardly, apart from the rest of the group. I could feel the loathing from Vera, the ultimate price for trusting Eric.

Why did I trust him? Because he had protected me from Archer? Because he had given me someplace to hide when that's all I wanted to do?

I no longer found any of those responses to be a reasonable answer. I pulled my hands further into my jacket and locked my knees. I wouldn't say goodbye. I didn't deserve it. Zach sent a small smile at me over my shoulder, and I wanted to curse at him for smiling at me. I had just destroyed his life, why didn't he hate me like Vera did? Why didn't he allow me to agonize over what I had done to our friendship?

Maybe it was true that the only reason we would have known Zach at all was because of Vera, but he was still a part of us nonetheless and I had gone behind his back.

It was self defense all along. Why hadn't I framed it like that to Eric?

Would that had even changed anything?

Zach took a step forward, the advanced cuffs making him waddle ungracefully towards me. He bowed his head, and in his eyes I found no hatred or revenge hidden in the dark green eyes, full with scattered colors of brown and blue. They were spectacular and sad and didn't condemn me.

"Another time." He whispered, his breath leaving a puff of white smoke on the air. I let out a breathless sob and threw my arms around him, clutching him to my body, the only way I could say goodbye without completely breaking a part of myself as well.

" _Another time._ " Zach pulled back and waddled back towards the guard, who roughly yanked his arm and practically shoved him face first onto the train car. I waited until the train was a small speck in the distance, the light dimming. Vera stood next to me, her breathy little sighs accompanying her tears. I glanced at her, my hand going to comfortingly touch her arm. S

She recoiled away from me as if I had physically hit her, her eyes widening before settling on hostility.

"Vera–Vera I am so sorry, I never thought it would come to this. I...I–" Vera slapped me hard across the face, the most shockingly hard slap ever. "You disgust me," she spewed, a loud sob making her heave forward. "I hate you!"

"Vera please–" Vera knocked back on her heels.

Her voice rung out int he dark, cold night. "Stay the hell away from me!" I couldn't blame her for hating me for what I had done. Looking back, I never even thought Eric might use what I said against Zach, but I was a friend. I had been trusted and I had failed. I had picked the wrong choice and the pain in my chest that radiated like a gunshot wound was my punishment. She ran away quickly, darting past the guards that remained and the other friends that watched the scene silently play out before them.

Jake looked at me as if he couldn't believe it, and Dahlia just shook her head, pulling her hoodie around her face and shuffling back to the compound with Jake on her heels.

My eyes met the constellation of Gemini, the twins. The two faces. The irony of my eyes instantly picking that out wasn't lost on me. I didn't know where I loyalties lied nor did I know if I even trusted myself. A shooting star passed over the dark blanket of night, the stars so close and so bright that they crowded against the black pit that was space. I wondered if that was what love felt like, what it looked like, a little light in the blackest of pits.

I wondered what hate looked like. Was it a spark of fire? A sun raging a billion times more hot than any source of lava on earth? Or was it that disappointing fleck of a star lost within all of the black, the little voice of hope and love so shushed that it was eventually snuffed out against the twilight?

Walking back into the compound was one of that hardest things I had to do. I felt like my soul was dragging behind me, condemning me along with my shadow. Guilt weighed me down like a wall of bricks, my body sagging.

I didn't want to go to Eric's apartment. I didn't want to go to the dorms either. Sighing deeply, giving up, I walked into Eric's apartment and felt a small wave of relief when I found that the lights were off and no one was inside. If I never saw Eric again then I thought I would be happy, but is that true? How could I go from wanting someone so surely, wanting to break the code that was Eric Coulter, to wishing that I didn't even have to look at him.

I made myself a cup of tea and sat in the hallway of the apartment, under the window at the end of the hall. It was a little nook with a cushion of blue, and I got lost in the stars and dreaming of what it was like to be weightless. Guiltless.

I had never seen Vera so angry. She was always the quiet girl in the background, ever since I saw her on that train the day before the Choosing Ceremony. She had changed so drastically because of her love for Zach, and I had pulled that away from them.

Three haunting words gave me the answer to the question I didn't even realize I was asking.

Faction before blood.

Faction before _everything_.


	23. All's Fair in Lies and War

_**Chapter 23 – All's Fair in Lies and War**_

* * *

 _Hey guys! Here it is, the next update! YAY! This chapter is so freaking long! I'm actually really proud of it, especially because I started it the day before Thanksgiving (in hopes of posting it for the day of giving thanks) but ended up finishing most of it TODAY! YEAH! So it's really long and there's a lot to digest, but I hope you all enjoy it! If you want to help me write even more and even better, leave me some **REVIEWS** and **FOLLOW/FAVORITE** to make little bursts of happiness appear in my heart *love* If you guys want you can totally PM me with questions/concerns and even ask me for a spoiler for upcoming chapters. EEK! _

_**My first word of thanks:** _ Just as a note, I'd like to give a small saying of thanks to all of you–the ones who have just begun to read my stories and the ones who have stuck through it since the start when Ashe was Ashely, an Erudite, unspoken girl. I am thankful for all of your undying support, the beautiful words and reviews and just the sweet notion of favoriting and/or following. It means the world to me, especially because I hold this story dear to my heart as do I hold all of you dear to my heart. I am thankful for the chance to be a small part of your lives and to make moments enjoyable when you read, so, thank you!

 _My Thanks:_ Guest, thank you so much for your sweet words! You have no clue how much they mean to me! I know how much it's difficult to wait for updates, especially for stories I love–even my own stories. Hopefully with the Thanksgiving Break *yay* I'll be able to crank out more chapters *teehee, here's one*! I'm always looking to see if my characters are developed enough, and hearing how you think they have depth, makes me so joyous! Much love! *hugs* :3

Liz-04 (for both reviews), I have to tell you, I love the feeling when you can completely binge read a story but I hate when it comes to an end and you have to wait for the next update, but it means so much to me that you find my story that good! Eric is the character I have worst time characterizing because well–I think he's difficult– there's so much about the character and him to unpack, especially from the movies! HE WILL BE MISSED! ~ When I was first writing the last chapter or even when I was coming up with the concept map for the chapter, I wrote that and I went– _huh, that seems strange, that is_ so _unlike him_ –so I had an inkling something was up too, even though I'm the author haha– but my god, yes! I think Ashe gets that he's in that position, or at least I know when I write her that's in the back of my/her mind, but it's also somewhat trusting her enough when they're alone, you know? That's where I think a lot of the mistrust and stuff came from. Omg, I absolutely love that you brought up the point of him picking teams! Oh my gosh, so much love, thank you for being so kind! *hugs* :)

iamUNSINKABLE, yes I know, I hate those little weird knot pains in my chest, even when I'm writing it! It all comes from somewhere, so I'm glad you can feel it. Vera...Well...Let us just say we won't exactly be seeing the rest of her yet. I have a plan for her, and it involves Zach, but that's all I'm saying right now ~ :P ~There's a lot of 'what ifs' for Ashe, Eric and her friends, especially if they think she can't be trusted, and I think that's the whole problem, you know? If Eric sat down and opened up and felt like things could work, maybe it would've gone a different path. Maybe this chapter will make some of that a little bit more clear, and heartbreaking? :\ *hugs* Much love!

Leneah1, I was a little pissed at him too. I wrote that scene and I'm like– _what are you doing man? Look down, can't you see that you're completely hurting her here?!_ But it's all for a reason, to him, I guess the point is if it's plausible? Is it worth it to her if she can't trust him? Yes, I think Eric would like her all to himself, but I don't think he'd admit that just yet! Oh the tangled webs! Thank you for your very sweet review! I love it when my readers get really involved and caught up in what my characters are feeling! Much love! *hugs* :D

Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins, yes, writers block! I absolutely hate it, but sometimes it helps me to rethink what I'm writing. I watched something once that said something along the lines of~ " _Maybe you're being blocked now for something that didn't sit well with you farther back, so go find it and fix it!_ " ~ maybe see where you're being blocked with your story and work with whatever isn't sitting right! :) The feels! I also believe that the quietest people can have the strongest spark! I think we're going to see a lot of surprising stuff from Vera! Thank you for reviewing and much love! *huggiez*

SSPI, so much tension! Will she run back into his arms or slap him away? *tee hee, can't wait until you see when she wakes up* I think a lot of times what happens with friends and stuff is there's so much miscommunication there, ya know? So maybe some of them have already made their choice?..., anyways, Thank you for the review! Much love! *hugs*

Guest, thank you so much for your kind words! Here's the update :) I never thought of this story as a book but it definitely is long and it tells a story just like one. That means the world to me, thanks!

 **Also if you haven't already, what are you doing, CHECK OUT THE STORIES THESE FABULOUS FOLKS WRITE!**

 _I love you all to pieces, and without further ado, CHAPTER 23! :))) _

* * *

**_Previously..._**

She had changed so drastically because of her love for Zach, and I had pulled that away from them.

Three haunting words gave me the answer to the question I didn't even realize I was asking. Faction before blood. Faction before _everything_.

* * *

"Felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders

Pressure to break or retreat at every turn

Facing the fear that the truth I discovered

No telling how all this will work out

But I've come too far to go back now"

–Anthony Hamilton, Elayna Boynton, Freedom

* * *

The bed, the sheets, the feel of the cotton moving against my skin was abrasive even though the fabric itself was soft. It was disorienting, being in a room that didn't feel familiar. That wasn't my own. I blinked for a moment, my eyelids fluttering in the darkness, my fingers grasping at the nothingness of the air, the sheets that surrounded me like a torrent of invisible memories. The second time I blinked, it was for my eyes to adjust to the room, to catalogue everything around me.

Maybe I wasn't so disoriented because I was sleeping in the guest room, but maybe it was because I distinctly remembered falling asleep underneath the stars, cuddled with a warm cup of tea in my hands in the hallway nook. Maybe if I hadn't remembered that, waking up in the bed would've felt less terrifying because it made me realize that Eric had to have carried me into the bed. Put me in his strong arms. Cradled me like a child, because that's what I was, right? Naive to have thought I could trust the same infuriating man who could go from being completely sane and understandable to a complete and utter sociopath in the same minute.

Naive to believe in something that didn't exist.

The worst part? The small piece of my heart that still wanted to believe.

Hope's a complete bitch.

The soft groaning down the hall alerted me to my surroundings, putting myself in an even better perspective. Of course I hadn't woken up on my own, but it was Eric's nightmares again, for the second night. The correlation between me not being in his bed and his having nightmares wasn't discounted as I swung my legs over the side of the bed and steadied my palm on the counter. My fingertips brushed ceramic and I turned my head, my eyes meeting the small cup that I had held in my hands moments before I had fallen asleep. Of course he had carried me, because he's the neurotic gentlemanly sociopath that he is.

Keeping my palm firmly on the wall, I made sure not to have a repeat of the other night where I stubbed my toe on his furniture and yelled curses to the heavens. With a creak of the floor boards and his door, I blinked for the third time when I saw him wrapped up in his sheets, careening away from the bed as if the physical touch of it burned him. The physical aversion to entering the room made me hesitate, my bodying framed in the doorway, waiting for something. What? A piano to fall and crush me and confirm everything I thought I knew? Eric to wake up and apologize and tell me that he may actually like me? Did I even want that? My guess was no when my heart began to race and a foul taste began to seep into my mouth. He may have been the boy with the adorable dimples and smirk and quirky nature but that seeped through the man who was a stone cold killer. The man who had thrown me off the chasm and told me to trust no one and betrayed my trust.

Who was the naive one again? Oh yeah, _me_.

It was the second time I asked myself what I was waiting for when I crossed the threshold that seemed to be barred with my own hope as I entered his room. I climbed on the bed on my hands and knees. Was it just me or did the sheets feel softer? It had to be my imagination playing tricks on me when he thrashed again, a hiss escaping his clenched teeth. The sight of the muscles straining in his jaw frightened me, the sheer force of his body like this overwhelming. How was I even still alive if he had ever wanted to hurt me?

Maybe physical pain wasn't the goal.

I brushed my palm over his bare chest gently, rousing a strangled groan from his throat, his veins popping beneath the columns of tattoos that blocked his pale skin. Like the other night, he was coated in a sheen of sweat, his muscles contracting and his fingers trapping the fabric of the sheets within his fists. My other hand joined the first, my fingertips stroking the coarse stubble of his cheek. Touching him like this felt innocent. It was when he was awake that I was afraid, mostly of the reaction he'd give me when he woke.

The reaction my body had to his.

I started when his hand grabbed my wrist, immobilizing me while I tried to learn how to breathe again. Eric didn't move to hurt me, instead wrapping his arm around my waist as if he was conscious and pulling me against his body until I collapsed into him.

No longer was I afraid of him waking up, but rather if I would have a heart attack before he _could_. The fear that pumped through my heart at that moment razed whatever control I had tried to have on the situation before. I could feel myself slowly slipping into a small place that I could hide while my body was pressed against his. This traitor. This man who had hurt a person I cared about. A person that didn't deserve anything bad. Touching him like this felt like I was betraying myself.

"Ashe?" I jolted again at his voice, my terrified green eyes meeting his chilly blue ones. I didn't know whether I shivered because of the cold in his eyes, my panic, or the open window to his bedroom.

"Yeah," I tried to whisper steadily. It probably came out more like a squeak, a mix somewhere between all of the three things that was twisting around my lungs and forcing me to breathe. "It's me." Was it? Or was it the shell of the girl that was the only thing left that could respond while the real Ashe, the Ashely that had evolved to her surroundings, huddled in a safe corner away from the truth. Wasn't that the easier, more truthful version to swallow?

I knew he could sense what I was feeling, the freaking blood hound he was. No matter what I was feeling, we both knew that I was cornered and that even if I tried to run, to hide, Eric would _always_ win. Hadn't I told him that the day he decided to win over my trust? The day before he decided to smash it to pieces in his clenched palm?

There was a sharp look in his eye that made me think maybe he knew how much he had hurt me. He breathed in deeply, his lips trembling. A sign of weakness maybe? Perhaps it was just another ploy in his plan to destroy my heart. "Stay here, with me?"

No. Say no. I needed to tell him no to protect my sanity, that little girl in the corner crying over the friend she lost. Over the man she probably was never even close to. The girl whose heart was oozing dark, red blood. My pulse was strumming steadily through my ears as if I was face to face with a predator, and if I wasn't lying to myself, I _was_ face to face with a predator. An easily disguised, beautiful monster. My shoulders felt frozen in place from the window, the cold fall air gusting over my back and piercing my body. Eric felt like ice but his hands were warm. I gave into his request with a small sigh.

"Okay." My voice was slightly stronger but with every passing moment, I could feel my resolve slipping. I could feel myself wanting to give into him.

I hated that idea.

Eric's hands rubbed my back, softly massaging the stress from my shoulders despite the ball of nervousness and panic I felt wadded in my chest. My emotions were a freaking paradox in that moment, but as his warm fingers pushed away the darkness of my thoughts, all I found myself wanting was him.

How childish.

* * *

I don't think it's my imagination playing tricks on me when I say the fabric in Eric's bed is softer. I can't help but believe that it's my connection to Eric that makes the sheets feel more comfortable and makes the lifeless sheets in his spare bedroom scratchy. The idea made a look of distaste cross my features.

Of course Eric wasn't in bed. If he was, I'd probably have a major freak out somewhere in between seeing him and realizing I was right next to him. I was glad to find he wasn't there, my fear and anger at his betrayal more powerful than ever, but I hated myself even more for feeling lonely without him next to me. Contenting myself with the fact he was probably doing something related to leadership with Max in his perfect office, I jumped out of Eric's bed with a forlorn breath.

Pulling on my training leggings with a hard yank, I took a tank top that hugged my body tightly, squeezing the unsteady breath from my lungs. My figure was always good. It wasn't something I really had to worry about too much, especially when I was someone who hated having all of the attention. I had curves in the right places; my hips and my chest. My stomach was flat and my arms were growing muscles, evidence being from the bruises and the soreness.

The hair at the back of my neck had begun to grow out since my haircut, the short strands tickling my neck as I looked at my reflection in Eric's full length mirror. I didn't know what it was, but I had the intense urge to punch out the image staring back at me.

 _That girl wasn't the girl I had grown up with_ , some part of me growled irritably, _she's just trying to be something she's not_. Punching the reflective glass wasn't an option, but I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that I was Dauntless. But if I did, I'd have to scream that I was Divergent too.

I was prepared to beat the crap out of anyone today in the training ring, my anger and the fumes fueling my body enough to kill someone. I thought. When I yanked open the door to Eric's room, I was met with the man himself. He wasn't in his office with Max. He wasn't sorting through his mails or even staring somewhere in the distance like I wished he was. No. He was glancing up at me from the rim of his coffee cup, his shockingly blue-grey eyes feigning an innocent look.

I didn't know why, but I felt anger bubble out from every pore and every fiber of my being as I looked at him. Anger at hurting Zach. Anger at betraying me. Anger at being the person I wanted so badly while simultaneously pushing me away. My palms bunched into fists at my side and I marched forward.

Something in Eric probably told him to put the coffee down, and his instincts or whatever it was telling him to do so was entirely right. Mixed with fear, adrenaline and fury, the cocktail of emotions in my body overwhelmed me and I shoved Eric's shoulders backwards with my palms.

"You told me I could trust you!" I yelled, my voice breaking somewhere in between. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. He wouldn't run from me, from this. Eric was going to face the pain he put me and my friends through. "You told me you wouldn't hurt him and you lied straight to my face you piece of–" I went to slap him, my palm raising to his cheek level. I didn't know when his fingers secured themselves around my wrist. All I knew was that it was somewhere before my hand was able to connect with his face. The strength that his body held over me with just his one hand made me rethink my approach. Maybe completely going off the rails and attacking one of the leaders of Dauntless wasn't the best of ideas. As he pushed me back, leaning me against the counter, I concluded it was actually really stupid of me.

I yanked my hand back from him before he could completely subdue me against his body. "One of my best friends hates me because of you!" I took in a large breath, my heart constricting tightly. Why couldn't this be easy? Why couldn't I just be Dauntless and strong and brave and be able to get through it without all of this pain? Why did I have to be Divergent and why did I have to care about the one person who seemed to care less about me? "I trusted you." I said pitifully, my shoulders bunching as the first onslaught of tears began to fall from my eyes. The internal struggle occurring in my body was too much and I backed away, putting more space between Eric and myself.

Eric's response only made me cry harder. "I was trying to protect you. I was trying to keep you from getting hurt." He bit his lip, drawing the skin between his teeth, and all I wanted to do was slap him in the face. This wasn't about protecting me. It was about Zach and how Eric–neurotic gentlemanly sociopath and all–had betrayed my trust for whatever purpose he had. I sucked in a hasty breath and backed away towards the door.

"Yeah well, _you_ did that just fine yourself." I replied testily. I stared at the door for a moment. I imagined my eyes burning holes into the dark stone, the heat of my pain and my anger stuck somewhere there. "I have my fight today," the resolution in my voice was wanted, but I would be lying if I said it didn't frighten me. "I don't have time for you."

I shot out of the door like a bat out of hell, my boots clanking heavily against the stone floors as I practically ran to the training room. Today was my third fight, the second one that truly mattered. Ultimately I had failed each one and in order to stay in Dauntless without becoming like Zach, I had to kick today's ass. Hard.

Except the truly sobering thought was that I would never be like Zach. I had betrayed him. No one was here to do that to me. If I failed and I became factionless, that was no one's fault but my own. I was below the line. Although some logical thinker, like Eric, might say that Zach was below the line too, anyone could tell he was a great fighter.

He just loved someone too much.

I arrived in the training warehouse, my breathing harsh as air was pulled into my lungs at a rushed pace. I couldn't see anyone in the training room, but when I turned the corner and started to wrap my knuckles for the fight, I found Dahlia punching away towards the end of the building. Her grunts rang out in the silent air, and for a minute I just watched her. There was something about fighting, when someone like Eric or Dahlia fought, they fought with their soul in it.

If Eric had a soul.

It was still debatable.

The thought made me smile despite how truly broken my emotions felt.

When Dahlia paused and obviously squinted at the space between us, terror burst through my limbs. What if Dahlia hated me too? It wouldn't be surprising. Dahlia walked towards me with deliberate slowness, her eyes seeking mine like she barely knew who I was, and I couldn't blame her if she wasn't sure of me anymore. I wasn't sure of myself either.

I had proved to myself in almost every way that I wasn't the girl that I thought I was. I had betrayed myself by trusting even when I knew I shouldn't, and that was my fault. It was _all_ my fault.

She didn't say anything when she got close, instead sitting next to me and rubbing her covered hands nervously. What was there to say? The answer, I knew, was nothing. "How are you feeling?" She asked, her voice dull. I wondered if maybe everything else going on was taking the same toll on her that it was taking on me. For a minute, her answer surprised me. I was expecting something along the lines of Vera. Some form of distrust. Some line from a book where I was the bad guy–cause technically, I was. I should've known better. I should've listened to Four and everyone else and tried to get through initiation without getting attached to the leader with grey eyes that could make angels fallible.

"You don't hate me?" I inquired, still a little shell shocked by her calm figure.

Dahlia shrugged her shoulders once and turned her head to me, the bun of twisted red hair bobbing as she moved. "Maybe Vera does," she quirked her brow. "But I don't. I wasn't exactly besties with Zach but I cared about the kid." Her eyes hardened fractionally, the green specks glazing over for a minute. "But if what Max said is true, then justice was served."

I shook my head, wringing my hands and hugging myself tightly. I didn't want to burst out into tears. Not again. "Justice _wasn't_ served. If I had just kept my mouth shut and not said anything then Zach never would've had to leave." The redheaded Amity girl shot me a skeptical look.

"I doubt that. I mean, if Eric didn't kick the kid when he let Vera win again, which was bound to happen another time, then something else would have happened." Dahlia's hand patted my shoulder and rubbed reassuringly. Maybe reassurance wasn't what I truly wanted. "At least he's factionless, not dead." There was a pause, and I met her eyes. "So what happened? Who'd you open your mouth to?" Dahlia asked teasingly, poking me in the side. I didn't really think it was funny, but I smiled. It was like wrapping paper around a ball–uncomfortable and impossible.

The sudden taste in my mouth was bitter, as if his name was attached to the flavor. "Eric." I watched her as her eyes widened fractionally, like a bullseye swallowing the next ring of color.

"Why?" She asked, a hint of incredulity in her voice. She wasn't the first one and she wasn't the last person to wonder why the hell I would trust Eric with something like that. It was my turn to shrug my shoulders. I breathed heavily, a sigh escaping my lungs. The kids would be here soon, and I would have to fight one of them. And I had to win. That meant knocking them unconscious, but I pushed the thought out of my head and gazed at Dahlia.

When I went to speak, the words died in my mouth. I tried again. "I–I want to get this off my chest but there's _so_ much else that I'd have to explain," like he kissed me and I cared about him more than a leader but was that enough? It was like comparing my affections from zero to ten–I didn't know where the number fell but I knew it fell somewhere between there. I'd have to explain we slept in the same bed, that I felt a pull to him whenever I touched him or thought about him. How much that killed me now. "If I did then I don't know what would happen."

I did. The first word out of my mouth would get Eric struck from his leadership position, if not Dauntless entirely. No Dauntless member could have any relations with an initiate, in fear of some sort of favor being produced. If I told Dahlia Eric had kissed me and I wanted him to do it again, that there was _something_ even when he said there was _nothing_ , then he could get in big trouble, and I knew it.

Dahlia pursed her lips at me and responded. "So you're still protecting him?" A small string in my sanity broke.

"I don't know what else to do! Okay?" I threw my hands in the air, as if everything else I was feeling could follow and fall off of my shoulders. "It's not like I didn't have a million reasons not to trust him, but I didn't feel like I did. I wanted to trust him, _so badly._ "

"And now?"

The question took me off guard. And now...what exactly? I couldn't trust him no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't believe him no matter how much I had to, to survive. I had to ignore him even when I wanted _him_. I threw my emotions to the other side of the room and kicked it into submission. There would be no going against what logic and instinct was telling me–and that was to run for my own protection. "I'm going to try and ignore him." Bad plan. Some part of my brain that was still functioning logically knew that it wouldn't work out, but I had to try. If I didn't try, what else could I possibly do?

Dahlia gave me a look that told me she didn't believe me either. _Don't worry Dahlia_ , I thought silently, _you're not the only one_.

Without another moment to think in peace, the initiates came in stomping their feet. Dahlia and I both stood with the entrance, watching as all of the different kids loudly entered the warehouse with shrill catcalls and laughs. Vera trailed in behind, her eyes puffy and red, her fingertips pulling her sleeves over her wrists.

I wanted to run over to her, apologize for what I had done, but guilt and fear glued me in my place. Her eyes lifted and darted around the large compound before landing on me, hatred and disdain filling her once soft eyes. I turned around. I couldn't look at her anymore, not after what I had done to her and Zach.

Four seemed to pick up on the discomfort in the room, moving to stand next to me before turning to the leader board and staring at the numbers. My name, next to a blaring red twenty seven number, flashing as if to taunt me saying– _look at how awful you are at this, look at how bad you're doing. You're an awful person._ The thought crossed my mind that I was officially going insane if a blinking red number meant all of those things, but I guess the more you stared at the number and life itself came into perspective, it seemed even more possible.

I ignored everyone else's name other than my own.

Ashe and Archer, ring one, fight one.

When I turned the corner, my eyes caught somewhere between disbelief and fear; I found Eric no where in sight. Did _he_ do this? Did _he_ set up this fight? If he had, it would be just one more reason to hate him, to despise him. To find him despicable.

 _Did I find him despicable?_

I was afraid of the answer and especially afraid of the question; perhaps because I already knew what it was, but probably because it was so much more complicated than that.

I had to win. The smug look that crossed Archer's features told me it wouldn't be easy. He would do everything that he could to utterly destroy me. I drew in a hurried breath and stood in the ring, my hands beginning to shake. Whether I won or I lost, I had to get it over with.

* * *

The last thing I see.

The small smile on Vera's face as Archer landed the final blow to my body, the knife in his fingers slashing against my side, the look that pierced my heart as I fell and lost consciousness. My last thought was indescribable agony.

* * *

The doctor was the same woman who treated the girl when I was here the last time.

I tried to remember the doctor's name, but the only thing that came to my head was that her name began with a P. Maybe for Patricia or Periwinkle or something like that, but none of my hunches actually sounded like her name. I decided that I would just name her Doctor Panicky since she seemed to have a hysterical look about her. The thought didn't exactly make me feel better about the situation.

Doctor Panicky stared at the clipboard in front of her, her hazel eyes darting around the page as if I had a million health issues.

"Miss Carr, you have two broken ribs and a few minor lacerations on your skull and side. There is a hairline fracture on your hip, but that is probably the best of the injuries that you sustained during the–" she pauses to find the right word. " _Combat Test_." Something about the stuck up way she addressed the fighting ring made me want to get up and run out of the room. She had to have passed initiation. She knew what it was like to fight another person.

I figured it wasn't the same when that other person tried more than once to molest you.

I waited until Doctor Panicky left to try and move. It was lucky that no one was supervising the infirmary, and before I actually began pulling myself out of the bed, I thought of the likelihood that the infirmary would be _that_ eerily quiet. My fingers played with the hem of the bed. Wouldn't there be more kids who got knocked out?

For some unspoken reason, Eric popped into my head unwelcome.

He hadn't been there for the fight and now he wasn't here? It didn't make any sense.

With the sound of boots and a hard commanding tone, I let out a sigh and realized I had spoken too soon.

A small feminine murmur was followed by a hard, gruff voice. "Where is she?"

"Um, I don't think–"

" _Where?_ " There was a long pause, then a sigh of exasperation before Eric tore through the sheet that separated Doctor Panicky, him and me. I guessed that he had realized no one else but me was in the room. I was more than a little surprised to find him wearing army fatigues, fashioned in black and dark grey rather than the old green ones in the Erudite history books. He glared at me for a moment and then shot a death stare at poor Doctor Panicky.

"Give us a minute." When Eric growled the few words, anyone could tell it definitely wasn't a question. Eric was in his leadership mode and was not coming out of it anytime soon, it seemed. The doctor backed away for a moment and then dug her fingers into her lab coat, retrieving a small bottle of what looked like pain medication.

She held it out to Eric, who stared at her hand like he was ready to shoot it off with his hand gun, conveniently placed at his hip. Eric took it from her hand and Doctor Panicky seemed to a relax–at least a little. "She needs to take it every six hours, at most."

Eric nodded, but acknowledged her in no other way. His steel grey eyes were completely focused on me.

I shot Eric a weird look which probably looked even weirder because I was hopped up on whatever meds they had given me before he had arrived in his uniform.

Was it wrong to think he looked completely hot that way? Tattoos bare, muscles flaunted perfectly. If it wasn't for the fact I had a little nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to sit down and shut up, I would've jumped up and kissed him.

Right there, right then.

Why couldn't I kiss him again? The memory, the idea, whatever held me back flew away like a little cloud.

It was his turn to give me a weird look, which I returned with a quirky smile.

"What the hell did they give you?" He asked rhetorically, frowning as he read the small label on my prescription. What _did_ they give me? Something that made me feel less bad, that's what. Somewhere through the fog, I realized why I couldn't completely give in. He was the beautifully broken monster in the short stories parents tell their kids, even when the monsters feel like redeemable heroes. I leaned my head back against the pillow as reality crashed through the haze of pain killers.

"Why did she give _you_ the meds?" I murmured, my voice pitifully quiet. For some reason, Eric had the gall to smirk at me, and if I had been feeling up to it, I would have tried to sit up and slap him again. I knew it was futile, but at least that thought made me feel better.

If only I could get more of those meds.

"Max put me in charge of your health while you're staying in my apartment." I rolled my eyes at his response, not failing to notice the way his jaw tensed slightly.

"Of course," I whispered.

Eric made a move forward, the muscles in his arms flexing for a moment. "We should probably get you home." Home. The word immediately brought back the memory of my bed surrounded by my black cabinet and mirror, blue sheets, even the clear blue and white insignia of Erudite glaring at me from across the street. I glanced up at Eric and held in a flinch of pain from both my head and my heart.

"Your apartment isn't my home, Eric." He nodded his head like he agreed. Like he understood. He took a another step forward as if he was waiting for me to break. I wanted to break, to let loose, to pound my fists against his chest and scream at him for making my life even harder, but I did that to myself, didn't I? I could've stayed in Erudite and led a simple life, but I didn't want simple. I wanted _free_.

"Fair enough." Eric mumbled, wrapping his fingers around my arms when I tried to pull myself up off of the uncomfortable bed, which was honestly more like a stretcher. I brushed his hands away from me, leaning my body away from him.

"I don't need your help, okay? I may have come to you for shelter before because I was afraid to face my fears," the unwelcome image of Archer as he kicked my side repeatedly flashed before my eyes but I shut it out. "But that doesn't mean I need you." He didn't step back, instead he stood his ground almost the same was I was...sitting my ground? A look flashed over his features, one that I couldn't read, before he became cold again.

"You're right. You don't." I was taken aback by his admittance to what I had said. My fingers grabbed the bed tightly and pain shot up my side when I sat up. I pushed past it, bit the inside of my cheek when little bolts of lightning seared my left leg, immobilizing me when I stood, making me almost topple over. Eric was there within a second, his warm hands grasping at my arms before he picked me up gently and guided me into his familiar embrace. It hurt, like bloody hell, but it was better than being in indescribable pain.

Gunmetal blue eyes met forest green ones. Two sides of the same war.

"But maybe you're thinking about this wrong."

Those words are the only things he said as he carried me to his apartment, and they clung to my heart like little magnets–razor edged and all.

* * *

Sitting on the couch behind the little coffee table, in front of the large television I wasn't sure worked, I ignored Eric with all my might. It began with staring off in the distance, sneaking glances of him working on his computer. Something inside of me wanted to get up and whack him and yell at him for being so mean when another part knew it was probably smarter to just sit back and ignore the hell out of him. That girl was probably the same girl that had balled her eyes out that morning, hiding somewhere safe in her own heart now. That girl wasn't in control.

I picked up my cup, pain immediately shooting through my side when I began to move. Archer had done a number on me and every part of my body felt broken and sore. I knew Eric was watching me, his eyes following my movements like a hawk would eye its' prey. I ignored his look as I shuffled past him, placing my cup in the sink. My movements had the desired effect.

"Are you going to give me the silent treatment forever?" _Yes_ , I answered mentally, the little girl who would rather hide and pretend everything could be fixed piping up. I had thought that little girl died when I entered Dauntless, becoming the Ashe that I knew now. Did that mean Eric also held a part of the boy he had left behind in Erudite, the less pierced kid that I had only glimpsed before he left?

Hope is stupid.

"Don't I have a reason?" I turned, a slight swing to my hip so that I didn't upset the fracture. I knew I was pulling at strings. I was weak and when I tried to grasp at the anger I had felt earlier, the swirling storm of pain and betrayal, all I found was broken shards of _me_.

When my eyes met his, I couldn't tell where he was. His features were somewhere in between understanding and firmness, somewhere between the Eric that is and the Eric that was. "I was trying to protect you by putting the attention on someone else." He paused, as if what he had said made perfect sense, even when I shook my head. It was the same excuse, the exact same stupid reason for throwing Zach out and betraying my trust to Max and his little batch of leaders. "Can you really not get it?" He asked, swiveling around in his chair and closing the laptop on the counter.

"No." I answered easily, the words slipping from my mouth.

"Think."

I frowned at him and then frowned at myself for the obvious venom behind my words. "I can literally find no justification for you to betray me." Eric sighed, as if he was dealing with a two year old who was being especially difficult. I didn't see how there was any correlation–how anything he could possibly tell me could change my opinion of how he had gone behind my back; sold me out in order to save his own skin.

I knew he was a leader and I was just an initiate–nothing was going on there, even if something _was_. If he had come out and told me what he needed, what was going on–I felt like I would've helped him, or at least the girl that was hiding in her nook trying to stay away from everything that caused her pain, including Eric, would have. I was running on autopilot and because of that, I could think logically. Eric could have probably found an alternative to me selling out Zach, but that was the easiest thing for him to do.

Betray me.

Eric stood, suddenly, rounding the corner of the table and nearing me. Of course, me being the most logical person I could be while going through some weird third person emotional trauma–as well as physical, which the pain in my hip amply reminded–I backed against the counter. Was I afraid? The beating of my heart couldn't tell; the racing of my thoughts scattered endlessly and I found it even harder to think.

"If Archer and his pawns are pissed enough about losing Shea, which they are, then they'll focus their attention on the girl who loves the boy who killed him. Rather focusing on you." There was no leeway in his voice. It was hardened, as if this was his final answer, the final reason for him going behind my back. My mouth opened slightly, a breath held somewhere in the air.

"That's...That is a freaking sadistic way to think of it!" I practically yelled at the top of my lungs, the idea of just switching the fear and abuse on someone else chilled me down to my core, especially that he could easily do it.

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, responding to my disturbance with practiced ease. "It's effective." Was talking about this like talking about coffee? _Oh yeah, I'll have the hazelnut, he'll have the vanilla–by the way we may just ruin someone else's life–for my protection of course._ I could practically feel the disbelief dripping from every pore in my body.

"For what?" I squeaked, the pitch of my voice getting higher with every word out of his mouth. "For being cowardly?"

 _There_ it was. The nerve. The cord that broke the connection his cold pretense had to the beating heart that was like an imaginary beast, only spotted in the darkest, most unbelievable of moments. _Did I just compare Eric's heart to a unicorn?_

"I'm protecting you," he growled irritably, the little muscle in his jaw ticking and his fist flexing. I didn't care if he was pissed–I was pissed too.

I turned it around. "What about Vera?"

Eric's eyes darkened menacingly, somewhere between cold ice and burning steel. "Vera isn't a priority."

Could he possibly be so thick he couldn't see it?

"She is to me!" I hollered, turning my back to him and stomping away to gain some space, some momentum to my words. The pain in my side, my broken ribs grating against skin and the gash on my sternum screaming protest at my movements made lights shine before my eyes and blackness rim the edges of my vision. I sat down on his couch with a plop that made my jaw clench tightly. I was barely holding back a scream of frustration and pain.

Eric was in front of me, ready to assist, but I gave him a look to kill. I didn't want his help. He straightened and stared at me for a moment. "You need to worry about yourself," he murmured, his words an obviously jab to my predicament. _Ha-ha, jab, funny one Ashely._ He sat down on the small coffee table, and his size made it look like the table would break at any moment. Eric was definitely too large of a male to be sitting there. I knew it was probably to get as close as he could to me without touching me, and aversion that made it easier for me to think. When he touched me, my thoughts drifted– _way_ too easily. The serious look in his eyes told me the next part of what he was going to say would be harder to swallow. "Archer was planning an attack on you and without this," _betrayal, backstabbing, mistrust,_ _go on, infamous leader–_ "I wouldn't have been there to help." He turned his head. "If he fatally wounded you."

In all other scenarios, I probably would've believed him, understood _why_. I just couldn't find it in myself to forgive the scenario where he himself hurt me. "Shea's death must've been really convenient, huh?" I didn't know whether I had hurt him or not but the look that he shot me made be feel immediately guilty. It was a low blow, especially if what he was saying was true.

But how did I know it _was?_

How did I know to trust him?

I wish he wore a sign on his forehead that told me when to believe and when not to–it would've made all of this so much more easy.

Maybe his mistrust came from my lack of trust. A pang of remorse shot through my heart.

Only one way to know. "So how do you know this?" The look he returned, filled with a _really_ feel to it, made me realize it was entirely rhetorical. "Of course, your hawk-like leadership skills."

"You're safer now." He blurted, his voice somewhat on the cliff of something. What? Was he guilty too?

Then why didn't he apologize? Why did he hide behind protecting me? I shook my head at him and for some reason I couldn't look at him straight in his eyes. It felt like he could see down to my soul, to that girl from Erudite who was hiding her feelings. "If you want to protect me Eric, you have to protect the people I care about too."

Then it dawned on me. Zach had said something else, a plan about Divergents. Shea had told him Vera and I knew about a plan involving Divergents, since we were Erudite. Erudite was the main faction killing– _eliminating_ –Divergents. Where would Shea, an Amity boy, get that information from?

Who was the person that I knew to ask about it when I found out, before he had betrayed me?

Eric.

My eyes snapped to his, a lake and an ocean converging. "Did you tell Shea a plan about Divergents?" There was a look of shock in his eyes before slowly he came to a realization himself, maybe about me, maybe about the situation at hand. If he did, I wanted him to realize I wasn't just an Erudite girl.

I was _more_.

I was Divergent.

"Did you know that Shea would attack Zach and that he would kill Shea?" Eric swallowed harshly at my question and a pit of horror threatened to open up below my heart and devour it whole.

He cleared his throat before responding. "How would I know that?"

 _Great question, buddy._

"Don't deflect." I whispered. The silence around us was deafening, and the black hole consumed my heart and reached up to kill what I thought I had known. "You did, didn't you?" No response. " _Didn't you?_ " I wailed, tears running down my cheeks in fast streams. How long had I been crying?

I don't know what broke first, the dam in my heart gushing hot sticky blood, or Eric, but both of us broke. "You sacrificed two of your initiates, _didn't you?_ " I tried to hold back the yell of practical agony in my heart. I couldn't see him through the tears in my eyes threatening to drown me, the pain meds and the pain that I could still feel clutching my emotions like a barbed wire fence.

"I did it for you, why don't you get that?" He yelled back, showing emotion, showing _something_. He made a move forward, his arms–the arms I wanted around me now and the arms I utterly despised threatening to surround me. But hadn't he made the ultimate sacrifice to protect me? He had let two people go for one. I pushed him away. Stop crying, you can't show this weakness. _This isn't Amity. This isn't Abnegation. He doesn't care!_

Hope's a bitch, because I still wanted him to care.

"I don't want it to be for me," I shook my head, pushing away his words. "I don't want their deaths to be on me–for me." I saw Zach in that moment, not in the flesh, but in my memory. The sweet Candor smile and the way he would look at Vera. Even Shea, when he yelled at Dahlia and I across the mess hall, and Eric had intervened. When Eric had stuck up for us in between them. I couldn't be the fault for them to be gone forever from our lives.

"Hey," Eric tried to move closer again, the hard leather of his boots brushing against my feet with every movement he made. Was it wrong that I still wanted to have someone to cry to? Was it so wrong he was the only one left?

Dahlia and Jake and Vera would never understand the juxtaposition, the turmoil between the decision to have someone in my life when I had no one before.

When Eric was the only one who had protected me.

"Ashe–" I pushed his hand away no matter how much I craved that warmth when I felt so cold inside.

"Don't," I murmured, sniffling loudly. I shook my head, more for myself than him. Was that why he was so guilty, because he was responsible for what had happened?

I couldn't imagine Eric and guilt in the same sentence, but the look in his eyes as he glanced at me–nervous, almost scared of how I was reacting–that couldn't be the look of someone who didn't feel guilt, right? The next time he pushed forward, I didn't have enough strength to fight back. I let his arms, his warmth, the smell of the clean army fatigues and that pure Eric smell engulf me. It felt safe. It felt like home.

A soft sob escaped my throat, racking my chest. I couldn't tell which hurt more, the broken ribs or my broken heart. The stakes had been raised, losing a part of my friends, losing Zach.

I felt like I was betraying myself and them when he hugged me close to his chest, moving to sit on the couch. The shock that came with finally realizing that Eric Coulter, the shut off leader, was hugging me dawned on me when my tears began to dry and the grip my hands held on his shirt loosened.

He had his reasons for betraying me, and I had my reasons for betraying them.

I gave in finally, after a day of fighting with myself, my emotions, and clutched myself to him tightly. In a way he needed me and in a way I needed him, both in ways we couldn't describe. There was just _something._

I just didn't know if it was _enough_. His fingers pulled me up, so that our positions were a little less awkward. I straddled his lap and a searing jolt of pain shot up my side. "Ow!" I squeaked, let out a nervous laugh when I pulled away. When I pulled back, what would I find? I would bet most of my money on cold stare and whatever small percentage left on some look of weakness.

His face was entirely open to read, the pain and the guilt etched on every feature. His eyebrows hung low over his eyes and his mouth was set in a grim line. He didn't know where I was going with this either.

"Sorry," he muttered, his fingers massaging my hip almost absentmindedly. The words were for the pain in my side, but I knew the reality of his words encompassed so much more. I held in my breath and he seemed to do the same, now that whatever storm this was had passed. That I had given in.

A part of myself knew it was probably a big mistake, to give in, but another part knew I probably wouldn't make it the rest of the way without someone to hold onto.

"Don't hate me," he mumbled, almost under his breath. My head snapped back and I stared at him for a moment. Did I hate him? I thought I did. That moment dragged onto a minute, and another minute, and each minute the finality of my choice seemed to be evident in his gaze.

He thought he knew my answer.

"What if I already do?" I inquired softly, brushing my fingertip over the slight edge of one of his scars, curling around the edge of his black Dauntless tank top. His head turned away from me, like I had done before, as if he didn't want me to see further within his soul.

Wasn't it obvious now that he had a soul?

Maybe his fear was because I had unintentionally outed it.

"Then I'd understand why."

Whatever chunk of heart was left constricted. I gripped his chin tightly within my fingertips, edging his eyes back to mine. I regarded him tenderly, watching the heartbreaking way he gazed into my green orbs. Sure he was broken, maybe a little bit more than I was, but we were both broken.

Courage. I called on whatever Dauntlessness I had in me and leaned forward, brushing my lips gently against his. It didn't feel wrong. It didn't feel like I was betraying myself. I pulled back, a small smile crossing my features. _Become Dauntless_.

"I should hate you," I whispered, stroking my thumb over his lower lip. "But I don't." _Scale of zero to ten again, where did we fall? Screw scales._

Eric cleared his throat and glanced up at me, innocently. There was nothing malicious or menacing about the way he looked at me. He was...Benevolent in that moment. "The nightmares," he began, taking a pause as if to jog my memories. They weren't hard to remember. "They're a form of post traumatic stress. It's not uncommon but it's not usually how it manifests itself." I watched him for a moment, dumbfounded that he had just said that to me, as if I was hearing the words conjured up from my own mind. I paused, processing it, before touching the soft white scar on his shoulder again.

"The scars?" I asked, but it implied where they came from. He nodded, gently, one that was like he was admitting something important to me. It was all important.

Eric was letting me in.

"The scars. There was a war, not too long ago." His grip on my hip tightened imperceptibly, and I swore if it wasn't for the fracture I wouldn't have noticed it. "I was on the ground, taking out members one by one. I got shot..."

I blurted my question before I could think. "Where?" The thought of Eric being shot like that in a battlefield of blood and gore struck me down to my core, the base of my fear. I couldn't imagine him like that, not from the way I knew him now. A small smirk crossed his features before he softly gripped my hips and let me back down on the couch. I missed his touch immediately, the addictive nature of his touch already back.

I pulled my legs to my chest, wrapping my hands around them. It was a hard position to get into due to my side, but the pain meds came in handy for that. He undid the first button of his army pants and my eyes widened to what I was afraid was a very large amount, where the pupil swallowed the green. Eric smirked again, pulling the side of his pants down an inch and showing me a large white scar on his hip–one I had never noticed before. I kicked myself. Of course not, it was probably shielded from his boxers constantly. The scar took a gnarly turn, where the sutures of his gunshot probably had been. I looked up at his greyish blue eyes, afraid to look for longer than I had to.

Buttoning his pants, he sat back down on the couch, his fingers playing with the hem of his fatigues. He continued as if I hadn't cut him off, and for that I was glad. "I lost a lot of blood. I managed to take out a few of them with my sniper rifle and then...I passed out. When I woke up, I was hanging between two columns." He paused for a minute, glancing away at the other end of the room. "They wanted to know how to infiltrate the Dauntless faction." He took another pause, as if waiting for me to ask more questions.

I had a million and none at the same time. "Did you–"

"No," he answered quickly, before I could finish. It frightened me, how he knew me enough to know my question. "Of course I didn't say anything. That's why I have the scars."

I glanced at him, remembering from the Erudite history books all the other ways they would abuse and torture captured soldiers of war. "Is that all they did?"

He shot me an almost comical look of humor and disbelief. "Isn't that enough?"

My lips thinned, imagining him in such a vulnerable position, just a child. Just my age.

"You know what I mean." I responded, looking down. He shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the back of the couch, taking the easiest pose he could without alerting me.

"They tried drowning me, tried electrocuting my sides." He shrugged again, brushing it off as nothing when I knew it was so much more. "Normal interrogation tactics."

I gaped at him. " _Normal?_ "

Another damn shrug. "There are standards people break under. The tactics aren't very unusual." I glared at him for a minute, wondering if I looked at him long enough if he would get how it wasn't normal. How it wasn't _right_. The thought of him going through something like that made my breathing hard. The image was too hard to conjure. I couldn't even imagine what it had been like for him, and the way he was now seemed a little less unexpected.

When someone goes through that horror, it's impossible to know how they'd react to normal again. To their home.

There was just one question bugging me incessantly.

"Why are you telling me this now, out of all times." _After bawling my eyes out at you and trying repeatedly to hit you the entire day–after many failed attempts, I would admit_.

"Because," he paused, picking the right words. "You trusted me. And now...Now I have to trust _you_."

It made _sense_. _Perfect_ sense. _Absolute sense_. Maybe this was his final way of asking for forgiveness, to gain my trust, to show me that I could trust him. He had betrayed my trust and this was his make it or break it shot, no matter how much I hated thinking of it that way. He figured out that letting me in was the only way to let himself out. I looked up at him, out of the haze of my contemplation, and noticed the weird look he was giving me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.

His expression changed suddenly, as if he had just realized the way he was looking at me. "Because, you're not giving me that pity stare."

I could feel my eyebrows lower over my eyes. "Why would I pity you? You survived, didn't you?" Physically, yes, he survived, but it was more than obvious that some part of him didn't make it out of there intact. I didn't pity that, but I planned on finding it and restoring it, piece by agonizing piece. "You protected the thing you cared about the most." I paused, realizing what the hell had just come out of my mouth. If he had protected his faction before in the war, and he was protecting me now, did that mean he was technically still fighting? I gulped. "I–I didn't mean it like that."

He leaned forward and then paused, the contemplation on how to proceed, like he was creating a battle map in his head, made a small smile creep across my features. Then he began leaning forward again. "It's okay," he whispered before his lips descended on mine and I was lost. I felt the dip of the couch on my side when his hands pushed into the material, automatically giving into his weight. My fingers inched behind his head as he dominated me, pushing me into the couch and leaning his body against me. In every way he had won, like I had told him he would. Like I knew in my heart.

He pushed himself up, pulling away. I let out a small whimper, still clinging to his chest like it was the last thing holding me to earth. "For all intents and purposes," he let out on a quick breath. "This stays here, between us."

I gave him a condescending look. "I wouldn't go behind your back like that." And it was the truth–I wouldn't, even if I could, because he had made himself vulnerable to me. He had let me in, and that was the small battle won in the entire war.

"I know." There was a darkness to his words too, like he got the hidden meaning behind it all too well. He kissed me chastely again and pulled away, sitting back again. I almost moaned, missing the contact.

The only thing I was afraid of was when he turned back into the cold leader that I knew too well, the opposite side of things that was his autopilot mode. "I have to tell you something," he spoke, a little finality to his tone. There was also that same weird look, like he was guilty for something. I held in my breath and waited. "There are some things I can't protect you from. Today, when you failed the second fight–" the realization of what that meant dawned on me before he even finished his sentence and I knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"Factionless." I exclaimed, horror filling every muscle in my body. When was it over? When would life cut me some freaking slack? "I'm factionless?" I asked, my voice a squeak in the room. Well Zach, here I come. It was only sicker irony that Archer had landed the killing blow. Eric scooted forward, grasping my hand in his for a minute before pulling it away, like the reaction meant too much.

"No, well, yes but not exactly." A brilliant smile cracked his features. "I found an alternative that the leaders think is crazy enough that you won't accept, that would keep you in Dauntless long enough to pass the first stage."

A spark of hope burst in my chest, that little stupid thing like a star in the middle of the darkness. "What is it?"

"I-um...I'd train you, or coach you through the last two fights and if you win both, you can stay. The leadership thinks you're too much of a liability." He hesitated before moving on. "But I have a feeling you'll do well in the second step of initiation."

I quirked my head at him. "Why do they think that's crazy?" There was a nervous chuckle before another weird look.

"'Cause no one's passed any training with me yet, and now that you're hurt...Well, you're chances look extraordinarily dim. But all you have to do is accept and I'll train you." There was a childish glint to his eyes. This was something he loved. _Fighting_.

"You won't hurt me." He turned his head at my statement and a small smile ghosted over his features. "I accept."

It was my turn to smile at him. "I have a question for you." He became serious, his eyes and his features hardening suddenly as if he expected what I was going to say. God damn those blood hound, hawk-like senses. "So this...Us–"

"It's complicated." He spoke in a rushed tone, scowling at me. I giggled at him, catching him in a loop.

"It's better than _nothing_." I impersonated him as best as I could, whipping out my best scowl and crossing my arms and _everything_. He shot me a death stare and I only giggled again. Wasn't it only a million years ago that I wanted to slap him into oblivion? What the hell happened to that? Trust. Trust happened. For some odd reason, what happened on this couch too tiny for both of our bodies, Eric opened up and so did I. Maybe one happened before the other, but it happened, and it worked. Even with Eric scowling that purely him scowl. "You know who's also complicated?" I asked, licking my lips. Immediately, his attention changed and it was on my lips again. He only hummed, that little sound of _what_ without actually saying the words. "Eric Coulter."

A chuckle that seemed to come out of no where erupted from his chest. "Complicated doesn't even begin to describe it." I smiled at him and tilted my head.

"I'll still be here when you decide to tell me."

"You may have to wait forever." I shot him a look like _yeah right_. I stood, stretching as much as I could without actually making myself black out from pain. Of course Eric stood with me, watching me as if I was about to fall over at any moment. I silently had a beauty moment where I wondered if my eyes were entirely puffy and I looked like a weird, flushed girl. I yawned and squinted up at the leader.

"You think I could go to sleep?" He nodded.

"Yeah, do you want to take your meds?" I raised my eyebrows at his question.

"No, the doc said every six hours." Then I paused, watching a small smile cross his features. "You just want to see me all woozy again!" I accused in an amused way. He spread his arms at me like I had caught him.

"You did make this cute smile." He stalked forward, grasping my hips in his hands and nuzzling his cheek to my neck. When did this happen? When was he this open? I let out a giggle when his stubble tickled the soft base of my neck. "You see, there it is." I shook my head at him, some internal war waging between what I saw and what I knew. "What?" He asked.

"I don't get how you can be so devastatingly shut off and then," I poked his chest for emphasis, right where his tattoo would be. " _This._ " What was this? Open? Teasing? Adorable? All of the above? It felt so perfect that it didn't feel real at all. Maybe it was that little voice telling me that it wouldn't be perfect when I got off the meds and everything came crashing back down to earth with Eric and I the lonely affected.

"That...That's for them." He picked my hand up in his, where his palm practically engulfed my tannish fingers, and held it up to that place by his chest, just away from his heart, that tattoo that meant _love_.

That scale of zero to ten.

"This is for you." I chuckled and gave him a little punch to the shoulder.

"You know, that was kind of the perfect line."

"Really?" He asked, feigning a lack of knowledge.

I took an unintentional step back. "Yeah, I wonder how many girls you've told that to." Eight. If he said eight that would mean every single one of them, every one he told me of, at least. Realistically I knew he'd never tell me, but I couldn't help but hope for the same perfect answer.

Eric's face sobered for a moment before he took the step forward that I had taken back, leaning forward. "Only one." He kissed me for what had to be the third time that night, and everything felt seemingly perfect. I didn't expect the easy banter to last forever or for the open Eric to stay the night, but it was a very welcome reprieve from the one I was silently afraid of still.

"The guest room is made up if you want to sleep in there tonight." Was that fear in his eyes? Whatever it was, it broke the small contentment that had been there before. I glanced up at him.

"Can I sleep in your bed?" It was the weirdest question to ask, not because I didn't want to but maybe because I did want to. I couldn't admit it to him but I didn't want to be alone for the third night, falling asleep without warmth. The shock at my question made a little bit of satisfaction gather within me. _Point one, Ashe_.

"Of course," he cleared his throat. "I mean, yeah, sure." A hesitant pause between words as I smiled at him. "If you want." It didn't look like I was the only awkward one. I couldn't help but be reminded of that night I had found him–or rather, he had found me–drunk by the chasm. I couldn't help but think that was the side I clung to when I imagined the different side of him. Some boyish nature that he had to hide with everyone else. That was only possible when he _let_ himself go.

I made my way to the bed and clambered onto the soft sheets, the material familiar beneath my fingertips, almost like Eric's skin. I ignored the shooting pain in my side and laid down on my side, the side away from the window. The bed felt empty without the dip of Eric's body next to me, but I was so tired I couldn't even think about that for longer than a second. Eric stepped in quietly a few minutes later, his figure slicing across the darkness as the light from the door followed him into the room.

He took off his shirt that way guys do, from over his shoulders, and the same scars I had seen a million times before took me by surprise. There had to be a hundred of the little discolorations, covering the central point of his back in pale white. He turned around and was met with my peeking at him from over his shoulder.

"What?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck. Then a look of realization passed his features. "The scars." I nodded, sleep and soreness fatiguing my responses. He leaned forward on the bed, on one knee, eyeing me in the dim light. "Does it change the way you look at me?" Another small nod from me. "In what way?" I yawned, stretching my toes against the bed. "You're strong and you're dedicated to your people." A long stretch of pause descended against the silence.

"And you."

I smiled, content at his response. "I'm your initiate." I closed my eyes but I could still imagine the look of exasperation over his features.

"Does that change anything?"

" _Everything._ " I murmured, my voice trailing off as I began to fall asleep.

"Go to sleep," I heard him whisper. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but I could feel the ghost touch of his lips on my forehead before I fell into the darkness that consumed me.


	24. Subterfuge

Chapter 23 – Subterfuge

* * *

Hello my readers! It's been so long! I'm so sorry for the achingly long wait and I hope that this small piece is well worth it. It's not much, though, but there's more within the making. After that brute of a last chapter I needed some time to live life a bit, especially with crazy things going on that every life has, but I hope you're all still out there, waiting for Ashe and the future of F&A :) Thank you for everything you guys, and to the next chapter coming very soon! **PLEASEEEEEEE REVIEW!**! (I need your advice, your likes and dislikes more than ever my lovelies) Even if you're a guest, it helps make my day and makes my writing come faster knowing you are on the other side, listening with open eyes, ears and hearts. Please follow for updates and favorite if you like it as well!

MY THANKS: IamUNSINKABLE, thank you so much! I know, it was a nice chapter to read, but much of the distrust and finality of all of their situations are soon to hit I'm afraid, some of all of our hopes and dreams shattering with it. Thank you for your constant support, I hope this is playful in another way as well, if not a little darker. I swooned a little too! Let's see where it takes us from here! Much love! :)

Leneah1, thank you so much for your review! Yes love is one of the craziest things out there that I know. Honestly, I'm glad you bring in the idea of jumping in a little too soon because, as I've experienced before, sometimes we jump for things we wish were true even though we know they're not, and that they're dangerous, and I think Ashe will start to realize the truth and the lies in it all. You're on point! (You're completely right to feel a little iffy and strange at the odd way they just kind've clicked together–doesn't seem right, does it? *wink wink*) Much love! :)

Onyx Thanatos Theodore Lerins, haha that's his normal trait, isn't it? Kind've moody lil guy he is (little in every figurative sense). I'm glad he opened up too. But was it the right words at the right time, or a little bit more?... xD anyways, much love as always for your kind review! :)

XWarrior, how much can I thank you for keeping me on my moral path of storyline and keeping true to my characters? You're one of my great anchors to my writing and one of the people I'm glad to have around me that isn't afraid to say–this can be worked on. I love you girl! Thank you so much for all of your support and guidance. I thank you for every comment and how much you've stuck through it all, thick and thin, with both Ashe and Eric, and also me. Muchhhh lovee!

If it hasn't already become evident, you must read the stories written by these fantastic and beautiful creative minds. Read this first, of course :) but check them out right after! You will never be disappointed! ∞

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

I smiled, content at his response. "I'm your initiate." I closed my eyes but I could still imagine the look of exasperation over his features.

"Does that change anything?"

" _Everything._ " I murmured, my voice trailing off as I began to fall asleep.

"Go to sleep," I heard him whisper. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but I could feel the ghost touch of his lips on my forehead before I fell into the darkness that consumed me.

* * *

"I, I must confess

How hard I tried to breathe

Through the trees of loneliness.

And you, you must confess

How hard you need to see

Through the heart beating out my chest."

–Halsey, _Gold_

* * *

"What the _hell_ are you doing?"

I bumped my hip against the counter, eliciting a soft growl of pain from the pit of my chest. My features scrunched up momentarily as I took out one of my earbuds and glanced at Eric from across the room. His voice was loud enough to pierce the sound of music in my ears, the soft melody made more frightening with Eric's keen voice as the backdrop. I felt a bright red flush work it's way from the base of my spine to the tops of my cheeks, spreading easy, hot warmth to my ears. I had been dancing around the kitchen, albeit with very slow and careful movements, but the idea of Eric catching me in such a vulnerable pose grounded me to the incredulity of the moment.

"I–um, I was just dancing." Dancing and cooking, at least, but I felt like the last notion was obvious to him since I held a pan in one hand and was using my palm to balance the weight. I had woken up at six that morning with a dull headache and pain bursting on my body like little fireworks beneath my skin, crowding the movement of blood vessels to my flustered flesh. The memory of fireworks flashing vibrant colors of blue and red and white to represent all of our different factions seeped through my bones and calmed me down a little. I despised looking at memories of the past I had left behind for comfort, but they did indeed comfort me and in moments where pain and sadness welled in my chest like a ball of grief, I admitted I enjoyed the soft recollections.

I had popped a few meds and began cooking because what else could a practically useless and beaten initiate do on a training morning?

Eric's lips curled into the semblance of a frown. "You shouldn't even be standing. Here," the grey eyed leader casually stepped forward, his body moving like an ocean–soft and languid. "Let me." The way he watched me made me think he was worried; worried that there would be a reoccurrence of two days ago where I met his morning with a not greatly executed slap and shouting. And by not greatly executed I mean I should have _known_ my hit would've never connected with the hard planes of Eric's chiseled features. It would've held the same shock as when I had learned Archer had gotten a punch in on Eric, the one I had stitched up in this very kitchen not so long ago but ages past, it seemed. Now? I wasn't quite sure I wanted to hold onto all that anger. It was still there but I had kept another idea in mind whenever the memory of Zach's eyes threatened to make my emotions burst throughout the surface. I clung to the idea that Eric, like everyone else, deserved a chance. I was less inclined to believe him but I wanted to, and with everything else going on around me, I knew he was my only ticket to any form of survival within Dauntless.

Eric took the pan from my grasp, our fingers connecting for a moment, before he softly guided me to a chair in the kitchen. "Pancakes, seriously?"

"Well, I was shooting for pancakes," I clarified, bunching my shoulders in denial that I couldn't cook. "They kind of came out as deformed versions of paintball splatter." Eric broke into a small chuckle, a crinkle forming at the corner of his greyish blue eyes as he scraped the remnants from the pan into the trash.

"Is this your way of saying you want me to make you pancakes? I would've gotten up." Raising my eyebrows at him, I could feel the disbelief rise in my chest.

"Yeah right, you were snoring back there."

"I do _not_ snore."

"Oh yes you do. I even poked you and you swatted me away." He turned towards my body, arm flexing as he grabbed two plates from the cabinet beside me. It was a half truth, I had prodded him awake–or tried to–early that morning. My body felt war torn, olive skin stretched tight against bone and muscle as if it didn't quite fit properly on my skeleton. Like my body wasn't my own. Even the act of poking him, which on any other occasion would have seemed more of a danger to me, paled to the deep set of agony reeling through my bones. I had chattered with it, the pain making my bones strum almost like electricity igniting a wire, and when Eric, the fearless, demanding– _killer_ , I had to remind myself again–only let his eyes flutter open and close for a brief moment, I knew I'd have to get my pain medication myself.

I was glad that he hadn't heard me practically knock over everything in the apartment to get my medication or, the inherent knowledge dawned upon me, he would have had an even stronger reaction to me standing in his kitchen, cooking.

 _And_ swaying to melancholic, classical notes of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata–an Erudite favorite.

For some reason which was beyond me, one that had me grasping at straws to read behind his well learned lines and postures, Eric needed me alive and not falling over desk chairs.

"You are an awful liar." Smiling cheekily at him, I stood up again and ignored the dull ache protesting every movement I made. "No." He murmured, gazing at me from his peripheral vision. For a moment I thought I imagined it, but I knew it wasn't my eyesight playing it's newly learned blackout tricks as Eric's hand meandered to my general space, should I need him to lean on, to rely on.

Could I? The thought still wandered aimlessly in my thoughts. It felt so easy to trust him when I didn't pay attention to all of the reasons not to, just listened to the throb of my heartbeat in my chest and the ever present pull my skin felt to touch his. Focusing on that was easy but I knew ignoring everything else wouldn't work forever. I just needed to be ready, to feel ready, before I took that leap and plummeted into the unknown which was my future.

My fear was that there was never a ready.

There was just the jump between two worlds and the price for tightroping between both.

For now, Eric felt safe even if it was unsteady, even if all of the variables didn't align, even if his newfound spirit of calmness alerted me to something larger at play.

Vera's face materialized before me, as if we had never left the train tracks at all, as if I had never seen Eric vulnerable that same night to nightmares that haunted him like invisible ghosts. Like a past and a future that I could've had, jeering at me from another dimension. If. It was a powerful word that frightened me perhaps even more than Vera's hatred and Eric's mystical self.

"If you want me to sit you have to make me." I murmured, more to myself than to him. I was lost in my own mind, imagining everything else at work behind Eric's actions, behind my own. His icy blue orbs scrutinizing me, taking me in and assessing me. I knew what he saw too, a bruised and battered girl, subjected to the sight of losing two of my friends, a family never owned, a life chosen but unwanted and held still to mysteries being chorded like a harmonic song beyond my comprehension. Like Zach's words about Divergents. Eric knew I was in no position to oppose him and reclaimed his original stance, the innocent pose of making pancakes.

I breathed in a sigh. "So when does my training start?"

"Not anytime soon."

"Why not?" At my question, his gaze formed something along words, telling me what I already understood. I was in no shape to defend myself from anything–let alone learn from it.

Was he entirely wrong?

"You can barely stand without pain." I bit my lip.

"Am I that easy to read?"

A grim sigh escaped his chest before he turned to face me, brandishing a pan with a perfect looking pancake lying neatly within its' center. "Yes."

"Maybe then you should teach me to harness my emotions better," I reasoned, pouring maple syrup that oozed out of the thin tip of the container with ease. Watching the thick concoction almost melt out, I continued, "Then I could read as emotionless as you." Eric's back tensed at that. I awaited him to turn with a sharp riposte to his words, something to counter my evident yet sheathed attack towards him, but he simply returned to mixing the batter and pouring it with practiced gentleness into the pan.

The normalcy around the conversation was welcome but it felt as if we were still dancing around each other, wielding sharp, shadowy knives of lingering distrust and confusion. This time, my knives were well flung words. I had to admit, it was better than poorly thought out attempts at slapping him.

Would he keep his gentleness intact if I prodded hard enough? I hated the feeling, the wanting that coursed through me to prod and the way something in me told me not to. It was as if I was shortening my sentence of safety around him. The more I poked, I was assured, the worse of a reaction I would procure.

When he was done, he placed the pan in the sink along with the bowl of now empty batter. He was methodic in his movements, unlike the brutish way he would attack the hanging dummies in the training room. Here his brutality was leashed. I just had to remember to know it was still there, tightly coiled within. The leader was the perfect specimen of warrior, all scar tissue, in and out.

Eric sat across from me, pulled his plate in front of him and met my eyes with an intensity that sent a barrage of emotions heating my veins from my cheeks to the tips of my fingers, edging somewhere deep that was hidden to myself but seemingly not him. His eyes, not cold or unseeing, pushed straight past my own to a place I didn't believe many other people had seen to, not Jeanine and her catlike, glassy blue eyes, not even the boy I had thought was the love of my life and had turned out to be a coward. If they had looked at me in this way, in a way that spoke of hidden secrets evoked, they never truly saw everything.

My lips parted against my will, allowing me breath that was lost in his sensual stare.

"Emotionless?" His tone was asking me–challenging me to prove him and myself wrong when he already had. Unlike before, it was all emotions splayed across his face like sunlight bathing on the dusky, hard planes of his cheeks. The contrast was vast. I glanced back at him hesitantly and became lost in his eyes. That wasn't emotionlessness. Whatever had changed, it was the genesis of pure emotion.

Why?

I spiraled back into myself, suddenly unsure of all of my moves, akin to a chess player who's realized he's made an advance that has led to his demise five steps ahead. _Only to wait for the fall_ , Jeanine had always said with a mocking lilt to her tone, always self-assured that she wouldn't have to see her products fall like many other scientists, men and women alike, had. So confident.

His head cocked to the side as he put a forkful of pancake into his mouth, chewing slowly. Snapped out of my reverie like a whip had gone off close to my ear, I lowered my eyes and focused entirely on eating.

No more prods.

A moment of chewing.

 _Okay_ , maybe _one_ more prod.

"I still need to train." My words were whispered, waiting. What would he say? What else besides I couldn't? Eric met my intense glare, not malicious but expectant. I was expecting him to deny me outright.

"You do." A pause. "So?"

"So...I want to start today."

"No." He spoke clearly, in a tone that said how much he wasn't looking to debate on the subject.

"Yes, I have to."

His eyes bore into mine for a moment, just staring me down and making my resolve crumble slowly. His eyes cut straight through me, carving out his own mark. His power. "I said, no, that's a direct order." I held back a scoff, knowing it would be a bad idea to question his leadership. I flattened my hands on the table, waiting, waiting. I didn't know what I was waiting for but I knew it would come to me somehow.

"If I don't–"

"You will get yourself hurt, even more, Erudite. _Think_ about it."

"So? If I don't pass, I'll be as good as dead."

"Ashe–" I cut him off before he could protest more, his mouth opening, prepared somewhere between a lecture on my injuries and some protective rant. "I'm Dauntless. Dauntlessness is standing up against the tide of fear and acting on it, of being better than it. I want to overcome it and prevail, Dauntless." I breathed out, the words ringing true in my heart. I was Dauntless.

And Erudite.

And Amity.

If I was so freaking special, I would prove it to myself first and Eric second. Hopefully not in such a way that it got me killed, but that another particular worry to tackle for another day.

"You may think that the Dauntless go in swinging, but we aren't stupid. We don't take on a fight we can't handle," he looked straight through me. "You're still a smart ass to think differently." My fists clenched against the table at those words, smart ass, my nails biting ovals into my soft flesh. And I had thought so much had changed since just a few days ago. His eyes weren't hard, frosted over with a cold bite of anger and malice and neither were his words. They were dark, pushing, but he strayed from shoving me off of that carefully placed precipice of fear and determination that bobbed beneath the surface of my chest. Naive–Amity, all taunts thrown around to push me. To do what? If I couldn't train, what good was I?

"Then show me Dauntless, leader." I spat, my words halfheartedly spinning with spite. I was more perturbed by the fact that he was probably right. How can you fight against something when you know it's still true?

And lying wasn't about to begin helping the number on my board.

I was still Erudite and even though I wanted to banish those memories from my mind, scathe them in boiling hot water and brand myself something else, it wouldn't work unless it was true. Unless I felt it, and I wanted to feel it. The music of being free and spirited sang in my bones whenever I walked around Dauntless. I was so close to falling from it and it made me cherish the chance so much more.

If it was true and Eric wasn't just mocking me even further, scoffing at the idea that I actually had a chance.

The truth was, I didn't even have close to a clue of what went through Eric's head most of the time, and I especially wouldn't find out if my time was running close to nonexistent.

Eric raised his hands, an obvious simulated defeat, and leaned back with his fingers splayed against the hard table. "If you get yourself killed, that's on you." I smiled at him, perking up in my chair.

"I'll prove you wrong, you just wait and see."

Eric smirked at me, his eyebrow raised high against his forehead, in admiration or consideration, neither I could tell definitively. "First lesson, patience is not a virtue. Don't make me wait." He was up on his feet then, all tall, muscular power so close to me so quickly. I glanced up at him, ready to finally have the chance to succeed. I knew that with Eric I would be able to face Archer once and for all and beat him, take back control of my life and become independent to Eric's _help_.

If I made it.

—

"All right, show me the defensive stance."

Five feet nine inches of pure puniness compared to the war-hardened Dauntless god in front of me, I felt like maybe a scrappy tank top and leggings wasn't enough to protect me from the muscle and the testosterone all alone. Maybe armor, maybe a tank, either one of those would probably do. Sucking in some air and courage, I widened my legs, bending them slightly and raising my fists to protect my cheeks. I mimicked the stance that the other initiates had done over and over again, learning it so that they could recreate the position in their sleep. Eric's face contorted between a comical smile and a petrified glare.

"Did Four teach you that? It's awful." Moving forward, the tall, powerful leader glided towards me. "You're not blocking your neck." Eric unsheathed a blade I hadn't seen before, catching me off guard and making me stumble away from him on the mat. Cursing myself in a fairly harsh inner voice full of pent up malice, I straightened my back as Eric held the gleaning blade at my throat. My breath hitched somewhere on the travel to my lungs, holding the air securely within me until I felt like I would explode. For a split second I wondered if Eric enjoyed the fear pulsing off of me in waves but as Eric pulled away, I didn't want to believe that was the truth.

Maybe throwing knives at my friends' heads was enjoyment enough for him, but my fear seemed to quell that part of himself.

"Relax," he murmured, dropping the sharp dagger off the mat. "If I wanted you dead, you would be dead already." A nervous laugh escaped my chest, my eyes dropping to stare at my feet. If this was Eric's way of reassurance, I understood why most people looked at him with inherent distrust.

"Great to know."

"Defensive stance." Eric said again, taking up a perfect looking posture across from me as I tried to scrap some idea of a movement that would protect at least most of my vital areas. About a minute in, I finally came to the realization that I was probably too short and lanky compared to him to cover anything of vital importance to my life. No wonder everyone likes to pick on me. I was like that scrawny gazelle that would prance around in front of the cheetah in those video lessons from Erudite, defenseless and weak. I wasn't as scrawny as a gazelle, curvy and proportioned like a woman, but it was obvious I was built for computer work and beakers. I snorted at the thought, Eric tilting his head at a peculiar angle, bemused. I finally pushed my body at a weird angle while Eric waited, constantly watching.

"Will ya please stop looking at me like that? It's distracting." A megawatt smile from Eric followed my statement, disarming any form of defense I had, both physically and mentally. After fidgeting in one pose for long enough, Eric moved forward swiftly, landing a soft hand on my stomach and side.

"Your arms leave you open–especially your internal organs." Eric rubbed the space just below my ribcage for emphasis, a small mewl of discomfort following his touch. He pulled his fingers away, ghosting them over my hip. "Open your body position so your legs are wider than your shoulders." He bent in front of me slowly, pushing behind my knees. His fingers trailed up to my arms where he twisted my elbow. "Lower this arm, lift your other." He walked away slowly, turning around and reaffirming his original pose.

"Good," he said finally, taking me in. "Keep that position. Now attack." I eyed him warily, a bubbly feeling of laughter beginning in my chest. _He wanted me to attack him?_ Maybe he wanted me dead after all.

"Attack?"

"Demonstrate how you would attack me."

I released a loud chuckle that was only filled half with humor, the rest of it somewhere between fear and extreme caution. "Well, I wouldn't." He grinned, obviously satisfied with my response. I sucked in a long gulp of air, moving forward with a small battle cry erupting from my chest. The leader proficiently grabbed my wrist, his hold soft yet fierce as a chuckle followed his touch. He pulled me effortlessly towards him, faking an uppercut into my chest.

"You left yourself open–try again," Eric spoke in a voice that was nothing other than leadership worthy. I rolled my eyes at him.

"You know, the least you could do is not laugh." Turning to his Mona Lisa smile–the one where you couldn't tell if he was grimacing or genuinely smiling, or on special occasions, the one where you could see all of the ways with which he could possibly torture you–we both readied ourselves across from each other.

"But your battle cry was adorable."

I scowled. "My cry induced terror–it was not adorable. It was ferocious."

"If you say so," the young leader had the nerve to smirk at me.

"No, you don't get to pull that," I protested meekly, rubbing gingerly at my bruises which had begun acting up. The little fireworks had returned, the spikes of pain whenever I sharply moved my hip or my side, my gash pulling at the strings that held my flesh stitched together.

Eric used my own words from earlier against me, " _Make me_."

I let out a loud growl, one that to Eric probably sounded like a baby bear cub trying to attack another full grown bear. With my lunge, my arm lifted to punch Eric which he deflected easily but it left him open for a kick which I took advantage of. I lifted my knee, preparing to strike.

Close. I was so, so close.

Eric grasped my leg, curling his large hand underneath my thigh. I lost my footing, my arm shooting out to grab Eric's arm while he too lost his balance and we both collapsed. Eric rolled our positions so I landed on top of him, the pressure of his body and the impact jolting my body and making my bones quiver. Flinching at the flare of pain at my hip and side. My hands splayed against Eric's chest as I sighed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of my eyes while Eric grasped my hips cautiously. For such a destructive force, Eric could easily prevent pain; he could easily be sharp and lithe at the same time.

Eric let out a small chuckle, the vibration of it connecting through our touching skin and making my flesh heat up momentarily. "You left yourself open again."

I sighed, "No shit."

Eric picked me up, helping me find my footing and didn't relent. We kept that up for what seemed like an eternity. Stance, attack, open, again. Repeat. Stance, attack, open, again. He forced me to fight him until my limbs were weak, my eyes hazy and my stamina at an all time low. His smile kept me going, the mastery that kept his body moving with the utmost efficiency. Now more than ever I believed he was a machine, bred for fighting. Not once did he make an ungraceful move despite how much potential destruction each of his blows held.

It was intoxicating to know that with each potential fatal hit, he never hurt me. "Again," he snapped, blocking my maneuvers until he grasped my arm with one closed fist and turned me, holding my back against his chest with his other palm on my hip. He released me almost instantly, twirling me at a dizzying rate across the mat. "Again."

After a short time of endless 'agains', Eric paused and watched me with an intent gaze. "Spin around." For a minute, his small smile made me wonder if once I turned my back he would take that knife across the mat and end me, but I didn't believe he would do that.

I trusted him with whatever I could.

I swiveled until I stared at the opposite wall, my breathing labored. Eric posed a question. "What would you do if your back was turned to your target?" I laughed lightly, dismissing his inquiry. Eric's growl sent shivers up my spine, his new position more close to my body. "Does it sound like I'm joking?" I could practically tell how near he was to me, the tingling sensations running down my arms and causing goosebumps to follow in their wake. I closed my eyes and clung to the feeling that his nearness stirred while I was turned away; while he couldn't see me.

"You mean my worse case scenario?" I murmured, simpering as I could hear Eric's light footfalls.

"Cute," Eric whispered, the distance between before and now consumed by his presence, his breathing labored right next to my ear. Shuddering with a small gasp, I stood achingly straight as Eric's palm covered my mouth and his arm covered my wound. "Ready?" For what, I didn't know, but I wasn't ready to let go this far in. I nodded in his hold, waiting for him to respond, to act. The silence within the training room, the fear that washed over me as my breathing became more and more labored only ratcheted the awareness I had of everything around us.

In a swift yet jerky movement on my part, Eric yanked my body backwards. I struggled, my hands instantly flying to his inked forearms, covered in winding shadows of black. I ran my nails against the surface of his skin, more out of the raw terror that seized the cavity within my chest and had began to claw out from its safe hiding place within the walls I had put in place to keep it hidden. I simply gasped, the sound muffled and the air held back by his palm, because it was all I could do.

"Find a way to get out of my hold," Eric threw the words into the air, a grunt following his voice. I knew what he was doing, recreating something Archer could easily do. My thoughts flew around the idea of Archer holding me this way, his body sickeningly this close to mine. I pivoted on my heels, trying hard to loosen Eric's grip which now only brought back feelings of Archer's hands on my body, searching, searching–something I didn't have.

For a moment I screamed within myself, trying to find that safe place that was far away from Archer or Eric or Dauntless or fear or cowardice. I tried to find that safe apartment I remembered, the one I had lived in for sixteen years and my pulse ratcheted to my throat as the pigment of my walls and the outline of my bed became a foggy distortion. What was it about fear that made you seem so much farther away from yourself than you truly were?

I screamed a real scream this time, the piercing cry puncturing the air between Eric and I, the space in the warehouse and the small slivers of space made by Eric's palm enclosed over my mouth. Reminding myself of Eric's spiral tattoos–encrypted in meaning the same way that Eric was–proved useless as I was transported to a time and space that didn't exist. It was a possibility, and maybe that was what rendered me useless as Eric tried to train me for the moment Archer's attack could become so despairingly true. All of the other times Eric had been there, or I had, but what if I was alone? Lost?

Knowing that a part of me already was only made the scream I let out that much more shattering.

"Ashe?" Released from his hold I collapsed to my hands and knees, bent over in a breath that seemed to hurt more than it helped. Gasping, I knew somewhere within me that Eric hadn't kept me from breathing, he hadn't choked me or held me with as much malice as I thought he was. It was myself. I had been holding my breath the entire time; holding myself in. "Ashely." Eric's hands seized me again but this time I recognized them as his. I had conjured myself a memory or a vision or both that made Eric's hold Archer's grasp, a conjuring in which I had no defense.

I ignored Eric's eyes, the blue I knew that would be searching for my own in the midst of panic and hair. Fearing that I would be met with that icy coldness I knew, my breathing evened as I realized that I was more hesitant that I would find Eric seeking to comfort me. I almost laughed at the idea, letting out a small, relieved breath that broke the ties of the illusion Eric's hold had created.

I dared to look at him. My hand wiped away the hair that had slipped out of its hairband, black locks damp with sweat flying in different directions. I became lost in a vast blue, one that carried me back to the safety of the moment. "Are you all right?" The question struck me hard. Was I? I could've answered the obvious–which was of course, no–but instead I stood with the help of Eric's warm, rough hand.

"Yes," I answered, my voice frighteningly quiet and soft. The lull of it's downy touch against my own ears reminded me of another person; not my own. The tenor wasn't confident or strong but it was sure and I didn't understand how. Slowly, as if someone else had invaded my body and was pulling my muscles along a course that felt unfamiliar, I took a defensive stance.

"No." Eric's short reply surprised me, his arms shooting over his chest. Watching him do it now, that tilt of his head and the stance of authoritativeness couldn't fool me for what the motions really meant. It was a protective gesture, hands over chest, heart scarred over with marks akin to those on his back, tattooed with the word love, comforted by the space between flesh, band of black ink and air. Cocking my head to the side I looked at Eric in a new light once again, one that wasn't too dim or too bright, but somewhere muddled in between. "Training's over for today."

His words were quick and efficient. It wasn't a question but a statement. The thought that Archer's attacks had changed me so completely, made me so frenzied that I began panicking even when logically I knew he wasn't close set me on edge. I was a born Erudite, a born thinker of rationality and sense. What had just happened left me on the precipice of the known and unknown. For a moment I simply stood there, waiting for him to say something else. I hovered between running towards him and from him, both for different reasons.

"So, what happens now?" My tone was simplistic. I was tired and drained, the torment of subjecting my so-recently-defeated body to Eric's harsh training made my words dry and without much else. Eric sighed and looked away, seemingly more defeated than I was.

"Now I prepare you for the next fight, and after that, how to be a Dauntless soldier." He chuckled, the sound stirring a hard, bristling feeling within me until he turned and I saw it was without mirth. "Maybe even a leader."

I outright laughed, the sound bubbling from my chest and making my limbs–weak from exhaustion–achingly complain. "Don't I need the highest rank for that position?" Even Eric's scowl turned to a smirk, the streaming dust of gold coming through the warehouse's windowpanes held no comparison to the light in his eyes.

"Ye of little faith. Do you have so little confidence in me?" I did have confidence in him. Maybe it was the fact I lacked it within myself, but I knew that he was the perfect brutal man turned killer–monster–that it would take to teach me how to become a Dauntless soldier until it sang in my blood. My fingers ached to touch that spot right over his heart, the place where his warm and soft skin was covered with ink that marred his body beautifully. Many of the dark marks on him, I thought, was well placed for someone like him.

And yet wasn't the other day contradictory to everything I had thought about him in the first place? Solider, sure, but man too. That was evident in the nightmares that woke him and although it was no comparison, I felt a kinship to knowing that somehow Archer's assailment had made me broken in the same way Eric had been broken. A way where it haunts the mind even after the worry is over. Even after all fear of physical torture is due, the mental torture ensues. What opposite did he have to monster? Leader? Trainer? Nothing I could summon in my mind as an answer was satisfactory. He was just what he was, a brutal mix of man and ruthless fighter, just as I was what I was.

A sickening mix of different blood, too weak in mind and body for any faction. Divergent. Strings of pain laced themselves within my stomach, weaving tightly when I tried to convince myself I had enough hope to keep going. Had Zach carried the same hope?

A small voice of reason reminded me that I was nothing like Eric; I hadn't killed, I hadn't been tortured, I hadn't been subjected to everything he had and yet still we danced around the words we didn't say, and that I was thankful for during my moment of weakness. His lack of wordy comment or smug smile. "I have faith in you."

I stood there, realizing what I had said, cursing myself inwardly and watching as Eric's features shifted slightly to awe before sliding away. It wasn't his mask, per se, but more of an inflection that hid all emotions from me. He turned, the shoulder blades of his scarred back the only thing I could see beneath his black tank top.

"I'll clean up in here. Can you head back to the apartment on your own?" I sucked in a breath, acknowledging his strange reaction and picked up my jacket off the mat.

"Yeah. I'll be okay." Would I? I wanted to shout at the universe for making every single thing encoded, something to analyze. I wondered if perhaps I had been born Amity I might look at things from a sweeter perspective; a more honest one if I was Candor or even a selfless one if I had been Abnegation. In that moment I wanted to be anyone other than an Erudite pretending to be Dauntless pretending not to be Divergent.

The far wall came closer and closer to me, the narrow space of the stone hallway meeting my glance: unwavering. I swiveled for a moment, allowing myself a look at Eric's chiseled back. From this far, his scars couldn't be seen but I knew that there was a vast expanse of them which he often hid behind his high-collared jackets and sweaters. Finding myself wishing I had known the sweeter looking boy from Erudite before he'd left, I wondered if he would have been any different. If perhaps I had gotten to him sooner he would've been more open to me–to others.

What had Sophia said? _I know he doesn't act like that with others and yet you're different._ Every moment after those words I had held the hope that her small observation had been true. Why? I had no reason to believe I was different, other than a kiss, and what was a kiss? I wanted it to be more and it was stupid and it was awful and in every other world I knew it was wrong because–why? He was a killer. He had hurt my friends and me. He was broken and all broken things cut things that were whole, no matter how long it took, it would bleed.

But I knew I was far away from whole.

Yet here I stood, his back turned to me, and I still wanted to share his kiss and feel as if for a fleeting moment I wouldn't have to worry about losing or leaving or dying or divergence or killers with smiles like light. In that moment I felt utterly like that naive girl that didn't know anything and was perpetually stuck in Erudite, safe in her little hole of nothing.

After a moment spent in thought, a moment which felt like eternities and eons in which decisions over what to do next were spinning around my head like pinwheels and ballerinas, I finally moved and catapulted myself through hall after hall. It was disorienting, moving without knowing where to go. I was advancing towards his apartment and then I wasn't, just wandering aimlessly around stone walls and hallways, safety and the weightlessness of no one watching.

Or so I thought.

My moment of nothing was turned into everything as I was grasped out of the hallway almost as effortlessly as Eric had pulled me backwards in the training ring and I blanched. Archer had come for his last attack. I screamed against the hand on my mouth for the second time in an hour and when I released my elbow backwards I was met not by muscle or bone or ribcage but by a soft push of bone on flesh and a whimper of female pain.

What?

I spun around out of the woman's grasp, my body automatically taking Eric's new stance. It was in the works, but it was better than before, my arms shielding my tired and strained body. A considerably small hand darted out and yanked me into a dark corridor, a part of the hallway I hadn't seen while walking past and where my attacker had probably hidden. My lungs prepared for round number two of ear shattering yelling.

"Shh," a strangely familiar hiss of air choked out, close against my cheek. "No need to kill me." A short pause. "I thought you'd never be done training with him."

 _What?_

I let my eyes adjust to the darkness, trying to have the evidence to prove what my ears had already confirmed.

"Tiffany?" I whispered angrily in the darkness, the heat of relief unspooling in my chest at the same precise moment my words left my mouth. The same instant my irritation swelled. "What are you doing here?"

"We can't talk about much here," her uncertainty and the whispering lull of her voice made me uneasy, a black pit forming in my stomach. "You're in danger. Come on." She grasped my wrist and pulled me from the darkness of the corridor. Whatever she was doing, she was doing it well. Her eyes gazed up at the camera above us subtly, her fingers releasing my wrist as soon as the shadows no longer shielded us. I didn't trust her in those minutes that she led me, the careful way she stalked through each winding expanse of stone as if she knew every crack like the back of her hand. I held the innate sense that she was leading me into a trap of her own.

She guided the way through a narrowing passageway, past a side of Dauntless I hadn't seen before. My insides clenched warily, cautiously alert to everything surrounding us.

After an unguarded second, Tiffany pulled up to a door in relatively good condition, wear and use in the grooves of stone. She knocked: once, twice, a hard pounding sound that spoke of a cut and dry, get to the chase, type of greeting. It held no hellos or pretty welcomes.

The welcome that I did get, though, surprised me more than Tiffany could have anticipated, when Four opened the door with an equally shocked expression etched on his features.

And all I could think through the haze of oncoming ache within my ribs, burgeoning through the fog of meds, as well as the secrecy of it all, was: _what?_


	25. Manifestation

Chapter 24 – Manifestation

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My words...So this chapter is really important and a lot of big changes are coming forward after this. Many new things, topics and issues will arrive and i hope you are all ready and enjoy this chapter a lot! _**Pleaseeeeee REVIEW and FAVORITE/FOLLOW!**_ It helps me a lot and makes me feel better (plus I write faster when you guys do!)

My thanks... XWarrior, if it wasn't for you I don't know where my writing would be. You are fantastic and beautiful and an entirely amazing person, inside and out I'm sure! Your help has made my story so much better and because of it I owe my sincerest gratitude to you. You're amazing girl! Love you! As for the dancing, she was simply swaying to the music since the Moonlight Sonata is very slow. Also the beginning is simply important for blocking and for setting up placement for tension (plus a throwback #pancakes). Also, gotta love pain meds. I hope that my rendition of Four is to your liking! Next chapter we get to see a more personal side to Four, hopefully :)

Go check out XWarrior's fantastic and beautiful piece of writing, Aria The Skraeling Uprising after you read this!

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

After an unguarded second, Tiffany pulled up to a door in relatively good condition, wear and use in the grooves of stone. She knocked: once, twice, a hard pounding sound that spoke of a cut and dry, get to the chase, type of greeting. It held no hellos or pretty welcomes.

The welcome that I did get, though, surprised me more than Tiffany could have anticipated, when Four opened the door with an equally shocked look on his face.

And all I could think through the haze of oncoming ache within my ribs, burgeoning through the fog of meds, the secrecy of it all, was: _what?_

* * *

A small smile pinched the corners of my cheeks despite the entire situation as I watched Four's brown gaze slide from Tiffany's to my own. He swallowed thickly, the motion as obvious as if he had just consumed a rock the size of my fist. I liked Four. He had an open face that you could read easily, unlike Eric's, where everything was hidden and encoded like some computer program.

Or maybe it was just that I had always hated the computer software coding stage of Erudite Major. I had to hand to it to the Erudites who were good at electronics, it wasn't an easy field.

Trickling fear settled in the pit of my stomach that felt about as big as the one Four had seemingly swallowed as Four's eyes glanced between Tiffany and I. His gaze became guarded and his grip on the door visibly tightened. "What is she doing here?" Four asked carefully, eyes snapping to my own. "No offense."

"None taken," I answered. " _I_ don't even know why I'm here." Both of our intense glares fell to Tiffany and she smiled toothily, pushing on Four's chest with her open palm. Four pulled the door closer to him, as if he was trying to hide something behind the stone piece. It took me a moment and then I slowly came to the extreme circumstance that presented itself. "Wait, how do you two know each other?"

Tiffany sighed, brushing a short piece of dyed white hair back behind her ear and straightening in front of the doorframe. "All right, let's cut the chit chat," the hairdresser pushed Four back and he stepped into what I assumed was his apartment. She sighed, pulling my arm and leading me into his apartment before shutting the door and chuckling. "Divergent, meet Divergent." Her hands did that little motion as if she was showing off two platters of food to one another and I gaped at her. Then I gaped at Four.

Something settled in me at that moment with the realization that not only was I Divergent but so was Tiffany and Four. Then again, I was more than a little suspicious of the whole situation.

"What?" I asked in a ragged voice, a long breath expelling from my lungs.

Tiffany just smirked at me. Boy, I kinda wish I had it in me to clock her at that moment, but I was pretty sure I was in no shape to pick a fight with anyone and her witty comeback was worth little in the scheme of things. "Welcome to the club, now can we please get started on what's really important?"

I felt a little less than welcome with Four's eyes on me as if I was a foreign species. Or maybe a disease of some sort. I couldn't really tell with the whole silent thing going on and the only person who was talking in that moment was Tiffany's snarky self.

"Ashe," Four's voice was rough as he glanced over at me and shook himself. I felt like doing the same, the new information making my heart strum within my chest like a percussion beat. I paled. "I never pegged you for a Divergent."

Out of it all, I let out a small chuckle, nervous. What did it all mean? Surely the amount of Divergents in the room meant that there had to be more. A lot more.

The relief that swelled inside my chest came unbound, a long exhalation inside of me released that I didn't realize I had been holding. I wasn't alone. Sure I had known about Tiffany but that was no consolation.

But Four? Four was my trainer; he obviously passed with flying colors and that meant he could coach me through the training process without there being any suspicion. Except, I was still suspicious.

"Trust me, the feeling's mutual." I murmured. Four's eyes traveled to Tiffany and back to me. For a moment I felt shy. Being the new Divergent exhibit wasn't exactly the greatest feeling when he continued to gape at me with some sort of mix between disbelief and my shared relief. The question was, why would he be relieved?

My thoughts felt extremely sluggish as I tried to piece together everything going on. So much was being thrown at me that I felt poised to expect mythical creatures to be real and a world to live outside of the factions. If Four was Divergent then there was a lot of things I obviously didn't know.

"What's important?" I asked. Tiffany's eyes meandered to Four's.

"Do you remember what we were talking about earlier?" She waited for the recognition to spark in his eyes and when it did, she continued as if I wasn't even present. "That whole thing with your initiate and Eric. Well, if she's Divergent, then you kind've know what that means."

"You guys know I'm still here, right?" Four swept Tiffany behind him and strode towards me.

"It's okay, hey," Four's hand wrapped around my shoulder and I flinched at the touch, wincing as his hand brought a lightning path of pain. Sore didn't even begin to describe it.

"I don't need consolation, I want some answers." It wasn't until I looked at Four and then Tiffany, really looked, that I figured out why Four had responded by trying to calm me down. I was completely freaking out. I inhaled sharply, backing away from Four and Tiffany. My eyes darted around the room. It was neat and more lofty than Eric's room. It was obvious that Four had torn down some space to make everything in the room, except the bathroom, open. There was a simple bed towards the right with grey bedsheets and a walkway that led to a beautiful skyline view. I suddenly felt cornered, fitting myself awkwardly into the curve between one wall that seemed to connect to a walk-in kitchen and the living room. I settled to the floor, my arms curling around my legs. My breathing labored, my sides beginning to hurt with the strain.

What did it all mean? Four was Divergent, Tiffany was Divergent, I was Divergent. A small part of me wondered what Four's aptitude was but I wasn't in the right headspace to ask. I was anxious, maybe some of it left over from my panic attack at Eric's impersonation of Archer. Tiffany had brought up Four's initiate–Eric's initiate. My heart almost stopped. Zach. Out of Eric's apartment and his presence, I felt the terror seize my chest. I shook my head. I was _so_ not ready to get into that bag of cats. Four walked forward, each step careful and precise, before kneeling before me on one knee.

"Do you want something to drink?" The perusal of his eyes on me made me speculate if one of his aptitudes was Erudite. He was surely analyzing me. "It looks like you've been training. Probably a bad idea for someone in your shape."

I was fine, I wanted to snap, but I knew it was useless. I was definitely not fine.

"Okay," my voice was raspy. It sounded like I had been screaming; great.

"Okay." Four smiled, reaching his hand out to me. I took it and he lifted me up, bringing me to the kitchen. He strolled over to a nice metallic fridge, opened it and threw a water bottle towards me. I caught it in my hands. "Nice reflexes." I dipped my head and took a sip, not acknowledging his praise. I was a little surprised Tiffany had gone so long without making a smart joke about something I was doing wrong. A wall next to Four's head read in big letters _Fear God Alone._ The color had to have left my face.

"Okay." I sucked up my shock and fear, choosing to trudge forward. "What's the deal with this surprise meeting?" Tiffany shot a look at Four. Obviously it was Four's turn to try. He breathed, looking like he was preparing too.

"The other day, before you fought Archer in the ring, Max made the announcement about Zach killing Shea and exiled him, right?" Tightness snatched my pulse, dragging at my heart and making it speed up at the same time. I nodded, afraid of my voice cracking if I tried to speak. How had I held it together so long and felt so ready to break apart right after resolving myself to forgiving Eric?

God I was so pitifully weak.

"I assume that wasn't really Max but Eric." Four sought my eyes as if he could yank out the truth. If that was the case, he already had a whole profile on what had happened. Pretty sure I was an open book, I held my tongue. Probably not the best moment to choose that path, but yeah, I did anyways. Wouldn't be the first mistake in my life, I reasoned bitterly.

"Why would you think that?" I asked, but it was wobbly.

"You don't really talk to Max." He shrugged. "And I watch the camera feeds because I'm a guard."

"Then why ask?" My tone was sharp. Another shrug.

"It helps to have the truth on the table." I felt the sharp tang of bile rise in my throat. Truth. The sour memory of Eric promising he wouldn't hurt Zach replayed in my head. Well, he hadn't exactly lied, had he? "It wasn't the smartest move on his part, honestly. It will isolate you from the other initiates and force their trust away." I was following, a little unsure of where he was going with his recount of how many ways I had screwed up royally. "But it may have just been a test."

I couldn't hold it back. I let out a long laugh, the sound a bit hysterical to my ears. "A test?" Quickly I silenced myself when I realized Four was completely serious. And Tiffany was shooting daggers my way. "You're serious?" Four tilted his head side to side, considering the option.

"Tiffany thought of it first, since she saw the way you and Eric acted around each other. Then I figured it seemed appropriate. That day I warned you after you left Tiffany's salon, I knew something was up with Eric." Four brushed his fingers through his dark, wavy brown hair. A nervous tick? "I still don't know what it is, but it's obvious he wants something from you." That idea made chills run down my spine, igniting me at the same time. I practically rolled my eyes at my emotions. Instead, I straightened.

Believing that I could trust Four, I responded. "He said that he was trying to protect me–from Archer." Four's brow rose at me and Tiffany's gaze quickly darted to Four. "What?"

"Did Eric say what he was protecting you from?" It was the first time that Tiffany had spoken to me since Four decided to recap what had happened the other day and her words were spiked with contempt. Telling Tiffany wasn't exactly what I wanted to do but knowing that they were both Divergent made me feel a certain familiarity with them.

"Yeah. He said that Archer was planning to..." I looked at Tiffany again and when I did, Four stepped forward, cutting my attention to him.

"It's okay, she just wants to help you like I do."

My eyes narrowed at him. "Help me how, exactly?" Tiffany nodded her head towards the opposite side of the wall where there were those words painted into the stone. A tarp covered a large looking square board, the corner peeking out from below the dark charcoal fabric. The color reminded me of the old Abnegation blankets that I would see them give to the Factionless around the streets, covering their shoulders and sending them well wishes. Most of them were elderly and the thought of having to walk past so many of them through the streets set an aching in me that I wasn't sure had ever left. Anger quickly took its place. How could I have forgotten that helplessness and despair that spoke to me through all of their eyes? I knew it was Dauntless that had set me apart from that girl and for the first time it began to terrify me.

"You should probably show her what you're talking about so she trusts us." Tiffany leaned against the wall adjacent from me, picking at the dirt underneath her nails. Four sighed, rubbing a palm over his face as if he wanted to just leave the room and forget even trying. I could feel where he was coming from. A war was tearing up half of me, one part wanting to run away as far as I could and one firmly planted where I stood. All I knew was I needed to know more. I nodded my head, honing in on Four.

Sauntering towards the board, Four slowly pulled the blanket off the board, revealing a panel of wood with papers stapled and pinned to the hard surface. Strings connected different sections, some red, some blue. My hand shot out and covered my mouth, holding in my gasp. Even from afar I could make out faces on the board, some with head shots and smiles, others of pictures that looked like they had been taken after death. Tentatively stepping further into Four's apartment, the pictures became more clear. Paper clippings were attached to each face, the entire board covered in faces and names. Breath labored, my fingers slipped down to my heart where I was sure it would beat of my chest.

Studying the board more closely, my eyes caught on a girl that I recognized. "I know this girl," I whispered, voice taut. Four slipped beside me, leaning in towards the slab of wood. "I saw her get shot. It wasn't a random murder," like it stated below her headshot after her visit to the Erudite morgue. My hands felt numb, shaking uncontrollably. The girl was young, barely my age, but it seemed so long ago that her face had been blurry until now. "The man who shot her said she was Divergent. That she had to be eliminated." Four gestured that he understood, bowing his head.

"We know." My scrutiny fell onto him. "It's one of the many cases where Divergents have been randomly yet systematically killed." _One of the many cases_. Everything felt slippery around me. Black edged my vision and it became so much harder to breathe. _Many_. I gaped at the board, thinking of how many more cases there were; how many more names, faces? _Divergents._

Tiffany piped up. "Three weeks later her mother committed suicide, or so it seems." She raised her eyebrows and for a small second I wanted to hit her. The woman looked completely unfazed by the entire situation. Then again, how long had she known about this along with Four? At least Four shared my empathy for the people plastered on the board. I shook my head.

"Her mother was there the day she was shot. I thought–" My words died in my throat, a choking sound replacing whatever I was going to say. Quickly I tried to gain my composure. "I thought everyone was hunting Divergents in the open."

"Not every faction." Four said solemnly, peeking at me from the corner of his honey brown eyes. He was sweet and I trusted him, the feeling washing over me and calming my nerves. I wasn't so sure that I could say the same for Tiffany but maybe it was her snappy nature. "Do you think there's a reason Eric's taken you under his wing? Protected you?"

Tiffany scoffed from across the room, propelling herself from the wall towards us. "If you call throwing her under the bus protecting her, then sure." Four shot her a look and she just scowled, crossing her forearms over her chest. The insignificant movement prompted the image of Eric doing the same thing, only with a much angrier face, but I shut that thought out of my head.

"You know what I mean." Four continued, unconcerned with Tiffany's outburst. "Is there any way he could know you're Divergent?"

"No...I've been very secretive about what I am. And if he knew, I think he would've killed me already." I regarded the board next to me with a sick sense of dread forming at the back of my neck. I could easily become that girl. "But he's been acting really funny recently."

"It's not like you just go around to hair salons being digitally monitored and practically yell, 'I'm a Divergent' to anyone so that people with eyes, ears and a singular brain cell could get what you're saying." Tiffany sneered, catching me off guard. She may have had a really mocking tone with most of the things she said but she had never just shown her dislike for me outright like she had then.

"Do you have a problem with me?" I whipped around, shutting out Four's motion. He looked like he was about to lose it. At any other time I would've laughed at Four's flailing expression and Dahlia probably would have about twenty number jokes she would say, but here everything was so much more disheartening.

The Divergent woman snickered. "If I had a problem with you, little girl, you would know." My fists clenched at that, anger boiling inside of me. I didn't think I had any energy left over from training with Eric but the tide of emotions and adrenaline surging from her words definitely allowed me to at least try and get a good punch in. The only question was, would my side split open if I tried anything more effortful than faux hits?

"You know what? You have no idea what I've been through, so how dare you!" I wanted to yell at her, or at least that was what I tried to do, but it came out a strangled cry. She had the nerve to looked surprised.

"How dare I? Do you know how many innocent lives you have put at risk since you've been here? Almost uncovering months of planning and operations with a simple chat over hair dye!–"

"Stop it! The both of you." Four raised his hands to the both of us, stepping into the space between us. It was then I realized I had taken a few large steps in Tiffany's direction. My hands unclenched and I let go of the inside of my cheek. Four shook his head at Tiffany and then glanced to me expectantly. "We have a lot of work to do but I don't think that any of that is meant for today." I opened my mouth and then shut it, repeating the motion once or twice, probably making myself look like a handicapped fish. For a moment I simply felt the intense and overwhelming need to just burst into a kind of manic laughter. There was always the feel of crying, sure, it came with the job description of all this mess, I thought to myself, the brink of fast and hard tears streaming down my cheeks a constant I could reach for in these dark and growing darker times, but in that moment I simply had the gut punch emotion to just let out a torrent of held back laughter.

There was nothing around to laugh about other than the notion that life and fate and any other word for it continually threatened to throw me over some edge, as if saying _screw you_. _Constantly_. I had the carnal wish to just throw my head back, expose my neck and allow that easily vulnerable motion to be a kill blow to everything I knew, the string of mirthless laughs close behind. Because how could I had fallen any further away from the life I had wanted when I had chosen Dauntless? If fate had ever given me the chance to make something of my own, that time had definitely come to pass. And as I stared at the wall of photos and names and lost faces to time, just needless blood dripping from someone else's fingers, I let out a quiet sob as I realized that I wasn't the worst off.

I was _lucky_.

I had been given the chance to make a choice and breathe. I'd wasted that choice, of course, until that terrible moment when I understood that fate had said _screw you_ to the fates of countless faces around me and yet here I stood, to look at them all, and cry for my fortune and their loss. Didn't that change everything? It meant, certainly, that my life could never be my own again. It meant that I would avenge the lives on the wall on the opposite stone face painted Fear God Alone.

Because who else could you fear after death?

Because death was my closest friend in these times, accounting for more nameless dead than those alive.

It took me a long minute but I found my voice, silent tears staining my cheeks.

"So what am I supposed to do until then? Disappear?" I couldn't help but let my eyes drift to the board. The thought nagging at the back of my mind made me come to face the fact that I would probably have to see Eric and I wasn't sure what my response would be to looking at him now. Now that I knew what happened to people like me because of people like him all over the factions.

Four chuckled. "No. We'll meet tomorrow after we have all cooled down." His eyes did a shifty thing, like chocolate slipping off of a spoon as he perused Tiffany's side of the room. "And you aren't invited."

I was pretty sure Tiffany wanted to punch him but a second flood of relief swept through me. I wouldn't have to stare her down and feel like I was breaking an obscene amount of Divergent moral codes. Four placed his hand at the small of my back and led me to the door. "Just try to relax, get some rest and–" he took a deep and what seemed like a much needed breath. "Don't tip anyone off to what you saw tonight." By anyone I knew he meant Eric. I could not promise that I wouldn't punch him but I had found some sort of self restraint on Tiffany's side. I could wait. Plus, if all went well, Eric and I would train tomorrow. It gave me an excuse to throw all of my anger towards that.

"Okay," I murmured. Four let me out in front of his door and shut it, leaving Tiffany and him alone inside. For the first time in a while, I wasn't exactly sure where to go. I didn't want to go to Eric's apartment and see him after everything I had just learned. Especially all of the things I knew I had yet to learn.

Something had shifted though. I couldn't tell what just yet, but it was like a pile of stone had been lifted from my shoulders. There was another Divergent like me, and more like them, and plenty more who needed my help. Our help. That needed me to stay alive in their name. I may not have had any family or parents but I had them and that kinship felt like a link connecting me to something that had been broken for so long. They had so much to lose and more–more than I did.

I trekked through the hallways, finding myself at the dorm room full of initiates that I hadn't been to in what felt like ages. I stood at the bottom of the stairwell, glancing around the large room where beds outlined the grimy floors and walls. There was a new ornament to the opening, a large quilt of different blankets tied together separating what looked like the girls from the boys. Half of me expected Shea to barrel through the slit in the fabric or Zach to smile wistfully from the other side, his eyes connecting to Vera's, but none of that happened.

What did happen was a little weirder.

Dahlia was the first one to notice me, her eyes going wide. She jumped up and down for a minute and then wrapped her arms around me with a little shriek of excitement. As soon as her vibrant green eyes met my own, I knew I had made the right decision by coming here. "My god, it's actually you! I haven't seen you in days!" She flitted around the room, pulling a big sweater over her head and throwing a similar looking one at me. It wasn't until the fabric was in my hands that I looked down and saw I was wearing a pretty demolished tank top and dusty leggings. I had completely forgotten what I was wearing. Smiling with a sure blush, I pulled the sweater on and followed her tittering body wherever she went. A few other eyes followed me but I ignored them, trained solely on jumpy Amity girl.

After a minute she ended up at another stairwell and we climbed down, entering the room quietly. A bunch of rough looking kids my age stood around, talking. Jake was in the middle making a bunch of hand gestures until he saw us and stopped. I smiled at him but his eyes dropped. A tight feeling grew in my stomach at his response. Jake meandered forward from the group, saying a few _see ya later's_ until he stood in front of us.

Jake cleared his throat. "Long time no see," he mumbled, taking me in. I knew I looked pretty disheveled but he made no way of hiding it from his eyes. Dahlia's green irises lost their luminescent twinkle momentarily.

"Well," she began. "I thought we could all get some food in the mess hall since we're all together."

My heart constricted and Jake's face contorted unreasonably.

"We're not all together, Dahlia."

Dahlia's big eyes widened, realizing what he meant. I, however, recognized the sharpness in his tone. His words felt like a physical blow straight to the wounds I had been nursing for days in Eric's apartment like a total coward. The dawning realization that I deserved each and every one of his responses made my stomach twist violently. The Amity girl forced a smile, turning to me and then to Jake, fumbling.

"Oh you know what I mean, we haven't seen her in days."

Jake nodded. "We haven't." I swallowed the ball of sorrow that seemed to lock itself in my throat. "Forget it, let's just get out of here." Jake threw a jacket on and followed Dahlia, the mood suddenly squashed. Well, there went that.

* * *

"Oh. My. _Chocolate._ " Dahlia made a noise somewhere in between a squeal and a gasp, moving forward like a little pixie from hell. She delved into the dessert table in the mess hall, her fingers closing around three or four objects before she finally settled on one. "Look at this!" The red headed girl turned to Jake and I, Jake wearing a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's a little banana. _A_ _little banana_."

"You know, that's great and all, but you just skipped all the chocolate." Jake remarked, closing in on my personal space. Half of his side brushed against my own, sending warmth down my arm. I tried to seek out something from the closed blue in his gaze, but he turned away with that same wistful smile. I hadn't had the chance to talk to him since what happened to Zach and Vera. The aching sensation spreading through my chest had nothing to do with my injuries. A panicky grip closed over my heart, not because he looked at me with hate or even joy but just with... _nothing_.

I was pretty sure that his nothing look hurt me more than the outwards hate I was expecting.

I thought of it like Tiffany's disdain; I could handle that by shoving my fist in her face or answering in a very unladylike manner. With Jake, the only thing I could really do was be silent.

"Don't you dare knock my little banana!" Dahlia held it tightly into her chest, the small yellow fruit spanning the length of her tanned, slim neck. "It's adorable."

Jake just rolled his eyes. "Yes, it's a very awesome little banana." The nothing was quickly filled with mirth as we moved away from the dessert table, Dahlia still clutching at the fruit. Chuckling underneath my breath, Dahlia's eyes switched from my moving form to Jake's, where they narrowed and took him in.

"You know," she pressed nonchalantly. "I'm sure that there are smaller things in this vicinity, like your brain, or maybe even your–"

"Okay, that's enough oh-fiery-one," I intervened before she made Jake laugh any harder, the Dauntless born shaking his head as he followed our moving bodies on the line.

"I'm sure you'd find that like your banana, both of your examples are awesome and adorable." She squinted at him, and I imagined that if she could, little sparks of fire would shoot from her eyes and incinerate Jake on site. I couldn't stop my skin from overheating as realization set in that our topic of conversation had left that of the banana realm and instead took the angle of an innuendo. I held her in a tight bear hug, her body squirming against me. I had no doubt that she could easily break my embrace–she was a higher rank than me and I was in no shape to hold anyone back–but she kept herself in my grasp. The Amity girl let out a little growl, sighed and then blew a loose chunk of hair out of her eyes. Leave it to the initiate from a peaceful faction to beat me in the combat ring.

Jake's glance found mine throughout the comedic meltdown. We stood that way, locked in looks, while Dahlia took in her composure. Jake winked at me. I blushed, turning towards Dahlia and fidgeting with my hands. Since when in hell did Jake wink at me? And when did hell freeze over for me to blush? "Does anyone know where the normal sized banana's are?" I asked in a pitifully quiet voice.

Dahlia muttered under her breath, "There's one right behind us."

"Ha ha," Jake poked Dahlia in the side, curling in his finger while Dahlia let out a stream of helpless giggles. "Let the little banana take that!"

Dahlia dodged away from Jake with such force, moving as if he had held a taser to her. "No! Anything but the tickles!" The show they made was helplessly sweet, made even harder for my quickly sinking heart to bare by the endless wit and genuine happiness that poured out of their presence. A small part inside of me that I was considering the option of smothering into submission made me ponder the thought of how different their lives would be if they knew about Divergents. Not happy, I mused bitterly.

I shoved away the theory as Dahlia and Jake hopped off, not far out of sight, but something else took my attention almost immediately. I stiffened, sudden awareness flooding my body. Another side brushed my own, sending a type of electric thrill down my spine. I dared to look up.

Lush forest colliding with an endless horizon of ocean. The force of peering into Eric's eyes was purely magnetic: unstoppable. Utterly captivated by the way they seemed to dance over my body, unabashedly taking me in, I felt myself blush for the second time in only a few moments and cursed whatever was going on. Someone had definitely taken over and it was not me.

"Hi," he murmured, his voice throaty and thick. It reminded me of the melted chocolate I had just passed. Undoubtedly sweet and luxurious. The recollection of Eric's soft lips gliding against my own made a shudder roll through my shoulders, down my spine and to my knees. _Oh boy._ I swallowed and then proceeded to pale to an off shade of olive.

"Hi there." I squeaked in response. When did I squeak? I shook my head, calmed my nerves and stared at the food in front of me. The casserole ogled me back, silently judging my obvious way of avoiding the soldier-slash-leader next to me. It was just what Four and Tiffany had told me making me on edge, I wagered while I scooped up a plate of string beans. Remembering their words, an icy chill spread through me. He was still the killer of at least one of the Divergent's on Four's slab of dead and my neck prickled from the growing reasons why I should run as his presence stayed dangerously near me. Eric told me before that he had killed many people but I never truly believed it until I saw all of the faces on the wall. I couldn't connect any to him, none that I saw on Four's board at least, but the fear still lingered in my thoughts.

Wall be damned, I had to admit that being this close to him, not sweaty and in pain from sparring all day, sent a bombardment of tingles shooting through my body. It was always there and for the past few days I had convinced myself that my weird attraction to him had been evaporated by my anger and distrust, but they still hovered there like an unwelcome alien invasion. If there was one thing Erudite had done to me, it was help me tell the difference between stick-up-their-butt lab workers and the built physique of a soldier. I had no problem with appreciating the guy's good looks.

That's all it was, I acquiesced the nerves frying my senses alive inside of me, just a really hot leader. The sensations reminded me of butterflies, pinching the sides of my waist as I stood within breathing distance of him. Then the realization of who he really was would hit and the butterflies in my stomach would stop fluttering and the worried queasiness would start.

Knowing about him even killed off my good-looks butterflies.

I mentally added whacking myself upside the head to my to-do list. Man I had issues.

"I couldn't find you in the apartment when I looked," he said casually, pushing himself over the table to grab a small bread bun. Muscles bunched underneath his jacket and I glanced away, composing myself.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered, temperature rising in my cheeks. God it wasn't the time to start getting afraid and mumbling incoherently now. "I wanted to see Dahlia and Jake." Why was I explaining myself to him? I straightened and tried to kick my emotions into submission like Eric could. I couldn't let him know what I had seen but as he gazed down into my eyes, I felt completely bare.

 _Shit._

Eric's eyes honed in on me, making everything else in the room stop. I couldn't hear the rest of the chatter. Instead, a ball of fear tightened my muscles, making my nerves tick like a bomb prepared to detonate. "I thought I had made myself clear. You could've hurt yourself." I held back the scoff that threatened to pounce from my throat. It almost sounded like he was worried about me. My eyes darted to his.

I hesitated. "Yeah, well I didn't. So there." I dropped a fork onto my practically empty plate and tried to move away. Eric grasped my arm, firmly enough to rattle me but it didn't hurt.

"Did something happen?" He asked, eyes scanning the mess hall. "I know that today in training–"

"I'm fine." I snapped, catching his attention loud and clear. I wasn't in the mood to talk about my panic attack, especially not with him. Something icy slid over Eric's features and my heart rate picked up. _Abort! Abort! Abort!_

Eric released my arm but he bent until his face was inches from my own. "Watch yourself, initiate." I glanced up at him, reeling.

"Is that a threat?" He shook his head, laughter filling his eyes as he straightened and moved away from me.

"Just a warning," the blue-eyed leader threw over his shoulder as he left, joining the other leaders at a table filled to the brink with men and simply two women. I smirked. Leave it to the faction of protection to rely almost completely on men. A small fleck of challenge grew inside of me. I wanted to prove all of them wrong. Before I went to follow Dahlia and Jake at our old table, someone caught my eye.

Vera sat next to Archer and Celia, her eyes solely focused on me. It creeped me out for the most part but a sense of terrible foreboding took over my senses. Why would she ever sit with them? Especially if what Eric said was true, then Archer would be antagonizing Vera at this point because of Zach killing Shea, but instead he put an arm around the small former Erudite and shot me a wicked glare. I felt a bead of sweat form at my brow as I quickly shuffled over to Dahlia and Jake with my head held firmly down.

"Do you see that?" I whispered, motioning to Vera who was conveniently sitting behind us. Jake shrugged as if it was normal and Dahlia gave me a sympathetic look.

Dahlia put a forkful of rice in her mouth which I realized she had stolen from Jake, who simply played with the food on his plate. "She's been sitting with them ever since Zach."

"And you haven't exactly been around to notice," snapped Jake. Dahlia and I both looked at him, shocked. He raised his palms to the side of his head and shrugged again. "What? I'm not the only one thinking it." Dahlia let out a long, breathy sigh and followed Jake's game of pushing around food.

"I know." I acknowledged, pushing my plate in front of me. I had entirely lost my appetite. Better yet, I didn't even know how I had even picked up an appetite after Four's big board of despair. Wringing my hands in my lap I tried to stanch the tears threatening to spill over. I had spoken to Dahlia about what happened that night on the train tracks but the feeling that I was losing my only friends because of it spiked a desperate need within me. "I know I wasn't a good friend to Zach or Vera or you both. I took your trust and I threw it to the wind, but I did it because I thought–" I choked back a sound in my throat. "I thought that I was doing what was best for Zach. I thought he would be okay and now he's factionless because of me."

When I paused, the entire table around us had descended into silence. I slashed away tears that spilled over my eyes and didn't dare look up past the rim of my plate to Dahlia or Jake. After an intense moment of silent tears collapsing onto Dahlia's black sweater, Dahlia's arms wrapped around my shoulders and I shoved my face into the crook of her neck.

"Him being factionless isn't your fault."

She smelled like a bunch of flowers and I pondered how she managed to smell like a blooming orchid if she wasn't in Amity. My shoulders racked as I finally came to terms with my guilt and Dahlia just shushed me, pushing my hair down over my shoulders. I was sure crying in the middle of Dauntless wasn't exactly the most brave thing to do.

Scratch that, I figured it probably took a lot of guts because in the long haul, they would probably jump me for being weak, but I couldn't give a damn in that moment. I just relished having my friends around me. Jake's voice broke the silence.

"I would join in on the group hug but this chocolate fudge cake looks too good and you two look like you need a moment of healthy girl crying." Dahlia threw her banana at Jake and he caught it, peeling it and taking a huge bite. I laughed, actually laughed, and settled back into my seat. Jake looked at the both of us suspiciously as Dahlia not-so-covertly wiped away tears of her own. "Are you two going to throw anything else at me?" Dahlia looked like she took it into consideration and I just smiled. Things felt okay even though I knew they weren't. Dahlia, Jake and I had formed a little bubble that I was beginning to think only became stronger because of what happened. Everything else could wait for tomorrow to spring on me; all I needed was some time with my true friends.

The rest of the meal was pretty normal. Dahlia and Jake exchanged a few heated words over zombies while I took the side that ghosts were definitely more cool. Dahlia gave me a small punch to the shoulder. "I don't even know why we hang out with you sometimes." I chuckled at that, taking a bite out of my wholewheat bread bun.

Then I yelped as frozen liquid poured over my back and clung to my skin. I whipped around, Archer's eyes alight with feral humor. "Oops," he made a gesture as if he was gasping with fright and Vera laughed.

I felt a chill spread through me and I knew it wasn't because of the drink which Archer had evidently poured over my head. Dahlia inhaled beside me, my rabid pixie friend ready to tear Archer's head off of his shoulders. Or at least that was what I got from the look she was shooting him. Yeah, definitely held a lot of pain in his future. Whatever sense of security that I had felt wrapped in, that nice little bubble, burst. I could physically feel the color drain from my cheeks when the small Erudite girl gave me a very dirty look.

She didn't even seem like the same person anymore.

Well, neither did I.

My legs pulled up and before I realized it, I was standing face to face with Archer between the tables. No more little-nice Ashely from Erudite. I was so done with being that pushover girl. "Do you have something to say to me?" I growled, staring at the other initiate.

"No," he laughed. "But my knife does." Archer reached for the knife on his table at the same moment I dodged, the metal biting into the solid surface of the bench where I had just been sitting. Archer pulled on the knife, yanking on it with all of his force. I chuckled because it was embedded in the seat. He put both of his hands around the grip and pulled, his foot pushing against the metal bench.

Oh he was _so_ gonna pay for that. I grasped my shoulder in my hand to protect the sharp pain I knew I would feel and threw myself at Archer, knocking him off balance as we both settled onto the floor. My fist was pulled back, ready to punch him in his little punch-worthy face before someone grabbed onto my elbow and jerked me into a standing position.

"Enough!" Max's barking tone rang out over the quiet mess hall; the only real sound was Archer and I's rough breathing. I snarled at the other initiate and he simply winked. If it wasn't for the leader's stiff grip on my arm, I would've wrenched myself away and attacked Archer with every ounce of energy still left in me–which wasn't exactly much.

"Go back to your quarters now, initiate." He commanded to Archer, no sense of doubt in his deep baritone voice. As for me, he still hung onto me as if I was some prized trophy. He spun me to face the now deathly silent gathered space, my arm still at an odd angle from where I had been ready to polymerize Archer's face. My eyes searched the crowd and landed on Eric's gaze. _Eek._ Wasn't going to look forward to that conversation anytime soon. "Let's speak in private, shall we?" Max murmured silently to me, leading me out of the mess hall and into another room.

It was a large looking pavilion I had never seen before. Dauntless was way to big and easy to get lost in. I dragged my arm out of his grasp. Instead of stopping, Max shuffled me along a few more long corridors until I was in a familiar passage, one where the stone slowly slid into modern looking furniture and wood floors.

The leader took us into a room I had been to before, only once. The only difference this time was that Eric wasn't here to protect me from Max. I shook away that thought.

Eric obviously wasn't doing anything to protect me. Wasn't now and hadn't been then. The only issue was, I still had no idea what angle Eric was playing this game from and I wasn't sure I even wanted to find out yet. I had just faced Four who I realized was more than just one of my trainers and confronted Jake and Dahlia about my mistakes. It was simply too much for me in one day and my body was protesting my every movement, especially with my recent attack.

Max straightened his collar and sat in his chair, crossing his legs. He took his time reorganizing his desk and making himself comfortable.

"You may sit." My fingertips felt twitchy as the adrenaline left my body, leaving me utterly defenseless. I felt weak, especially in front of Max. Pulling myself into the nearest chair, I waited for whatever Max was going to say.

"I'm glad we've finally gotten the chance to talk," he spoke in a very relaxed and even tone. He reminded me a little too much of Eric, especially in the cold way his eyes slid over my own. I shivered slightly and when Max's pupils widened and he laughed, a loud, barking laugh, I was pretty sure he had noticed it. "You have nothing to fear from me, Ashe. I simply want to talk to you, firstly," Max cleared his throat. "About Eric and you."


	26. The Scars We Carry

Chapter 25 – The Scars We Carry

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Hey guys! So for this chapter I felt so bad for making you wait so long so instead of waiting until it was "done" to post it, I'm giving you guys half of it and the other half should be posted in the upcoming few days as I figured out how I want to move forward. Ashe's last few fights are almost here and so is War Games (next few chapters) so things will start speeding up towards Ashe's fear landscapes! What do you think will appear in her landscape? Leave your thoughts in a review! I would love to hear it and compare it to what I have planned! Thank you all so much for your support and your lovely reviews and follows and for favoring this story! It means the world to me! PLEASE REVIEW, FOLLOW and FAVORITE!

My Thanks: XWarrior, thank you for your support and your constant effort to give me your feedback always! For the tension between Ashley and Tiffany, it's kind of the manifestation of Tiffany's hate for reckless things and if you look back to the chapters where they interacted, there was always a level of dislike in her character's tone. If you think about it, she really only helped Ashe the one time and it seems as though she regrets it only for the fact that Ashe risked talking to Tiffany in the salon when Tiffany made the music louder. That's for the tension! We'll also learn more about Tiffany in the next half of this chapter which will give her a little bit of history. Thank you as always and much love!

Czerka, your comments throughout your reading really made my day and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well! I'm so happy for your feedback and it means a lot to me!

Guest, thank you so much for your kind words! To hear someone say that they love my version of Eric, one of the things I struggle most with, truly meant the world to me! Thank you so much!

Aurelia Ren, thank you so much for enjoying this story and reviewing! It means so much to me!

Finish-her, I know, it really was a bad way to end huh? *hee-hee* It doesn't really answer much in this chapter, rather it raises more questions, but hopefully more things will come to light, especially as the fear simulations and even War Games comes up! Thank you for your sweet review and I'm so happy you're enjoying this story!

Leneah1, thank you for your kind words! Hopefully, the waiting will end after this chapter! I honestly hate making you all wait because I have stories I love and I know how I hate waiting to see more characters I love. Thank you so much for being a part of this story and reviewing!

* * *

 ** _Previously..._**

"I'm glad we've finally gotten the chance to talk," he spoke in a very relaxed and even tone. He reminded me a little too much of Eric, especially in the cold way his eyes slid over my own. I shivered slightly and when Max's pupils widened and he laughed, a loud, barking laugh, I was pretty sure he had noticed it. "You have nothing to fear from me, Ashe. I simply want to talk to you, firstly," Max cleared his throat. "About Eric and you."

* * *

An uncertain laugh built in my throat but it died off quickly. "This isn't about Archer and me?"

Max chuckled, sighing deeply. I watched cheeks expand on a wholesome breath but he kept silent for a minute before responding. "You truly think that doesn't happen often? It happens every year. It's tradition." Well, that's great. The knowledge that teenagers try to kill each other in a public display every year made my nerves feel a hundred times better, but I wasn't about to tell Max that. Would just hate to break tradition. Especially with Max's willful ignorance; he didn't care what happened to me as long as the initiation kept going in a straight, linear line. I remembered that clearly.

"What do you want to know about Eric and me?" Saying his name made my voice sound strained. Talking about the leader and I like that made it sound like so much more and for the first time lately, I didn't enjoy the thought. I bit the inside of my cheek, waiting for Max's answer.

"I know that Eric's recently taken you under his wing, as far as training goes." There was a knowing sense behind his eyes that unsettled me as he spoke. "He says you're very determined to stay within Dauntless." He did that little shifty thing with his eyes, serpent-like in the way they slid over me analytically. For a second, I almost laughed because I could've believed that Max was Erudite. All Erudites had a tendency to do weird things with their eyes when they concentrated or studied something too close. When we were suspicious of something, we always made uncomfortable gestures of knowledge unknown to others. I caught myself. Not we. Them. Just them.

"I am, sir," I whispered, fear holding me to the seat like a hard weight. "I'm determined to pass initiation no matter what it takes." His eyes lit up at that as if he got some form of enjoyment out of watching me squirm under his gaze. Maybe Eric and Max had more in common than I originally thought.

"That's wonderful to hear. I simply hope it carries." The leader smiled and I wiggled uncomfortably in my chair. He irked me beyond belief. A part of me wished I could have dragged Eric in here as some sort of defensive shield; the last time we had been in this office Eric had seemed to instill some form of territorial nature within the older man like a young lion does when they challenge the alpha of the pack.

I would still bet my points that Eric would win, hands down.

The guy just made my skin crawl in weird ways and I didn't really want to find out why. Max fingered a piece of paper with his large hands. There was something on them and it covered the tips of his fingers. Ink? A smudge of darkness was left on the corner of the sheet and I could feel the blood drain out of my face. Gunpowder–it had to be. "This paper here says that you used to work in Jeanine's labs." My head perked up, meeting Max's dark gaze head on. Oh no.

"Yes," I answered quietly.

"Come again?"

"Yes," I repeated, albeit more sharply the second time around. A jolt of laughter spread through his shoulders, crinkling the sides of his cheeks. Oh, he was enjoying this. Great, at least one of us was.

"Well," he began with a hint of finality, a small smirk playing on the corner of his lips. "I wouldn't want that liquid to set in your clothes. I'm sure your expertise will come in handy soon." A creepy smile. "Very soon."

"Excuse me, sir?" I questioned but my head was spinning from the implications of the Erudite's name. I had worked with her in a lab for two of my years in Erudite Major, being one of the best lab technicians in genealogy that she had. No doubt she had been pretty pissed when I had switched factions but her angelic face of imitation would never show it. Her best weapon was a pointed smile, which reminded me a little bit of Max's smile too much. I rose to my feet unsteadily, preparing to run for the hills.

The woman had never been unkind to me, but there was a certain deadliness about her that always set my pulse hammering. My back went rigid when Max followed my movement and motioned ahead. I walked forward cautiously, watching him closely before Max's hand fell to the small of my back. I held back a flinch.

"Once you pass initiation, of course, we could use intelligent minds around us." All of his maneuvers felt almost compassionate but I took them for what they truly reminded me of: tactical strategy. It was as if he was playing some intricate board game. Like this entire time, I didn't know what the hell we were facing off for. The past I had run away from was suddenly ramming into me head on. I felt nauseated, a deep sense of dread curling around my shoulders like black covered claws, pulling me backwards. Max opened the doors in a sweeping motion, revealing another leader.

This whole day just made me want to crawl under a set of blankets, no matter where they were, and not wake up for a week.

I could see the soft curl of his blonde hair behind him, hair shaved close to his scalp. Posture straight as a needle, his back was turned to us and his body was obviously tense.

He appeared to be sulking, his head hung low. Eric paced away from us, gliding around and coming to a halt a few feet in front of us.

"Eric," Max said cheerfully. I mulled over the idea that Eric could sense the way I stood, an invisible mine beneath our feet. "What a surprise to see you here so late." From my ears, it sounded as if it was nothing like a surprise to him. Again, he had that spliced tone of superiority. Half of me expected Eric to growl and challenge Max, but he simply returned the smug grin. So it was fake smile day, great.

A muscle twitched in his jaw and I practically joined in on the beam because I knew that gesture. He secretly wanted to pummel the other leader into the floor and when Eric's cobalt gaze drifted to my own, it was as if we shared the joke deep down somewhere. He stepped forward.

"Ashe should probably get some rest, she's had a long day."

"Oh yes," there was a twinkling in Max's brown orbs. For a moment, they were luminous in the darkly lit hallway. Everyone had probably closed down the offices for the night, because it was exactly that: night. I figured Max and Eric were the only two who worked overtime. "The young initiate has trained well today." I didn't dare look his way, his meaning well implied. He had seen Eric and me in the warehouse. Panicky, I fiddled with my hands in front of me. That meant he'd seen my little freakout. What else could he have seen, or even heard? Anxiety spiked through me.

"Great." Eric tread forward, gait confident. The unrestrained fear of Eric walking towards me rivaled the fear deep in my gut, the almost unfounded fear that kept me practically trapped next to Max's side. I was a pawn in a larger chess game, moved through countless maneuvers and seemingly at checkmate, an impasse of massive proportions. No matter where I moved it seemed I would lose. The dread from knowing defeat, a defeat beyond a game but in life frightened me. More than Archer's vain attempts at violence or Vera's unbridled hatred and the obvious search for retribution. This game was beyond me and yet I still felt like I was grasping for straws. Helpless. I blinked, squeezing my eyes shut. Suddenly everything in Dauntless seemed to be slipping beneath my feet, the people changing and morphing. Alliances were forming since I joined Dauntless and I could no longer tell which side I was on. I only knew which side I wanted to be on; the one where I was no longer helpless.

Eric's palm settled on my shoulder. The image of a rag doll caught between the teeth of two dogs surfaced in my brain and I stifled the need to laugh at the confrontational situation. "I've got her from here."

"I'm sure you do," Max said.

Blue narrowed. "Come on, Ashe." I raised my eyebrows at him, hoping Max didn't notice –which I doubted since his eyes were trained on me and Eric. I dove towards the blue-eyed leader's side, settling behind his frame. As Eric turned, placing his hand on my hip and guiding me forward, I didn't feel the same level of creep factor as I had when Max had touched me. Still a level, though, but that was more Four's board of faces than anything else.

"I'll speak with you soon, Ashely," Max exclaimed rather proudly down the hall for anyone who was a workaholic to hear. Shuddering at my full name, I followed Eric around the corner and my shoulders relaxed after we had gotten far enough from the leadership section of Dauntless. Eric, on the other hand, slowly slipped into hold habits and marched forward, the direction evident. His apartment.

Night officially ended.

And considering recent events, I was pretty happy about that. Except of course that Eric looked like he was ready to shoot someone full of lead. When Eric closed the door to his apartment, he whirled around and locked me to the doorframe. I inhaled sharply as his face neared mine, the encounter with Max nearly forgotten.

"What did he want?"

I let out a breathy laugh. "No hi?"

"Hi," he growled, obviously not in the mood for joking around. "What did he say?"

"You seem awfully interested," I teased, waiting for him to snap. I was looking for a fight with someone. I was a ball of energy, pent up with the residual hysteria from my panic attack, Four's growing spiral of revelations about Divergents, Archer and his new lapdog, Vera, and especially Max and him.

Jake and Dahlia was a whole different ballpark.

"Are you really going to do this right now?"

"Do what?" I asked innocently, coyly glancing up into Eric's deep glare.

"That."

"Fine," I muttered. "Why should I tell you? Max didn't bring you into the room, he brought me. Alone." I straightened, pushing him to his full height so that he wasn't completely towering over me. A small part of me worried at how quickly he backed up. I thought about the rabid pixie I called my friend Dahlia and wondered if I looked anything like her right now. I felt a lot like her if that made any difference. "You expect me to trust you and yet all you've told me is a bunch of lies." I spat harshly, words hanging in the silence like a bomb. First the impact, the shock of my anger–no–rage. Then the bomb exploding as his pupils dilated and his nostrils flared, lips strung tight. Then the roaring silence that fell over the both of us.

"I thought we talked about this." He ran a hand through his blond hair, mussing it up.

"Obviously not well enough." It felt wrong to ask but I did it anyways. "Why is Vera sitting with Archer?"

"Like I would know?"

"Oh so now your hawk-like leader senses are failing you? Yeah, right." I scoffed, throwing my head back. His eyes followed the expanse of skin that became exposed. I was thankful for Dahlia's sweater suddenly, pulling at the frayed ends with my fingertips.

"I asked you a simple question," Eric said tightly.

"So did I."

"I asked first," my brow rose so high I was afraid that the thin band of black hair had become one with my hairline.

"That's a childish response."

"I'm not the one being childish right now," Eric spoke slowly, his temper tampering down, being replaced with something surely more deadly.

"You know what," I groused, rubbing a palm over my face. "I'm too tired for this. Goodnight." I stepped around him, prepared to settle myself into the nice comfortable guest bed that was situated a nice distance from Eric.

"No," the leader growled menacingly, stalking me from behind until he was able to corner me at the bedroom door. "You don't get to do that. If you want to fight with me," He let out a ragged breath. "Then fight me."

I shot him a hard look. "You don't deserve my energy right now." Eric took a step back and fear roiled through me. What if I had gone too far? A small section of my tired body couldn't care less. If Eric didn't go on some terrific maiming spree, especially because I had continually insulted his stature the entire night, then Four was right. The only reason he would ever back down from an alpha fight over his power, especially from _me_ , was if he needed something that I had. Eric's eyes narrowed but he said nothing.

For some reason, I didn't exactly feel like I had won anything. Pushing against the door and turning my back to Eric, I faced the handle and pushed. Eric had been winning my trust and my compliance this entire time, despite the innate dread that accompanied his presence whenever he was near, but he had been winning all of the battles and especially the war. The small victory gained tonight didn't exactly make me feel all that better. I still didn't know what any of it meant, but it was an improvement. Eric wouldn't hurt me the way I knew he could for a reason–I just needed to find out what that reason was.

Problem? All I wanted was sleep.

I yanked off my clothes, pulling Dahlia's sweater over my head and throwing it to the corner of the room angrily. I made a long disgusted sound in the back of my throat, groaning when my pants wouldn't cooperate with me. The button seemed glued to the fabric, my fingers twisting and yanking until I couldn't handle it anymore and I slid down the door, my back feeling every ridge and pattern of the wood. Tilting my head against the strong barrier, I let my walls collapse around me, tears drenching my cheeks. Sobbing like I hadn't in years, I dropped my head into my hands and let it all out. I wasn't exactly crying over the pants, or Four or even Archer in particular; I cried over everything.

I cried because of Vera and the look of joy that I found tonight instead of her once dry, analytical but still kind eyes. Wetness gathered on my skin, falling in thick streams because of Zach and everyone I had betrayed by trusting in Eric. For believing I could change the coldness in his eyes. Guilt swarmed my veins, making it hard to breathe. Even though Dahlia and Jake said it wasn't my fault, they didn't know the full truth. They probably never would and the loneliness of my position hit me hard.

Always alone. I never had anyone back in Erudite and I wasn't so sure I had anyone here either. How could I have imagined Eric would ever protect me? That he would actually care about me?

I should have remembered the man who threw me over the chasm and not the man who had shielded me with his body from Archer. I had told him when he kissed me that I chose the lesser of two evils but now it felt even more true.

Everything crashed around me in resounding waves, leaving little craters of torment that strangled me from the inside out. I stood ungracefully, pulling the pieces together. I slipped out of my clothes which no longer hindered me and stepped into the bathroom. The cold faucet turned under my palm, water gushing out from the spout. I had no energy left in me.

Sinking into the water, I let the warmth penetrate my skin, almost soothing the coldness bound in my heart. After a little while of washing and rinsing methodically, without much thought, I stood and dried myself, wrapping my body in a robe. I passed a small owl figure sitting proudly on a shelf as I entered the spare bedroom, the little ornament reminding me of Eric with his dark and ominous blue eyes, always searching: analyzing.

I hastily threw a tank top on over myself, luckily equipped with clothes in the drawer from the last time I was in the guest room. I yanked on a pair of shorts.

Perching myself on the bed and leaning back, I stared at the wall, sideways, watching the moonlight drift over the room as it switched positions in the sky. It all had to mean something. Eric was a killer, he was a liar and most of all, did I mention, a killer? A killer of Divergents. Need I answer that one?

My eyes pulled closed and the image of Zach's haunting gaze lingered–or sometimes, only sometimes–the feral animosity and distinct lust that had drifted over Archer's gaze that night in the hallway oh-so-long ago. When Eric had saved me, fought for me. I cleared the thought out of my head. Fear clung to my body like a cape, tearing my eyes open after every moment of peace gained. Did all of the people Eric had killed haunt him the same way that these events–these people–haunted me?

When his eyes were closed, when his guard was down, didn't a part of that haunt him too? I felt like we were stuck in parallel universes, the opposite sides of the same war. Eric fought against what I was and I...

I fought for nothing.

I turned onto my back, my bones cracking and legs groaning in protest. I fought for nothing. Not for myself, not even for my friends.

Never again.

I contented myself with those words, the words that stopped the loop of me being parallel to Eric. What had my old math instructor taught? Parallel lines never meet at one point. It was as if fate had destined it that way. Eric and I were nothing alike. I didn't push people away; I didn't hurt people.

An insidious voice I knew was my own told me that wasn't the truth. I had hurt Vera and Zach, hurt them so much that Zach had been exiled and Vera...Vera had been exiled to a new fate as well. I could still see the gleeful way her eyes had met mine when Archer slammed the small dinner knife into my seat. How could someone become so drastically different?

The feeling, I assumed, I would come to know soon.

I wouldn't be the same girl that didn't fight for anything, who didn't stand up for what she was and what she believed in. Maybe something about what Tiffany had said was true: I had been acting like I was just a little girl, a kid. Like when one plays with scissors as a child and cuts oneself, not knowing the dangers. I had pranced around being Divergent, not even realizing it, while I knew close to nothing about it. Putting myself into dangerous and precarious positions time and time again, allowing myself to become closer to Eric, letting everyone around me become a risk if anything were to be found out about me.

The only thing I did know, what I was afraid of knowing, was what exactly made Divergents...Divergents. Jeanine understood that I knew genetic coding like the back of my hand, that I was quick, and smart, especially inside of a lab. And obviously, Max had figured it out as well.

Why it was important now, though, was still the question.

The only ending thought that allowed me the peacefulness of rest was knowing the next day I would speak to Four and figure out what the hell I didn't know.


End file.
